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How to Find a Woman's Erogenous Zones... From A Men's Magazine in India

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:43:00 GMT

Just what you needed, dudes: a men's magazine in an ultra-conservative country giving you advice on how to give a woman sexual pleasure...

Here are some of the highlights of a story from Adonis Corner, the self-proclaimed "largest online men's magazine in India." Do try this at home, folks:

The back of the neck, more than other body parts, is incredibly important. Just behind the ear, brush the surface of the hollow part with your breath before applying light contact. Keep the touch light, but not enough to tickle. Notice how deep she’s breathing. This will indicate her state of euphoria and whether kissing is recommended.

While it may seem obvious, when caressing the breasts, avoid going straight for the nipples. Even the area where the breasts begin, at the collar bone, is sensitive to touch. Touch her collar bone using small circles, slowly widen the circles until you cup her breast gently in your hand.

Gently follow the lines of her ribs towards, but stop just short of, her breasts. This can send shivers through her body. Use your tongue, fingers or a feather to add a little extra spice to the situation.

The navel is a controversial area. Some love it, others hate it. Find out whether she enjoys having her navel stimulated. If she enjoys it, you can use anything to excite this area.

Controversial? Wow, we had no idea navels were that bad-ass.

Like the nipples, the inner thighs aren’t an expressway to her genitals. Caress the inside of her leg; tease her by stopping just short of the pubic area. Lotions and massage oils are recommended in this area.

The back of the knees are one of the body’s pulse points, where often women place perfume. This area can be very ticklish for some women, so be careful. Kiss her gently behind the knees on your way to her inner thighs.

Many people haven’t tried it, but sucking the toes can go over well with some women. Good hygiene is crucial for this activity, of course. It’s unlikely any woman will turn down a foot massage, so you can start off slowly by caressing her toes.

Now that's what we call a controversial statement. Haven't they heard of being ticklish?

Via this magazine.

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While You Were Sleeping: Is Lindsay Lohan's Career Over?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The New York Times just figured out that the sexting craze means some teens will go to jail.

This Rob Schneider interview may be the best thing we've read all week. Yeah, we know-- Rob Schneider...

Apple is preparing to raise iTunes download prices to $1.29. We suspect this might have something to do with preparing people for the high price Beatles downloads will be.

An eye for an eye is about to be taken literally in-- you called it-- Iran.

Nice try, IBM-- you want to lay off American workers, outsource to India, and collect stimulus dollars? Hell no.

Four women who dressed as stewardesses and volunteered in the New York City subways to help people get around have been asked to stop by the MTA. As if the MTA is flush for cash and can themselves pay people to provide that service. Morons.

New York finally began the process of fixing the evil/horrible Rockefeller Drug Laws.

Our hero David Byrne has officially ruled out ever playing with the Talking Heads again. Asshole.

Bruce Springsteen saved the famous Glastonbury summer music festival. Angel.

Lindsay Lohan's only unreleased film (at present) is going straight to DVD.

And a schoolteacher showed up drunk to class, blackmailed her students into bumping and grinding with her, then later passed out by a swimming pool.

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This Soda Tastes Like...

Colleen Kane — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:19:00 GMT

A hardline Hindu organization is launching a soda in India that they predict will sell like hotcakes, better than Coke or Pepsi. That's a tall enough order in itself, but it's even more laughable when you learn what bodily excretion the beverage contains.

Each bottle will contain 1-6 milliliters of cow urine.

The organization, The RSS, opposes Western colonization, and...well, this is how they fight it. Cow urine, they say, has healing medicinal properties, although they don't get too specific in this Reuters clip about exactly what those properties are. It does show exactly what a cow looks like urinating, and what Indian dudes look like drinking cow piss. (It looks like they're drinking lemonade.)

