Scanner : Wil Wheaton

Wil Wheaton's Greatest Hits

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:54:00 GMT

Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick!"

Wil Wheaton is in exile. Since going into "exile" on Typepad, he's been blogging his ass off, keeping internet nerds and other trolls relentlessly entertained. God bless him-- he's a charming ol' bastard (yes, child stars do grow up and become "middle aged." Witness the recent, hideous NKOTB reunion tour.) Running through his latest and greatest posts, we've presented a "Wil Wheaton Reader" of sorts:

-"It's funny you should ask," I said. "That's an illusion. You're actually fighting a level 18 Squidzilla."

-From a video he shared on fish deboning: "The wonder boner! My wife would like that."

-Regarding his new audiobook: "How long is it?" You say? "That's what she said!" I reply.

-Regarding the death of Majel Roddenbery, the wife of the creator of Star Trek: Since we got the news yesterday, a lot of people have asked me if I can tell a story as a way to remember her. I've dug around in the attic of my mind for hours, and the best I can do is: We always had fun when we were working on Next Generation, but when Majel was on the set, it was a party.

-On the possible Screen Actors Guild Strike: For the SAG board to even consider voluntarily stopping work when we're falling deeper and deeper into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression isn't just stupid, it's recklessly irresponsible. SAG needs to face the reality we're stuck with: AFTRA sold us out. AFTRA fucked all actors everywhere by negotiating with the AMPTP on their own and agreeing to shockingly horrible terms. The AFTRA negotiators failed all actors, whether they're currently SAG, currently AFTRA, or are still hoping to join. Those "negotiators" should be ashamed of themselves, and they shouldn't be allowed in the same building as a contract ever again.

-Here's another one we agree with wholeheartedly: When I get stuck on anything, I go for a walk. When I get really stuck, I go for a drive, and then take a walk when I get to wherever I end up. I may not come home with lots of ideas, but I always come home with at least one. I also never know when something's going to strike me, which is why I always carry a little notebook and pen in my pocket when I leave the house. [pause] Man, I want to write a Cthulhu story now.

-"The thing is, my kids aren't especially interested in a serious Battletech fight ("When do we get to fight each other?" "Just as soon as we finish building our Mechs." "But we've been doing that for an hour!" "I know! We have to make sure they're just right ..."), and my wife glazes over every time I try to explain how awesome Illuminati is. ("AHAHAHAA! The FBI took over the Convenience Stores with help from Congressional Wives and Nuclear Power Companies! Hey, where are you going? Well, if you walk away from the table I'm just going to take your money and put it on my power structure. Why do you have your car keys? Honey? Hello?")"

-"You're a clever one, you are." "Not as clever as you think!" The dog said.

-"I do this silly thing on Twitter where I make up conversations with iTunes."

-And finally, regarding Comicons: "We can invade a hotel for a weekend, pretend it's like the cereal convention in Sandman, and recover enough hit points to survive our real lives until the next one."

Ah, real life-- who needs it with these blog posts? By the way, if you like the WWdN: Greatest Hits Collection, you should know that this is only a compendium of the best of December. Check the archives for more goodies...

Via Wil Wheaton's blog.

Against Your Wil (Wheaton)

SuicideGirls.com Lays Off Bloggers, Including Ensign Wesley Crusher

Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:31:00 GMT

This Top 10 list from TV Squad misses what would easily be our #1: a B-list celebrity who Tweets like a bad Vanity Fair parody... only hilarious.

Wendy Atterbery of Modern Materialist (and now, mainly, of the Frisky) let us in on a little secret on our blog: the best celebrity Twit is a basketball player not know for his Yogisms, which often get him into heaps of trouble. Here's TV Squad's list, plus a new #1...

1. John Hodgman [don't forget, TV Squad, he's also a tremendously funny bestselling author]

2. Wil Wheaton [don't forget, TV Squad, he was also in Stand By Me and on Star Trek: The Next Generation.]

3. Stephen Fry "The British actor, author and Twitterholic is a must-follow who cleverly interacts with his online fans. Fry, who once played Oscar Wilde in a movie, recently inspired his followers to make up phony Wilde quotes to post on the web. (Check out the results.)"

4. Felicia Day

5. Greg Grunberg [of Heroes-- man, NBC'll do anything to boost their ratings]

6. Brea Grant

7. Penn Jillette

8. John Cleese [we might actually start using our Twitter account again just to follow this guy. We're not sure he is, but we think we saw him in his tighty-whities in A Fish Called Wanda or somethin'.]

9. David Hewlett

10. The Karate Kid's Sensei John Kreese (aka Paul Scheer) [TV Squad claims Human Giant's Scheer is Tweeting as the villainous sensei from The Karate Kid. We hope it's the guy who played Kreese, still in character.]

And our #1? Shaquille O'Neill!

"B kinder than necessary because everyone u meet is fighting some kind of battle -- Shaquille oneal" and "The best way to secure happiness is 2 b az happy as u can everyday -- Shaquille oneal." Always just like that -- with his full name attached at the end (and also the creative spelling), like he's ready to be included on every list of best celeb quotes ever (and he should!).

