Scanner : German

While You Were Sleeping: Nudist Hotel

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 15:19:00 GMT

A new series on Hollywood film directors appears tonight and it looks pretty good, if you're into that sort of thing.

Donald Trump says a decision on Miss California will come today-- as The Dirty prepares to followup with a second topless photo.

The X-Men movies are being spun off into a new series of stories starring, ugh, Ryan Reynolds.

Ladies, where were you? Nate Silver went to a party and had to stand there... all alone.

A forty-five-year-old woman may become the oldest person to have a boxing championship title.

Germany is planning its first nudist hotel.

Feministing discussed the attacks on Carrie Prejean and whether they are justified or just mean ol' "slut shaming."

Kiefer Sutherland will be charged with misdemeanor assault for head-butting a designer who decked Brooke Shields.

And Katy Perry once got (fake) married in Vegas.

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Would You Pay $13,000 For Her Virginity?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Alina Percea is and eighteen-year-old student from Romania now residing in Germany. Recently, she put herself up for auction with a Buy It Now sort-of price of $75,000. That didn't go so well-- Percea ended up settling with an anonymous Italian man for the equivalent of about $13,000 US.

She says she's giving away her virginity in order to help stabalize her family's financial situation. Our question is-- would you, even if you were dirt poor, sell your virginity for so little? Or would you go for even lower? And guys, would you pay $13K for her time?

Percea's case is interesting because the recent virginity auctions, such as that of Natalie Dylan's, involved at least six or seven figures in American dollars. Perhaps Percea should've called the New York Post before the sale ended, as now she's getting the kind of publicity that would've bumped up the bids:

The auction was hit by controversy three weeks ago when a teacher at Alina's former school claimed she was not a virgin.
But Alina, who had already undergone a medical examination, was seen by a second doctor, who confirmed at a press conference she'd never had sex.
'I'm glad it's all over and I'm excited that soon I'll be meeting the winner,' she said. 'I'm not too nervous, because I know I'm doing the right thing for my family.' She admitted: 'Ten thousand euros is not so much money, even in Romania. But it will be enough. 'I hoped I'd be able to have an apartment in town. But now I will live with my parents while I go to university. I hope to find a good job with the police, so I can support my sister and brother through college too.' [Daily Mail]

She wants to find a job in law enforcement?! A rather interesting choice, one must admit, for one who sold herself over the internet...

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German Pop Star Arrested for Spreading a Little HIV With Her Message

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:51:00 GMT

A member of one of the most famous girl bands in Germany has been arrested on suspicion that she knowingly spread HIV to at least one man.

Nadja Benaissa (pictured second from the left), a member of the band No Angels, is accused of sleeping with at least three men, sans condom, full-well knowing she was HIV positive. At least one of those three men has tested positive for HIV, supposedly as a result of sleeping with Benajssa over a period of a few weeks in 2004.

Benajssa was arrested at a nightclub on Saturday night where she was set to give a solo concert and is now being held in a one-person cell in a women's prison.

Under German law, knowingly infecting another person with HIV qualifies as "grievous bodily harm" and can result in six months to ten years in prison. However, if Benaissa can prove she did not know she was HIV positive, the infection will not be considered a crime.

The organization German AIDS Help believes that the way in which her status was made public was unacceptable. "This case fits fantastically into the tabloid and media landscape," said Jörg Litinschuh, spokesman for DAH. "It centres on a famous woman, sexuality and possible guilt. It's a form of modern witch-hunting and I hope it's not an indication that the politics of dealing with HIV and Aids is becoming more restrictive."

Yes, but remember kids: no matter what that boy or girl says (and no matter how famous he or she is), you need to see those STD test results before the condom comes off.

[Guardian: German singer in jail after ex-lover claims she infected him with HIV]

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[Image]

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Stunning Conclusion

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:33:00 GMT

Back in November, we alerted you to the story of Susanna Klatten, Germany's richest women, a billionaire and heir to a BMW fortune tainted by Nazism, who was embroiled in a then-breaking story of blackmail, sex tapes, extramarital affairs, and millions of euros in cash.

This week, the trial of her one-time lover, a creep by the name of Helg Sgarbi, a Swiss businessman who apparently specializes in these types of crimes. As the court date approached, new and shocking information came to light that reopened old wounds throughout the country and the world...

