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Italy's Long National Nightmare Is Finally Over...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:01:00 GMT

The long national nightmare that is Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's "Bill-Clinton-Multiplied-By-90,000" marriage has finally come to an end.

Today, we'll look back on Silvio's many... many... many reasons for driving his wife to, at long last, file for divorce...

-defended Mussolini as a guy who sent people "on vacation" and didn't kill anybody

-claimed "Communists eat children"

-has been linked on numerous occasions to the Mafia

-"If I wasn't already married, I would marry you right away," and "With you, I'd go anywhere" are quotes attributed to Berlusconi, apparently speaking to Mara Carfagna, the showgirl-turned politician. Berlusconi's wife, Veronica Lario, demanded an apology in an opposition newspaper following the alleged incident

-was accused of making "sexist remarks" when he said right-wing women are hotter than left-wingers (he obviously has never seen Ann Coulter on television.)

-celebrated Obama's election by calling him "handsome" and "even tanned."

-answering a question about rape in Italy and soldiers being sent out to put a stop to it: "We would need as many soldiers as beautiful women and I don't think that would be possible, because our women are so beautiful."

It goes on and on... are you getting a picture? You must be wondering at this point what the final straw was for a lovable wackjobjackass like Silvio Berlusconi. The answer comes to us from the Times Online:

Ms Lario, who met Mr Berlusconi nearly 30 years ago, attacked last week his plans to field young attractive showgirls in the European Parliament elections next month as “shameless rubbish to entertain the Emperor”.

Her fury was fuelled by the revelation that her husband had attended the 18th birthday party of Noemi Letizia, a friend’s daughter, and had given her a diamond and gold necklace. Ms Lario said that he had never attended his own children’s 18th birthday parties.

Sick, sick, sick.

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"You Traitor Pig!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:00 GMT

Yesterday, we showed you why it's important to avoid Facebook when you're pretending to need a sick day from work.

Today, we'll show an even more dangerous trap users can fall in to-- especially if those users are planning on having a wild bachelor party...

A guy, known in the media as Antonio M., was tagged in a photo on the social networking site-- the photo, it so happens, featured what appears to be a naked stripper behind him. (In the first place, nudity isn't allowed on the website-- so why did he even bother?) Instead of yelling at him for hanging out with naked women, his fiancee flipped the fuck out: she and a friend printed hundreds of posters (see above) and tacked them up around their Italian town, particularly near his office, the homes of their mutual friends, and other places of interest during their relationship. She called him a "traitor pig" for cavorting with this young woman, although there really isn't any evidence he did anything but have a stripper at his bachelor party (or attend a strip club or something similar.)

It doesn't matter-- 28-year-old Valerie A. signed the letter "your former betrothed bride and the 548 guests of our wedding."

Via Metro.

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While You Were Sleeping: Slumdog Millionaire Horrors Continue

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

A great national tragedy in New Zealand as a sex shop endures a trial by fire.

JG Ballard, author of Crash (the David Cronenberg movie) and Empire of the Sun, died after a long battle with cancer.

This 100-year-old Italian woman, a Nobel-prize winner in medicine, is still working.

Here's one you'll love: a $3.3 million lottery winner has opened a dude nude ranch.

The little girl from Slumdog Millionaire is in danger of being sold off by her father for 200,000 English pounds.

The tombs of both Cleopatra and Marc Antony may have been discovered.

Everything is the fault of the paps, even Madonna's equestrian injury over the weekend.

Everything Obama touches turns into an Amazon.com bestseller.

Somehow we don't believe Leonardo DiCaprio would have anything to do with Lindsay Lohan, but stranger things happen every day.

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Italy's Woman of the Year Acting the Part of the Crazed Sex Fiend in Court

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Is Amanda Knox putting on a Crazy Person act to get away with murder only a Crazy Person could commit?

Italy's Trial of the Century pits Washington State college student Knox against an Italian prosecution that just doesn't know what to make of this loony American. (Yes, we do make them loonier here-- just be grateful she's not from Florida.) They've had to put up with all manner of antics, including the above-pictured shirt (on Valentine's Day, no less), kissing her co-defendant, and discussing her pink rabbit vibrator in open court...