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Disturbing News Article Uses Two Versions of "Bobbit" as a Verb

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:01:00 GMT

Yes, that Bobbitt, as in John Wayne. So, some other crazy in Ahmedabad, India, chopped off her husband's penis with a kitchen knife because she thought he was going to cheat on her. Ho-hum. This story again? More interesting was the Times of India's use of several versions of Bobbitt in the verb format, lowercase, with British-English "-ise" and single "t":

"Jealous woman bobbitises husband" (Headline)

"Kailash Mackwana bobbitised her 23-year-old husband Kanuji Mackwana..."

"Burning wtih jealousy, Kailash bobbitised Kanuji with a kitchen knife on Sunday night."

That bobbitised part has not been found, and plastic surgeons worked on Kanuji without it.

It's a strange world.

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Image: Carolineepp.com

We Had No Idea the Catholic Church Could Be This Scary...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:46:00 GMT

We don't specifically set out to attack the Catholic Church, Catholicism itself, or any specific religion or practice. But when we see hypocrisy or any other repulsive public behavior, we'll call it like we see it...

A nun in India, like the ones pictured above, is speaking out about what goes on in her country. Sister Jesme claims that when she joined the Church in Kerala, she discovered priests were forcing the "novices," or new nuns, to have sex with them. She also says she was forced to have a lesbian relationship with another nun because, that way, nobody would get pregnant and be expelled.

Apparently, her Church wasn't the only one engaged in "unpermitted sex": a priest whom she met while traveling the country showed her there was an orgy of heavy petting going on in his backyard, then took off his clothes and demanded she join him, according to the Independent.

The allegations are not the only controversy to rock the Catholic Church in Kerala. Last summer, a 23-year-old novice committed suicide and left a note saying she had been harassed by her Mother Superior. Reports suggest there have been a number of similar suicides. And in November, police in Kerala arrested two priests and a nun in connection with the killing of Sister Abhaya in a notorious 1992 murder.

Sister Jesme recently resigned as the principal for a Catholic college and has written a book entitled Amen, in which she details all the alleged sex, sexual harassment, and general distaste that she experienced in the Church. Church leaders tried to get her committed to a mental institution but she ultimately prevailed and her book is too widely publicized to be supressed.

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You Probably Shouldn't Read This Around Meal Time (File Under: TMI)

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:04:00 GMT

When my sister and I were little, we made up this word "Boobyteen." At some point we decided it was something we would "cook" and made up a recipe for it. The recipe was (brace yourselves) poop, pee, milk, orange juice and sugar (I am simultaneously cracking up and throwing up in my mouth a little right now). One night, when a nearly immobile old lady was babysitting us, Jo and I decided we would make Boobyteen. There was no actual cooking involved, but we put it in a stockpot and left it on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator (a few years later I pierced my own ears when that same sitter was watching us). We never, ever intended to consume it, in any way, and obviously our mom was really, really mad. But apparently, it turns out we might have been onto something...

A hardline Hindu organization, known for its opposition to "corrupting" Western food imports, is planning to launch a new soft drink made from cow's urine, often seen as sacred in parts of India.

The Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), or National Volunteer Corps, said the bovine beverage is undergoing laboratory tests for the next 2 to 3 months but did not give a specific date for its commercial release.

The flavor is not yet known, but the RSS said the liquid produced by Hinduism's revered holy cows is being mixed with products such as aloe vera and gooseberry to fight diseases such as diabetes and cancer....

"Cow urine offers a cure for around 70 to 80 incurable diseases like diabetes. All are curable by cow urine," Om Prakash, the head of the RSS Cow Protection Department, told Reuters by phone.

Boobyteen!

[Reuters: They call it Mellow Yellow]

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Indian Girl Marries a Dog (Video)

Colleen Kane — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:35:00 GMT

This isn't a home video of a little girl playing tea party and then marrying her dog to her doll. What follows is Reuters footage of a girl being married to a dog.

