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Omaha Bar Hosts Jello Wrestling Contest For Charity...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 21:22:00 GMT

...guess how that turned out?

Think about it: you're all bar owners in Omaha, Nebraska. (Really, what else is there to do except hang out at the Saddle Creek offices and try to pick up hipsters? You gotta have a bar.) You want to get more people to stop in at your bar, so you organize an event under the auspicies of donating the cover charge to charity, all while racking up huge profits on drink sales. But to really get people to show up, you get a bunch of local drunks to wear bikinis and tear it up in a vat of Jello.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, for one thing, it's entirely illegal to have boobs and ass anywhere near beer and booze in the state of Nebraska. And you know damn well what bikini Jello wrestling leads to, particularly when the contestants are all likkered up before the opening gong:

Owners of a west Omaha bar have been fined over a fundraiser that got out of control. The 120 Blondes Lounge at 120th and Blondo streets was disciplined by the state Liquor Control Commission over a gelatin wrestling incident that ended with full nudity.

The event featured women who wrestled in a pool of flavored gelatin. The contestants in the competition were wearing bikinis, at least at first.

Photos taken at the event show one woman falling out of the pool and another one who's clearly topless. "As the crowd got more interested, apparently the clothing was removed and they were mostly in the nude," said Hobert Rupe of the Nebraska Liquor Control Commission.

Hobert has a career waiting for him in public relations after he gets bored of denying strip clubs their God-given Night Train beer-- ha ha, "apparently clothing was removed." Hobert, dude, that's what we here in the US of A call "they ripped their clothes off, thinking Joe Francis was taping." But no matter who removed the clothing, the bar is still liable-- even though, in this case, witnesses attested to the fact that the owners ejected the "strippers" immediately.

At least 120 Blondes didn't lose their license.

Via KETV.

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PapSmeared: Linda Hogan is Stayin' Alive

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:43:00 GMT

Linda Hogan steps out for the first time since her ex-husband Hulk Hogan confessed he had fantasies of killing her.

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Top 10 TV Nipple Slips and Wardrobe Malfunctions

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:59:00 GMT

You know, because Janet Jackson wasn't the first one to lose her outfit live on national television...

It's difficult to imagine, we know, but even game shows in the 60s and 70s were famous for nipple slips. Luckily, YouTube, Google Video and other online sources have managed to salvage some of the most memorable moments. They're all pretty much two seconds long, but this will make you a better future Trivial Pursuit contestant... since you know that's all that we're going to talk about in 20 years, the way our Idiocracy is going.

Here are ten in no particular order...

Ron Jeremy's High School Play Video Leaked!

Tara Reid Wishes She Was Actually Listening To What The Little People Were Yelling About

Jennifer Hawkins (the 2004 Miss Universe) Returns to Australia to Moon Her Hometown

The Match Game (okay, this is more of a "nipple slip" of the tongue, but hey... break it up a bit, ya know)

Eva Mendes Was Really Asking For It This Time

N Is For Nipples - TV Show Host Flashes Kids

Haven't Seen This Janet Jackson Nip Slip Before... Is It New?

They Let the Wrestlers Beat Up the Refs, But An Ass And Nipple Slip Is An Ejection?!

As Bob Barker Says, "She came on down and they came on out!" [sfw]

And finally, Meredith Viera pulls a Justin Timberlake on Helen Mirren:

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The Latest Sexist Fad: Coleslaw Wrestling

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:07:00 GMT

Every year since 2003, the Cabbage Patch Bar in Daytona Beach, Florida has been hosting an event called Coleslaw Wrestling, which is the same as Jello Wrestling, only way more disgusting.

The event, a mainstay of the well-attended Biketober Fest and Bikeweek celebrations, draws hundreds of dudes in American flag bandanas, sleeveless leather jackets, and faded jean shorts... in other words, Real Americans...

One website claims some of the (always female) wrestlers perform topless, we found almost zero evidence of this. However, we only went through a tiny portion of the thousands of photographs taken of the event in the last five years.

We'll have the 2009 photos sometime after this weekend's Bikefest, which starts today. Until then, remember: Budweiser bathing suits are awesome... coleslaw wrestling? Not so much.

Via Cabbage Patch Bar.

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While You Were Sleeping: Mickey Rourke's Wrestling Career

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:58:00 GMT

John Landis, the director of the Thriller video, is suing Michael Jackson, who wants to do a Broadway musical of the hit song.

This is the funniest prisoner escape story we've yet come across.

Here's how we really do not want to die: sitting on a toilet, having just masturbated with a gas mask over our faces, discovered by a co-worker, on our second day on the job.

Blackwater has been denied a license to kill operate in Iraq.

Cindy Adams weighs in on the Oscar buzz (now they're saying Sean Penn will win Best Actor) and celebs griping about photographers.

The latest White House rumor? Michelle Obama is pregnant.

