Scanner : abortion

Candidate for Gov. of GA Admits to Having Sex... with a Mule

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:50:00 GMT

Back in 2005, radical right-wing protofascist Christian Neal Horsley admitted to FoxNews anchor Alan Colmes that he had, at the age of 11 in 1955, engaged in unlawful carnal knowledge with a mule. In other words, he raped a mule and confessed to the crime on live radio.

That hasn't stopped the scary-as-hell Georgian from announcing he is running for Governor...

NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."

NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"

AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"

NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."

All his opponents have to do to get rid of Horsley (oh, if only it had been an equestrian indiscretion!) is to send that interview out as a mailer for three days straight at the end of the campaign. Of course, Horsley isn't much of a challenger-- he's running on the Creator's Rights Party platform. And his campaign is going about as well as David Paterson's in New York. From Daily Kos:

"We're talking about the mule now?"

Yes, he says. The mule.

"A small mule?" I ask.

"No, a full grown mule," he says. "She loved me, though."

We both laugh, but I'm still trying to figure out the logistics. How big is this thing? The size of a horse, he says.

"All I had to do was give her an ear of corn." He laughs again. "She was a [prostitute] mule."

"How did you reach?"

"I don't know... I stood on something. The kicker is, as soon as I was done she pissed all over me. It was embarrassing. I never told anyone that before."

Not only that, but Horsley has had sex with men. He was in the Air Force, it was a cold night, yadda, yadda, yadda, he had sex with him, ahem, the way he did the mule. "It was gross," he says.

It should come as no surprise to our readers, all of whom have read stories here about right-wing hypocrites and their laughably ignorant world views, to learn that this is a man who has been linked to the murderers of abortion doctors, thanks to his involvement with the Army of God, and is known to express anti-gay views. He's also the modern-day equivalent of a Confederate traitor to the United States, since he advocates secession over the legalization of abortion and told an interviewer he would kill his Army-Sarge son if sonny boy was sent out to stop him.

Asked if he was ready to sacrifice his own son in a national insurrection, Horsley recounts a fight with his son where he almost killed him.

“I was one foot from killing my own son, or hurting him really, really bad,” Horsley told Krider. “If he would have attacked me again, I would have stuck him. Or cut him or sliced him or done something to stop him. That’s the point, you[r] hypothetical has literally already been worked out with me, and that’s what makes me different from the other candidates for Governor. They understand I’m not like no politician they have looked at, ever. I am prepared to do a John Brown. I’m not prepared to do an Abe Lincoln and talk out both sides of my mouth and try to get a majority together. I’m looking for the people who are prepared to go with me and take over the foundry, then set up shop and prepare to fight to the death. I’ll do it.” [Raw Story]

He is prepared to do a John Brown? Where is law enforcement when you need him? If we still have legalized executions in this country, why not put this guy on the list, for treason? Just kidding, that would be stooping to his level... or, should we say, "standing on something to get at him?"

Related:

Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

Cheerleading Coach In Hottest Nude Photo Scandal Ever

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

While You Were Sleeping: Teen Faces Prison For Having An Abortion

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:25:00 GMT

A 27-year-old woman is upset that a 63-year-old man has threatened to post nude photos of her on the internet.

Mia Farrow plans to go on a hunger strike to raise awareness of the crisis in Darfur.

This Wal-Mart employee may be the dumbest person alive: he stole a whole bunch of merchandise from the store, then advertised the items as "for sale" on the break room bulletin board.

A Supreme Court ruling from yesterday means police officers may not be able to search your car without a warrant.

A 19-year-old in Australia faces up to 14 years in prison for having an abortion. Of course, it's more complicated than that...

Researchers may have discovered that lice can prevent asthma.

This video proves there is such a thing as too much money in a political campaign.

This genius is in college, double majoring, and maintaining a 3.83 GPA. And he's 12.

And Miss California claims she knew as soon as she answered that gay marriage question that she would lose the competition.

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

The Best of the April Fool's Day Sex News

12-Year-Old Girl Tells Your Uterus What's Up

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:37:00 GMT

I don't quite understand what's up with Missouri lately. Last year, we elected a Democratic governor while somehow still going for McCain in the presidential election. Here in Kansas City we're trying to recall our mayor and now legislators in my home state want to make sure that women are never coerced into abortion—because if a woman could choose such a terrible thing, she must have been coerced, right? And if you are guilty of coercing a woman into abortion, you could receive felony conviction. Yes, a new bill being passed through the legislature creates the vague crime of "coercing an abortion."

[I]f a woman has experienced threats of having a scholarship for higher education at a public or private institution revoked because she is pregnant; threats of employment discrimination or termination if she continues her pregnancy; stalking, assault or domestic assault. Many of the people with whom I discussed HCS HB 46 & 434 were initially supportive until they looked beneath the surface. The bill would make physicians and anyone assisting them criminals for helping women obtain an abortion "with knowledge" that the woman has been "coerced" and would prohibit the woman from consenting to an abortion as the "victim of a coerced abortion."

