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Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

You're the country's richest woman. You fear home invasion, kidnapping, extortion, and those pesky poor people with their hands out.

What you probably don't do is worry about getting blackmailed over your own sex tape. Unless, of course, you're this woman...

German police have been working on a case involving Susanne Klatten, Germany's 46-year-old female billionaire, and have arrested two men: Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten, who holds a large stake in automaker BMW and Altana speciality chemical company, allegedly paid 7.5 million euros to a Swiss Helg Sgarbi to stop him from publishing compromising photos and videos of the couple's relationship, the German tabloid Bild am Sonntag reported.

The 41-year-old suspect was taken into custody by German authorities some weeks ago, Schmidt-Sommerfeld said.

The heiress to the Quandt family fortune and mother of three children "filed a complaint for fraud and blackmail in January 2008 with a Munich court," he added. Klatten has a personal fortune of 7.8 billion euros, according to German's Manager Magazine.

7.8 billion euros? That's like 40 trillion American or six Michael Bloombergs, right?

Seriously, we think we know why Klatten was embarrassed about this sex tape going public: she's "happily" married. Our guess is that she paid the hush money more so her husband wouldn't find out about the affair than any other public humiliation it could cause. The fact that she went to the police may only mean that she still hoped the media wouldn't find out about the whole incident.

Nice try.

Via Euro News.

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Crazy McCain's Even Crazier Brother's Crazy 911 Call

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:10:00 GMT

First, there was the woman who called 9-1-1 to report that her fast food order was incorrect. Then there was the guy who wanted to complain about his pizza delivery order being slow. And now, the circle is complete.

John McCain's brother, Joe, who recently made the news when he criticized the incompetent numbnuts running McCain-Palin '08, is once more in the spotlight and causing his brother an embarrassing headache.

ABC's Political blog has the alleged transcript:

Operator: 911 state your emergency
Caller: It's not an emergency but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?

Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic? (pause)
Caller: "Fuck you." (caller hangs up)

Stunned, the operator *-69's his ass, leaving a message after a voicemail reveals his identity:

"Hi, this is Joe McCain. I can't take this message now because I'm involved in a very (inaudible) important political project... I hope on Nov. 4th we have elected John."

Not with your help, bub. Meanwhile, Joe figures out they're on to him and calls 911 again, this time to chew out the operator. He may or may not have been connected to the same one:

Caller: Somebody gave me this riot act about the violation of police.
Operator: Did you just call 911 in reference to this?
Caller: Yeah.
Operator: 911 is to be used for emergencies only, not just because you're sitting in traffic.

Zing! Or something like that. Anyway, before you cry "media bias," just let us know if another Joe (Joe Biden, that is) ever makes a guffaw this humiliating and we'll run it...

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Today In Embarrassing Headlines: CNN's "Run, Drink, Vomit"

Ina Maier — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:05:00 GMT

Sometimes we click on headlines because they seem interesting, and sometimes we click on headlines because of the sheer incongruity between them and their hosting publication. Welcome to today's most embarassing headline...

CNN, America's "most trusted name in news," has either jumped the shark or nuked the fridge, or just gotten so plum bored with all their "big shot" reporting that they decided that a beer marathon was worthy of their breaking front page news. And it's not just any old piece about a beer marathon, but one headlined "Beer Marathoners Run, Drink, Vomit."

But, wait! It gets better. After the jump (is it called that outside of blogland?) the headline is changed to "Runners Must Drink Beer." Breaking news, eh, CNN?

As for the story in question - yeah, it's relatively interesting, in that it's about a beer marathon, in that we clicked on it, and in that we managed to watch about two-thirds of the video, which amounts to approximately one entire minute, which means that they held our attention about 59 seconds longer than the NY Times Sunday Styles section did yesterday.

Oh, and also, the video shows people puking. Way to go, CNN! Keep on, keepin' on!

And while we're at it, feel free to share any ridiculous headlines you find today. We're really bored.

[via, of course, CNN]

[Photo via CyberSalt]