Knox, 21, is accused of murdering her British roommate after a sex game went wrong-- or, some say, she planned it all along and joked about it being a thrill killing afterward. Her DNA (and the victim's) were found on a knife that may have been the murder weapon. Here's the rundown on how she's handled the early part of the trial so far:

-casually discussing the trial with an interpreter during recesses as if facing a misdemeanor charge instead of allegations of a brutal sex game slaying and coverup
-the All You Need Is Love t-shirt. A t-shirt to a trial? Either you are indeed a crazy person or you grew up in Florida

-walking "like a Hollywood diva sashaying along the red carpet" (says the Daily Mail)
-while awaiting interrogation after the murder, she occupied herself by working out, doing cartwheels, stretches, and splits in the police station
-her accomplice/boyfriend made out with her and she giggled and stuck her tongue out at him when they were later separated
-and one that wasn't really her fault: she had to answer questions in court about the pink rabbit-shaped vibe police discovered in her apartment. She giggled and said it was a gag gift from a friend. [Seattle Times]

One criminologist tells the Seattle Times that Knox's silliness could be a defense mechanism in reaction to her own pain and suffering. While we have seen that kind of thing before, usually the person in question is at least nervous, afraid, or mildly upset at some point...

Either way, things don't look promising for Italy's 2008 Woman of the Year.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 22:01:00 GMT

An Italian doctor performing brain surgery suffered a heart attack during the operation, but completed it anyway at the risk of his own life.

Amy Poehler's new show is in trouble already.

If the police can't stop a woman's stalker from harassing her on and off for a year-and-a-half, isn't she allowed to take the law into her own hands? Isn't it self-defense?

Lindsay Lohan was involved in her third car accident in as many weeks. Then she goes and says she never "drinks, do[es] drugs, or lie[s.]" We believe that, yep.

It was inevitable: Nevada plans to tax prostitution at $5 a pop.

Robin Williams is in Ohio, recovering from heart surgery.

Sometimes sex tapes are helpful: a guy recorded a prositute giving him a blow job, then used the video as evidence when the hooker and her boyfriend robbed him.

Turns out, those weren't nude photos of Australian right-wing kook Pauline Hanson after all. Oh well, whatever helped her lose the election is fine with us.

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Italian Porn Star Strips at the Milan Stock Exchange

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 22:19:00 GMT

Man, porn stars are all over the media today. Just head back to the homepage and scroll down-- even Kim Kardashian makes an appearance!

22-year-old Sicilian actress Laura Perego trumps them all-- "walked into the stock market in a black coat which she took off to reveal her body painted in the colours of the Italian flag, naked apart for some tiny underwear," according to the Associated Press.

She accused the government of incompetence in its financial dealings and of leaving Italians with nothing but their underwear after taxes are taken out. Man, this is the spokesperson Michael Steele has been dying for. Fox News is sure to interview her any day now.

Of course, the "family values" motto the Republicans stand behind doesn't really jibe with these pics:

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Top 5 Monica Bellucci Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:08:00 GMT

When you delve into the careers of foreign actors and actress who do sex scene after sex scene in their films, you begin to realize that no one's ever seen any of these movies. They are just unlabeled clips that float around the internet until we see them and say, "This would be a great waste of everyone's time on a Friday afternoon."

That is definitely the case with Italian star Monica Bellucci, an actress everyone recognizes but no one knows where from. In her storied career, Bellucci, now 44, has starred in such classics as Shoot 'Em Up, Malena, The Passion of the Christ, the Matrix sequels, and The Brothers Grimm. Don't rent any of these movies-- just watch their most memorable scenes here...

5. Monica has sex with the camera in an unknown movie. Pretty self-explanatory, really.

4. Monica has sex with a lemon in Malena. Also, is it just us or is Morricone ripping off the theme from Godfather here?

3. Monica stands there while a man has sex with her, also in Malena. This would've been higher on the list if a) she wasn't basically being violated here and b) that kid wasn't in the way with his cryin' eyes.

2. Monica having sex with a guy (!) in a car wash in Combien tu m'aimes. Betcha ten bucks that crying kid is watching from inside the gas station booth.