Here's an example of this proposed law in action.

Consider a woman who is pregnant as the result of rape who, with her doctor, decides that an abortion is the best course of action. Imagine that rape survivor also mentions to her doctor that her boyfriend agrees with her decision, but has been aggressive with her about it. With HB46, now the doctor must turn the situation over to the government which mandates that the doctor label that rape survivor a "victim of coerced abortion" who "lacks the consent required by law."

Wait, what? Next thing you know, women will be sent to jail for coercing themselves into having abortions. But if they can't manage send us to jail, at least they can go to sleep knowing we're going straight to hell.

[RH Reality Check via Jezebel]

Related:

Geography Lessons: Kansas City is in Missouri and So is Scanner Emily

Homophobic Phelps Clan to Picket/Pick-On High School Students

Botulism, Abortion, And A Woman's Right To Choose

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Fake Boobs, Fake ID

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The continued success of National Public Radio proves that there are at least a handful of people out there still interested in brain stimulation.

Margaret Cho on Margaret Cho and her Cho Show.

Condoleeza Rice started to climb out of her shell on Leno, discussing Led Zeppelin and Obama...

The worst story of the month: a man claims his mother died when a police officer stalled the man's hospital trip to write a ticket.

Thanks to Behrooz for reminding us about the woman who used a fake ID to pay for fake boobs. Not much can be said about that.

Is this the best Mike Huckabee quote ever? "When it abolished slavery, the U.S. debated and decided it was immoral for one person to have complete, life-or-death power over another." Obviously, Huckabee is against the death penalty... right?

A Congressional candidate announced via Twitter.

We understand why it's on the market, but we're still uncomfortable with it.

Jennifer Hudson will have her revenge on American Idol.

And there's no story to go with the above photo. We just assumed you would appreciate it.

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

Today in WTF: Man Has Sex with or in a Dumpster

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama In Big Trouble

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Scanners Brian, Emily, and Colleen were at the Bust Party at SXSW last night, during which Dinosaur, Jr. made a surprise appearance. Needless to say, blogging will be slow this morning, with more activity later on...

The man himself-- Bruce Springsteen-- did The Daily Show.

This guy didn't realize everyone on the train he was supposed to be operating could see his penis.

Unfortunately, most of the spectators probably enjoyed this "catfight," in which boobs were bared.

We missed out on the news that PETA celebrated St. Patrick's Day in their own special way.

We heard about the topless bar in Austin that was busted for featuring a sixteen-year-old girl.

Seth Rogen calls his own back hair "glorious."

Barack Obama needs to stop making jokes. About anyone and anything-- it's making him sound more out of touch than Al Gore.

And right-wing crazies at WorldNet Daily believe teens are drinking poison to induce abortions. What do you think?

Holidays We Dig: National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 19:19:00 GMT

Today is National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day. So do something nice.

12-Year-Old Girl Tells Your Uterus What's Up

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:45:00 GMT

This little girl is cute, right? Yeah. Just wait until you hear her speak.

She delivered this to her seventh-grade speech class. (Seventh grade speech class?!). We're all for free speech but perhaps a female should go through puberty before she starts speaking out on abortion. We hate to admit, though, that if we were grading her speech, we would have given her an 'A' (well, an B+ based on the fact that she didn't support her facts about breast cancer, infertility, and depression)—as much as it would have killed us to do so.

Related:

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

Abortion Issue Heats Up... For The GOP

Hey Film Industry: "Abortion" is Not a Bad Word, Mmmkay?

Rosario Dawson Will Never Stop Having to Discuss Her Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:24:00 GMT

There's apparently something called T Magazine and Rosario Dawson did an interview for it a few weeks back.

In it, she discusses lesbian sex, being completely naked on screen, abortion, and the following sex scene...

That's from Alexander, the Oliver Stone film Dawson addresses in her T Mag interview:

The only sex scene I’ve done that caused a fuss was the one I did with Colin Farrell in ‘‘Alexander.’’ That scene was intense. I thought it was necessary to the movie — in life sometimes you’re naked. But it was not soft porny in any way, which would have been harder for me. My brother, who D.J.’s in a strip club, was relieved when he saw it. He said he was happy that I ‘‘was fit.’’ He didn’t want to be embarrassed around his friends.

Sorry, Rosario, but it's an Oliver Stone film-- it was definitely soft-porny.

