Scanner : Joe Francis

Sloppy Seconds: Why Sam Won't Leave Lindsay

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:47:00 GMT

We refused to read "Eat, Pray, Love" but that doesn't mean we won't see the movie. Julia Roberts is set to play the memoirist/author Elizabeth Gilbert. [Reuters]

An arrest warrant has been issued for Joe "Boobies" Francis and he faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted on charges of tax evasion. Which reminds us, we need to get our taxes done so we can afford to keep our meager boobies safe from Francis. [Yahoo!]

Is naked Obama riding a unicorn officially a meme? [Jossip]

We're not really fans of fake retro anything. But Shaun of the Dead is one of our favorite movies, so we're really excited about this 1960's paperback book cover artwork. It's sort of reverse adaptation. [LaughingSquid]

Staten Island's groundhog, Charles G. Hogg (known by locals as Staten Island Chuck) bit Mayor Bloomberg at a press conference today. We bet that's the last time Bloomie gets on a Ferry. [Star Gazette]

Are we the only ones who don't find the MacGruber SNL skits funny? [Vulture]

Unless you're really cool (we're not) you probably didn't know who Sam Ronson was before she started dating Lindsay Lohan. And according to FOXNews's ever-reliable sources, that's exactly why Sam would never leave LiLo. [FOXNews]

While You Were Sleeping: Halloween Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

(Un-)happy Halloween, everyone: a woman's memories of life with her serial killer Dad.

A disturbing mugshot is the capper for a drama teacher's teaching career, which follows her arrest for having sex with three teenage boys.

A woman's dying wish was to vote for Barack Obama. Luckily, she cast her ballot (hopefully it'll be counted, goddamn it) and within the hour, she passed away.

Check out this creepy interview with Joe Francis, in which he claims Lindsay Lohan isn't a lesbian... even though she's a lesbian.

All kidding aside, this is truly horrible: Jennifer Hudson's nephew is believed to have shot dead in the SUV his body was found in.

A man was arrested for refusing to pay extra after a friend ate off his buffet plate. He was hauled off to jail kicking and screaming. (Okay, maybe not, but we wanted to keep the Halloween theme going.)

Another reason to vote Obama: we need Supreme Court Justices who understand the First Amendment. For God's sake, these nutjobs won't even allow swear words in their courtrooms during a case involving our First Amendment right to use swear words. The idea of McCain bringing in two or more folks just these is... truly scary.

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Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:48:00 GMT

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe "Boobies" Francis has decided to pick a fight with Playboy papa Hugh Hefner. Not only did Francis make out with one of Hefner's girls next door, Kendra Wilkinson, he accused Hefner of running Playboy into the ground, telling PageSix "If you were Kendra and you looked at the Playboy stock price lately, wouldn't you think about upgrading?"

We never thought we'd say this, but Hugh Hefner has more class in his old, shriveled penis than Joe Francis has in his entire body. Now, the question is, can you handle the old, shriveled penis?

Related:

Look Out Ladies: Joe Francis is Free and He Wants to See Your Boobies

Sloppy Seconds: Ashley Alexandra Dupre "Gone Wild?"

Look Out Lawyers: Joe Francis is Out of Jail and Will Be Calling You Shortly

Joe Francis in 576 Words

Today in Page Six: Naomi Campbell, Prince, Joe Francis, Unnamed Penthouse Pet

An Open Letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre: We're Gonna Write a Book!

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

While You Were Sleeping: The Playboy Selection Process

Peecol: The Hulk, Wonder Woman and a Dirty Old Man

Sloppy Seconds: New Apprentice Set To Be Worst TV Show Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:42:00 GMT

If you're a woman in your late twenties and going to have sex with your seventeen-year-old lover, please don't get drunk first. Also, please don't get drunk with your teenage lover, have sex in a train station, and refuse to leave when you are loudly asked to stop fucking each others' brains out over the public address system...

Despite the operator’’s pleas for them to get dressed and desist, the woman of 29 and her boyfriend aged 17 carried on.