Villagers in India's eastern Jharkhand Munda Dandha village married a girl to a stray dog to ward off an evil spirit and deflect any curses levied on her family. She's still allowed to marry a man eventually without divorcing her dog. Bigamy/ beastiality all in one!

We're afraid to see what marriages would result if children in the U.S. were allowed to 1) get married and 2) marry animals.

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:59:00 GMT

This Mom threw such a hardcore kegger for her son and his friends that the cops found the air at her residence was running a .03 alcohol level.

The members of the Atlanta band The Black Lips are lucky to not be rotting in an Indian prison.

The truth about Joaquin Phoenix should have been obvious to everyone: he was in character for a mockumentary by Casey Affleck.

Buy an LCD TV instead of a plasma one, if you care about the environment.

The post office is considering cutting one day of service if its budgetary demands go unmet. It's time Netflix started its own shipping company and took over the world...

The A-Team really is going to be a movie. Boycott all remakes!

Someone should do a 90-minute documentary on what goes on when these cops strike for an hour-and-a-half.

Let's all get jobs at Canon in Japan so we can receive work-sanctioned early release for sex.

And Meryl Streep told Alec Baldwin she'll do 30 Rock, yay!

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We Finally Found a Beard We Simply Cannot Endorse

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Did you ever think that we'd meet a beard we didn't love? Well, kids. Today we did.

We understand there are spiritual issues behind the length of this beard and by all means if you think God wants you to grow a beard, who are we to argue? But we just can't, er don't want to, imagine getting our feet all tangled up in this thing during sex:

via videosift.com

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Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:02:00 GMT

India, the Bush family's cat, is dead at 18. [Yahoo!]

Alan S. Geisler, creator of red onion sauce for hotdogs, is dead at 78. [City Room]

Oh, snap. We forgot George W. Bush was still the president. [DailyIntel]

It looks like Blake Fielder-Civil really is planning to divorce that crackhead Amy Winehouse. [People]

After numerous rumors that the couple engaged earlier, supermodel Gisele Bundchen and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady are finally, really engaged. The world is preparing for more beautiful babies. [People]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Doctors have figured out how to prevent a large number of miscarriages.

Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks to play villains in Iron Man 2.

If Jeremy Piven turns out to have lied about his mercury poisoning, he could be in deep sheeeeiittt:

According to the New York Post, many involved with the production are pushing to have Piven's high mercury claims examined by a non-musclebound, non-teevee doctor, and they're hoping the result may "squeeze some money out of him."

[U]nder the Actors' Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven's medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him. [Defamer]

Scarlett Johansson wants to open a brothel... in a movie.

Paris Hilton claims she's only slept with a few guys. In other news, "a few" is now "less than eight hundred."

Isn't there anyone besides Nicole Richie who could star in the Gossip Girl season finale?

Guy Ritchie's heist movies have such brilliant robbery ideas, these dudes decided to plagiarize one.

And Oklahoma introduced legislation to prohibit the teaching of evolution in schools. You'll know America has emerged from the dark ages when laws start getting passed that prevent anything besides evolution from being taught as possible fact.

And Ione Skye (star of Say Anything and River's Edge) and Ben Lee (ex-boyfriend of Claire Danes) married in India.

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Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

Scanner Matt — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:23:00 GMT

With the Republican Party in crisis many are looking for a new leader to win them back the throne in 2012 (does anyone really believe it will be Sarah Palin?). Thirty-six-year-old Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal (short listed as a McCain VP nominee before the barracuda graced our lives) just might be the guy. He's surrounded by presidential buzz and—let's be honest—it wouldn't hurt the GOP if their conventions looked a little less like white supremacist rallies.

Piyush “Bobby” Jindal picked up his Anglo nickname from The Brady Bunch. Yes, that Bobby, seriously, which he commonly uses as his first name. He at first appears to be a very intelligent individual; he was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford.

But here’s the thing. He’s crazy.

Jindal supports teaching intelligent design in public schools.

He voted to make the Patriot Act permanent.