She also discusses lesbian sex, her mother nearly having her aborted, and love scenes with Will Smith:

I didn’t have sex until was 20. I got into trouble at school because one of my friends said, ‘‘Lesbians do it with straws.’’ I said, ‘‘I can tell you how lesbians do it, and there are no straws involved!’’ But I think all that talk of sex put me off. The first time I had it, I think it was in a head-to-toe rubber. I was terrified of getting pregnant. My mom was planning to get an abortion when she was pregnant with me. She was at the clinic waiting for her appointment and she felt me move in her stomach. I always tell her it was probably gas. I thank God for gas.
Before our first major kiss, [Will Smith] said, ‘‘Let’s go — I’m going to nail this scene. I want to go home.’’ [Laughs] But he focused. Kissing can be more intimate than nudity. You have to take your time.

We don't know about that last one-- getting attacked by a horny Colin Farrell, trying to kill him, and then having full on-screen sex is pretty intimate. It almost made us embarrassed for having been so pleased to see her naked... almost.

Gwyneth Paltrow Saves Joaquin Phoenix's Career With Her Boobs

Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Apparently, Olga Kurylenko Would Rather Be Naked

After North Dakota, Four States Introduce "Personhood" Legislation

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 18:02:00 GMT

Last week North Dakota's house of representatives passed legislation that said a fertilized egg had all the rights of a human being. While the bill still has to move to the state senate, this is clearly a huge step backwards in the pro-choice movement. Unfortunately, four other states are working on similar legislation.

Maryland, Montana, South Carolina and Alabama have each introduced so-called "personhood" legislation, which establishes legal rights for humans from the moment of conception.

Last year, Colorado lawmakers introduced similar legislation that was overwhelmingly voted down.

[The Denver Daily News: ‘Personhood’ being adopted]

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Women Know When Men Are Turned On

Girlfriend Of Pro-Life Republican Confirms Abortion And Sordid Details

Repeat Teen Abortions on the Rise, Birth Control Still Despised By Right-Wingers

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:06:00 GMT

On a day when Democrats (including President Obama) agreed to drop Federal funding for birth control from the stimulus bill, a new study was released in Britain indicating a huge spike in repeat abortions by teenage girls...

Among the findings, according to the Daily Mail:

In England in 2007, almost 6,000 girls, teenage or younger, had their second, third, or fourth abortions; that's about double the figure for the same study conducted in 1991. The Mail attributes some of this behavior to underage boozing marathons i.e. binge drinking, but we have to wonder if there's any correlation between this and the rise in the number of teenagers calling themselves "Christians." Just asking.

The number of abortions performed on teenage girls who have had at least one before has risen by almost 70 per cent since 1991, fuelling fears that terminations are being carried out for lifestyle reasons.

Abortions in the UK have reached record levels - almost 200,000 a year in England and Wales
[R]epeat terminations carried out on teenagers rose by 68 per cent in 16 years
'I think that young women who have had one abortion fall into two camps.
'There is one that understands the ongoing consequences and another that (is) very cavalier and hardened about it and have entered a phase of regarding it as a backup method of contraception.

Meanwhile, the story's righthand column focuses on the sex lives of Royals, whether it's okay for teenage lovers to sleep in the same bedroom, and an article titled: "Mummy, why have you got boobs on your back? How one woman was shocked into dieting." Again, we're just mentioning it.

Via the Daily Mail.

Related:

Botulism, Abortion, And A Woman's Right To Choose

Some Kind of Monstrous Documentary

Blog for Choice Today

Sloppy Seconds: The Abortion Donuts?

Botulism, Abortion, And A Woman's Right To Choose

Ina Maier — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:28:00 GMT

Alright, readers. It's really important to me that I preface this post by saying that I wrestled with even writing on this for a solid few hours. I don't want to do this. I don't want you to assume you're supposed to know who this girl is. And I don't want to give this girl the credit of having a blog post written about her. But when push comes to shove, the fact that she somehow managed to compare her right to insert botulism into her forehead to her right to choose, well, the viscerally angry side of me won out. So: here goes nothing.

I'm not even going to bother giving you context; all you need to know is that this woman is currently fighting the good fight for her freedom to have "preventative" procedures such as Botox and Restalyne. (If you're ~~mildly~~ morbidly curious, you can find some Scanner-related background on her friends here and here.) And suffice it to say that regardless of merit, this wonderwoman has somehow managed to find herself a platform that includes close to a million pageviews a month. Which is why this whole thing is so frustrating to watch.

She begins: "Below is my thought process and opinion on the current views of cosmetic procedures."

Besides the nonsense that is her company's desire to "inspire you to live differently" -- which begs the question: What? Live differently? How? -- she equates breast implants as the standard to which Botox should one day be held ("As the NY Times pointed out the other day, boobs are now a standard high school graduation gift...") and then decides that Roe v. Wade is an appropriate argument for her right to Restalyne.

I site Roe v. Wade because it serves as a marker of people accepting (maybe not respecting) a woman’s right to choose. Although abortion is still an issue at the forefront, it’s notable the Supreme Court recognized women should be able to do what they feel is right for themselves.

Cosmetic procedures should be viewed in the same light.