In fact, British Transport Police officers had to drive out to arrest the pair and bed them down overnight in cells - separately - before releasing them with cautions the next day.

The incident took place at 11pm at the Wandle Park stop in Croydon, South London.

Even better, the damn lucky bastards got off with merely a night in jail and a strong British scolding. God bless that country...

In other news:

We still can't get over the fact that a woman is named Brooklyn, is hot, and is now getting married to Andy Roddick.

Joe Francis, founder and douche emeritus of Girls Gone Wild, joins rumored co-stars Khloe Kardashian, Joan Rivers, and Dennis The Menace Rodman at the Big Office In The Sky(scraper) on next season's The Apprentice.

Enough trashing of Canada (people, we were kidding yesterday by the way.)

As of the women of the world's military institutions don't suffer enough: one of their male counterparts has been accused of posting nude photos of his fellow female soldiers on the web.

And Anne Hathaway talks politics:

AP: What inspires you about Obama?

"I was kind of afraid of Obama the first time I saw him. I thought, I've been burned by guys like you before. I've been burned by politicians before that I wanted to believe in and just didn't live up to it. And I was afraid to trust him and I was afraid to have hope when I first kind of became aware of him. It was around the time that he gave his speech on race that I just said 'I can't deny how I feel about you, Barack Obama. I want you to be the president. I want you in the White House.'"

Ashley Alexandra Dupre Did Exactly What We Told Her Not to Do

Emily Farris — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:35:00 GMT

A few short months ago, during the media circus that surrounded then-New York Mayor Eliot Spitzer's pay-per-ride relationship with Ashley Alexandra Dupre, we laid out a plan that would keep Ashley in the public eye, but in a very flattering light.

It was a simple series of events that involved her steering clear of Joe "Boobies" Francis (FAIL!), and staying away from any TV shows that are not hosted by Oprah or Barbara Walters. Then, we would write a book together.

Now Scanner Emily is going to have to get a job at McDonald's because Ash just went and fucked everything up.

Ashley is supposedly developing an "un-scripted" television show with executives at a Los Ageles production firm, Handprint Entertainment, the very same folks manage the careers of Nicole Richie and Pamela Anderson.

What does this all mean? It means she's probably going to have her own reality show any day now.

To make matters worse, it might be a dating show and apparently the phrase "the next Tila Tequila" is being thrown around.

[E! via The Remote Island]

Related:

An Open Letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre: We're Gonna Write a Book!

Who Would You Rather? Ashley Alexandra Dupre vs. "Kristen

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: What We Want is Sensual Seduction

Get Your Ashley Alexandra Dupre Drink One

Sloppy Seconds: Just How Good is Mini Me In Bed?

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:16:00 GMT

We'd be so pissed if our sibling wrote a book about us and spilled all of our secrets. Apparently, Madonna isn't as close to her brother as we are to our sister. [Queerty]

Christina Applegate's ex-boyfriend Lee Grivas was found dead from an apparent drug overdose. [People]

Ashley Alexandra Dupre has decided to drop her $10M lawsuit against Joe "Boobies" Francis. [Radar]

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcomed baby Sunday Rose Kidman Urban into the world today. [Yahoo]

We like to look at Ryan Gosling. Do you? [Daily Stab]

Ranae Shrider, the woman from Mini Me Verne Tryoer's sex tape, would like you to know that what he lacks in size he makes up for in technique. [MollyGood]

Related:

Catch a Glimpse of Mini Me's Mini Me in His Sex Tape

Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Hey Ash, Long Time, No See (And Nice Tat!)

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Fall in Love With Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Sloppy Seconds: Ashley Alexandra Dupre "Gone Wild?"

Hot or Not? Kim Kardashian Poses for "Ralph"

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:37:00 GMT

We've never really understood the hullabaloo surrounding Kim Kardashian. She's cute and all, and we appreciate that she appreciates her curves, but we can't say we hold her in much higher regard than any of the other famous people who are only famous for being friends with or related to famous people. She doesn't have much to say, and she's friends with Joe Francis, so she definitely doesn't come anywhere near making our shortlist of girls we'd cross over to the other side for.