1. Monica getting nailed to the wall by a mass murderer in Shoot 'Em Up. Well, as long as it's with Clive Owen, it can't be all that horrible can i-- oh, wait... yes, this is a pretty ridiculous sex scene. With a punchline, no less...

Honorable Mentions: Monica is naked in just about everything. For example, there's this, from Brotherhood of the Wolf and two other films here and here. Any of them could've been #1...

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Atheists in Italy Learn That God Hates Them

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:04:00 GMT

The atheist bus campaign rolls on.

Its latest victims and champions can be found in Italy, where the city of Genoa was supposed to be rewarded for its long ties to some small religion (it apparently involves worshiping an old kook in a big pointy hat) by facing off with the greatest of all evils: a billboard ad.

This time, however, the controversial slogan went unseen by the brainwashed/enlightened masses, thanks to either define intervention or faulty mechanics...

According to the UPI, the first bus to feature a hotly-contested ad ventured out into the streets this morning, only to be confronted by a dying battery. Within minutes, the public transit vehicle was back at headquarters for repairs, and Catholics (and, well, other religious people) were laughing and praising their Lord.

By the way, this is far from the end of the story. The bus should be back on the streets again soon, having survived only the latest of rounds in a long-running dispute. It originally was going to feature an ad reading "The Bad News Is God Doesn't Exist. The Good News Is You Don't Need Him," a much harsher version than the original atheist bus ad running in various parts of the world ('There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.")

The new bus reads: "The Good News Is There Are Millions of Atheists In Italy; The Excellent News Is They Believe In Freedom Of Expression," which gives the impression we're going out with a whimper... and not with a big bang.

Via UPI. Photo via Flickr.

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The Cross-Dressing Mafia Kingpin Makes Gangsters Seem So Much More Cuddly

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:39:00 GMT

The Italian movie Gomorrah, which is so controversial, everyone involved fears for their lives, including the author of the original novel, who has had to accept 24-hour police protection. Why? Because it involves the newer, much more sinister Mafia.

E! calls the movie a "bloody, dull business," and we have to agree. It's three hours of ruthless, pointless, loosely-connected scenes of graphic violence and no narrative thread to keep the audience engaged. Nonetheless, at least it has raised awareness of the Camorra (get the title's pun now?) and the modern European Mafia, which is threatening to become more powerful than Mexico's drug cartels...

Luckily, the police are making their move. Yesterday, they rounded up a bunch of Italian gangsters and other degenerates, including one woman who goes by the name "Kitty." It turns out that Kitty is actually Ugo Gabriele or-- snicker, snicker-- Gabriele Ugo, as some papers have reported "her." Gabby is actually a "big, burly dude," according to the police, and the world's first known transsexual Mafioso. (The closest was Vincent "the Chin" Gigante, who walked around in his bathrobe and pretended to be insane, but even he wasn't nutty enough to pretend to be a cross-dresser-- that would've gotten him whacked for sure.)

Gabby allegedly works for the Camorra out by the airport, running what else but a prostitution ring. How cliche of you, sir.

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While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:41:00 GMT

Say hello the new iPhone.

What insurance company allowed Clive Owen to run through a market in Istanbul while pointing a gun?

Ah, Lily Allen, here's an even better way to use Google: to find out why Miley Cyrus hates Chinese people.

The woman in the Italian Terri Schiavo debate has died. And things are only getting uglier...

What do you do when the restaurant you patronize has run out of lemonade? If you're this guy, you dial 911.

Carrie Underwood thinks there is such a thing as a dress that's "too short." The men of this nation beg to differ.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are back together.

And Nick Cannon, who is somehow married to Mariah Carey, will host "Got Talent." Insert your "yeah, but he doesn't" riffs here.

Your Daily Dose of Sexism...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 15:50:00 GMT

What are these women going on about? According to Guilia in Italy:

It's an ad for a body lotion that supposedly lifts your tits. The two women are asked their age (one is in her twenties, the other in her thirties), occupation, whether they're wearing a bra ("Of course not!") and whether they've had surgery ("Are you out of your mind?"). And then the interviewer decides to "test" the virtues of the miracle concoction.

Welcome to Italy, where the misogynists run free. If women even tried to complain, we'd be told we're humourless.