No one is saying Botox should be illegal (though the argument could certainly be made) and the byproduct of NOT having Botox is not a living, breathing human being for whom you will be eternally responsible. Which, contrary to this woman's belief, does not only make "the severity of the issue...considerably less" but, in fact, incomparable.

But the most important aspect of this that she-who-shall-remain-nameless seems to be missing is the artificial standards of beauty into which she is unquestioningly and unapologetically buying. I don't mind that she got Botox. I don't mind that she wrote about it. What I do mind is that she has almost unbelievably and obtusely managed to not acknowlege why exactly she feels the way she feels.

The purpose of this post is to give you my perspective on women’s image issues and try to understand why there is a stigma attached to maintaining your appearance. I care about how I look, why is that shameful? To some extent, we are all vain; that’s how we have been socialized. [Emphasis mine.]

There is a stigma because it is an artificial standard created by airbrushing, shitty women's magazines, and headshots not unlike the Japanime bullshit found above from which she smirks, smooth and glistening.

Look, everyone, do what you need to do - I'm not saying I've never bought a jar of La Mer (What? I had a gift certificate!) -- but if you're going to write a soapbox screed justifying your guilt, maybe acknowlege why you feel guilty in the first place.

[via]

Today in Elective Surgery: Bride of Wildenstein Gets a Sequel

Ashley Tisdale Action Figure Had Better Plastic Surgeon Than She Did

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Man Rams SUV Into Planned Parenthood

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:10:00 GMT

As you know, it's the 36th anniversary of Roe V. Wade, and this is a day that brings out the fundamentalist nut jobs. In St. Paul, a 32-year-old man rammed his SUV into the front door of a Planned Parenthood, which had zero impact on anything, other than his SUV and the doorframe.

The driver was found chanting and uncooperative after the crash, and police spokesman Peter Panos believes the crash was intentional.

Gotta love a freakazoid who is so "pro-life," yet chooses a protest that endangers lives of people who are out of the womb.

Related:

My Obama, My Choice

Blog for Choice Today

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:53:00 GMT

Today is the 36th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade and NARAL's National Blog for Choice Day. If you'll recall, last year on this day we blogged about our own experience with choice and this year, NARAL is asking participants to blog about their top pro-choice hope for President Obama and/or the new Congress.

See what Scanner Brian and Scanner Emily had to say after the jump and learn how to sign up.

Scanner Brian: "For the first time in Gonzales versus Carhart," Obama said, "the Supreme Court held—upheld a federal ban on abortions with criminal penalties for doctors. For the first time, the Court's endorsed an abortion restriction without an exception for women's health. The decision presumed that the health of women is best protected by the Court—not by doctors and not by the woman herself. That presumption is wrong."

My hope is that Obama rescinds these restrictions. There is no way you can justify saying that abortion is bad AND a mother should still have the baby even if her life is in danger.

Scanner Emily: I hope that today Obama reverses the "Global Gag Rule," that tomorrow he talks about it using the term "anti-choice" and that going forward he encourages Congress to lift restrictions on female reproductive care for women who have Federally-provided health care. And that's just the beginning. When I lived in New York, my "girl parts" were insured by the state. My girl parts should be insured by every state. Unfortunately, I now live in a state that, like my father, would rather just ignore the fact that I have a vagina.

Add your blog to the Blog for Choice Blogroll.

Related:

Roe v. Wade 35 Years Later

My Obama, My Choice

Abortion Issue Heats Up... For The GOP

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

My Obama, My Choice

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:01:00 GMT

Thursday will be Barack Obama's second full day in office. It is also the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion in the United States. And according to "three Democratic sources" Obama is not going to let the day pass quietly.

According to CNN, Obama will most likely use the anniversary of Roe v. Wade to reverse a Ronald Reagan policy reinstated by Bush in 2001 that "prohibits U.S. money from funding international family planning groups that promote abortion or provide information, counseling or referrals about abortion services. It bans any organization receiving family planning funds from the U.S. Agency for International Development from offering abortions or abortion counseling." You may know the "Mexico City Policy" as "the Global Gag Rule."

Clinton reversed the policy shortly after taking office in 1993 and Bush, of course, reinstated it on the 28th anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

[CNN: Sources: Obama may quickly reverse abortion policy]

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

Commemorating the Right to Choose: Canada's Morgentaler Decision

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more.

Read more...

Michigan Backs Teen Pregnancy and the Spread of STDs with $1.4M Grant

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:41:00 GMT

Michigan, Michigan, Michigan. What the hell is up? You went blue in the election (of course Missouri went red while electing a Democratic governor, so what does that really tell us?). You're pretty cool with Detroit and all. But what the fuck is up with the Michigan Department of Community Health giving out $1.4 million dollars in grants to fund abstinence-only education? Don't you have, like, homeless people to feed? Or school music programs to keep alive? Do you know how many condoms you could buy with that money? Oh, right. Silly us. Who needs condoms when you will be totally successful in keeping kids from having sex before marriage?