And Mickey Rourke will not participate in Wrestlemania after all. He was probably joking around-- either that or they didn't offer him enough moolah.

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[Image]

Video of the Day: Sharon Osbourne Attacks Sexy Reality Show Moron

Scanner Matt — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:35:00 GMT

Sharon Osbourne, wife of legendary rocker, Ozzy, went after a ditzy "Rock of Love Charm School" contestant this Sunday with a giant cup of something that resembled wine. Security rushed the stage soon after.

Supposedly Megan Hauserman, the loud ditzy contestant who insulted Sharon's beloved Ozzy, filed a police report after taping in December, which claimed Sharon Osbourne grabbed her hair, scratched her and wrecked her weave. All that made the cut was Sharon pouring a drink all over the girl.

We assume it was edited down for the show. It feels very Jerry Springerish, but if this police report wasn't just a publicity stunt its a nice glimpse of how Sharon probably took care of groupies and degenrates back on tour in the ol' days.

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You Lucky Londoners Get To See The Transvestite Mexican Midget Wrestling Match

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:57:00 GMT

How often do you get to see transvestite little people in wolverine masks beating the Christ out of each other in a famed British theater?

The Roundabout in ol' Camden town is trumpeting the return of lucha libre wrestling, which you know of from that ridiculous Jack Black movie. The matches begin Saturday night and continue through Tuesday, with tickets to see "Cassandra" selling out in a hurry...

After football (bizarrely known as "soccer" in America), lucha libre is the second-favorite sport of Mexico, which may explain why we haven't heard of it here. If it works, Americans don't want anything to do with it-- like the metric system and universal healthcare. Then again, most countries, including ours, wouldn't know what to make of Cassandra(o), who, according to the Sun, enters the ring in a woman's bathing suit and pantyhose.

In an interview he gave to the paper nearly two decades after coming out in the heavily-Catholic country, Cassandra looked back on a glorious career:

“When I first walk down the aisle, to go to the ring, people start whistling at me, calling me names and saying: ‘What is that?’ But once they see me doing my Lucha Libre, they forget about the gay thing. In fact after the match they bow at me and even ask for kisses and hugs! It proves that you should never judge before you actually meet somebody.”

Godspeed, Cassandra, godspeed... and good luck against "Lubito!"

Middle photo via Getty Images.

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The Top 10 Yahoo Searches of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:28:00 GMT

We never understand why year-end best of polls come out before the year is over (meaning: we understood that the media tries to capitalize on the year before everyone stops carrying, but not why anyone accepts them as fact.) Top 10 movies, as polled by the critics who have seen all the year's releases already, but what if there's a major prostitution scandal and everyone starts looking up someone named Joanna Esmerelda Dupois in absurd numbers?

Yahoo isn't worried about our pesky little inquiries. It has already released their top 10 list for 2008 and although we've already revealed their #1 choice, once we caught wind of the runner-ups, we felt an overwhelming urge to burden you with this information...

10. American Idol. You mean, people don't get enough of this shit in its four hours per week?

9. Angelina Jolie. Must've been those $14 million baby pictures everyone was trying to catch a glimpse of without having to buy a tabloid magazine. Say hello to the free world wide web, People.

8. Lindsay Lohan. She would've been our guess for the #1 slot, which shows you how much we know about what men find most attractive.

7. Naruto. Apparently, some sort of cartoon character. See #8.

6. Jessica Alba. Yes, she has her assets, but none of them include talent, interesting personality, or newsmaking lifestyle. Why, why, why?

5. RuneScape. We're starting to feel a little bit left out of the loop here...

4. Miley Cyrus. We're almost relieved to see Hannah, scion of the Montana's, on this rundown, for reasons of familiarity only.

3. Barack Obama. Here's hoping the most popular related searches do not include the phrases "is a Muslim" or "and mom's nude photos."

2. WWE. Scary... although we figured eight-year-old boys are computer-trained these days...

1. Britney Spears. What hasn't been said already about a woman who was a has-been at age 7 and hasn't done a damn thing worth paying attention to since? Let's make this her last appearance on this or any list, please...

Via Yahoo.

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Men's Health Should Worry More About Men's Sanity

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:10:00 GMT

Men's Health (apparently the South African edition) has just published the "41 ways to melt a woman's heart," which should be subtitled "or compel her to obtain a restraining order."

Guys, don't try these at home... at least... not all of them.

Like all lists of advice for relationships, the value of the wisdom depends on the personalities. For example, see #3.

1. Ask her to dance.

2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.

3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.

4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.

We know quite a few ladies who get off on a guy who does not rush over to meet them, instead leans back with a sly smile and waits for his girl to meet him where he's already standing. But that's a trivial issue compared to some of these other creeptastical suggestions:

24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.

