Scanner : Hayden Panettiere

PETA's Insane Sexiest Vegetarian Alive Voting

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:37:00 GMT

The People For the Ethical Treatment of Tasty Animals, already riding a small wave of publicity from its Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door (read: "nobody activists") competition, has decided to steal a page from People Magazine and follow-up with The Sexiest Vegetarian Alive (read: "celebrities.")

We're pretty sure that they nominated, um, every single vegetarian in Hollywood...

See what we mean at this link. The lists, separated by gender, are far too epic to reproduce here. We've narrowed it down for you, with our favorites, with some tasty photo spreads to help ya out...

The Women:
Alyssa Milano

Bryce Dallas Howard
Christie Brinkley
Cloris Leachman
Emmy Rossum

Erykah Badu

Hayden Panettiere
Jenna Jameson (!)
Kristen Wiig
Thora Birch

The Men:
Alec Baldwin
Anthony Kiedis
Casey Affleck

Forest Whitaker
Jared Leto
Kevin Bacon
Leonard Nimoy
Morrissey
Prince

Thom Yorke
Tobey Maguire

And just so you know: as of this writing, Kevin Bacon's leading everyone. Hot damn, who'da thunk it? (Last year, the winner was Anthony Kiedis, which was indeed a surprise to us.)

Related:

Even Shoe Companies Want in On the Nude Ad Bandwagon

The PETA Empire Strikes Back

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model Inspired By the Pope

Sloppy Seconds: The Hipster Grifter Speaks (And She Wants Money)

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:16:00 GMT

We've heard all about Obama's first 100 days, but what about Hillary Clinton's? Turns out she hasn't had time to read a single book or even see a movie. [NYT]

Watch William Shatner watch the trailer for the Star Trek movie he's not in. [Vulture]

Miley Cyrus would like you to know she's totally not having sex with her 20-year-old boyfriend, telling the Daily Mail, “I want to keep my virginity until I marry. I was brought up in a Christian family.” Yeah, Miley, so were were. [FadedYouth]

Heroes star and Scanner Brian crush Hayden Panettiere is the latest young star to audition for the Footloose remake. [Us]

Kari Farrell, that f-ing nude, f-ing hipster grifter finally showed her face long enough to let the world know that Vice still owes her $200. [Gawker]

Meet the Hipster Grifter from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Golden Globes Worst Dressed: WTF Was Up With The Hair?

Ina Maier — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:19:00 GMT

Now, best dressed is fun and all, but it's time to get down to business. Who looked bad, who looked worse, and who looked positively fugly, comin' right up!

(More interested in the Best Dressed List? You can find it here.)

Beyonce, too low in all the wrong places, too high in all the others. We love you, we love Single Ladies, but this is too much.

Why so serious, Jennifer Carpenter? You're the star of a hit show, you just got married to your ~~brother~~ boyfriend, and you've got a pretty rockin' bod. Cheer up. (Apologies if the Joker joke was in poor taste. Speaking of which: congrats, Heath!)

So, here's the thing with Drew. The dress is alright, pretty even. But the hair. What on earth is up with the hair?

Glenn Close will always kinda creep us out (she'll be forever remembered as the bunny boiler) but normally her style of dress is no harm, no foul. And then there's this: the mismatched jacket, the awkward stance, the hair (again with the hair!) and the godforsaken ugly pants. (See Also: Susan Sarando, "Pants: Ur Doin It Rite")

To be fair, this isn't that bad. We like the color, and Hayden looks pretty. But there's something too old about the dress, and something far too constricting about the top. It just doesn't look comfortable. And lord knows, we're not on board with not comfortable.

Ack! Christina Hedricks, what happened? We love you for Mad Men, we love you for your body, and we love you for the fact that you were once upon a time our sister's roomate. But honestly? This? The dress ain't great, the bag is just weird, and once again: what. the fuck. is up with the hair??

Alright. Miley, listen up. You wouldn't be here if you weren't a) totally annoying and b) doing a totally embarassing and totally mediocre job of ripping off Giselle Bundchen's 2005 Oscar look. Sucks to be you, and what's done is done, but you've learned this lesson the hard way. Do not try to go where the world's hottest woman has gone before.