They claim a body lotion enhances your bust? Don't they have the equivalent of an FDA there? I mean, can you imagine what American commericals would be like if companies were allowed to say whatever they like, such as "Will.i.am is this generation's Bob Dylan!"

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The Facebook Pages of the Italian Mafia

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:29:00 GMT

We always suspected La Cosa Nostra had infiltrated Facebook from prison but, until now, we haven't had the proof...

Bernardo Provenzano, seen above, also known as The Tractor for "mowing people down," started out as an enforcer in Corleone, Sicily, after the second World War. After whacking his boss, the heat from the cops and other mafioso caused him to go into hiding, where he remained for more than forty years, thanks to rumors of his demise being greatly exaggerated. When he finally turned up, Provenzano was living in a farmhouse outside Corleone, not far from his wife and children. Thanks to having been sentenced in absentia to life in prison, he spends his days reading Dante and, according to this story in today's Telegraph, updating his Facebook profile.

Here's Provenzano's fan page and his regular Facebook profile is linked on this page-- you have to add him as a friend to see the full profile. The same goes for fellow gangster Salvatore "the Beast" Riina, who has a fan page here and a regular profile, linked here. Both men claim thousands of "friends" and fans, who leave comments like "fuck the government" and "we love you, you're great." Provenzano has a page in which supporters petition for his canonization-- even if you love the Mob, you still have to wonder what these people did to deserve sainthood. (Contrary to other news reports, the Facebook profiles for Messina Denaro, the current "boss of bosses," all appear to be fakes.)

Meanwhile, Mafia Wars is the most popular new Facebook application...

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Accused Murderer Is Italy's Woman of the Year

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:12:00 GMT

You thought Natural Born Killers was a sick Tarantino-Oliver Stone fantasy that could never come true? The story of Amanda Knox, named Italy's "Woman of the Year" for 2008 proves it could, and sooner than you think...

Knox, a 21-year-old from Seattle (her current address is in an Italian prison), was living with fellow student Meredith Kircher at the time of Kircher's horrendous murder, which involve a slit throat and, according to the prosecution, an agonizingly slow demise. Knox claims that smoking a bit of hash that evening has made the events somehow confusing, although she claims to remember hearing Kircher's screams, during which a "scared" Knox covered her ears.

Actually, claim the authorities, Knox was the one causing the screaming, while her boyfriend and another friend cut the innocent girl's throat, as part of some sick manga-inspired experiment. Helping the state's case are the books found on the suspects, the contents of which include a passage about killing vampires. (Kircher had dressed as a vampire for Halloween 2007, which had taken place the night before.)

So, apparently, Italy has no famous women of its own (what happened to the hot model auctioning off her own virginity?) and must select visiting psychopaths. And really, is she so hot they couldn't have gone with the obvious #2, Sarah Palin, instead?

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Italians Find Your G-Spot, Promptly Lose It Again

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:20:00 GMT

A group of Italian scientists have located the g-spot. We repeat: men have found the g-spot.

By the way, those lousy scientists claim that if you're one in four women, you don't have a g-spot for a guy to lose his mind attempting to locate...

According to their research, just published in New Science, the quacks claim only eight of the thirty women who participated in their study could be found, via ultrasound, to have a g-spot. All but one of those eight were able to have vaginal orgasms, if you count the two who were given assistance in finding their zone by the Eye-talians.

Interestingly,

Women capable of orgasm during penetrative sex have a thicker tissue area in the region between the vagina and the urethra – meaning it’s now easy to medically tell the difference between the lucky “cans” and the “can-nots”. [Live News.com.au]

Don't despair, "thin-tissued females," you can still give yourself vaginal orgasms... "through practice." Of course, the scientists couldn't be bothered to elaborate on what that means.

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Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

You're the country's richest woman. You fear home invasion, kidnapping, extortion, and those pesky poor people with their hands out.

What you probably don't do is worry about getting blackmailed over your own sex tape. Unless, of course, you're this woman...

German police have been working on a case involving Susanne Klatten, Germany's 46-year-old female billionaire, and have arrested two men: Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten, who holds a large stake in automaker BMW and Altana speciality chemical company, allegedly paid 7.5 million euros to a Swiss Helg Sgarbi to stop him from publishing compromising photos and videos of the couple's relationship, the German tabloid Bild am Sonntag reported.

