Scanner : Karl Rove

While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A rogue church threatened to publicly broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life after she refused to break up with her secret lover. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.)

A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least dismiss it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore even a cursory mention, even though it's several days old.

Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo...

Sam Mendes says directing wife Kate Winslet as she grappled with Leonardo DiCaprio in the steamier scenes in "Revolutionary Road" was "a profoundly weird experience" - so weird that he couldn't watch it. Instead, he monitored the action on a video... [PageSix]

Prosecutors don't seem to care about our rights. They don't care what the jury decides, either.

A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon fled the country when it was discovered he was powering his SUV with what he'd gleaned off his liposuction patients.

Possibly under the assumption they would lose, the Screen Actors Guild delayed a vote on whether or not to strike.

According to one paper, the economy is not stopping women from spending ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. The "lipstick effect" is in play, just as it was during the Great Depression.

A man tried to get his murder case retried, claiming two jurors had sex with one another and the guards overseeing them were inspired for some of the same. Thanks, M.

And breaking up with Hugh Hefner somehow landed Holly Madison the cover of Playboy.

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:14:00 GMT

More like: While You Were Eating...

Britney Spears' diet consists mainly of "Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull." Now that's a Thanksgiving dinner we can get behind!

The 2009 Pretty in Mink calendar features supposed conservatives pretending to be glamorous.

Since InTouch is a waste of hopefully recyclable paper, we can't be sure if this Angelina Jolie news is true...

According to InTouch, Saint Angie told everyone the news when a waiter tried to pour her ass a booze drink at a restaurant in London. Brad Pitt gave Angie Jo the side-eye because he wasn't ready to go public with the news [that she's pregnant again.]

Enjoy the above photo of Tina Fey now... because this pic of her may traumatize you for life.

Karl Rove... closet Obama fan? By the way, the transition team has received almost 300,000 resumes so far.

And your comic relief: New Jersey police responded to an alarm at a bank after hours and, seeing what appeared to be a person inside, they evacuated nearby apartments, surrounded the bank, and began making requests through a megaphone. Later on, they realized the person was actually a cardboard cutout.

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Controversial "Courting Condi" Cancelled By Cronies

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:54:00 GMT

The 2008 election year may have ended, but Bush & Co. aren't splayed out on the front steps of 1600 Pennsylvania, waiting for the Obamas to roll in.

Condoleezza Rice, for one, hasn't resorted to phoning it in. She shows up for work every day in classy Saks, brushes the Katrina victims aside, and strides through the front gate to the White House, where her boss, her hero, awaits with a non-alcoholic beer and a bag of pretzels. Together, they are Nixon and Kissinger, circa 1974, with the fireplace ablaze and the rocks in a glass of whiskey clattering back and forth, hashing out their escape plan.

Part of that plan is to ensure their legacy and making sure, for starters, that any revealing documentary films are dead in the water before they're even released...

We're not sure we buy the filmmakers claim that Karl Rove asked the Discovery Company to rescind its promise to fund the film or that the State Department had their hotel rooms bugged, but it may be true friends of or even Condoleezza Rice herself asked that Stanford University cancel an advance screening of "Courting Condi," a documentary following an actor-musician's quest to at least go on a date with Madame Secretary.

The Stanford Film Society (SFS) today cancelled a screening of a controversial documentary about Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and a debate on whether Stanford University should welcome her back to its faculty when she leaves office in 2009.

The film’s director, Sebastian Doggart stated: “This has all the hallmarks of Rice’s cronies scaring the Stanford Film Society into pulling the screening.”

The movie, Courting Condi, is a documentary about Condoleezza Rice, charting her life and career from her birth in Alabama, through her time as Provost at Stanford, to her tenure as Secretary of State. Contributors include close friends of Rice, her top biographers Marcus Mabry and Glenn Kessler, and senior Republican politicians such as Brent Scowcroft and Lawrence Wilkerson... [it] is due for general release in February 2009.

We'd like to add that the film also co-stars Adrian Grenier and Steve Earle's music, plus its lead by the kid (now grown) who played Macaulay Culkin's demented brother in Home Alone.

The SFS at first offered no explanation for the cancelation; after some prying, the President claimed a Professor had asked to use the space and his agenda took priority. But the SFS added that they didn't think the post-screening debate would be balanced and that that fear factored in their decision. Doggart chalks all this up to a, well, not-so-vast right-wing conspiracy:

“Our documentary has seen these tactics of obstruction and intimidation before,” Doggart states. “Eighteen months ago, Discovery committed to financing $600,000 for the movie. One week before shooting, they pulled out. We subsequently learned that Karl Rove found out about the deal and advised the CEO of Discovery it would be bad for their ‘good relations with government’ to proceed. Discovery pulled out the next day, leading to legal wrangling and a final settlement of a $150,000 ‘kill loan’ from Discovery, and forcing us to make the film on a shoestring.”
Doggart continues: “The obstructive measures got worse. Her supporters did all they could to stop us securing archive materials of Rice’s time at both Denver University and Stanford. And then her agents raided our inn when we were filming in Washington DC.”