In 2007, Sgarbi seduced Klatten at an Austrian spa and later at a Munich hotel. It was the hotel owner himself who filmed the hidden-camera sex tape, according to our report:

...Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten may have hoped that, in going to the police, her husband would not learn of the plot, affair, and the lost 7.5 million. Too late-- there was a leak and soon the scandal made international headlines. Then there was this, according to Gawker:

What motivated Sgarbi? Reportedly, his real name was Helg Russak, and he was the descendant of forced laborers who worked in BMW factories during World War II — which made his choice of Geiss even odder.

Klatten's grandfather, Günther Quandt, served as an advisor to Hitler; his factories made batteries for Germany's submarines. His first wife, Magda, divorced him and married Joseph Goebbels, Hitler's propaganda minister. The Quandt family, which had denied involvement in the regime for decades, agreed to fund an investigation into their past after a documentary film presented incontrovertible evidence of BMW's complicity. [Gawker]

We almost started to feel sympathy for the girl... but that was before we learned that he was also guilty of extorting money from three other wealthy women, none of whom are yet rumored to have any Nazi ties...

Yesterday, on the first day of his trial, Helg confessed to all the charges and was sentenced to a mere six years in prison for sparing Germany a lengthy and embarrassing case. The public, mouths frothing, were left saying, "Wha happen?" and actually expressed great disappointment the thing didn't drag out for months...

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Does This Supermodel Look Fat To You?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:30:00 GMT

And even if she did, so what? It's one thing if she were morbidly obese, but she's not even close to overweight-- and besides, we thought this country had better things to do than criticize a woman's weight.

Earlier this week, Heidi Klum was attacked by a publicity-starved designer for being "too fat" to walk a runway. This German designer, who is too big of a douche to be named here, lest we further his career, is well deserving of the tremendous backlash that his comments were met with.

"Wolfgang is obviously trying to revive his sagging career and get press for himself by riding Heidi''s coattails," the New York Post quoted spokesperson for Klum as saying. [Tim Gunn added] "I can wrap my hand around her bicep."

It's a shame Wolfgang isn't a female person, because we could offer a stockpile of "sagging" puns that would, unfortunately, only stoop to ~~his~~ her low. Anyway, Ol' Saggy Nuts is probably just jealous that his fellow German is more famous than he is... and that Seal won't lend her out for any of Max Mosley's orgies.

Here are some photos from Klum's recent shoot for GQ. Even if they are doctored/Photoshopped, how fake could they be? This woman will be hot until the day she dies, or at least age 67, whichever comes later.

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Dita Von Teese in German Playboy - the Sequel

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:12:00 GMT

Last week, we leaked what turned out to be a cropped photo from Dita Von Teese's stunning fourth photo shoot for Playboy, this time for the German edition.

We set out to right that wrong with the following pics...

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Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Travel to the Future, And We Like It

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:41:00 GMT

A cure for AIDS? A black president? Pregnant men? The ability to put our own faces inside of our vaginas? Welcome to the future, baby.

Highs:

Did German doctors discover a cure for HIV? Or was it AIDS?

Speaking of the future, it is now possible to have our own face inside our own vagina.

The pregnant man is pregnant again... yay?

Scanner Brian and his cronies pulled a prank on New York.

Men, you can keep it up longer with a little help from a spray... as long as you don't mind the fact that you won't be able to feel your penis.

But post-menopausal women can now feel everything thanks to a new gel.

Didn't you know we like it from behind?

Lows:

We got in a fight with some Mormons over Proposition 8.... over Facebook.

We decided we're leaving New York.

Is this our future?

Either way, it's a damn good thing we wear cheap underwear.

Poor Lindsay Lohan is still confused about her sexuality.

Feet. Gross.

We debated the attractiveness of certain celebrities.

Oh, and we lost the Obama interview to 60 Minutes.

Cure For AIDS Discovered? Or Is It HIV?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:25:00 GMT

As Scanner Emily reported earlier, hemotologists in Berlin claim that a bone marrow transplant has cured an American patient of theirs of the AIDS virus. Or is it HIV? These things can be so confusing to the media, which hasn't given a shit about this issue since The Ryan White Story...