But we know you like to look at her, so we've included shots from her upcoming photo shoot for "Ralph" magazine after the jump.

[via Gabby Babble]

While You Were Sleeping: This Orangutang Surpassed Your IQ Level

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:12:00 GMT

The creepiest dude you never met held his own daughter hostage in his basement for 24 years and fathered seven children with her. [CNN]

MySpace karaoke might be a great idea if MySpace would ever fucking load on our computer. [Yahoo!]

Joe "Boobies" Francis is "very surprised and in fact amazed" that Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing him. [Us Weekly]

Jamie Lee Curtis thinks that Miley Cyrus' parents should have protected her from the wrath of Vanity Fair. [People]

Okay, maybe the orangutang isn't smarter than us—yet!—but it is spear fishing. Can you do that? [Neatorama]

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Baby Mama" Star is Knocked-Up For Real?

Emily Farris — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:25:00 GMT

We were super close to buying a car, a total mom car at that, but if gas prices are really going to reach $10 a gallon, we're pretty happy to ride our bike to New Hampshire and back this summer. [NY Sun]

We haven't heard from Ashley Alexandra Dupre in a while, maybe because she's been busy suing Joe "Boobies" Francis. You go girl! [People]

Someone put together a collection of hot women from horror movies. [Hammer of Hotness]

Despite what you may have heard, Hillary Duff won't be joining the cast of the new 90210. Or so she says. [Us Weekly]

Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett are expecting their first baby in the fall. [FameCrawler]

[Image]

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 19:12:00 GMT

We're not huge fans of the Kardashian family, but we do have to give credit to big sister Kim Kardashian for being publicly proud of her curves—most notably her badunkadunk. Unfortunately, her old pal Paris Hilton is not so proud of her friend's asset.

Yesterday, during a radio interview a DJ asked Paris whether she'd rather have Jessica Simpson's rack or Kim Kardashian's big booty and paris replied:

“Kim’s ass is ewww gross and it looks like cottage cheese inside a trash bag.”

If you're going to criticize something about Kim, let's talk about her friendship with Joe "Boobies" Francis. Plus, we happen to think Kim's ass looks great. But then again we have better things to do than sit around talk about other girls' asses. Oh, wait...

"You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores."

-Tina Fey/ Ms. Norbury, "Mean Girls"

[Gabby Babble: Paris Hilton: "Kim's Ass is Ewww Gross"]

[Previously: Mean Girls: Dietician Monica Grenfell]

[Previously: Mean Girls: Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Look Out Lawyers: Joe Francis is Out of Jail and Will Be Calling You Shortly

Bryan Christian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Seriously, just guess. Close your eyes and just, you know, tell us the absolute first thing that pops into your head when you ask yourself what could possibly be going wrong for Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis these days.

CORRECT!!!!!!!!

Joe Francis, founder of the 'Girls Gone Wild' empire, resolved his Florida criminal case with a plea of no contest to charges of filming underage girls, but Francis's legal woes in the Sunshine State just keep coming.
Last week four additional women sued the infomercial kingpin alleging that Francis exploited them. The women say they were 17, 16, 15 and 13 when Francis's company enticed them into participating in sexually provocative videos in 2003 and earlier.

Previously: Look Out Ladies: Joe Francis is Free and He Wants to See Your Boobies

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Fall in Love With Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:33:00 GMT

There were a few things that happened this week that didn't have anything to do with soon-to-be-former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's high class hooker, but we were all pretty much focused on one thing this week, and her name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

Highs:

We were pleasantly surprised by Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

We found out that she is hot, hot, hot.

She tossed his salad. Yup.

She made the cover of the New York Post (hot).

Ill Doctrine made a mash up of Ahsley's "What We Want" and Snoop Dogg's "Sensual Seduction."

Highs That Have Nothing to do With the Spitzer Sex Scandal:

We found a hot picture of Jessica Simpson. And we really, really want to play Big Buck Hunter 2.

