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We Missed Out on National Penis Day 2009

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Damn it, tipsters, you're supposed to keep an eye out for all the bizarre news coming out of Japan. It's no easy task, we'll admit, since the rate of crazy news to "Beavers Build Dam in Creek"-type boring news is probably 50,000-to-1. But those of you pervs who scour the pages of various websites looking for words like "peen" and "wangs" to amuse yourselves should have caught this one...

Culled from various reports:

National Penis Day. Also called Hounen Matsuri.

When I asked a Japanese friend of mine why we don't deserve one here in the United States, he told me, in America, they call them Politicians instead of a Penis. It figures.

Every year a new wooden phallus is carved from a cypress tree that has been purified. The newly carved phallus will then be the main focus of the procession that at its end will be placed into a shrine.

Thought to be benefical by by many Japanese and obscene by many Westerners, Hounen Matsuri is held on March 15th every year in the small town of Komaki, which is just outside of Nagoya.

This Hounen festival and ceremony, which has been going on for around 1500 years, celebrate the blessings of a bountiful harvest and all manner of prosperity and fertility and the all are welcome.

Here's a link to some of the more bizarre photos... or check out our favorites below:

On top of that, we also missed the more-recent National Penis Day in New Zealand, which is much less "National" and more like "radio station gimmick." It turns out a DJ tried to raise awareness/money for charity by having naked people strip in public and form phallic symbols.

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Kiwis Krazy for Shirtless Servers

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:50:00 GMT

First, there were breastaurants. Now, New Zealand has started a new trend-- dudes dressed like Chippendales dancers waiting on you, hand and foot, in a dining establishment...

They even have a company name that's too absurd to be true, so, of course, it is: Strip of Meat. Man meat, of course. The two gents pictured above are in charge of the waiter-for-hire operation, which is sort of like when Park Avenue socialites called up a Rent-A-Beatnik service in Greenwich Village in 1958 and amused themselves by listening to bad, "deep" poetry. Except with more pecs.

"I wasn't even wearing an apron, just a pair of underpants and a bow tie.

"It was a bit raunchy and made me realise there is a market out there."

The topless waiters were definitely not strippers and would normally be dressed in black trousers with an obligatory bow tie, he said.

Strip of Meat had already done a few hen's nights in Wellington but were also available for baby showers, dinner parties and even corporate functions.

Sign up now, ladies and (gay) gents, as the national news media has already ensured they'll be booked for the next 26 years, until they're all flabby from garbage-mouthing foie gras in your kitchen.

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While You Were Sleeping: Slumdog Millionaire Horrors Continue

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

A great national tragedy in New Zealand as a sex shop endures a trial by fire.

JG Ballard, author of Crash (the David Cronenberg movie) and Empire of the Sun, died after a long battle with cancer.

This 100-year-old Italian woman, a Nobel-prize winner in medicine, is still working.

Here's one you'll love: a $3.3 million lottery winner has opened a dude nude ranch.

The little girl from Slumdog Millionaire is in danger of being sold off by her father for 200,000 English pounds.

The tombs of both Cleopatra and Marc Antony may have been discovered.

Everything is the fault of the paps, even Madonna's equestrian injury over the weekend.

Everything Obama touches turns into an Amazon.com bestseller.

Somehow we don't believe Leonardo DiCaprio would have anything to do with Lindsay Lohan, but stranger things happen every day.

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Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not Mine

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:26:00 GMT

This video has been making the rounds today. We love it because we love anything that exposes religion for the ridiculous waste of time we know it to be.

Agree or disagree, you have to wonder why Jesus didn't turn deserts into fertile farm land. Or why God is such a jackass with an amusing accent. (By the way, another Biblical highlight from today's blogs.)

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What Country Has The Most Women Wearing DD Bras?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:10:00 GMT

We're betting you were going to guess "the United States of America" right off the bat. Don't.