He’s a hardcore-let’s-flip-Roe-v.-Wade pro-lifer.

He’s against stem cell research.

Not only does he staunchly support “traditional marriage,” he opposes civil unions.

He supported a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning.

He’s against universal health care.

Watch out for this guy in 2012. He's sure to make an appearance.

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Photo/Wikipedia

Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Megan Fox, who will not be playing Wonder Woman, despite previous reports, and was the only woman shortlisted for GQ's Man of the Year is still the #1 woman on the internet. (Well, except for Keeley Hazel. And Sarah Palin. And... and... never mind.)

But no one drives up traffic like Megan Fox-- or, more importantly-- Megan Fox in a bikini...

According to One India:

American actress Megan Fox has been listed as the hottest babe on the planet in Chickipedia's latest 100 hottest women list yet again. Chickipedia, which is the world's largest web-based, wiki-based database of hot women on the planet, released the Top 100 most-searched for women in the month of October, the Daily Telegraph reported.

This is the second year that Fox has topped the list, with the second place going to Hugh Hefner''s No 1 ex-girlfriend Holly Madison. The most-searched for female survey saw Keeley Hazell in third position, while new Aussie girls ‘The Veronicas’ were at number six. The new list also saw Madonna and Victoria Beckham being dropped and replaced by US Republican IT girl Sarah Palin and her alter ego, Tina Fey.

Good riddance to Madonna and Victoria-- but Holly Madison? Bland as New York is fucking freezing today.

In celebration of Fox's latest victory, GQ has unleashed more of the photos that made her a huge star and, for no reason whatsoever, we're passing them along to you:

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While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Wants To Be Used... For Her Brain

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

The guy who ate the last mango in Paris passed away in Key West. (By the way, to get the song out of your head, listen to it here.)

See, raising a public stink does send the right message sometimes: a baby born in India to a surrogate mother was allowed to leave with her Japanese father, even though the law says her mother was supposed to accompany here.

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"When I saw Michael J. Fox on Fifth Avenue, I gained about 15 pounds in goose bumps. It kind of pushed me through the last six miles or so."

It's possible a man with the last name of Kennedy could have just set George W. Bush's public disgrace in motion...

A judge has ordered the Justice Department to produce White House memos that provide the legal basis for the Bush administration's post-Sept. 11 warrantless wiretapping program.
U.S. District Judge Henry Kennedy Jr. signed an order Friday requiring the department to produce the memos by the White House legal counsel's office by Nov. 17. He said he will review the memos in private to determine if any information can be released publicly without violating attorney-client privilege or jeopardizing national security.

Kennedy issued his order in response to lawsuits by civil liberties groups in 2005 after news reports disclosed the wiretapping.

Paris Hilton says men used her for sex. That's just not true, dear, we love you for your brilliant intellect.

Circuit City is going to close more than 150 stores, rumor has it.

The more we hear about Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno movie, the better it sounds. Check out where he ended up yesterday. By the way, the above photo is of Governor Ahnuld getting accosted by Bruno and the Bruno film crew: some say it was staged for the film, which is entirely possible, although Schwarzenneger has not made a cameo in years. We, however, want to remind you that the Governor of California could never act well enough to make the above, very-convincing "distress face" on cue...

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Do Ten Shots Every Time Biden Mentions Indians And 7-11

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:51:00 GMT

We know the debate is tomorrow, but we wanted to tell you about MIT's hilarious drinking game (this one, unlike the previous incarnation, is actually doable) so you can stock up now on select booze... or Slurpee's... which is, of course, bigot Biden's favorite beverage...

Professor Robert alerted us to the Vice Presidential Debate drinking game... because you know you're going to need to be very, very loose to sit through all that insanity. In fact, we're betting that John McCain is going to be so nervous, he'll lose a vodka drinking contest to himself before you-know-who, the Republican VP nominee (in case you haven't noticed, I, Scanner Brian, have decided to refrain from further mentioning her already-overexposed name) even gets to answer any questions with total silence.