Renee Zelwegger wins, hands down, worst dressed of the evening. The see-through top, the strange sleeves, but mostly, it's the hair. We're already scarred, but can't go through this alone. So yeah, here's a close up:

PS. As always, these best / worst list are most likely (in your opinion) glaringly incomplete. So don't be afraid, don't hold back, let it rip in the comments. We're desperately curious to see your thoughts, too.

Here Comes the Bridesmaid, All Dressed in Shiny Poly-Blends

Pammy Forgot to Wear Pants

Today in Golden Globes: More Info On Something We Probably Won't Watch

Golden Globe Nominees We'd Like to Make Out With: Most of Them

Scanner Brian's Year in Review

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:43:00 GMT

As you may have noticed, we're cleaning house today in preparation for a radically inventive new year, free of server crashes and other taint.

One way of wrapping it up is a post that covers just about everything you missed in 2008 here on Scanner. And while a Best of the Year list is still to come, we want to make sure you get an overall summation of what went down here in the past 365...

In January, we revealed a new study that indicated abortion rates are plummeting, coinciding with the release of Juno. Our readers claimed the real reason is because there are no more abortion clinics. The same month, I, Scanner Brian and Bobby Tisdale mutually invaded the Nerve offices to demand jobs, neither of us realizing what the hell we were doing. The next thing we knew, we were both blogging here and even making a bit of cash (yes, we get paid to write this garbage! Ha ha ha, suckers.)

In Februrary, Scanner Nicole returned from opening for the Stones and we became a bit too obsessed with Valentine's Day, which will happen again in 2009, despite the economy. Scanner Emily threw a party, at which Katie Halper did a bit about her crazy dating life, which lead to a brief stint blogging for Scanner. (We have a higher turnover rate than an American Apparel secretary pool.) We felt better about the younger generation after hearing about this t-shirt protest and became afraid for the future of England after this one.

The Eliot Spitzer scandal broke in March and our obsession with Ashley Alexandra Dupre began. The only other story we can recall about March was our Name That Bush contest. The big story would've been the Lindsay Lohan sex tape or the lost frog, had we ever actually found either.

In April, we ruffled some feathers with this misinterpreted post about some photos of Neve Campbell's boobs. Luckily, everyone was distracted by the blog about the passive aggressive notes or some other bullshit.

May saw the beginning of the end of the Democratic primary, although all we cared about is this totally hot actress with the worst outfit on the planet, even this totally nude non-actress was way more memorable. We also began fixating on vegetables with penises, a problem that continues into the current week at Scanner.

In June, Scanner Bryan (my spelling is the correct one, damn it) left us to for a Remote Island, causing total anarchy and a lack of James Lipton jokes. Scanner Nicole interviewed the owner of the Real Dolls and we... well, we couldn't land any interviews with porn stars so we could kickstart our "regular" feature. Most memorably, a woman was seriously injured by her Victoria's Secret thong and, in our then-biggest story ever, a kid died as a result of a urinary tract infection while his prayed. Yikes.

Then Scanner Emily took off for summer camp in New Hampshire and we were left holding the bag... of flaming shit! Just kidding-- our July was a smash success, mostly thanks to Michael Phelps's peen and other deliberately nude Olympians. Meanwhile, the Naked Lady rode again.

August was the month of stupid people. The stupid people who gave out their bank info (to a teenage boy undercover!) in order to access what they hoped would be a library of child porn. Each day's Sloppy Seconds was chock full of idiocy and weirdness, while Highs and Lows, as is the case with the two previously-mentioned August posts, was all about Sweden, the greatest country for sex, nudity, and nutjobs in the world.

In September, Emily returned from her hot (not very), wet (not in that way), American summer. Scanner was on the floor for Sarah Palin's night at the RNC and got involved with a police-led riot. Speaking of Palin, Scanner Emily wrote about virtually nothing else that month-- and we joined her, only because we couldn't resist posting these Photoshop classics.

As for Halloween, we were already talking about (slutty) Halloween costumes on the third day of October. Meanwhile, Hayden (our former love) pretended to support John McCain on Funny or Die. (By the way, more costumes posts here and here.)