According to a variety of sources, the average bra in the US is a B Cup, more specifically a 34B. (In a widely circulated survey in 2005, Americans were found to be wearing more B cups than C cups, 44% to 28%, and more A cups than D cups, 15% to 10%.)

If you were going to say the United Kingdom has the most double D's, guess again...

The winner of our unofficial and unscientific survey is... Australia!

Up to 40 per cent of Australian women now buy bras with a cup size of DD or higher, new figures from lingerie suppliers show.

In the 1950s, the most common bra-cup size was a B - three sizes less than a DD.

Modern breasts are getting so large that some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K, The Sunday Telegraphreports.
...sales of DD-plus bras have grown from about 20 per cent of sales to 28 per cent in just five years.

The best line of the whole story explains that boobs are growing because of The Pill and artificial hormones... but, of course, because of obesity, as well. If that's the case, we have to wonder why the World's Fattest Country hasn't enlarged its average cup size.

Meanwhile, a local surgeon says his breast reduction schedule has doubled in recent years.

"There's no question that because the population is bigger their breasts are bigger as well, because it's all fatty tissue.

"As women get older the amount of fatty tissue increases, and also the proportion of fat increases."

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Funny Last Names Like Wang On The Rise

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:23:00 GMT

Here's a headline we can all appreciate: "Name shame causes Cock shrinkage but Wang is on the rise."

Normally, a story like that never tops its opening lines, but there are a few glorious quips in here...

A comparison of the 2008 population - using data from a variety of sources - with the first census in 1881 shows that the number of Cocks has shrunk by 75 per cent, while the number of people called Balls... has fallen by more than 50 per cent.

David Hey, author of Family Names and Family History, said that ridiculous names were often more harmless than they appeared. "'Bottom' names were from farms at the bottom of a valley. In the Middle Ages `daft' meant meek. It was a perfectly acceptable name."

So, wangs are on the rise, cocks are shrinking, and balls are hanging at the lower end. Makes sense, sorta.

From the comment section of the Australian, which becomes a word association game featuring places and names of the bathroom-humor variety:

-Being a Hater, I was always teased as a child. Moving to Australia meant I had to call myself Oswald instead of Ozzie for obvious reasons. People still wind me up a bit - but I think it's made me a stronger person.
-Heard of a guy named Bill Stinks, who got teased and laughed at all his young life until he learned in high school that he could change his name by deed poll once he turned 21 years of age. After another 8 years of humilation Bill turned up at the deed poll office right on opening to change his name. He is now called Robert.
-My Grandmother's surname was Winterbottom which got her the nickname 'Frosty Bum.' I'm glad I didn't inherit that surname.

Our parents had a friend called Becky Butts. Our first reaction upon learning this: "And we thought we hated high school."

-Were you aware that in the middle of the last century there were two law firms in Britain that were named respectively 'Glass, Cock and Balls" and "Phibbs and Lyes".

No, but we have retained their services from time to time.

-Try the place names in Britain: I once worked at Braintree, and I once drove past Crinkley Bottom on the way to Cockshoot.

Via the Australian.

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"I Broke My Nose On Your Stripper Pole"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:52:00 GMT

A New Zealand softcore porn star and sometime stripper is suing the Sexpo after a disastrous live performance that got her in trouble with festival organizers...

Lisa Lewis, no relation to any other Lisa Lewis we might've heard of here in the States, calls herself an "international star, exotic dancer and soft porn star." She may or may not be the same Lisa Lewis who ran through a rugby match three years ago wearing only a bikini, and subsequently landed a spot on an all-nude newscast on AltTV. In any case, that Lisa Lewis is the author of this unfortunate YouTube video, entitled Does Lisa Lewis Spit or Swallow?, a clip about brushing your teeth.

Lisa Lewis With the Dark Hair was performing a stripper routine in only a G-string at the Sexpo when she slipped and broke her nose on what she claims was a faulty pole. (She has been performing for ten years-- since the ripe old age of 17-- so we can't chalk it up to beginner's suck.) The adult film star says she warned organizers they needed a fresh pole, but they apparently ignored her.