Now, Wendy's started incorporating Shaq-isms into her private life with her boyfriend:

[We] like to end basically every sentence we utter to each other with our full names. I'll say, "I saved some dinner for you -- it's in the fridge. -- Wendy Atterberry" and he'll follow up with "Thanks that was nice of you. -- Andrew [Redacted]." And then I'll say, "Well, it's important in times of stress to make sure you eat right. --Wendy Atterberry." And then we laugh for, like, half an hour.

UPDATE: TV Squad missed MC Hammer! How could they? We checked out his account and, below, you'll find our favorite tweets (assuming he's real and actually responding to fan Tweets):

"man... flat tire !!!!
"Yes.....the weather is way different these days... global warming for real ! and I'm in Tracy !!!
"Thanks....glad you like http://mchammer.com/ the concept is to play Hammertime Radio (listen to songs) and read the streams..
"Now focus... you better than that... I know you playing..
"if you see yourself "robbing the bank" as you said...make sure you see yourself dead or in jail...real talk... "darkness is no joke"

Real talk... in Hammertime.

Via TV Squad and City Wendy.

Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

Against Your Wil (Wheaton)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Did you guys know that Wil Wheaton has a groovy and unsurprisingly well-written blog? (Full disclosure: Stand By Me is the greatest movie ever made.) Many people of all sorts of unknown backgrounds are aware of and have read this excellent blog. However, Wil Wheaton has made a grand faux pas that his readers may never forgive: reiterating some nasty rumors about Hillary Clinton.

From the WWdN blog (What Would Will Wheaton do? No, that's not right):

At times like these, when it would be easy to despair, I find comfort in humor, like this post I saw on Reddit this morning: Hillary Clinton: The Psycho Ex-Girlfriend of the Democratic Party.

Mr. Wheaton found this salacious gossip funny?! We frankly did not. No, we were too disturbed by the possibility that we might actually agree with this name-calling to laugh. Perhaps we might actually read this nastiness to find out what was so horrifying that Wil Wheatonites had to write him politely-worded hate mail?

It's 2:31 AM. The Democratic Party is sleeping peacefully when it hears its phone buzz on the night stand. It rolls over and sees "Hillary" on the caller ID. It pauses briefly, considering pushing "END" and not dealing with this shit tonight. The thought is appealing but the Democratic Party knows that if it doesn't take this call, another one is only minutes away.

DEMS: ...Hello?

Hillary: Hey baby.

DEMS: C'mon Hillary. Enough with this.

Hillary: Don't you get it? You NEED me.

DEMS: No, I don't. It was fun while it lasted but I'm with Barack now. I made my choice, it's done.

Hillary: You can't really mean that. How can you say that after all the good times we had?

DEMS: To be honest, I started hanging out with you because Bill's pretty awesome.

Hillary: But I'm just like Bill!

DEMS: No, you're not. Bill is charismatic, inspiring, and gets me really good weed.

Hillary: Fuck you. You're elitist!

DEMS: I'm going back to sleep.

Talk about a low blow... after all, this woman is going to President, as of January 2013, so we better be nice to her now... okay?

As for Wil, he appears to have triumphed and moved on to posting about Seattle Comic Cons, so we're not too worried about him... in fact, this post's orginal and completely tasteless title was to be "Triumph of the Wil." Too much?

Via Wil Wheaton's blog, WWdN: In Exile.

Photo courtesy of Austin's Alamo Drafthouse.

SuicideGirls.com Lays Off Bloggers, Including Ensign Wesley Crusher

Bryan Christian — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:30:00 GMT

More indication of trouble in SuicideGirlLand, as SG blogger and former child star Wil Wheaton reports that he has been let go as a blogger by the embattled alt.porn site.

Due to budget cuts at the Newswire, this will be the last Geek in Review. It’s been an awesome year, but all good things must come to an end, and I think the GiR will be very happy living on a farm where it can play with other columns all day long.

We have no idea what that means, but Boinkology reports that Wheaton isn't the only blogger to get the axe. Noted comics writer and weekend contributor Warren Ellis has also been given the heave-ho, along with "the bulk of [SG's] writing staff." Budget cuts are blamed all around, with our reaction to that being similar to Boinkology commenter "A": "More money for the lawyers..."

Previously: Suicide Girls Rated "F" by Better Business Bureau

[Via Fleshbot]

Scanner : Wil Wheaton

Wil Wheaton's Greatest Hits

Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick!"

Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers

Against Your Wil (Wheaton)

SuicideGirls.com Lays Off Bloggers, Including Ensign Wesley Crusher

Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers

'Prop 8 - The Musical' starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, Neil Patrick Harris, Andy Richter, Maya Rudolph, that Girl from 'Scrubs' and MORE!

Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

Against Your Wil (Wheaton)

SuicideGirls.com Lays Off Bloggers, Including Ensign Wesley Crusher