We Named That Bush.

We'll see you in Amsterdam. Oh, yes we will.

Lows:

We were all pretty surprised when the news first broke that Spitzer had dropped thousands on a prostitute.

We decided this whole Spitzer ordeal would be so much better if he'd just plain old cheated on his wife. Or legalized prostitution when he had the chance.

Of course, he resigned.

Lows That Have Nothing to do With the Spitzer Sex Scandal:

Britney Spear's cartoon video. Meh.

A woman stayed on the toilet for two years. Which made us fall in love with our expensive toilet paper all over again.

We lost a nostril and a boob.

"Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis was released from a Florida prison. Hide your boobies!

White supremacists.

If we weren't already going to hell, we certainly are now.

Sally Kern. (P.S. Satire, anyone?)

Look Out Ladies: Joe Francis is Free and He Wants to See Your Boobies

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Girls Gone Wild founder, friend of the Kardashian family and all around creepy dude Joe Francis has been freed from jail. Just in time for the launch of the Girls Gone Wild Magazine. And he wants to see your boobies! You know, if you're underaged and over-tanned.

Francis had been in a Nevada jail on charges of tax fraud for 11 months (if you want his side of the story, go to meetjoefrancics.com). He's going to court in Florida today, according to PageSix, and will soon be free to oversee lots of topless spring breakers grace the pages of the Girls Gone Wild Magazine, set to launch April 15. He's probably hornier than ever and full of new tricks from the slammer, so, uh, run. And don't drop the soap.

[PageSix: 'Gone Wild' Joe Out of Jail]

[Previously: Girls Gone Wild, The Magazine]

Image via juicyrumors.com

Today in Page Six: Naomi Campbell, Prince, Joe Francis, Unnamed Penthouse Pet

Bryan Christian — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:00:00 GMT

We found ourselves with a bunch of items coming from Page Six, so we thought we'd group them into one big easy-to-digest, Rupert-Murdoch-lovin' compendium. Hail the Dark Lord!

-- PageSix.com reports that Fox Noise is reporting that Naomi Campbell has reported to a Sao Paolo hospital reporting an as-yet-unreported infection. We report report report, but report she report report!

-- We would totally have watched the Oscars if Prince had invited us to his viewing party. Actually, no, strike that -- it was a post-Oscars party. Also, we'd probably have just watched all the strippers instead.

-- Joe Francis is planning a monthly, PG-13 print version of his Nobel Prize-winning Girls Gone Wild series. Since it sounds like a sure fire way to bore and confound his hardcore fans, we have to assume he's doing it for the same reason that they're putting Kool-Aid into cocaine these days: to get the kiddies hooked.

-- Penthouse Pets are such big sluts that they'll make out with someone mere moments after having sex with another man. To be fair, though, Bachelor Number Two was a journalist, so he had no chance of closing the deal anyway.

Girls Gone Wild, The Magazine

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:38:00 GMT

Starting April 15, for just $9.99 an issue, you can experience Girls Gone Wild while taking a crap. Great.

[Jezebel: MagHag]

Joe Francis in 576 Words

Bryan Christian — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Hey future smut magnates: ever wondered how it was that Joe Francis became the titan of titties that he now is? NicheGeek has your answers.

Banned From Television was considered a commercial success and it spawned other sequels. One of the videos which Francis had licensed, contained footage of female college students flashing their breasts during Mardi Gras and Spring Break. Seeing the marketing appeal, he titled that footage Girls Gone Wild (GGW). He eventually stopped licensing the materials and began producing it himself.

Now, of course, some of you are reading this and asking yourselves: "Isn't that just Joe Francis' Wikipedia page?" Actually, yeah, it is, but with most of the stuff about getting sued and going to prison taken out. Can you do that sort of thing? Get paid for stuff that people do for free?

Woah. Bravo, NicheGeek -- you just pulled a Joe Francis move on a Joe Francis page. You're blowing our freaking minds here.