Here are some of the better ideas from those smarty pantses at MIT:

When Biden begins the “I take the train home everyday story” being drinking. Don’t stop ’till he finishes.
When Biden makes an obvious gaffe: Spill your neighbor’s drink
When Biden patronizes or self identifies with the working class: Down some brew (Bonus points if you use Miller Highlife)
Every time [SP] cites Alaska’s proximity to Russia as “foreign policy experience”: Take a shot of vodka
When Palin claims she said “Thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere: Demand a new drink from your hosts, say “thanks but no thanks,” and then when no one’s looking, take it anyway, then claim you never wanted it.

The rest are here. We personally think you're going to need a lot of vodka for this one... especially if you're a Democrat. The expectations for She Who Must Not Be Named that she can't possibly lose this... think about it.

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India's "Sexpert" on Sex Before Marriage, Vegetables in Bed and, of Course, Anal Sex

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:20:00 GMT

Jil Wheeler writing at The Morning News takes a look at Mumbai Mirror’s daily “Ask the Sexpert” column to get a sense of the sex-related questions and concerns plaguing Indians. We are psyched, this is two of our favorite things together in one article: India and sex.

So what does she find?

A lot of the standard "I ejaculated on her foot, is she pregnant?" "She touched my elbow, do I have AIDS?" brand anxiety mixed with a hazy moral position on what's acceptable for the sexual Indian. All the while, Wheeler's Sexpert dispenses advice that is "practical and terse to the point of catatonic."

Far from anti-sex himself, the Sexpert seems reconciled to the fact that 50 percent or so of his correspondents are unmarried. While sex is ideally saved for marriage, there is an alternative magic number: 21. Sex before that is “incorrect behavior [that] will affect your future.” Odd behavior seems to transcend age: Cross-dressing husbands get a pass—after all, “Women are wearing pants these days, so why stop him?”—as do people who like to bring vegetables (“smooth and washed thoroughly”) into bed. Anal sex, however, is completely off-limits. An expert not only on sex but on dodging the question, Dr. Watsa “cannot advise you on anal sex since it is illegal in India.”

This isn't so outlandish, even Sue Johanson won't touch anal sex.

[Photograph by Trey Ratcliff via The Morning News]

A Fish Out of Water...and in Penis

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:04:00 GMT

From the files of, "Oh, please God, NO!" A fish "slipped" into an Indian boy's penis while he was cleaning his aquarium.

How could such a thing possibly happen? You ask...

According to the Sun.

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, said: "While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. "When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra.

Right, just casually taking a leak with a small fish in his hand. Not in any way intentionally trying to see if that fish will fit inside his penis. Just pissin' with his pet fish--come on, you've all done it!

After heading up the urethra, the fish made its way to the boy's bladder before he was "taken to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention." Which, if you ask us, is not getting off particularly easy.

Video of the Day: Scary Indian Dating Show

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:11:00 GMT

via videosift.com

While we can't understand all of what's going on in this video, we catch the important parts (including our favorite line ever: "You fucking fuck!").

Worst date ever or best?

Vogue Gives $200 Umbrella to India's Poor, Snaps a Photo and Quickly Gets in the Car

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:39:00 GMT

This is a photo from the August issue of Vogue India. It shows a man from Rajasthan in India holding a $200 Burberry umbrella. The woman has an Etro bag. It's probably safe to assume the models in these photos cannot afford a $200 umbrella and would have the good sense not to buy one if they could. But, it looks like Vogue figured using average Indians to model expensive good would make a pretty picture, or at least be cleverly tongue-in-cheek.

Obviously, not everyone agrees.

There’s nothing “fun or funny” about putting a poor person in a mud hut in clothing designed by Alexander McQueen, [Kanika Gahlaut, a columnist for the daily newspaper Mail Today] said in a telephone interview. “There are farmer suicides here, for God’s sake” she said, referring to thousands of Indian farmers who have killed themselves in the last decade because of debt.