Here's the film's trailer. Tell me-- is this a documentary or more likely a mockumentary?

Via Courting Condi.

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While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:35:00 GMT

Richard Branson and his kids set off from New York at 2 a.m. in an attempt to break the transatlantic speed record by arriving in England in under six days.

What is up with these cop impersonators lately? First, there was the fake cop who pulled over a guy who turned out to be his neighbor, who called the real police on him. Now, in our hometown of Hartford, Connecticut, a couple of phonies pulled over-- you called it-- an actual cop.

A decision was reached in the Britney Spears driving trial...

A mistrial was declared Tuesday in Britney Spears’s misdemeanor trial for driving without a license. The jury was deadlocked 10-2 in favor of the singer’s innocence, the foreman said in open court. “The jury is hopelessly deadlocked, and I declare this a mistrial,” stated Judge James A. Steele. The jury had deliberated for three days... [CelebSpin]

Wait, how the hell could someone actually be innocent of driving without a license? The record shows she didn't have a license, everyone admits she was driving during the time she didn't have a license, and then she goes to trial for it. Someone needs to explain this justice system of ours...

Check out this bizarre incident in which a nutjob hippie lady from San Francisco fails in an attempt to arrest Karl Rove for treason.

Meanwhile, Tina Fey says the trick to playing GOP favorite Sarah Palin is that she glues her ears down. Fey's own, that is...

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Politics Is Makin' Everybody S' Crazy!

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:31:00 GMT

Perhaps set off by Sarah Palin's explosive speech last night, the country is bursting at the seems with political intrigue, scandal, violence, and leaked reports of a Republican party implosion...

Noonan and Murphy on Palin

In this leaked clip from a commercial break following yesterday's Chuck Todd report on MSNBC, Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy appear to say the choice of Palin was "bullshit" and that "it's over" for McCain. However, both Noonan and Todd argue they were discussing the Republican Party's era of dominance, in a way, is finished. As Noonan put it in today's Wall Street Journal:

"I made the case that this is no longer true, that party leaders seem to me stuck in the assumptions of 1988 and 1994, the assumptions that reigned when they were young and coming up. 'The first lesson they learned is the one they remember,' I said to Todd -- and I'm pretty certain that is a direct quote. But, I argued, that's over, those assumptions are yesterday, the party can no longer assume that its base is utterly in line with the thinking of the American people. And when I said, 'It's over!' -- and I said it more than once -- that is what I was referring to. I am pretty certain that is exactly what Todd and Murphy understood I was referring to."

(If you can't understand what they're saying, you'll need this transcript.)

McCain Campaign Knocks Down Enquirer's Palin Rumor

The latest buzz about Sarah Palin's personal life has centered around a loudly-trumpeted National Enquirer story that supposedly claims the Governor cheated with her husband's business partner. Of course, right-wing bloggers, among the only factions picking up on the story, blame it on Obama:

Turns out upon examination that the story is based on an anonymous source which the paper itself describes as an “incredible charge” by a well-connected insider. The story apparently comes down to someone in the Obama campaign feeding the Enquirer a line. That sheepish disclaimer did not pacify Sarah Palin’s team who are going to make a political issue out of media bias and dirty tricks from the Obama campaign. [Right Celebrity]

It should be noted that in no mainstream news report on this story does anyone mention this alleged "disclaimer."

Sarandon Hits Out At "Whiner" Clinton

In a recent interview, Susan Sarandon told an unknown media outlet that she would never play Clinton in a movie:

"At this point, to say after what's happened to her campaign and how they squandered all that money and all the different reasons her campaign fell apart, to blame it on sexism, I find so destructive to every young girl who dreams about making a difference through government.
"Instead of saying, 'Look how far I've gotten and you can do it too,' and all the positive things she could have done, she's turned into such a blamer and whiner, as if that was the reason, when clearly she wouldn't have been in the position she was in if she hadn't been a woman." {emphasis added} Um, kinda like Sarah Palin, no?

FBI Wanted To Charge Obama Plotters, But Rove Appointee Said "No"

Easily the most outrageous story we've heard this week, it turns out the supposed assassins busted in Colorado last week were much more serious than a local prosecutor suggested. Check out the charges:

Adolf said "it would not matter if he killed Senator Obama because police would simply add a murder charge to his pending charges," according to the records. There were seven outstanding warrants for Adolf's arrest.