Mid-November, we welcomed Scanner Matt and Scanner Emily started some shit with some Facebook Mormons. (We actually first wrote that as "Facebook Morons" and almost kept it.) At Thanksgiving, we were thankful for getting laid, Arlo Guthrie (not by Arlo Guthrie, thank God), and sweeet 'tater not pie.

Over the last month, there have been many brilliant posts, all of them written by myself, of course. Seriously, though, if you missed out on the last month, start here and read back. (Or just read Scanner Colleen's most beloved post.) This has taken us a century to write as is.

See you next year, sucka!

Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Hayden Panettiere, our Greatest Love Of All*, made a video for one of our favorite websites talking about how much she loves cigarettes and her Presidential candidate...

You might be surprised who she supports... and at how dirty her mouth is. Yowza! [Warning: NSFW dialogue!]

This is the kind of video that if a) Obama wasn't going to win anyway or b) all of her fans were not middle age ex-cons banned from voting in their respective states, it might be a game changing October surprise. (Actually, an October surprise would be a Penthouse shoot featuring Hayden clad only in temporary Save the Whales and Vote Democrat tattoos. Let's make it happen, people!)

*you know the running gag about me being in love with her is just that-- a gag-- right? Although we don't deny she has her hot moments...see above photo for more on this...

Related:

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Why Hayden And I Broke Up: A Scanner Confession

Multi-Hayden-ed Photoshopped Beach Shot Makes Scanner Brian's Gonads Explode

McCain Sabotages His Own Attempt To Save The Nation

Wake-Up Call: Hayden Panettiere's A Singer?

Caption This: Perv Photogs And Bai Ling's Nipple Slip

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:10:00 GMT

Bai Ling was recently voted the world's Worst Dressed Celebrity in a poll of over one million blog readers.

Now, to add insult to, well, insult... there's this...

[NSFW ahead]

Last month, Ling was promoting one of her many, many movies (for starters, she has ten movies listed on IMDB as in "post-production") when she made the unfortunate mistake of bending over in such a loose-fitting dress...

This just isn't her year. Did you know that back on Valentine's Day this year, a distraught Ling was arrested at LAX for the crime of wandering out of a shop with a pack of batteries and a couple magazines? Luckily, she was able to plead to disturbing the peace and escaped with a small fine...

...but man, this girl needs a break. Then again, if you can shock a papparazzi just with the size of your nipples, maybe that's a good thing. (We're big fans of freaking out, pissing off, or generally driving these people insane... in case you haven't noticed.)

It should be noted we're pulling out this old pic because a) if we'd known about it, we'd have used it a month ago and b) we first started out telling you about Hayden Panettiere's nipple slip, which we realized is total bullshit:

See why we hate papparazzi? Not only are you invading someone's privacy on their 19th birthday, but you're taking a picture of their nipple and you don't even do a good job of it...

Via She So Crazy and 2Snaps.

Who is Katie Price and Why is Her Nipple All the Way Over There?

Amy Winehouse's Nipple Slip

What Happens to Julia Allison's Nipple Does Not Stay in Vegas

Sloppy Seconds: Is Valentine's Day Over Yet?

Why Hayden And I Broke Up: A Scanner Confession

While You Were Sleeping: The Cancer Scares

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:19:00 GMT

The Rolling Stones song "Satisfaction" technically saved one Englishman's life.

Jossip has a photo from the Ellen wedding.

Heidi Montag's new song "Overdosin'" was met by a steady stream of sales yesterday. Not really, it was made fun of mercilessly online:

Whoever wrote that song was overdosing on something.

overdosin' on stupidness

i agree this song and all of her other songs make me want to overdose too!! [Defamer]

Hayden Panettiere instructed her mom not to sell the star's panties online.

An 85-year-old woman apprehended a 17 year burglar, then made him call 911... at gunpoint.

Christina Applegate no longer has cancer, although Patrick Swayze, who still smokes, continues to battle it.

And the same idiot who sued nightclubs for discriminating against men with Ladies' Nights apparently didn't make enough money ripping off small businesses: he's now suing Columbia for teaching a history syllabus that blames men for the world's "ills."

UPDATE: Link fixed.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Who Looks Best In A Bikini?