"The grant programs are directed at youth ages 12-18 and parents of youth in that age group. Of the money, $875,000 will go to community groups and organizations, while an additional $542,000 will fund technical staffing and an abstinence-only public awareness campaign. Michigan spends $700,000 a year on other sexual health education programs.

“The Michigan Abstinence Program is geared to promote abstinence from sexual activity and other related risky behaviors,” said MDCH Director Janet Olszewski in a press release. “This funding will further help our communities and the abstinence program guide our youth away from risky activity.”

The problem, activists say, is abstinence-only education doesn’t work. According to numerous studies, abstinence only, which is an education model that teaches young people to abstain from sexual behavior, but not how to prevent sexual transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies, does not work."

Where have we heard that before?

Oh, when we learned that abstinence-only education doesn't work. Or, if you didn't hear, abstinence-only education doesn't work. Hey, did you hear the one about abstinence-only education and how it doesn't work?

We'll see you at Planned Parenthood, young ladies of Michigan!

[Michigan Messenger: Michigan gives out $1.4 million in abstinence-only education grants]

Related:

When "You May Kiss the Bride" Is the First Kiss Ever It's Apparently "Magical"

Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work

Hey George Bush, See What Your Abstinence-Only Education Has Done to America's Youth?

Today in WTF: Virginity Pledges Actually Work?

Riots At Florida-Michigan Meeting Fail To Cause Deja Vu in Clueless Democrats

More Fun With Photoshop: McCain-Palin Beauties

[Image]

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:18:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Read more...

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Read more...

Video of the Day: Have You Taken Your Virginity Pledge Yet?

Scanner Matt — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 22:15:00 GMT

A new study suggests the “virginity pledges” actually leads to more unprotected sex and teen pregnancy.

We found it amusing that wikipedia offers a history of the, “virginity pledge” along with a definition: “Virginity pledges (or abstinence pledges) are commitments made by teenagers and young adults to refrain from sexual intercourse until marriage. They are most common in the United States, especially among Evangelical Christian denominations.”

Sex expert, Laura Berman, sets the record straight on the Today Show

NYU Class Teaches You How To Have Sex

Pope Makes Insane Gay Metaphor

[image]

George W. Bush Attacks Our Vaginas

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 18:11:00 GMT

Gore Vidal predicted more than five years ago that George W. Bush would leave office the most hated President in history, and he was unfortunately right. (We would've been satisfied if Bush had simply been voted out in 2004 by any margin.) And it seems George is more than happy to accommodate this prophecy, regarding his legacy as little more than a few good days and some more money for his ultra-rich friends.

With his latest move, W. has now made it easier for you to be denied contraception...

Bush has now imposed a 127-page rule preventing any health care provider from being fired for refusing a patient medical care on religious grounds. Well, that's just great-- a rule that's supposed to let doctors and nurses avoid participating in abortions (hey, dumbass-- there's already a law for that, so that's not what this is about!) is actually a rule that will allow providers to avoid giving women access to contraceptives, ostensibly to keep them from having gay premarital ass sex... or something.

We all know what this is really about:

1) Preventing people from obtaining the pill from pharmacies

2) Preventing lesbians from conceiving

3) Preventing rape victims and others from receiving the morning after pill

4) Preventing women in danger of dying in childbirth from having abortions... and on and on and on.

If doctors are allowed to refuse to do anything "morally objectionable," does this mean a doctor could refuse to treat a gay man who has been the victim of an attack?

Barack Obama, are you reading this? What are you going to do, on your first day in office, after signing the bailout? We hope it's shooting down this order before it has time to do any real damage...

Related:

The Latest Kool Kid Kraze: Vodka Tampons

Obama Was A Pimp: Or At Least the 80's Made Him Look That Way

Did Obama Sell Out The Gays?

Most Repulsive Christmas Video of the Year

Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Who the hell wants to get someone a Planned Parenthood gift certificate?

What purpose do they serve besides stirring up the hornet's nest that is the anti-abortion movement?

Planned Parenthood of Indiana, Florida, and Illinois have launched the holiday gift of the century, the perfect gift for that girlfriend you've been trying to get on the pill or... or what? Honestly, we can't think of a single person in our lives that could conceivably be receptive to this.

"Oh, thanks, Brian... now I can get that abortion I've always wanted... you cheap bastard."
"Hey, thanks, dude. Now I can finally afford just a single month's supply of birth control pills for my girlfriend. It will be totally fine to go back to having unprotected sex when the certificates run out, right?"
"Oh, honey, you shouldn't have. No, really, you shouldn't have. Your father and I threw up when we opened this."