The 41-year-old suspect was taken into custody by German authorities some weeks ago, Schmidt-Sommerfeld said.

The heiress to the Quandt family fortune and mother of three children "filed a complaint for fraud and blackmail in January 2008 with a Munich court," he added. Klatten has a personal fortune of 7.8 billion euros, according to German's Manager Magazine.

7.8 billion euros? That's like 40 trillion American or six Michael Bloombergs, right?

Seriously, we think we know why Klatten was embarrassed about this sex tape going public: she's "happily" married. Our guess is that she paid the hush money more so her husband wouldn't find out about the affair than any other public humiliation it could cause. The fact that she went to the police may only mean that she still hoped the media wouldn't find out about the whole incident.

Nice try.

Via Euro News.

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And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:52:00 GMT

As part of our continuing obsession with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi('s sex life), we present highlights from the extended New Yorker profile of the high-profile cheater.

There won't be any juicier gossip in your news all day, even if Paris Hilton gets donkey punched by Brad Pitt...

Berlusconi, in his undeniably fascist approach to government, is only remotely concerned with his philandering, bribery, corruption, and other crimes. It makes for uncomfortable and even disturbing reading, although mighty juicy!

Here are a few highlights:

having survived some seventeen criminal trials without ultimately being convicted.
an enormous casting couch that Berlusconi used to grant favors to aspiring actresses and to try to bring down the government
does little to hide the fact that he has had a face-lift and hair transplants
a dodering septuagenarian addicted to penis pumps and mysterious injections; supports like to paint him as a tireless Don Juan, capable of satisfying two or three women at once
[a comedian said about Mara Carfagna, a close associate and rumored lover of Berlusconi's] "You can't make someone Minister of Equl Opportunity just because she's sucked your cock!"
does little to hide the fact that he has had a face-lift and hair transplants
[Carfagna] has undergone a major makeover since her days on television, when she favored short skirts.... "They've seen my ass even in Germany" [is a popular online video about featuring Carfagna in her showgirl days]
[Berlusconi to Carfagna] "If I weren't already married, I'd marry you!" [he said at a public event, which led to a tabloid-crazed spat with Mrs. Berlusconi, Veronica Lario]
[A note passed to Berlusconi during a session of Parliament, which Berlusconi controls with the same amount of unchecked power as Vladimir Putin or, worse yet, Joseph Stalin]: "Dear [President], we accept romantic appointments only from you."

We'd reveal more, but we want you to enjoy the New Yorker article for yourself. See the Nov. 3 issue for the rest.

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Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:28:00 GMT

If you could afford it, would you shell out a million-and-a-half for the right to be this woman's first terrible mistake?

Perhaps inspired by the well-publicized case of the American woman who has sold her virginity for (at least) $275,000, Italian model Raffella Fico has offered herself up for the princely sum of $1.5 million. You got it? Take a look at these photos from Fico's modeling career and let us know whether you'd fund her new house and "acting lessons." (Oh, brother... for that kind of money in the US, she could buy 40 homes in California and raise Marlon Brando from the dead for a weekend intensive.)

We're betting Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi has already called to inquire as to the location of the bidding.

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Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:36:00 GMT

An Italian television personality exploded into the spotlight yesterday based on one uncensored photo. The closest thing we've seen to this before was when Megan Fox went from "some girl who was in Transformers" into the hottest thing alive after winning Maxim's ridiculous Hottest Woman In The World contest.

This will give you some idea of how quickly Miss Palmas became famous: we're still not sure how to spell her first name, at least officially. Some sites give it as Georgia, while others stick with the typical Italian spelling of Giorgia. Either way, pretty soon we'll all be sick to death of whatever the hell-- or whoever the hell she is/spells it.

When this photo appeared in reddit yesterday, it had her name completely misspelled, including her last name, which was missing the "s."

Giorgia Palmas (born on 5 March 1982 in Cagliari, Sardinia) is an Italian television personality. She became famous by appearances in the Italian television show Striscia la notizia.