Vogue editor Priya Tanna's defense:

Vogue is about realizing the “power of fashion” she said, and the shoot was saying that “fashion is no longer a rich man’s privilege. Anyone can carry it off and make it look beautiful,” she said.

We are all about the message that the trappings of wealth and power are no longer just available to those with wealth and power. But in order for that to be a convincing message, you'd actually have to redistribute wealth and power. Photographing supposed "have nots" with $10,000 handbags does not send the message that fashion is for everyone, it reinforces the message that very few of India's 1.2 billion people have access to luxury goods (shit, plenty of people don't have access to enough food). The photo's conceit "works" because you'd never see this in real life--not because you should, or could as Priya Tanna claims.

While this is definitely not the first time regular folks have been appropriated for the profit and amusement of privileged readers, viewers, visitors, etc., to do so in the interest of selling useless, over-priced crap is even more infuriating.

Chicago Doctor: "I've Treated Hundreds Of Unconsummated Marriages"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:53:00 GMT

Dr. Domeena Renshaw, a professor of psychiatry at Loyola University in Illinois, has treated over two hundred unconsummated marriages in her 36 years. That may not seem like much on paper-- unconsummated marriages are believed to account for less than 1% of total marriages, but imagine going, as some couples have, 23 years of sleeping in the same bed without ever once having had sex...

Part of us says "WTF?!" while another part says, "It's touching how strong the bonds between these partners must be if they're sticking together after 23 years without ever having sex." There's something sweet about that, for sure...

"I would have thought it would have vanished by now," she says, "but [we're currently treating] two couples."
Nobody knows how many relationships - married or not - have yet to include intercourse despite both partners wishing they could get the party started... Another expert, Talli Rosenbaum, a private practice physical therapist in Israel who works with couples in unconsummated relationships, says she has treated "a couple hundred" over the past 15 years.

According to Renshaw, there are several reasons couples never get around to the bonking:

1) Erectile dysfunction (duh)

2) Other physical problems, such as vaginismus (which happens when a woman unwillingly clamps down the muscles in her vagina)

3) Poor knowledge about sexual functions (meaning, somehow, both partners don't know what their gentials are really for)

4) Religious conservatism (they want you to make lots of babies, but they don't want you to know how)

5) Or other complicated emotional reasons

The article goes on to say:

These possible organic causes are why most therapeutic sessions start with a thorough physical exam, followed by counseling and confidence boosting. Rosenbaum sometimes prescribes pelvic floor exercises for women, along with the use of plastic "dilators" of increasing thickness. Of course, men can be prescribed ED drugs, too.
Often, however, unconsummated marriage isn't really due to the workings of the penis or vagina. For example, medical reports show such marriages are more common in countries with strict religious cultures. A clinic in Istanbul reported treating 404 unconsummated marriages in just four years. An Iranian hospital evaluated 200 cases in two years.

Indeed, religious and cultural pressure can be a tremendous detriment to the wedding night, which can only spiral if intercourse isn't achieved as soon as possible. Families can get involved, oblivious to the fact their "helpfulness" is only making things worse. Still, we were totally surprised to learn this is a major phenomenon anywhere, even in India.

You can read more of this story at NBC.

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Snoop Dogg Is Planning A Bollywood Takeover

Ina Maier — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Apparently the 1 billion strong populace of India doesn't care for Western music. But all that is about to change...

...Because Snoop Dogg is heading to Bollywood. (Seriously?) He's just signed up wtih Cashmere Asia, a new Los Angeles-Mumbai entertainment company, in the hopes of bringing rap music to India. Snoop joins the ranks of other Hollywood heavy-weights, like Sylvester Stallone (seriously) who has agreed to appear in an upcoming Bollywood film.

