Scanner : Burt Reynolds

'Playboy' Picks Its Ninth Play Boy

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:41:00 GMT

Burt Reynolds, Dan Aykroyd, Donald Trump, Gene Simmons, Jerry Seinfeld, Leslie Nielsen, Peter Sellers and Steve Martin have all appeared on the cover of Playboy. So which bearded (!!!) gentleman will be Playboy's next play boy?

Seth Rogen:

We'd totally do him. And so we will absolutely buy this issue.

Hopefully, Rogen will help boost the magazine's sales.

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[Image]

[Source, NSFW]

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 20-11

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:25:00 GMT

We continue our list with the Top 20 sexiest films ever made.

If you need a refresher, here are 30-21, 31-40, and 50-41.

20. Boogie Nights. Come on, you don't actually need an explanation for why this is here, do you? This film is about the 70s porn explosion and it involves Julianne Moore and Heather Graham, not to mention Burt Reynolds. For God's sake!

19. Do The Right Thing. It seems like a century has passed since Spike Lee's monumental classic Do The Right Thing landed like a meteorite and sent the nation reeling. Do you remember the time when Spike used to star in his own movies? As seen here, he was actually a decent actor and, more importantly, Rosie Perez wasn't intolerable.

18. A History of Violence. You wouldn't think a guy who made a movie about people putting VHS tapes in their vaginas would ever be able to make a movie as sexy as a History of Violence, but David Cronenberg pulls it off-- in this case, thanks entirely to the sex scene that starts 7:00 into this clip.

17. Some Like It Hot. The greatest line, the greatest ending, the funniest scene, and one of the best onscreen couples ever (Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe... although Jack Lemmon and Joe E. Brown are a pretty hot duo.) What more could you ask for? Scene after scene of some of the sexiest comic moments in film history would be too much, wouldn't it? But Some Like It Hot delivers, in a way that no movie has been able to since. Check out Marilyn and her, um, "Bosom Companions," in this vintage trailer.

16. Gone with the Wind. Is this movie still sexy? We saw it for the first time only a few years ago and wondered what the big deal was... right up until the concluding scene, when (SPOILERS!) Rhett doesn't give a good goddamn what you think, Scarlett. Ever since, we've tried to figure out how the hell Clark Gable got so suave and how we could even hold a candle to it. You'd do right by watching this nine-minute clip, with which the epic film concludes.

15. Unfaithful. We don't get it-- you're married to Richard Gere and you're seduced by Oliver Martinez? Is it because Gere wears glasses? That seems to be the only explanation for Diane Lane's falling for Kylie Minogue's real life beau in this surprise success from Fatal Attraction director Adrian Lyne. Either way, we don't mind this one-- especially after a twist that could have served as a much better ending for Fatal Attraction itself.

14. The Hunger. No list of sex and movies is complete with a hot vampire movie. No list of sex and movies is complete with this hot vampire movie, starring the sumptuous trio of Catherine Denueve, David Bowie, and Susan Sarandon. Succulent.

13. Out of Sight. The best part of Out of Sight wasn't the famous trunk scene (pictured above), or the scintillating presence of then-budding-star (and then-tolerable) Jennifer Lopez, or even George Clooney's breakthrough performance. Rather, it was Steven Soderberg's deft balance of action, comedy, and romance to turn a preposterous love story in a very sexy near-classic. By keeping Lopez and Clooney away from each other for most of the film, while simultaneously allowing their characters to toy with each other throughout, made for a huge breath of fresh air in 1997.

12. The More the Merrier. Jean Arthur is engaged to a real schmuck, a guy who's engaged to her but sees no need to get married. A lodger in Arthur's apartment (long story) falls in love with her and, knowing the lady is being strung along, decides to make his move. Although this scene is often named as the sexiest in movie history (the kiss itself is singled out for praise by most film critics), The More The Merrier was overshadowed by another 1943 film on our list (can you guess which one?) and has fallen into near-obscurity. Wanna help raise it from oblivion?