Palmas began her career in the year 2000, winning second place at Miss World, losing out to Miss India Priyanka Chopra. In 2001, she was in Buona Domenica, as a microfonina. In 2002, she won the television show Veline, becoming the brunette velina, in pair with Elena Barolo, the new blonde velina. For two television seasons, 2002/2003 and 2003/2004, she was a velina in Striscia la notizia, gaining her a lot of popularity. After leaving Striscia la notizia she appeared in Italia 1 summer edition of Lucignolo, with Elena Barolo. In September of the same year she was in Rai 1 show, I Raccomandati. She was chosen to be testimonial of "Cotton Club" brand underwear. In February 2005, she appeared in a photoshoot on Max Magazine. In June 2005 she was in CD Live Estate on RAI 2. She has been confirmed also for the next season.

Her boyfriend is soccer player Davide Bombardini, who plays with Bologna F.C..

Translation, please? We're not sure whether this girl is a news anchor, reality star, actress, or background extra, for God's sake. Anyway, she's apparently very well known in Italy, where her appearance in Max Magazine catapulted her into the spotlight:

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While You Were Sleeping: Madonna's Breakdown?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 12:49:00 GMT

This creepy Boy Scout leader was charged with six sex offenses. Guess what they involved?

FoxNews and other sources are confirming the John Edwards Love Child story, with the former ready to present an interview with a hotel security guard who will allegedly back up the Enquirer's shock saga.

A model is facing four years in prison after riding bareback (and bare-ass) on a horse... with the Peru national flag as a saddle.

Lindsay Lohan had a rough weekend: first, she had a panic attack when a mob of fans surrounded her at Sam's DJing gig. Then, early Saturday morning, she was clipped by a motorcycle while crossing an intersection...

Madonna's looking terrible these days. Worse than Amy Winehouse Terrible.

Wisconsin Democrats voted unanimously to strip a delegate of her credentials after the woman switched her support from Clinton to McCain.

A couple had their 18th child this week. "Evvvery sperm is saaacredd..."

A Corleone girl married her loving sweetheart before a large Italian celebration while her father, a Mafia don, sits in prison.

Shia LaBeouf was involved in a car accident, allegedly while intoxicated, and was arrested.

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Today in WTF: Roman Beachgoer Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:35:00 GMT

On Saturday afternoon, two girls drowned in the sea off the southern coast of Italy, near Naples.

The girls had been swimming with some friends after selling some trinkets and begging for change on the beach when violent waves overpowered them. Rescuers were able to save the friends but could not reach the 12 and 13-year-old cousins, Violetta and Cristina, in time. Their bodies lay covered in beach towels, awaiting the police and a set of coffins.

And that's when things took a demented turn...

As evidenced in the disturbing photo above, most the beachgoers continued to sit within feet of... the feet. With two dead bodies almost within reaching distance of some relaxing citizens, the police worked around the unfazed living souls.

Photographs show sunbathers in bikinis and swimming trunks sitting close to where the girls' feet can be seen poking out from under the towels concealing their bodies. A photographer who took photos at the scene told CNN the mood among sunbathers had been one of indifference.
"While the lifeless bodies of the girls were still on the sand, there were those who carried on sunbathing or having lunch just a few meters away," Italian newspaper La Repubblica reported.

Check out the guy on the right... you can almost make out his disgusted reaction to the goings-on around him.

Since I, Scanner Brian, am Italian, I can't say I'm surprised to hear that this happened in Italy. However, what I still don't get is why the police let these idiots stay on the beach-- here in America, there would've been some big, burly detective clearing the sand with a bellowing "what the hell do you people think you're doing? Did you see it happen? No? Then get your Cheetos and ratty old boombox and get outta here!" or something...

Via CNN.

Italian Models Duke It Out In Picturesque Beach Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Hottie Fight

Can someone translate for us?

The video is a drawn-out slap fest, but we just know that a bunch of Italian models screaming at and beating the Christ outta each other (while the men laugh and continue to treat them like garbage) has got to have some great dialogue.

Italy's Prime Minister Accused of "Pimping Out" Young Starlets

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:49:00 GMT

Mara Carfagna, we shit you not, is a member of the Italian cabinet.

Have you guys been following the meteoric rise, breathtaking fall, and meteoric rise of Italy's Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi? The 71-year-old king(pin) has been carrying on the good name of Italian politics for many years now, and this latest story of corruption, "pimping," and extramarital affairs with other politicians is but one of many sensational highlights...