One source claims that Lewis was ejected from the venue after putting her hands in her underwear in a masturbatory fashion. Organizers booted her, saying the act was "too risque."

But something stinks here-- does this mean she was thrown out before or after the nose injury? Seems to us like one of those two events-- the broken nose and the ejection-- are fabrications.

Photo and quote via.

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Today in the Apocalypse: A 14-Year-Old Girl Did... What?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:19:00 GMT

This story is so disturbing, it has us worried about the next two generations...

A 14-year-old New Zealand girl was arrested earlier this week for driving drunk-- and that's just the beginning of the story. When her breathalyzer tests were released by police, it turned out she had a blood-alcohol level more than six times the legal limit. And there's more:

Acting Sergeant Kevin Crawford told the Northern Advocate the girl, who was four months pregnant, was stopped after her driving caught police attention.

She allegedly gave a false name and had difficulty spelling it.

She was forbidden to drive and taken to Whangarei police station, where she recorded a breath-alcohol level of 828mcg. The legal limit for drivers under 20 is 150mcg and driving licences are not issued to people under 15.

The girl would be referred to Youth Aid, Mr Crawford said. [Stuff.co.nz]

So, to recap: this wasn't some random checkpoint bust or a case of the cops pulling someone over for a broken tailight and then discovering the problem-- she was driving erratically, putting more than just two lives in danger. She tried to get out of it by using a fake name, which she couldn't even spell. And she didn't even have a driver's license to begin with-- who the hell gave her their car keys?!

Frightening.

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Teens Identified In Robbery After Mom Walks By

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Here's your dumb criminals of the month: not only were they caught preparing for the robbery, chased out of the targeted store by a woman with a flyswatter, but after being tackled by a random security guard who was on to them before they even put on their "masks," one of them realized his Mom was one of the gawking bystanders.

The weirdness continues below...

1) Herman Sakaria, a local security guard, was heading toward his car when he noticed two sixteen-year-old males covering over their license plate. Sensing something was up, he lurked in the shadows and watched as the youths put plastic bags over their faces (!) and pulled out steak knives.

2) The youths ran into a store and demanded cash. For some reason, Stuff.co.nz's version of the story insists upon describing the store's proprietors as a "a Korean man and woman" (while, at the same time, ignoring the ethnicities of the culprits and their captor, depicted above in a censored photo taken by an onlooker.)

3) The shopkeepers chased the kids out without using a weapon, apparently, although the woman did beat one of the kids with... a flyswatter. Meanwhile, Sakaria was waiting for the robbers and tackled them as they left the premises.

4) Sakaria held the boys down until police arrived (in America, the story would've gone: "he eventually was forced to release the boys after twenty minutes because the police hadn't respond to the 9-1-1 call, assuming someone had dialed it at all.") While one of the boys was moaning and groaning under the guard's knee, he looked up and noticed a woman walking by. "Oh shit," he said, "There's my mum."

5) The boys could received up to 14 years in prison apiece.

Coda) The bizarrely-written story concludes:

"Police say the incident is a reminder for Rodney residents to batten down the hatches during the Christmas and holiday period to divert potential robberies and burglaries."

A reminder based on what? This incident, which closer to theater than crime, is a reminder that someone might burglarize our apartments? Whatever you say, coppers...

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Flight of the Conchords... Already Premiering Right Here, Baby

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:30:00 GMT

After the jump, your season two premiere, complete and uncut, courtesy of Funny or Die...

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Hostel-Owning Perv Learns to Shut His Spy Hole

Colleen Kane — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:12:00 GMT

We didn't think it was possible, but hostel showers just got scarier. The owner of a New Zealand backpackers' hostel has been sentenced to 150 hours community service plus probation after filming female hostel guests as they showered.

That isn't even the most disturbing part of the tale.