The underage woman told law enforcement that Adolf also talked about using "a high-powered rifle 22-250 from a high vantage point" to shoot Senator Obama during his acceptance speech at INVESCO Field at Mile High during the DNC.
When police searched the hotel rooms and cars the men were using, they confiscated meth, needles, laptops, cell phones, a black mask, books indicating check fraud and forgery, bags of new clothes, tactical pants and bar coupons.

Based on the evidence, FBI special agent Robert Sawyer believed there was probable cause to charge the men with conspiracy to kill Senator Obama. However, US Attorney Troy Eid last week said there is insufficient evidence to indicate a true threat, plot or conspiracy against the senator.

For God's sake, the man's name was Adolf!

Meanwhile, it turns out this is the same prosecutor who called a press conference and blasted an inmate who sent fake anthrax powder to McCain's office just two weeks ago. Hmmm...

Read more at Firedoglake.

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Video of the Day: W., the Oliver Stone Film

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:45:00 GMT

About how much of this movie do you think will be historically accurate?

It's directed by Oliver Stone and stars (famous liberals) such as:

Josh Brolin	...	George W. Bush
Elizabeth Banks	...	Laura Bush
Ioan Gruffudd	...	Tony Blair
Thandie Newton	...	Condoleezza Rice
Ellen Burstyn	...	Barbara Bush
Jeffrey Wright	...	General Colin Powell
Richard Dreyfuss	...	Dick Cheney
James Cromwell	...	George Herbert Walker Bush
Scott Glenn	...	Donald Rumsfeld
Jesse Bradford	...	W's college friend
Noah Wyle	...	Don Evans (rumored)
Jason Ritter	...	Jeb Bush (rumored)
Rob Corddry	...	Ari Fleischer
Toby Jones	...	Karl Rove
Sayed Badreya	...	Saddam Hussein

What do we think about the casting and, more importantly what do we think of the movie?

Via Trailer Addict.

Sloppy Seconds: American Apparel's Latest Porn Star Pick

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:46:00 GMT

Want an explanation of the finale of the Sopranos? Too bad, David Chase isn't going to make a movie, sources say.

The overhyped/underwhelming Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook divorce trial has ended in a settlement. Now, can Hollywood please send us a real scandal for a change?

Best or worst excuse ever? Check out France's First Lady, Carla Bruni, on why her belly appears to be growing...

The model-turned-songstress says she "would certainly like to be pregnant" but is not. If her tummy has grown, it is because she enjoys an occasional beer.

Perhaps they've finally discovered Nerve: according to the Washington Post, seniors are turned on and acting on it now more than ever.

American Apparel hired another porn star. Surprisingly, it's not Julia Allison.

Karl Rove may be heading for another legal problem after her refused to testify in Congress. The Democrats could hold him in contempt, which is apparently a new thing for them.

Another country club is in trouble, this time in Phoenix, for refusing to separate the sexes. Alice Cooper allegedly had no problems eating his fried bat without any groupies present.

In a bid to offset the poor attention spans of most American TV viewers, NBC has decided it needs a webseries to introduce a new superhero to "Heroes," rather than try to work him in to the regular season. Check out the details here. Or ignore them and just stare at the above photo of Hayden, who has no part in the webisodes.

Don't forget, folks, tomorrow is Chick-Fil-A's free chicken dinner. There is a stipulation, though: you have to come dressed as a cow. We recommend the following outfit:

Thanks, Bianca!

Video of the Day: Making Karl Rove Look Sympathetic

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

We never imagined anyone could make us feel bad for Karl Rove.

This student journalist, the host of one of those boring chat shows you can only get on your dorm's TV channel, corners Turd Blossom and tries to get him to, we guess, break down in tears and admit that, yes, he was the one who Swift Boated John Kerry, that Dick Cheney is indeed Satan's spawn, and exactly what the fuck a "Turd Blossom" is.

Of course, he fails. And Karl Rove escapes not only unscathed, but looking like a class act. Which we all know he's not. (Riiigghhht?)

This Week in Gayness: Desperation, Post V-Day

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:33:00 GMT

Karl Rove didn't realize his stepdad was gay. How long before he comes out of the closet in some bizarre, McCain-style sex scandal?

A really, really, really, really desperate guy wrote "I Need A Man or A Date" on his t-shirt, along with his phone number, and was kicked out of a gym for it.

Larry Sinclair, the almost certain fraud who accused Obama of cocaine/crack/gay sex, is whining some more and probably changed his story from a 2003 interview.

Kathy Griffin apparently has some sort of "gay games night." We're not gay, but we RSVP'd yes to her e-vite.

A ban on teaching about gay stuff in Tennessee has fallen short of the required votes.

Rupert Everett is no fan of gay pride.

And some homosexuals in Israel believe a recent earthquake there was caused by homosexual activity. United still has seats available on flights today, folks...