Apparently, according to a Planned Parenthood in Indiana, these are a tremendous success already, though God knows why. Planned Parenthood isn't even promoting them on their website and the media only just started covering this story after dozens had been sold at each locations. Even they don't know how to market something like this-- although, it should be said, that we are 100% in favor of easy access to birth control... just maybe in better taste than this. After all, would you get someone a box of condoms for Christmas? Kind of tacky.

And, of course, the batshit crazies are already out in droves. Stop Planned Parenthood is already all over this one with their completely off-base claim that this is an attack "on the Christian community at Christmastime."

Huh? You know what, pass me that form, I'm ordering one of these and sending it to Stop Planned Parenthood as a gag gift...

Photo via WISH-TV.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Is Victoria's Newest Secret Formaldehyde?

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

This Week In Gayness: Baton Twirlers Busted For "I Kissed A Girl"

Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...

While You Were Sleeping: When MySpace Attacks...

No Vice-Presidential Candidate Left Behind

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:29:00 GMT

We're not going to say what you think we're going to say about Katie Couric's interview with Sarah Palin. But if you missed Palin on the topic of abortion, you should watch it. It's pretty horrifying—for the obvious reasons, sure, but if we think about those reasons, smoke will begin to pour from our ears. No, we have another issue with this video...

Shouldn't the Vice-President of the United States of America have a good understanding of the English language? We know George W. Bush didn't exactly set the best example, but we imagine the stupid shit that comes out of Palin's mouth probably wouldn't sound so stupid if she used correct grammar.

"I would counsel that person to choose life despite horrific, horrific circumstances that that person would find themself in... "

Okay, so it's definitely not the worst mistake in the history of the political world, and we've certainly fucked up more than that, but maybe it really does go to show that anyone (anyone!) can be president. If "they" want it bad enough.

Girlfriend Of Pro-Life Republican Confirms Abortion And Sordid Details

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

Abortion Rates are the Lowest They've Been in 30 Years and Nobody Knows Why?

Hey Film Industry: "Abortion" is Not a Bad Word, Mmmkay?

Alaska Women Make History Rallying Against Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Apparently, you know an event in Alaska is a success when 25 people turn out for it. So imagine one Anchorage woman's surprise when she joined 1,400 other women to rally against the state's governor, Sarah Palin.

The rally was organized by a small group of women, talking over coffee. It made me wonder what other things have started with small groups of women talking over coffee. It’s probably an impressive list. These women hatched the plan, printed up flyers, posted them around town, and sent notices to local media outlets. One of those media outlets was KBYR radio, home of Eddie Burke, a long-time uber-conservative Anchorage talk show host. Turns out that Eddie Burke not only announced the rally, but called the people who planned to attend the rally “a bunch of socialist baby-killing maggots”, and read the home phone numbers of the organizers aloud over the air, urging listeners to call and tell them what they thought. The women, of course, received many nasty, harassing and threatening messages.

So, as I jettisoned myself from the jaws of the ‘Drill Baby Drill’ crowd and toward the mystery rally at the library, I felt a bit apprehensive. I’d been disappointed before by the turnout at other rallies. Basically, in Anchorage, if you can get 25 people to show up at an event, it’s a success. So, I thought to myself, if we can actually get 100 people there that aren’t sent by Eddie Burke, we’ll be doing good. A real statement will have been made. I confess, I still had a mental image of 15 demonstrators surrounded by hundreds of menacing “socialist baby-killing maggot” haters.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t tailgating when I saw the crowd in front of the library or I would have ended up in somebody’s trunk. When I got there, about 20 minutes early, the line of sign wavers stretched the full length of the library grounds, along the edge of the road, 6 or 7 people deep! I could hardly find a place to park. I nabbed one of the last spots in the library lot, and as I got out of the car and started walking, people seemed to join in from every direction, carrying signs.

Never, have I seen anything like it in my 17 and a half years living in Anchorage. The organizers had someone walk the rally with a counter, and they clicked off well over 1400 people (not including the 90 counter-demonstrators). This was the biggest political rally ever, in the history of the state. I was absolutely stunned. The second most amazing thing is how many people honked and gave the thumbs up as they drove by. And even those that didn’t honk looked wide-eyed and awe-struck at the huge crowd that was growing by the minute. This just doesn’t happen here.

Alas, it was the pro-Palin rally that made national news that day, but at least we have the New York Times to remind us that Once Elected, Palin Hired Friends and Lashed Foes. Buried deep in that article (as BoingBoing points out):

[L]awmakers in April accused her of improperly culling thousands of e-mail addresses from a state database for a mass mailing to rally support for a policy initiative.

While Ms. Palin took office promising a more open government, her administration has battled to keep information secret. Her inner circle discussed the benefit of using private e-mail addresses. An assistant told her it appeared that such e-mail messages sent to a private address on a “personal device” like a BlackBerry “would be confidential and not subject to subpoena.”