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna-Guy Ritchie Separation

Wake-Up Call: Hayden Panettiere's A Singer?

Ina Maier — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:40:00 GMT

Welcome to this edition of Starlets Who Think They're Popstars. Hayden Panettiere, America's favorite cheerleader and the girl getting banged by Milo Ventimiglia, has got herself a little reggae-beat, Gwen Stefani-inspired ditty of a pop-song. The worst (er, best?) part: It's not half-bad. Her debut music video after the jump.

We've only listened to it once (okay...twice) and we've already got some of Hayden's dulcet tones stuck in our head. Now it's your turn.

Sloppy Seconds: Is Hayden Engaged?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:09:00 GMT

A man in Atlantic City was arrested for merely "displaying" pornography in his car... including a naked barbie doll.

Local residents complained about "being exposed" to items in his car, which had been parked off an on, in the same lot for several weeks. The classic line:

"...The only thing that was found up front was a topless Barbie doll on the dashboard, two DVD's in the console, the rest of the stuff was in the back seat....the only way that anyone would know there was anything in there was to walk up and actually look in the car." [NBC]

A woman claiming to be A-Rod's favorite stripper called a Detroit radio show this morning. Madonna's reps denied the singer made the call.

Is Milo Vermtitieitithatahghgag about to pop the question to Jailbait Hayden Panettiere? Dude, she's 18... you're 31... let her grow up a bit first!

Lucky for us an even better catch is back on the market: Emily Blunt, formerly attached to Michael Buble, is rejoining the dating circuit, woo hoo.

Worst. Coworker. Ever. [ABC]

A Chilean stripper was just arrested for pole dancing on the subway. You've been warned, L train girls. [Reuters]

And the eadline of the Day (from Fark): Austrian man who locked his daughter in dungeon for 24 years asks to be let out of his prison cell, explaining that he can't stand being cooped up [Fark]

The A-Rod Madonna Lenny Kravitz Clusterf*ck

Video of the Day: Subway Pole Dancing

Who Are Your Five To Watch in 2008?

Sloppy Seconds: American Apparel's Latest Porn Star Pick

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:46:00 GMT

Want an explanation of the finale of the Sopranos? Too bad, David Chase isn't going to make a movie, sources say.

The overhyped/underwhelming Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook divorce trial has ended in a settlement. Now, can Hollywood please send us a real scandal for a change?

Best or worst excuse ever? Check out France's First Lady, Carla Bruni, on why her belly appears to be growing...

The model-turned-songstress says she "would certainly like to be pregnant" but is not. If her tummy has grown, it is because she enjoys an occasional beer.

Perhaps they've finally discovered Nerve: according to the Washington Post, seniors are turned on and acting on it now more than ever.

American Apparel hired another porn star. Surprisingly, it's not Julia Allison.

Karl Rove may be heading for another legal problem after her refused to testify in Congress. The Democrats could hold him in contempt, which is apparently a new thing for them.

Another country club is in trouble, this time in Phoenix, for refusing to separate the sexes. Alice Cooper allegedly had no problems eating his fried bat without any groupies present.

In a bid to offset the poor attention spans of most American TV viewers, NBC has decided it needs a webseries to introduce a new superhero to "Heroes," rather than try to work him in to the regular season. Check out the details here. Or ignore them and just stare at the above photo of Hayden, who has no part in the webisodes.

Don't forget, folks, tomorrow is Chick-Fil-A's free chicken dinner. There is a stipulation, though: you have to come dressed as a cow. We recommend the following outfit:

Thanks, Bianca!

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:21:00 GMT

Our first reaction was three words: a new low. But the more we think about the BBC's latest model reality show, premiering Tuesday night, the more we think it may be a largely positive idea...