An American man who suffered from AIDS appears to have been cured of the disease 20 months after receiving a targeted bone marrow transplant normally used to fight leukemia, his doctors said.
While researchers — and the doctors themselves — caution that the case might be no more than a fluke, others say it may inspire a greater interest in gene therapy to fight the disease that claims 2 million lives each year. The virus has infected 33 million people worldwide.

Dr. Gero Huetter said Wedneday his 42-year-old patient, an American living in Berlin who was not identified, had been infected with the AIDS virus for more than a decade. But 20 months after undergoing a transplant of genetically selected bone marrow, he no longer shows signs of carrying the virus. [Yahoo! Health]

That's according to the AP. But the BBC has a different story, the one Emily reported on:

The researchers in Berlin said the man, who suffered from leukaemia and HIV, had shown no sign of either disease since the transplant two years ago.
But they stressed it was an unusual case which needed further investigation.
Experts said the result may boost interest in gene therapy for HIV.
Berlin's Charite clinic said the 42-year-old patient was an American living in Berlin, but the man has not been identified.

Either way, we're trying to stay positive (hey, at least it cured one person, whether or not anyone else is ever cured) although, yes, it could be a fluke... or a glitch in their readings... or poor research. Or some other answer that would automatically discount their findings.

But we're hoping that the 42-year-old patient goes on to live a long life... and that millions of other people are able to as well. What do you think?

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While You Were Sleeping...

Dita Von Teese Graces Us With These Playboy Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:06:00 GMT

Marilyn Manson, are you reading this? What were you thinking, hombre? This woman only gets better with age....

After the jump, an exclusive-to-the-'net photo from Dita's session for Germany's Playboy... plus some classic goodness to balance things out...

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Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

You're the country's richest woman. You fear home invasion, kidnapping, extortion, and those pesky poor people with their hands out.

What you probably don't do is worry about getting blackmailed over your own sex tape. Unless, of course, you're this woman...

German police have been working on a case involving Susanne Klatten, Germany's 46-year-old female billionaire, and have arrested two men: Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten, who holds a large stake in automaker BMW and Altana speciality chemical company, allegedly paid 7.5 million euros to a Swiss Helg Sgarbi to stop him from publishing compromising photos and videos of the couple's relationship, the German tabloid Bild am Sonntag reported.

The 41-year-old suspect was taken into custody by German authorities some weeks ago, Schmidt-Sommerfeld said.

The heiress to the Quandt family fortune and mother of three children "filed a complaint for fraud and blackmail in January 2008 with a Munich court," he added. Klatten has a personal fortune of 7.8 billion euros, according to German's Manager Magazine.

7.8 billion euros? That's like 40 trillion American or six Michael Bloombergs, right?

Seriously, we think we know why Klatten was embarrassed about this sex tape going public: she's "happily" married. Our guess is that she paid the hush money more so her husband wouldn't find out about the affair than any other public humiliation it could cause. The fact that she went to the police may only mean that she still hoped the media wouldn't find out about the whole incident.

Nice try.

Via Euro News.

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20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 20:10:00 GMT

A teacher in western Hungary may actually get to keep her job, even after she performed a raunchy striptease during a game of (for God's sake!) Truth or Dare, which she engaged in with her 15-year-old students.

Better yet, she gets to keep her job even though video of the strip show ended up on YouTube...

The unnamed teacher, who is identified in news reports only as hailing from Germany, was supervising a school party when a student dared her to take off her clothes... Elizabeth Berkley-style...

Here's the full video. Bonus: they must have planned this thing far enough in advance-- somebody had Joe Cocker's cover of Randy Newman's "You Can Leave Your Hat On" cued up on the CD player when she started out...

She must have this school over a barrel (what, is she the only German-speaking German teacher in Hungary or something?), for the principal refused to dismiss her:

“I was forced to give the German teacher a warning, but I will not dismiss her because she is a valuable teacher for our institution,” said Sandor Rozman.
He said the teacher had shown no more flesh “than you would see on a beach."

We've never wished to return to high school, but if this woman's contract is renewed, we may just re-enroll...