Ms. Palin and aides use their private e-mail addresses for state business. A campaign spokesman said the governor copied e-mail messages to her state account “when there was significant state business.”

On Feb. 7, Frank Bailey, a high-level aide, wrote to Ms. Palin’s state e-mail address to discuss appointments. Another aide fired back: “Frank, this is not the governor’s personal account.” Mr. Bailey responded: “Whoops~!”

Mr. Bailey, a former midlevel manager at Alaska Airlines who worked on Ms. Palin’s campaign, has been placed on paid leave; he has emerged as a central figure in the trooper investigation.

Another confidante of Ms. Palin’s is Ms. Frye, 27. She worked as a receptionist for State Senator Lyda Green before she joined Ms. Palin’s campaign for governor. Now Ms. Frye earns $68,664 as a special assistant to the governor. Her frequent interactions with Ms. Palin’s children have prompted some lawmakers to refer to her as “the babysitter,” a title that Ms. Frye disavows. Like Mr. Bailey, she is an effusive cheerleader for her boss.

“YOU ARE SO AWESOME!” Ms. Frye typed in an e-mail message to Ms. Palin in March.

Awesome doesn't even begin to describe it, dear.

[Mudflats: ‘Alaska Women Reject Palin’ Rally is HUGE!]

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:25:00 GMT

Meet Kevin. He's a registered Democrat who plans to vote for Barack Obama. He also claims to be the biological father of Bristol Palin's not-yet-born child.

Should we not believe Kevin because he lives in Los Angeles? Nah, he claims he was visiting his uncle who was working on the pipeline. Should we not believe him because he pronounces "Palin" incorrectly? Nah, we've slept with people whose names we don't even remember, so we can't fault the guy for that. So, uh, is there any reason not to believe this guy, except maybe the fact that Sarah Palin probably wouldn't have let Bristol keep a mixed-race baby?

Check out what Kevin has to say:

So now we're thinking maybe we shouldn't believe Kevin because that was the greatest bit of guerilla marketing we've ever seen. Check out his MySpace page.

We think tomorrow we'll make a video about our lesbian love affair with Sarah...oh, and Bristol!

Previously:

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

**Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck**

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Last night, we were sitting in the press section at the Excel Center in Minneapolis, wondering if the woman sleeping next to us had been flopped out in that chair since the night before. A woman with a large cup of coffee greeted us while jerking her head up and down. On stage, a droning religious figure mumbled through some sort of sermon. The general vibe on the floor was, "How soon will this be over?"

That all changed when Sarah Palin took the stage. All of a sudden, the arena was jam-packed: the concession area cleared out, the press stopped answering their cell phones, and the crowd was on its feet more often than not. To say Palin was well-received was like saying Hillary Clinton would've been only lightly toasted at the stake. Okay, that sounds harsh, but it was clear that there's a new #1 female American political figure on the scene and that, no matter what happens in this election, Sarah Palin will not soon be forgotten.

With her relentless attack on Barack Obama, Palin proved she has the anger and determination necessary to offset attacks on her ethics, family problems, inexperience, and radically conservative positions. The mood at the RNC went from fear that this was the beginning of the end to "how will Barack-Biden top this?!"

We ran into Ron Paul outside. He said he doesn't know which candidate he'll back... but definitely not McCain.

Palin's triumph was not so much one of oratory or intelligence or originality, but rather of carefully-calculated political maneuverings masquerading as a speech. Kudos to Palin for her many devastating one-lingers. Kudos to her for realizing the soccer mom angle is going to play very well, and playing it up to the max.

McCain could clearly be seen to be glowing with vindication as he took the stage. (He had to come out a night early-- after all, Obama did the surprise appearance thing last week and McCain has never been one to allow a preemptive one-upping.) His advisers were downplaying our expectations for the speech tonight, although that's utter nonsense: John McCain can real knock a public appearance out of the park if he has a script.

And, after hearing Palin's fiery words, we're pretty sure McCain's is going to be packing a wallop...

All photos by the author.

Related:

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck

We're Glad Levi Johnston Took This Opportunity To Start a College Fund for Baby

Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:49:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sister thinks that vetting Sarah Palin is like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but funnier. We would like to take this opportunity to disclose that we have not been fully vetted. [FameCrawler]

At least she passes Elisabeth Hasselbeck's test with flying colors, because you know it's super complicated and makes lots of sense. [MollyGood]

Will celebrities please stop throwing things? First it was Russell Crowe with his cell phone, then Naomi Campbell. Now Akon, probably best known for "Smack That," is facing criminal charges after being accused of throwing a fan off of stage — and we're not talking about the small appliance. [Yahoo!]