The show, which is obviously a takeoff of America's Next Top Model, is unfortunately called Britain's Missing Top Model, which you would think means it's a detective show with the English version of Hayden Panettiere or something. Nope-- instead, it features

a woman whose arm was severed in a bus crash, another who is profoundly deaf and an aspiring film director who suffers from a degenerative neuro-muscular disorder, which means she is largely confined to a wheelchair. [News.com.au]

Great, promoting disability awareness by putting the cattiest girls alive in one apartment together? Once again, our assumptions seem to be incorrect:

Anyway, the title’s not the only baffling element of Britain’s Missing Top Model. To be frank, Britain’s Missing Top Model is a mess, and it all boils down to one, elemental problem: no lunatic sassy bitches. [Times UK]

Apparently, the producers put together mature, thoughtful, good-looking disabled women for the show-- there's no fighting or other fake drama on this show. Even so, are the producers still exploiting them for profit in the cruelest way or actually trying to have a decent reality show that presents the disabled in a positive light (i.e. "we can be cool and good looking, too" or whatever)?

What do you think?

Watching Too Much Porn? This Will Set You Right

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:11:00 GMT

If they ran this three-minute disclaimer before every porno we ever watched, we'd definitely have healthier sex lives... and never want to actually watch porn. It's the video equivalent of a tub full of ice water, of hearing a twig snap in half-- in other words, the ultimate boner killer.

WARNING: audio is NSFW, although the boring camera setup certainly is. We kept expecting this Gennifer Flowers wannabe to jump on the desk and reveal her sexy stockings. We're guessing this could be why we didn't do so well in sex ed.

Double Viking - 80s PSA That Used To Run Before Pornos

When you're done with that, reward yourself with an ad too cool to ever be topped by any modern television commerical:

Double Viking - Salvador Dali Explains Alka-Seltzer

And one more: Have you been perverted by newsstand obscenity? An (early?) 60s PSA featuring "George Putnam, outstanding news reporter" may be of some assistance...

Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Maybe we are falling behind, but we had only barely heard of FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman In The World before today's announcement. Does that make us bad bloggers... or heroic ones, since we did not have to subject you to our musings on her until now?

And the winner is...

Megan Fox!

Megan who? Apparently, she was in Transformers, which we still cannot believe was actually a theatrical motion picture and, even funnier, that thinking people actually paid up to $11 to see. We wouldn't be surprised if the new Indiana Jones movie bombs because it's too intelligent and doesn't have enough robotic explosions for people to shit their pants over.

But that's beside the point.

The point is: who the Christ is Megan Fox? We understand almost all the other entries on the list (#4 Elisha Cuthbert, #11 Hayden Panettiere, #20 Beyonce, etc.), although we're not sure why other guys continue to drool over boring chicks like Jessica Alba [#3} and Jessica Biel [#2], or anyone named Jessica, for that matter, without the last name of Lange. However, we would put in the earplugs and do Simpson in a heartbeat.)

Anyway, check out FHM's list, if the damn page ever loads...

Top Photo: FHM; Bottom Photo: GQ

Multi-Hayden-ed Photoshopped Beach Shot Makes Scanner Brian's Gonads Explode

Bryan Christian — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:52:00 GMT

Not that we're actually standing next to him or anything; it's more of a guess, really.

Click through for full shot, and link to hi-res version.

[via (click for hi-res)]

I Love Myself for Hating You: Outer Space

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 21:42:00 GMT

Lately, Scanner has been showing love to a lot of hateful people and things (ahem--Hayden Panty-Lines?? Serious?). But it's time to get the Haterade out of the fridge and take a long drink. See, we've forgotten what we're really here for: to shit on things that other people mistakenly tolerate or enjoy. Today, that thing is outer space and, strangely enough, conception in outer space.

This article (which is probably one of the best articles we've ever read, by the way), discusses two things that Scanner Nicole hopes never to be: pregnant and in space. Getting knocked up while in space is pretty much the last thing she wants to happen to her. So while we're on the topic, and in case you haven't already had the pleasure of listening to her "material" on space, we'll give you the abbreviated version:

Space is a fucking waste of money and resources. We know more about space than about the ocean floor and the ocean floor is ON PLANET EARTH. Space is lonely and boring and cold and the food sucks. Sure stars are pretty, but they look just like planes flying overhead and at least planes are useful.

So, you ask, how can this be the best article you've ever read if it concerns itself with such a terrible, horrible thing-- a thing you absolutely hate hearing about and wish would just disappear? Well, it's because of lines like these:

"The biggest problem is how to conceive, because liquid cannot be spilt under the condition of weightlessness."