Philip Anderson, 44, filmed women in the shower and on the toilet through a two-way mirror for a year before his conscience got to him, at which time he destroyed his archive. You know, all except for a two-hour highlight reel of 15 women which he would then watch along with a friend.

According to an article on a New Zealand website, "He watched the tape many times with his friend during pornography nights, says police prosecutor Tim Hambleton." Said friend has a history of very serious sex offenses.

We're just wondering (among oh so many other things), what the conversation was like when two degenerates watched the same naked lady reel for the 50th time.

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There's A New Testicle Eating Champion...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Here's a contest we'd refrain from competing in or even watching.

In Hunterville, New Zealand, the new world's capitol of enjoyable public indecency, there's a competition in which men pick up a bull's testicles using only their mouths and running for 50 meters with them. The testicles, of course...

Sadly, their own prize for these feats of masculinity are a cold beer to wash down the horrific taste. And, as Metro UK notes, "if the beer was from Hunterville it was probably rubbish." Among the other highlights:

[It's] the annual Shepherd's Shemozzle in the small town of Hunterville, where men are men and men eat bulls' testicles.
As part of the competition, punters had to bite into the balls and carry them in their mouths for 50m.
Once that feat was accomplished they had to scoff some dry weetabix and down a raw egg. In a rare respite they then got to wash the lot down with a can of beer.

[Winner Josh Masters said] "Best of all, they weren't connected to anything." [Metro]

Yes, Josh, we would think it quite strange were you to run with your mouth wrapped a bull's nuts-- a live bull's nuts, that is.

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10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In New Zealand, home of Boobs on Bikes and, apparently, dozens of kiwi trees, a lone believer stands in the cold, alone in his noble quest, and silently holds up his protest sign, desperately hoping he can make a difference. Unfortunately, sometimes these lone believers are alone for that reason-- very few people agree with them.

Case in point, is the heartfelt yet misguided quest of Michael Hayward, 10, who is against nude sunbathing on what his petition calls "family beaches." The problem isn't rampant nudity and sex, nor is it that nude beaches are already illegal (they are not, although Hayward does have a point about their proxmimity to his playground.) No, it's how his petition is worded that has us scratching our heads...

(Note: we won't say anything about his sign-- or the way he's holding it-- or put the kid down personally. We just respectfully disagree with his position.)

The petition opposed a proposed council bylaw under which nudity would be allowed but if nudists' behaviour was deemed offensive it would be dealt with by the police.

Michael and his mother spotted the naked man near McLean Park children's playground this month.

"I was very upset when we saw the man with no clothes lying right where we had to walk past him. It was horrible, I felt embarrassed, I think other children would find it disturbing. It was not something kids should have to put up with." [Stuff.nz.com]

No offense, Michael, you seem like an all right kid, but think about it this way: if your parents had brought you up with the idea that nudity is natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies, then perhaps it wouldn't have disturbed you so much.

By the way, we just want to make clear that our problem isn't with Hayward-- as we mentioned, he's passionate and quite right to be upset by something strange and, to him, unusual. However, it seems to us that, in this day and age, if one kid complains, that's it, an idea is automatically out. This reminds us of Howard Stern being fined a small fortune because one solitary listener out of several million contacted the FCC about a poop joke.

Let's hope the District Council gives him a polite rebuke... or at least allows nude sunbathing away from children. But either way, allowing the police to decide what kind of naked body is "offensive" is just plain foolish...

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You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 14:12:00 GMT

"Ladies, have you been having trouble with your heterosexual sex life?

"Then you need to try... uncircumcised!" Seriously, a new study by The International Coalition for Genital Integrity (it sounds like a bad Sacha Baron Cohen pitch) says that circumcised guys are statistically proven to be less spectacular in the orgasm-inducing department...

Here's what we mean:

"During intercourse, the skin of an intact penis slides up and down the shaft, stimulating the glans and the nerves of the inner and outer foreskin. On the outstroke, the glans is partially or completely engulfed by the foreskin with more skin remaining inside the vagina than is the case with the circumcised penis. This `valve' mechanism is thought to retain the natural lubrication provided by the female because the bunched up skin acts to block the lubrication escaping from the vagina, which results in dryness."