Here's the rundown:

1) Italian prosecutors suspect Berlusconi of corruption, so they decide to tap his phone.

2) Berlusconi, who is married, is heard to say "inappropriate" and "raunchy" remarks about "the most glamorous" politician in Italy, "Mara Carfagna, the 32-year-old Minister for Equal Opportunities... a former model and television showgirl." Berlusconi reportedly remarked on an earlier recording that he would marry Carfagna if he was only single. His wife responded with a memorable public outcry.

3) On another recording, the Prime Minister

pressuring Agostino Sacca, head of drama at the state-owned RAI broadcaster, to give parts to several attractive young actors.
In one exchange, Mr Sacca promised Mr Berlusconi that he would find work for Elena Russo. Mr Berlusconi tells him: "If you can do me this favour, it's as if you're doing it for her. But you're doing this favour directly for me." Mr Berlusconi also described the actors and dancers whom he admires as his "little butterflies".

4) The outrage has been unanimous and brutal. One politico noted that Bill Clinton's sex scandal was bad enough, but at least he didn't make "Monica Lewinsky... Secretary of State."

Antonio di Pietro, a former prosecutor and now the leader of the small centre-left Italy of Values party, accused Mr Berlusconi of being a "pimp" who is "busy finding work for showgirls" rather than playing the role of a statesman.

5) Berlusconi promised to do an interview in which he would lash out against this kind of "porn politics," but canceled at the last minute.

6) Calling judges and others that leak to the press "a 'cancer' on democracy," the PM pushed a law through the legislature that specifically imprisons journalists who publish recorded phone calls before trials where those calls are used as evidence.

7) On Wednesday, Berlusconi will learn whether he is to be tried for corruption. If he does end up facing a judge, there will likely be a flood of new recordings in the papers...

Via The Australian: Berlusconi Accused of Pimping His "Butterflies"

More photos of Mara here.

Check Out The Top 10 Topless Socialists

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 20:41:00 GMT

It's a pretty weak list-- not all of these ten politicians and politically-connected socialists (in the most vague sense of the word) come sans shirt, but it's pretty funny and involves weird nude Italians, which is always welcome.

Surprisingly, these were the best photos they could find. However, there are more photos and more about these folks at Anorak.

Italian Dude Kidnaps Ex, Makes Her Do His Laundry

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:53:00 GMT

Captain Obvious of the local police told the press the man was apparently angry at the woman for leaving him...

The 43-year-old man, who was not identified, tracked down his former girlfriend and dragged her out of a Genoa bar before pushing her into his car and taking her home.
There, he threatened her with physical harm before forcing her to wash and iron his clothes.

For some reason, this reminds us of the movie "Swept Away," an very dark Italian comedy about a battle of the sexes. Cabin boy and bleached blond married woman are shipwrecked, fall in love, then fall apart when the cabin boy wants her to be his subservient house wench. Maybe that's what happened here... although the original story may have said it best, however har-har it may have been:

Guess he wanted to iron out their differences.

Told you it was kinda lame.

Via Asbury Park Press.

Which Italian Fascist Leader's Crush Would You Rather?

Katie Halper — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:35:00 GMT

When Scanner Bryan broke the story about Silvio Berlusconi's crush and Equal Opportunity Minister, who happens to be a former topless model, Scanner Katie couldn't help but think about the other crushes of Italian Fascist Leaders.

Italian PM Berlusconi has defended the great late Benito Mussolini. And his media corporativism combined with his party's xenophobia, give him a real fascist je ne sais quois. So, who would you rather? Berlusconi's Ministress Mara Carfagna or Mussolini's mistress Clara Petacci?

Scanner : Italian

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Today in WTF: Roman Beachgoer Scandal

Italian Models Duke It Out In Picturesque Beach Brawl

Italy's Prime Minister Accused of "Pimping Out" Young Starlets

Check Out The Top 10 Topless Socialists

Italian Dude Kidnaps Ex, Makes Her Do His Laundry

Which Italian Fascist Leader's Crush Would You Rather?

Previously: Crush of the Week: Foxy New Italian Minister Proves Silvio Berlusconi Is The New Vladimir Putin