Snoop Dogg, who likes "how the Punjabis get down" and adds that "the way they dress is fresh", already has an appearance in the title track of future Bollywood blockbuster "Singh Is King" (also: seriously?), on which he raps about "Ferrari's, Bugattis and Maseratis" and says "what up to all the ladies hanging out in Mumbai," while (most likely) simultaneously giving them a contact high.

The best part of all this? According to Cashmere Asia's co-founder, "We're introducing Snoop to a very broad audience that has never heard of him before."

Oh, snap! Sucks to be Snoop!

[via New York Times]

Our Advice to Indian Reality TV Contestants? Don't Be on Indian Reality TV.

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:49:00 GMT

The BBC reported today that three employees of an event management firm in India were arrested for putting someone's life in danger. They had organized a reality show where contestants attempt to stay under water for as long as possible, and one 22-year-old collapsed and is currently hospitalized in "serious condition."

The contest took place at a "shopping mall in Indore on Sunday to publicise a new reality TV show "Khatron Ke Khiladi" [Dare devils]."

There was no doctor or paramedic in the shopping mall at the time of the accident.

Ah, reality TV recklessness. All this from the country that brought you Bathroom Singer. A singing competition show that takes place in a bathroom. The worst performer of the week has to sing in the shower.

Video of the Day: Using A Cell Phone While Operating A Motor Vehicle

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:40:00 GMT

By the way, this is legal in most US States, including Florida.

Via Fark.com.

70-Year-Old Woman Gives Birth to Twins, We Stop Worrying About Drying Up

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Over the weekend, we shamefully found ourselves on a picnic blanket with two other late-20's women, discussing the fact that while we don't want children now, we don't want to be all dried up by the time it actually becomes a possibility. While we know that's a little ridiculous, a woman reaches her fertile peak at 27. Considering we're 26 and we're more likely to end-up on Top Chef than The Bachelorette, we can't help but sometimes worry about these things. Especially after we've been swigging whiskey from a bottle and burning ourselves with sparklers.

But if a 70-year-old woman can get knocked-up, we are going to stop worrying right this second.

A couple in India was so desperate for male off spring that they spent their entire life savings and took out a bank loan for IVF treatments. Amazingly — amazingly! — it worked and 70-year-old Omkari Panwar gave birth to a 2-pound boy and a 2-pound girl.

"We already have two girls but we wanted a boy so that he could have taken care of our property. This boy and girl are God's greatest gift to us," Omkari said.

Father of the twins, Charam Singh, a farmer in his mid-70s, told ABC News he was very happy.

"The desire for a male child has always been there, but God did not bless us with a male child. Now, we are very grateful to God, who has answered our prayers," he said.

We hope they saved a little for a nanny, too.

[BBC: Woman in India 'has twins at 70']

Related:

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Voice of Reason: Jason Bateman Says 'Juno' is Not to Blame for Teenage Pregnancy

Sloppy Seconds: Pregnancy Pact Girl Speaks Out, "There Was No Pact"

Sloppy Seconds: Special Pregnancy Edition

And You Think Your In-Laws Are Bad?

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Imagine for a moment that your in-laws are such terrible people you have to file a case against them for violence. Then imagine you go to file said complaint only to find out your in-laws have gone to extreme measures to make sure the complaint won't really matter.

A woman in India went to do just that — file a case against her husband's family because they were violent — only to find out that her husband's brother, a lawyer, had forged a divorce for the couple ten years earlier.

Meena Verma, a mother of two children, tried to file a case against her in-laws for violence, only to be told by a court in Haryana state that she had been divorced for a decade...

"It seems the divorce was doctored to defeat Meena's possible complaint," he said. The couple filed a petition accusing Virender's brother, Surinder Verma, and four associates, of forgery. Surinder denied the accusation.

Doesn't that kind-of make you want to give your bewhiskered, over-bearing mother-in-law a big hug and kiss? No? Didn't think so, but we thought we'd ask, anyway.