Thank you, Doctor Obvious.

The study goes on to explain that

reduced female arousal and fewer female orgasms may be linked to women having sex with circumcised male partners. Women reported they were about twice as likely to experience orgasm if their male partner had a foreskin.
Nine out of ten women prefer having sex with intact men, the study finds.

Uh oh, American dudes. Seven out of ten of you are circumcised... could this explain the (mass) sexual problems everyone out there seems to be having? (We'll reserve comment on our sex lives and circumcision/non-circumcision for TMI reasons.) Anyway, we'd like both sexes to weigh in... is this study bullshit or is it hitting the nail on the, um, head?

Full story via Health Central.

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For Every Action, There Is An Equal And Opposite (Man Boob) Reaction...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Remember Boobs on Bikes, the hottest boobs-on-motorcycles parade in the history of the modern world?

Nope, we're not tired of talking about it yet...

According to our #1 source for B on B info, Stuff(.co.nz.com), these boobs are, technically, the safe for work kind. In other words, we're talking about man boobs... glorious, glorious... man boobs.

Ra Dallas (a total porn star name if it were spelled "Raw Dallas") is a morning drive-time DJ on the Tahu FM radio station. He caught the Auckland procession live on television and imagined how much funnier it would have been with dudes on the bikes without the female porn stars... with the dudes topless, of course.

"Then I thought, `Wouldn't it be great if we could do something like that and actually make some money out of it for a good cause,"' he said.

"It's about supporting our women and talking about this killer disease that's taking our mothers, our sisters, our wives and grandmothers." [Stuff]

Now that's a hero, damn it: not only is he raising money for women's health, he's doing it while embarrassing himself in the most public way imaginable (well, that is, second only to choking the chicken on live television.)

We'll keep you posted in case this turns out to be brilliant...

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New Zealand Teacher In Hot Water For Her Other Job As A Hooker

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:04:00 GMT

A teacher in Auckland, New Zealand is in danger of losing her job after it was reported that she was streetwalking after class. (Only way this story could be better: if the stool pigeon was a john and the father of one of her charges.)

But there's, as always if we're bothering to report the story, a twist, if you haven't figured out what it is already...

The woman, who was not identified in news reports, is completely within her legal rights to work as a prostitute, since hooking is legal in NZ. Of course, that never stopped a crusading school board:

The newspaper, which did not name the teacher or her school, said a parent told the teacher's principal, who was balancing a possible negative reaction from parents with the woman's right to work in a job which [is legal.]

The teacher, as you may have imagined, told the school board it's none of their damn business what she does with her time. Better yet: she's a primary school teacher. Would the kids even care? And best of all: she's in her 30s and the (single?) mother of two children. Great, School Board People, your possible decision to fire her wouldn't affect her or her family at all...

Via 3 News.

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While You Were Sleeping: Pete Wentz Exposes... His Past

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:45:00 GMT

Celebrity Headline of the AM: "What can't Ashton do?" Nope, we didn't read the story.

Non-Celebrity Headline of the Day: New Zealand Airline seeks bald men to use as walking billboards

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Boobs On Bikes Rides Again, Despite Violent Anti-Violence Protests

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Steve Crow, local porn king and former mayoral candidate, rode through the streets of Auckland today in style-- triumphant style, complete with victorious adult film stars, motorcyclists, and a plethora of topless women...

They were met by 100,000 people, many of whom heard about the ride due to the recent publicity, i.e. major controversy. Up until a few days ago, it seemed as if the ride might not go through, until an appeals court ruled restrictions placed on the event would have to be lifted. Crow, who organizes the yearly event, put out an APB on the decision and tourists, participants, and protestors arrived in droves...