Via News.com.au.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Trial of Keanu Reeves

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Somebody has been taunted the German police by placing a Muppet over his face when passing speed cameras. (Obviously, this genius neglected to realize the authorities would capture images of his license plate.) The hilarious photo evidence is here.

MTV has posted most of its greatest videos online.

It's possible to find love online, even in your 80s. (Of course, the guy who got lucky on the internet married a woman much younger than him-- unfortunately for you 60+ ladies, even this guy admits he wasn't interested in women his own age.)

Bono's teenage ladyfriend insists they are strictly platonic, although we have to wonder what kind of strange friendship this rock star and his middle-aged buddy would have with two young female models other than the obvious one.

The Rothernberg Political Report now estimates the Democrats will capture 7-9 seats a week from today, putting the magic number ("60") within reach.

There's apparently something called "Farting Dog" and it involves the Jonas Brothers.

A photographer is suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly attempting to run him over with a car. (This is the same asswipe who watched the criminal charges against Keanu get tossed out of court and now is trying the greed route.) Seriously, dude? You get in the way of Keanu's car and you want to cry about being run over? Please go away.

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Help! The Giant Penis Man Needs You!

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:53:00 GMT

We were alerted to a news item headlined "Giant penis man needs 're-chalkers.'" We didn't know what that meant, but the possibility of a news story about a man with a giant penis is never passed up here...

Turns out, according to Metro in the UK, the headline refers to a giant penis man who is in danger of extinction. (Scanner Emily might quip: "Tell me about it.") The giant penis man is actually a drawing on a Dorset, England hillside... and whopper of whoppers... has been there since 1694!

Hell, the big bastard had to be covered up in case the Germans tried to use him as a landmark for parachute jumps during WWII. For God's sake, the man is a historical figure of grand stature.

The organisation [National Trust] usually borrows around 100 sheep for a few weeks in May and September to graze on the vegetation and keep the giant in shape.
[Director Rob] Rhodes said: "The grass is now pretty much smothering the whole of the giant. He is not completely invisible but he is quite overgrown." [Mm-hmm. -Ed.]

Can you imagine this kind of thing being allowed in America? Religious wackos would picket and maybe even burn the field to get rid of the "insult to God."

Many believe the figure is a symbol of ancient spirituality and fertility and he has been used to advertise products as diverse as condoms, jeans and bicycles.
Since then he has always been visible, receiving regular grass trimmings and a full re-chalking every 10 years. The last re-chalking was in September 2001 but it was brought forward to this year because of the erosion caused by the recent wet summers.

Volunteers are encouraged to show up anytime, day or night, with their long white sticks. Of chalk, of course.

Via Metro.

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This Week In Gayness: Doctors Shocked To Learn They Can't Reject Gay Patients

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:51:00 GMT

Is anyone surprised to learn that a conservative "family values" champion has completely misconstrued the truth in print? Johnathan Trapp suggests on the Concerned Women For America website (although, of course, not being of the womanly persuasion is no "strike one" on an anti-feminist site for women) that the rights of priests and others are being violated because gay marriages are being "forced" upon them. Never mind that even those who haven't even read about California's new law can probably guess that no one in the United States is forced to wed any couple if they don't want to...

This whole anti-gay = anti-McDonald's movement has grown more insane than we thought it ever could be...

Guess why Westboro Baptist Church, our top pick for the site of the next nuclear missile tests, is calling John Edwards a "fag enabler":

Westboro Baptist Church (WBC), the anti-gay Christian organisation, has voiced the opinion that John Edwards is "cursed" by God.

Edwards... has been part of the campaign to end the U.S. military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy...

The WBC claimed on Saturday 16th that Edwards is a "fag enabler", who attacked the WBC for "preaching God's holy truth about fags."

Ah, history lessons: some Germans vandalized an ode to homosexual victims of the Holocaust.

McCain danced around gay marriage, while Obama ~~hopefully lied~~ reiterated his opposition to it.

Wait, someone would dedicate their life and career to giving medical help and advice, thus saving lives and contributing to the greater humanity... but would actually refuse to treat a person who happens to be gay? Normally, we're very worried about how few Americans are going into the medical profession, but we'd totally advocate stripping these people of their licenses...