[Reuters: Couple "divorced without knowledge"]

Australian Troop Scandal Is The Epitome Of Sexism

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 May 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Politicians and press persons in Britain and Australia are getting their knickers in a twist over allegations Bollywood star Tania Zaetta bedded one or more soldiers during a goodwill tour of Afghanistan.

Why is this story sexist? We're glad you asked... it was our first thought ("wow-- this story is sexist!") when we came across it in the Telegraph newspaper...

...mainly because the only "scandal" in here is that a woman decided to sleep with a man. In other words, you can bet ten million AU$ that if this was Hollywood star Richard Gere having sex with a female soldier, we wouldn't be hearing about it.

True, Zaetta, a former Baywatch "babe," was in Afghanistan merely to perform for troops ~~and not to perform on them~~ , but why is it anybody's business if she was entertaining after hours? Zaetta not only hasn't been accused of anything essentially wrong, she's also, in all probability, innocent. Other members of her entourage deny "allegations" that the actress "acted improperly."

Meanwhile, Australia's Parliament is looking into the matter, specficially the name of the individual who identified Ms. Zaetta as the accused in military paperwork.

What do you think? If she's guilty of having sex with soldiers, is there anything wrong with it?

Via the Telegraph UK.

Sing and Dance Along With Indian Condoms

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 09 May 2008 17:31:00 GMT

We go apeshit for sex education PSAs that personify condoms. But this video has singing and dancing too!

It's probably safe to assume we'll be showering with a rubber on from now on.

Bras and Semen: Stuff People Are Stealing

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:40:00 GMT

This week brings us two accused thieves: one a multi-billion dollar American corporation, the other an Indian dude with a seriously flawed "get rich quick" scheme.

According to Katerina Plew, Limited Branks Inc, the company that owns Victoria's Secret, stole her patented idea for the Very Sexy 100-way strapless convertible bra.

Plew had an appointment to meet with a Victoria's Secret executive to whom she had mailed a copy of her patent, as well as a DVD with pictures of a model showing her bra, only to have the appointment abruptly canceled.

"A year later I walked into a Victoria's Secret and there was my bra up on the wall," she said.

And in India, an employee of a sperm bank was arrested for stealing samples, which, unsurprisingly, no one wanted to buy.

Infertility expert Dr. Aniruddha Malpani described the alleged theft as "bizarre" because vials that are not properly labeled would be "worse than useless."

This is what the world has come to, stealing splooge and discrete undergarments. Just thought ya should know.

India Figures Out What To Do With Its Sperm and Guns Surplus

Bryan Christian — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:06:00 GMT

Hey all y'all Indian dudes out there: looking to pick up a gun and get your tube tied? Well, have we got the program for you!

Shivpuri district in the state of Madhya Pradesh, an overpopulated area renowned for its machismo culture, has started to offer fast-tracked gun licences for those who agree to be sterilised.
“This is a state with a high number of dacoits [bandits], where people like to keep rifles,” Manish Shrivastav, the administrative chief of Shivpuri and originator of the lateral thinking behind the plan, said.
“It also has a low level of vasectomies because of a perceived notion of manliness. I decided to match that with a bigger symbol of manliness — a gun licence. It has been a success.”

Yeah, except that now they're running short on these...

The Sexy Women of Bollywood

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Here's something you don't see very often: scantily clad Bollywood actress photo essays. Perhaps to celebrate Richard Gere's newfound freedom, India Target has a seven-page spread featuring some extremely hot women of the Indian film industry. It almost makes us want to sit through more than four seconds of a Bollywood film-- with the sound on.

Here's the famous kiss that Gere planted on fellow awards presenter Shilpa Shetty, film star and winner of England's Celebrity Big Brother, at an awards ceremony last year. We think we understand why Gere would risk a long, long stay in an Indian prison.

More Bollywood stars in the India Target gallery.

[Gere and Shetty photo from ABC.net]