25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice. [Yeah, and not necessarily in a good way. Dudes, don't forget, some women appreciate it when you don't shave before you see them.]
26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard. [Hmmm... why does this sound creepy all of a sudden?]
27. Worship her breasts.
28. Give her jewellery.

29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)

Right. Make sure to be standing there, motionless and in complete silence, when she yanks the shower curtain over.

And although we're pretty sure this one's meant to be silly, after the above choices, we're not so sure:

41. If she’s too stressed to want sex...
a. Run a bath for her.
b. Give her a full-body massage.
c. Ask if she wants to wrestle.

Via Men's Health.

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Illinois: That's It, We've Had Enough Of Your Nude Midget Wrestling

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:34:00 GMT

A bunch of humorless officials in Illinois have taken away a bar's license for sixty days after a midget wrestling night gone wrong...

You know, it wouldn't be so bad if they had punished Canton's Outskirts Bar and Grill for the un-PC use of "midget" instead of "little person" or for the fact that the whole thing comes off as terribly exploitative. Nope, they freaked out over a simple mistake:

Bar owner Kim Scott said one of the performers took off her top during the event.
Scott said she did not know about it, and quickly stopped everything once she found out.
"The main thing is that I have bar tenders that support their children," Scott said. "This is their only job, and now they have lost that job for 60 days." [ABC]

Frankly, we're sick and tired of hearing about bars and other establishments being fined for their patrons' actions. What if a guy walks in and shoots up the place? Should the bar owner be charged as an accessory? Sure, it's an extreme example, but the point is made. In any case, it sounds like the city was staking the place out, hoping for a single slip-up so they could shut the whole event down; after all, we tend to believe Scott's story that this was a one-time mistake.

Scott is, of course, appealing the city's decision.

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Rachelle Leah Is Playboy's November Cover Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:55:00 GMT

Can Playboy still make its cover girls famous? Could it ever?

We'd never heard of Rachelle Leah, who hosts UFC All Access on Spike, until it was announced she was next month's cover star, although we're pretty sure this means we'll be sick to death of her by the time the issue hits the streets...

Doesn't she remind you of Kate Beckinsale... or Kate Beckinsale cloned together with Victoria Beckham? Perhaps not so much in the below photos, from last year's Stuff Magazine sessions:

Don't worry, we'll post the Playboy photos as soon as one of you leaks them to us... in the meantime, enjoy!

More photos here.

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Bulgarian Wrestlers Win Big... Are Big

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 16:14:00 GMT

In light of the 2008 Beijing Olympics we give you Stanka Zlateva of the Bulgarian Olympic Women's Wrestling Team. Here she is wrestling a woman at a village feast. But Stanka is not wrestling for fun, no no. She has a much higher purpose....

Meat!

That's right. After her opponents were vanquished, Stanka feasted!

Bikini Jello Wrestling Contest Ends In Violence, Chaos, Stickiness

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:32:00 GMT

A jello wrestling competition, performed strictly by girls in bikinis, held as part of an end-of-the-term drinking marathon known as Suicide Sunday, descended into chaos and bloody violence after one girl turned into a big-time sore loser...

According to the Daily Mail, a student of Cambridge University in England, lost her shot at 250 pounds in prize money, thanks to spectators who voted her the defeated party in one match. Nadia Witowski subsequently stood up and punched a spectator in the nose, presumably having heard something insulting about herself. She then grabbed a bottle of Lambrini and staggered toward civilization, where two bouncers folded their arms and blocked her path.

Undeterred, Ms Witkowski lashed out again, punching one bouncer and attempting to headbutt the other.
Police were called to the party at Trinity Old Fields, Cambridge, at 1.30pm on Sunday and Ms Witkowski was arrested. She was later cautioned by officers for common assault.

The above-mentioned spectator, who was presumably adorable in her butterfly wings, fled the festivities with a bloody nose.

The 'Blazers and Bikinis' bash was the 79th Suicide Sunday party organised by the Wyverns - an infamous all-male Magdalene College drinking society.

Is there any doubt going to school in the United Kingdom is way more fun than in the US?

Is that Pete Doherty in the black tie?

More on this story (and photos) at The Daily Mail.

Previously: Princess Eugenie's Endearing Nude Rampage

Video of the Day: Wrasslin' Legend Iron Sheik Gets Drunk, Starkers

Bryan Christian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Fess up, y'all: a few of you used to catch Wrestlemania, like, every time it was on, right? Be all like "Dad, dad, Hulk Hogan's going up against Ric Flair" or whatever and somehow get the old man to cave in and spring for PPV? Well then this one's going out to you, because you're probably the only person we know who'd have ever wanted to go out and get drunk with real life professional wrasslers. "What would that be like," you wondered... Well, apparently, it'd be loud, and bitter, and full of obscure references to matches won and lost long ago, and oh also finish up with old Iranian dudes pulling down their skivvies and shoving their ass in the camera. (They res out all the moonin', BTW, so this is really only NSFW for the language.)