Crow told reporters they would avoid confrontation by warning "the girls beforehand to keep the jiggling to a minimum and not to do anything that would be deemed offensive." However, an egg thrown at the fearless leader narrowly missed a cop, which caused some temporary pandemonium while the protestor was located.

One man shouted at Mr Crow, asking him if he was a pervert.

Mr Crow replied he was not a pervert, he was comfortable with who he was and what he did, and it was the man on the sidewalk who was the pervert.

While the crowd was predominantly male from all age groups and professions, many women also watched the parade.

Other activists, who said the parade and the pornography industry promoted violence against women; they had to be cleared from the streets at several intervals so the parade could continue.

More photos here.

Stories and photos here, here and here.

Our previous story, about the possibility the parade would be cancelled, is here.

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Scanner Controversy: Battle of the Nasty Words

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:55:00 GMT

Scanner was invaded this week by a lot of angry people... angry misogynist people, to be precise.

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This post's comments got so out of hand we had to step in and ask if we should delete 'em all and start over. That only seemed to infuriate readers, who attacked the commenter who even so much as mused whether a misogynist invasion was taking place...

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A friend of the subjects of this story took us to task. Apparently, we're not even allowed to "report" on the incident... although if you ask us, we don't think 16 is terribly wrong-- in many states and countries, it's in fact perfectly legal.

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New Zealand Party Poopers Move To Shut Down "Boobs On Bikes" Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:06:00 GMT

If you're going to have a parade with nothing but leather-clad motorcycle Dudes with capitol D's and topless babes as their passengers, you should be prepared for an angry conservative onslaught which is bound to shout you down...

A simple Google search will tell you there have been complaints (and stories of the massive amounts thereof) since 2006, but this is the first time those complaints have threatened to be fierce enough to shut down Auckland, New Zealand's lovely ode to the boob and, more importantly, the local erotica and porn trade.

Yesterday, the conservative action group Family First NZ (we have similar fascistic organizations here in America, including Focus on the Family and their ilk) filed a complaint with the city and argued the parade, set to take place in August, violates a new city ordinance barring public processions that are likely to be offensive to... well, someone.

"This parade is an advertisement for the porn industry which is simply a business, with no regard for the welfare and protection of families who are exposed to offensive aspects of the parade.
"It is certainly not a charitable family-friendly event like the Santa Parade or a sports event or celebration."

The parade drew thousands of people last year, as an assortment of porn stars, erotic dancers, models and a few drag queens, exposed their breasts downtown.

Mr McCoskrie said the event was in breach of the Crimes Act. "It will also now be in breach of a new bylaw just passed by the Auckland City Council (Bylaw 20.6.9 - Public Places 2008) banning public events likely to be offensive."

Well, at least this event is about something (the celebration of the human body, spirit, and need for dudes to see limitless ta-tas), whereas a sporting event is about bullshit.

The following video is nsfw either, but it gives you a much better idea of what the parade is like than these leering photos ever could.

These girls were campaigning for Steve Crow, mayoral candidate and porn scene fixture, at last year's parade. Surprisingly, he lost that race.

Read more about the parade here. If the parade goes off and there is photographic or motion picture evidence, we will provide...

Related:

The 2008 Mermaid Parade Rocked Our Partially-Nude World

While You Were Sleeping: We'll Score Or Go Topless For You

Sloppy Seconds: Topless Chicks Arrested At KFC

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Newspaper Runs Topless Photo of 13 Year Old Girl

Topless Seattle Coffeehouse To Take Down Starbucks?

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

Ina Maier — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Yup. Naked rugby. For some reason, the Daily Mail decided this was news and who are we to judge? Anyway, more photos (you can almost see peen!) and an explanation after the jump.

According to the Daily Mail, "Members of the All Blacks, New Zealand's national team, took part in a nude rugby game at St. Kilda Beach on July 12, 2008 in Dunedin, New Zealand." Was this for charity, you ask? We have no idea. So, really we were lying when we said there was an explanation after the jump. That said, who cares? Especially when you've almost got full frontal. Can you spot the oral sim-and-stim-ulation?