"But they do not need a bed in space. They can love each other in the air."

"And what will come out of that? As soon as he touches her, she will fly away in the opposite direction. A bed or at least some fastening device on a wall is more likely to be used."

“Is astronauts’ sexual need taken into consideration during long-term flights?”

“Certainly. In space men exercise on treadmills. In addition, they can theoretically masturbate too. But they should not forget about condoms or other containers, otherwise drop of sperm will be flying chaotically in the cabin and they will have to collect it."

We have not cherry-picked these quotations. They're continuous. See, we love this article because it confirms what we've always suspected: Getting it on in space sucks. Similarly, we enjoy the movie Alien because it clarifies that being in space involves a lot of slime and parasitic alien/human relationships.

Scanner Nicole understands that some people do not agree that space is terrible. Therefore, she speaks only on behalf of Scanner Nicole and not for Scanner Bryan, Brian, or Emily. Trust us, she realizes this is an unpopular opinion and that it makes her seem like hater and a cave girl. She doesn't care.

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 19:44:00 GMT

We're going to try something different with this one: reasons why we love (and really get annoyed by) Heroes star Hayden Panettiere. The eighteen-year-old inspires love of the dirty, dirty variety in us, but there's a lot that pisses us off.

This one's all in pictures...

WE LOVE:

HATE:

In summation: we love Hayden (especially dressed as a Texas cowgirl-- damn, forget the cheerleader role and get her on "Friday Night Lights," stat!) And we gotta be hatin' at the same time (whether it's a seethrough dress we didn't want to see or holding hands with BFF Paris Hilton while Paris Hilton is between deepthroats on a lollipop. Yuck-- we feel terrible for the lollipop.)

As for blubbering over Flubber, we're a bit torn. Last week, we learned how hot PETA protestors could be-- activism is sexy but naked activists are sexier. It makes us realize how young and vulnerable she is that she can cry over spilled tuna, and that just kills our Scanner boners:

But it's always up to the readers to decide these anyway...

How Could We Miss This Last Night????????

Bryan Christian — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:34:00 GMT

The geniuses behind Goldenfiddle have uncovered, via the magic of screengrabbing, an unholy celebroty meeting of epic and cosmic proportions in the audience of last night's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (our re-cap of which is available here). Behold!

Piven, Mystery, Dawson, and an indestructible cheerleader all in the same shot! With a Mandy-Moore-alike who we can't conclusively identify.

Oh, Scanner Sarah, today we miss you most of all!

Congratulations "swendlick" On Making Us Feel Really Poor!

Bryan Christian — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:10:00 GMT

More Heroes news for you! (And we don't even like that show! OK, we kind of do.) Shortly after we appraised you of the $1,200 price tag on the official "Claire's Indestructible Crotch Costume," 3 high-rolling users who we assume to be Internet billionaire fanboy pervs fought like, well, probably like girls to lay claim to this sweat-stained piece of television herstory. The winning bid, made at 5 in the AM yesterday (sneaky!) by one "swendlick" was $5,200. Which, if you put that into real people money, is roughly the equivalent of "Holy Crap!"

Y'know, this reminds us of what Tiny Tim said at the end of A Christmas Carol: "Christ Almighty, if I paid that much for underwear, I'd better get to keep the girl!" So true, Tim, so true. Merry Christmas, you old Savings and Loan!

Only 5 Days Left to Own Official Claire-from-"Heroes" Spandex

Bryan Christian — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:41:00 GMT

Hey, you! You got 120 hours, a couple grand to burn, and an obsessive preoccupation with Hayden Panettiere? We thought so. Then please to consider pointing your internet browser to the NBC Auction site, where one may currently find, at the modest price of $1,200, lot #599: an actual cheerleading costume worn by Heroes character Claire the Cheerleader on her indestructable and recently un-jailbait-y cheerleading-type body.

You know it's authentic because, er, they say so. And you know it's classy because they remembered to include a pic of the extra-snug shorts, replete with the slightest hint of official Heroes cameltoe.

Don't let sabre813 be the lucky fool, er, chump, er, perv, er, fella who pays 4 months rent for a piece of television history! Bid today!

[Via Defamer]