11. The Postman Always Rings Twice. "The whole reason for that movie is sex, and that's why I wanted to do it." - Jack Nicholson. Usually, updating a sexy classic just ends in vulgarity (Psycho, starring Vince Vaughn, anyone?) and while the almost-rape scene in David Mamet's 1982 version of the Postman Always Rings Twice could make the whole movie a turnoff for some, the steamy Depression-Era atmosphere and continuous lust-filled overtones add up to one hot flick. Here's the movie's most memorable moment:

Related:

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 40-31

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 30-21

Top 10 Funniest Slang Terms For Masturbation

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Did you know there are over one thousand substitutes for the word "masturbation," all created by skateboarding hipster kids in Southern California?

The makers of The Masturbation List did, and shared all 1,000 terms (mainly guys can use) with us. We whittled (!) it down to a Top 10:

10. Slobbin' the Milosevich

9. Answer the bone-a-phone

8. Play with Burt Reynolds' mustache

7. Beef-strokin'-off

4. Ben your Franklin

6. Date Palmela Handerson

5. "Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all..."

4. Lubricate the Lutheran

3. High-five Yule Brenner

2. Our Gang Spanky Marathon

1. Pat the Robertson

And yes, we read all one thousand to bring you this pointless exercise... yes, we have that kind of time...

Honorable mentions: Vote Republican, Bash the bishop, Battle the Cyclops, Rub the rhubarb, Fire the surgeon general; Molest the bystander; Five knuckle shuffle; Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork; and Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace.

Via the Masturbation List. Photo of John Mayer via Celeb Newswire.

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The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:45:00 GMT

The Frisky has a new list out, this time running down ten former porn stars or porn makers who have gone on to bigger (though, in most cases, not at all better) things.

We narrowed the list to five for several reasons, including the fact that theirs includes actual current porn stars (Tracy Lords doesn't count either.) Although we didn't leave out #5... did you know about the kid from The Christmas Story?!

1. Sylvester Stallone: He did porn at 24 when there was not much more... he could've been doing, that is. (Sorry for that random Neil Young reference, "Old Man" is on our head right now.) "After the actor became famous, the movie was reedited and released as The Italian Stallion, of course."

2. Francis Ford Coppola: He hung on to the Godfather directing job by a thread-- what would've studio heads done to him if they'd found out he was a porn director, too?

3. Thora Birch: Her parents did porn, including her Dad, who was in Deep Throat. This one's cheating, although Birch has done some porn herself-- remember that scene in American Beauty?

4. Dita Von Teese: We already blew the lid off this one.

5. Scotty Schwartz: "Remember the kid in A Christmas Story who got his tongue stuck to a frozen pole? That kid was Scotty Schwartz, a child actor who grew up and, looking to change his image, starred in his own X-rated biopic: Scotty’s X-Rated Adventure. On set, he reported, 'I sank just about as fast as the Titanic.'” Poor bastard, but that's what he gets for doing what I told him expressly not to do with his tongue.

Don't forget Burt Reynolds, who did that nude pictoral in Cosmo. Yes, kids, back in the day, Cosmo wasn't just about terrible advice... it actually had hot naked dudes... in their prime!

Via the Frisky.

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"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:45:00 GMT

As Lou Reed would say, "My week beats your year!"

You'd have had a hard time finding a wilder good time on Friday than the opening night party of St. Petersburg, Florida's Erotic Lounge, which ended in arrests, tears, and a giant penis.

1) The police in St. Petersburg receive a call from a whiny, busybody neighbor regarding a giant penis statue that has been placed in front of the Erotic Lounge, an art gallery.

2) Police arrive and see that there is a penis sculpture, probably seven or eight feet tall, in front of the entrance. They ask the gallery owner to remove his schlong, he refuses, citing its artistic value. Invariably, the cops cannot think of a city ordinance or state law this dick violates, so they leave.