If you're a shitty asshole who would like to hunt down women who've had abortions, you may be in luck. Abortion Tracker claims to have a record of every woman who's had an abortion since 1940 and they'll make the list available to you for one easy paymennt of $799. [Jezebel]

Anne Hathaway apparently loaned her businessman ex hundreds of thousands of dollars before the couple split earlier this summer, proving that even rich guys can be loser bums (except, we actually already knew that). [Starpulse]

Even though they ganked our feature, we have to give it to dListed for catching this who would you rather: Dog the Bounty Hunter or his wife, Beth? Um, can we vote for the dog? [dListed]

Of all the people in the world we'd like to tell to "fuck off," Elton John doesn't even come close to making the list. Not so for Lilly Allen who drunkently disrepescted the singer at the GQ Men of the Year Awards. [MTV]

Girlfriend Of Pro-Life Republican Confirms Abortion And Sordid Details

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:10:00 GMT

A couple weeks back, we told you about the Oregon Republican Party's nominee for Congress, Mike Erickson, who allegedly drove his girlfriend to an abortion clinic. Erickson, of course, is running on a staunch pro-Life platform.

Now, his ex has come forward to confirm the rumors... and more damaging details...

[T]he Oregon City woman said she met Erickson in September 2000 and that she had the abortion in January 2001. They saw each other afterward, she said, even going on a trip to Mexico in March, before the relationship ended. She spoke on the condition that only her first name, Tawnya, be used.
Erickson agrees that he gave Tawnya $300 for medical help, and a ride to a doctor's office, but said he didn't know she was pregnant or planned to get an abortion.
Tawnya, now 34, recalled sitting with Erickson that January, parked across from the abortion clinic.

"I asked him, 'Are you sure you don't want a baby?' " she said. "He shook his head. I opened the door, got out bawling and crossed the street and walked up to the clinic."

Erickson... told The Oregonian he didn't remember many details about their relationship, including where they met or when they dated.

This guy is the worst liar ever-- first of all, he actually admits to giving a woman he was just "dating" $300 for medical care, but has no idea what it was for and can't even remember the details of their relationship?

"Did I pay for an abortion? Absolutely not," Erickson said.

"She was having some financial troubles," he said. "She asked for some money to go have a doctor's appointment — not knowing what that was — and whatever happened, happened, I guess. I didn't even know she had an abortion."

We almost laughed out loud about what a pathetic jackass he is, but then realized this ain't funny. Erickson is a creepy and dangerous degenerate, which unfortunately means he will be a perfect fit for the United States Congress. And although he did win a bitter primary, hopefully the Democratic incumbent won't do anything like pledge to increase the abortion rate or take photos of herself hugging Fidel Castro and will emerge victorious.

Via The Seattle Times.

Hey Film Industry: "Abortion" is Not a Bad Word, Mmmkay?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:24:00 GMT

When we saw Knocked-Up last summer, we laughed a lot, sure, but we also got angry at times, because we kept thinking: this story does not end this way. Wouldn't the successful girl abort the stoner's baby after a sloppy one-night stand? But while Judd Apatow was beating around the bush, Romanian writer-director Christian Mungiu went there in 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days. We're guessing you know what that series represents...

The year is 1987, when Romania is still under the nightmarish police-state rule of Ceausescu and abortions are highly illegal. Nonetheless, college student Otillia (played by Anamaria Marinca) agrees to accompany her pregnant roommate, Gabita, to a man who will terminate her pregnancy. It’s a bleakly comic — but mostly bleak — journey that takes Otillia across a Bucharest ravaged by Communism, leading her to an utterly devastating decision about how far she’ll go to help a friend. Whatever your opinions about abortion, by the end of 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, you’ll be grateful you live in a country where we can make such frothy movies (like Knocked Up and Juno) about such a serious subject.

[Via Very Short List]

Related:

Scanner : abortion

Candidate for Gov. of GA Admits to Having Sex... with a Mule

While You Were Sleeping: Teen Faces Prison For Having An Abortion

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

While You Were Sleeping: Fake Boobs, Fake ID

While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama In Big Trouble

Holidays We Dig: National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day

12-Year-Old Girl Tells Your Uterus What's Up

Rosario Dawson Will Never Stop Having to Discuss Her Sex Scenes

After North Dakota, Four States Introduce "Personhood" Legislation

Repeat Teen Abortions on the Rise, Birth Control Still Despised By Right-Wingers

Botulism, Abortion, And A Woman's Right To Choose

Man Rams SUV Into Planned Parenthood

Blog for Choice Today

My Obama, My Choice

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Michigan Backs Teen Pregnancy and the Spread of STDs with $1.4M Grant

Top 10 Scanner Posts of 2008: Because We Can Never Get Enough Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Video of the Day: Have You Taken Your Virginity Pledge Yet?

George W. Bush Attacks Our Vaginas

Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

No Vice-Presidential Candidate Left Behind

Alaska Women Make History Rallying Against Palin

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Girlfriend Of Pro-Life Republican Confirms Abortion And Sordid Details

Hey Film Industry: "Abortion" is Not a Bad Word, Mmmkay?