California doctors who have religious objections to gays and lesbians must nevertheless treat them the same as any other patient or find a colleague in the office who will do so, the state Supreme Court ruled unanimously Monday. [San Francisco Chronicle]

And finally... will there be a gay James Bond?

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German Female Olympians Form Close Bond, Immediately Pose Nude For Playboy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:30:00 GMT

With seemingly every other female Olympian posing topless for one cause or another, four German athletes decided hey, what the hell, why not get something out of this whole crazy Beijing thing?

Unfortunately, not all four appear together. According to featured field hockey player Katharina Scholz (pictured above), their schedules did not allow them to time it so they could pose on the same day. But Scholz is willing to speak on behalf of the whole fabulous foursome when she says, following her team's victory over the United States yesterday (ah, we forgive you):

"I think now I have to play hockey and later talk about things like [Playboy]. I think it's a good opportunity but it's not important for me for now...

"The most important thing for me is playing hockey. And because I am playing hockey, I got the opportunity to go on Playboy. Otherwise I wouldn't. I have no plans on a career in modelling."

The September issue of Playboy's German edition will feature four covers, each featuring one of the following photos:

You know what first comes to our minds when we saw these: Can an atrocious MTV reality show be far behind? They really do look like a cross between Desperate Housewives At 24 and The Real World: Dresden...

Via Playboy (Germany) and National Nine News.

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Kick-Ass Stranded Hiker Uses Bra To Save Her Own Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Last week, a woman used an undergarment to injure her eye (somehow.) Now we're hearing that on Thursday, a Colorado woman hiking in the Bavarian alps, injured in a fall and trapped on a ledge, got the attention of police and rescuers using her bra.

Jessica Bruinsma (pictued above... or not), currently training for a marathon, was hiking in Germany when she fell onto a ledge, injuring her leg and dislocating her shoulder. Luckily, miraculously, there was a supply box containing water on the ledge and Bruinsma was able to keep herself alive for seventy hours. At some point, she realized the nearby presence of a line used by the local timber company. Unfortunately, the line was out of service-- but that didn't stop Jessica. She attached her bra to it...

...the cable was only within reach because the timber transport system was out of service.
When a repairman restored the line on Thursday, the cable car started moving up the mountain and Bruinsma's bra reached the worker at the base. He knew of the missing hiker and immediately called police.

Make all the jokes you want about a 20-something female using her bra to signal German lumberjacks, but we'll just sit back in mute awe at Bruinsma's brilliance and resourcefulness. We expect this won't be the last we hear of her...

Via Weird News.

Newspaper Runs Topless Photo of 13 Year Old Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:12:00 GMT

Above model is NOT the subject of this story and is probably over 18. We hope.

A German newspaper has caused a huge uproar after "mistakenly" publishing a topless photo of a thirteen-year-old girl on its front pages.

Bild, the country's #1 newspaper, which often puts naked women on its covers, ran a photo of a local girl as part of a contest to determine "the hottest girl of the summer." Someone nominated the young woman, who was then photographed by a freelance photographer...

...the minor was paid a fee for the photo and it was published with her mother's written consent. The paper's editor, the company said, had not been aware of the girl's age at the time. Bild said it has removed the image from its archive in order to ensure that it would not be published again.

Wait, her mother signed off on this?! Holy shit-- who knew Warren Jeffs had moved to fucking Germany?

By the way, the newspaper is not going to escape blame in this. Not after this little "snafu":

Generally, the newspaper includes the age of the models it uses on its front page, but on that date, it was conspicuously absent.

Hmmm....

Via Spiegel.

Woman Auctions Off Night of Sex, Gets Pregnant by Anonymous

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:15:00 GMT

Try to read this slowly so you can digest it with the martini you're having for lunch:

A woman in Germany who became pregnant after an online sex auction has won a court battle to force the Web site that hosted the sale to reveal the names of the winners, so she can find out who's the father.

A court in Berlin rules the auction site is obligated to give up the names of the six random uber-studs who won the contest last year and got down with their bad selves. Of course, in a hilarious bit of irony, the court refused to give the woman's name or nationality.

Damn. There seems to be no shortage of Odd News today. Did y'all hear about the Thai crackdown on teen sex for Valentine's Day? Or the woman who-- whoops-- dropped her Meth in an ATM envelope and now wants it back?