3) Like the sheriff chasing Burt Reynolds in "Smokey and the Bandit," the cops refuse to let a little legality get in the way of cleaning up Florida's increasingly conservative culture. They return later in the evening, with the party in full swing and see, through the glass doors, a nude man suspended from the ceiling in a harness. A sergeant tries to charge through the front door without a permit, the owner tries to block his way, gets tackled by other cops, and is instantly arrested.

4) The cops raid and shut down the party, telling everyone there was a liquor violation and asking to see IDs.

5) Meanwhile, the nude man who is deaf and possibly mentally retarded, does not understand what is going on. He is immediately arrested the "model," as the man called himself, for violating the city rule barring genitals from being in the same room with booze. While being cuffed, the nude man began to cry. "He'll be okay. Misdemeanor charge," an officer told one of the man's friends.

6) The police search turned up the following:

The walls of the gallery were covered in erotic images. One painting depicted Superman in underwear with an erect penis.
Attached to a bathroom door of cloth were signs reading: "Human petting zoo," "Tipping allowed & encouraged," and "Dare to explore." Police said they found a man in his underwear inside the bathroom but nothing illegal.

7) The cop who conducted the raid was interviewed afterwards and asked how he figured out in advance that the gallery was serving alcohol before he kicked the door in to get at the naked man. (In other words, what's your probable cause, since the fact that there was a naked man isn't enough?) His answer:

Collins said the police began an investigation Friday night after hearing that the gallery was displaying genitals while serving alcohol. He would not specify how they knew, saying he wouldn't reveal an investigative tactic.
But because the business has a liquor license, police have a right of entry and don't need probable cause to go inside, Collins said. [Then why didn't you say that first? Hmm... - Ed.]

8) Meanwhile, outside the front door, owner Bill Schramm was being taken into custody, saying:

"Oh, my God," said... Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. "This is the city's response to a penis. That's fabulous."

Florida: fabulous indeed. Read more, via the St. Petersburg Times.

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Recession Special: What Businesses Can Learn From Porn

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:18:00 GMT

Are you a small business owner? Do you like porn? If you have a pulse and therefore answered yes to either of these questions, you should check out the Dirty Writer's 10 Important Business Lessons From the Porn Industry. The article/list shows how the adult film and photo industry continues to increase its profits every year-- mainly through no-holds barred selling tactics and, um, ass. We can all learn something in these trying times:

8. Provide samples.
Provide the illusion of getting something for free. The more attractive and valuable the sample appears to be, the more interested they will be in the real product.

There's also a list of Top 10 Things To Do In A Recession, which is utterly irrelevant to the above, but worth noting for #10:

10. Catch up on your internet porn. Don't bother paying; you can waste hours a day just checking out the free stuff.

Previously: 10 Reasons The Recession Will Rock Your Love Life.

Tom Selleck, Hubba, Hubba

Emily Farris — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:17:00 GMT

We have few vivid memories from when we were very young, but one will never leave us: Mom dancing around the house in her nightgown getting us and little sister (ages 3 and 2 at the time, respectively), to join in her "Tom Selleck, hubba, hubba" chant. Like any good chant, it stuck with us, even into our teens, when we'd watch him on "Friends." Monica would get all crazytown on him but all we could hear was "Tom Selleck, hubba, hubba." So imagine our joy when we found Mr. Hubba Hubba gracing the cover of "God's Gift: Over 100 Studs, Stallions and Dreamboats from the 70s and 80s" in all his moustached glory. The perfect Christmas gift for Mom! And then we opened it and realized we have to buy this book for every woman we know over the age of 35. Well, we didn't buy it yet, and it's too bad because now we can't show you the inside—chock full of heartthrobs like pre-politics Arnold Schwarzenegger, Patrick Swayze, Burt Reynolds, Andy Gibb, and, yes, even Mr. T. And, if we remember correctly The Hoff is on the back cover. How could you not?