Also, ever wondered what a streaker at a Naked Rugby game would look like? We've got the answer, thanks to the Daily Mail and their oh-so-helpful news-you-can-use captions.

"A fully clothed "streaker" interrupts the action."

We'd make a pun about the nutso nudity of these rugby players, but the Daily Mail already beat us to the punch. ("Naked rugby players did little to dispel their reputations as nuts over the weekend." ) We'll get you next time!

More photos and less explanation at the DailyMail.com.

Related:

The One Time Streaking Wasn't So Funny

Infamous Naked Lady Parades Topless On July 4th

All photos courtesy of The Daily Mail and/or Ross Land/Getty Images.

Man Sells His Soul To Hell (Pizza)

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:59:00 GMT

We're not making this up (although CNN and the AP might be): a man named (Sir?) Walter Scott of Wellington, New Zealand, has sold his soul for $3,800... to a pizza place... named "Hell Pizza."

We hope Walter was joking when he shrugged off the country's collective moral outrage and noted in the auction listing

"I can't see it, touch it or feel it, but I can sell it, so I'm going to palm it off to the highest bidder."

After the sellouts at TradeMe (some sort of e-bay ripoff in Kiwiland) pulled the auction, the owners of the local Hell Pizza stepped in like Robert De Niro in "Angel Heart."

"The soul belongs to Hell, there is simply no better place for it," Allison told The Associated Press. "He was pretty delighted."
O'Donnell had said on Wednesday that Scott's auction complied with TradeMe's rules because a physical object -- the deed of ownership -- would change hands.
Allison said she would fly to Scott's home town of Wanganui on North Island Friday "to pick up the soul -- or at least the deed of ownership."

A kid tried this once on ebay, but it was pulled for the same reason-- the soul was not considered tangible by the site's management. (Back in '05, the Billionaires For Bush auctioned off social security to the highest Wall Street bidder for almost one billion dollars, but unfortunately that program remains in the hands of the unwashed masses.)

Via CNN.

Village Idiot in New Zealand Wears KKK Hood For The Laughs

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:55:00 GMT

Some dumbass in New Zealand tried to draw attention to his boring water problems (not bladder problems, unfortunately, but "bore water" problems, whatever that means) by wearing a KKK getup, in clear violation of all that we hold sacred on National Hoodie Day.

Paraparaumu-Raumati Community Board deputy chairman Dale Evans walked into the Kapiti District Council's monthly meeting during public speaking time, dressed in the white outfit with a sign around his neck that said "its wotz under da hood dat counts" - mimicking the slogan used in a current national hoodie campaign.

Oh, shitsnap! Not only does he insult millions of black people everywhere, he does so with a poor white man's version of gangsta rap?! Someone get this man a job on the John McCain campaign, where his talents are sure to be recognized and put to good use, say, in a Swift Boat ad!

Via The Dominion Post.

Sometimes All We Need Is A Headline

Bryan Christian — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:05:00 GMT

NZ man 'used hedgehog as weapon'

A man in New Zealand has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, the New Zealand Herald has reported.

[Hedgehog: Disambiguation on Wikipedia/Google]

Drunken Kiwi Women Rampaging the Shire For Willing Man Flesh

Bryan Christian — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:49:00 GMT

Run Master Frodo! The gals in New Zealand (where they shot the LotR movies) are only after one thing -- and it ain't that ring of yours.

Dating culture is dead - instead, young New Zealand women are regularly getting drunk and cruising around in packs looking for men to have sex with.

That's one of the findings of a TVNZ Sunday investigation into the sexual behaviour of New Zealand women. The programme makers did the story after Kiwi women last year topped the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey as the world's most promiscuous.

[...]

(TVNZ Sunday correspondent Janet) McIntyre said all the women who had experienced one-night stands had been affected by alcohol, a term described by at least one expert in a report as "getting pissed and hooking up".

Obviously this was an expert at "stating the fucking obvious."