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BBC's Topless Ambition

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Kirsten O'Brien just did a documentary called Kirsten's Topless Ambition for BBC3, which is all about her boobs. More specifically, the documentary discusses the question that has been bugging women in the entertainment industry for years: should I take my boobs out for a wank mag like FHM or keep getting stuck in this Grade-Z TV rut?

O'Brien had been working as the host of a kids show for over 10 years when she took a look around her and realized that all of her female friends in the business were making it big and she was being left behind. As O'Brien told the British press:

"Over the years, it's something I've watched women do, and it's fascinated me.

"Now I'm at a career crossroads and that's the usual point in which women do a shoot, when they say 'I want to get out of kids telly, what do I do? I know, I'll get me swimsuit on and get me la las out'," she says, laughing raucously.

Instead of taking her, uh, "la las out," O'Brien had herself tailed by a camera crew and debacles like this one were captured for posterity:

She dances for the nightclub owner in an attempt to prove she can stop laughing long enough to look good on the podium.

Unsurprisingly, it doesn't go well.

"That was quite interesting! I embraced the challenge of it, there's no point forming an opinion on something unless you've explored it a little bit," she explains.

"The girls I met were lovely too, really friendly and helpful. That's not to say I could do anything by the end of it!

"What's not explained in the documentary is when you see me run upstairs to do my dance for Peter Stringfellow, I've got the most ridiculous tutu on. I was trying to figure out what to wear, and someone said 'Peter's here and he can't wait' so I had to run upstairs, wearing the tutu, but still with with my jogging bottoms on underneath.

"I did want to try properly, I didn't want to mess about, so when Peter started laughing at me I was upset," she continues.

"There was one point when I shouted at him, 'Peter, man, you're not taking this seriously' but he carried on laughing. So much so that I decided to stop.

"I did genuinely try, although it might not look like I did!" [Chester Chronicle]

Sounds like going naked isn't for everyone. Then again, we need some girls-next-door that aren't taking their clothes off to develop crushes on. We can't have all the girls be half-naked because that would take the fun out of wishing they would all get naked.

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Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:08:00 GMT

The teabagging hilarity continues: this roundup of great tea puns is well worth checking out.

While we're at it, here's another made-up Fox News "scandal."

An obviously crazy man bit off his own penis in our old neighborhood of Ft. Greene, Brooklyn.

Everyone should rent the original UK version of State of Play before the American version comes along tomorrow and bores everyone to death.

Tennessee schools hate on the gays by blocking websites favorable to their cause.

A Baptist preacher, who kind of looks like Luke Wilson, was beaten and tased multiple times by the border patrol for refusing to open his trunk.

Kari Ferrell, the Utah hipster-grifter, is taking New York City by storm with her awful tattoos and creepy promises to give guys hand jobs with her mouth. Wha?

Is this the end of Rolling Stone Magazine?

President Obama released all those pesky interrogation memos from the Bush administration. Of course, nothing will ever come of this.

Brad Garrett yelled at paparazzi about "turbans" and is now accused of making racial slurs.

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Sex Ed Class Enjoys Naked Man Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:05:00 GMT

They'd never get away with this in America: one British high school is making headlines after a teacher showed her sex ed class a parade of naked men and asked them which body parts they wanted to focus on...

The dudes were parading around the school gymnasium for a live camera feed set up by Channel Four's The Sex Education Show, which aims to teach young people healthy attitudes about lovemaking-- you know, not that abstinence garbage. The cameras zoomed in on the body parts in question, examining their remarkable differences and proving no two people are alike, according to this local news story.

Even more incredibly, this was sanctioned by the school and the parents. (In America, they would bring back lynching specifically to deal with these people.) The students thought it helped show boys that not everyone is supermodel thin and there is nothing wrong with the un-Photoshopped body. Hear, hear.

Check out what Assistant head teacher Jo Postlethwaite has to say about the program:

"I think what this has given us is a starting point to revamp sex education. The students really benefited from people from outside the school coming in to talk to them about sex. It can be hard for both students and teachers to go from a teacher being your maths teacher to being your sex education teacher. Maybe it needs to be someone completely different."

We really have nothing more to say about this except "bravo." Meanwhile, Italy is in an uproar over a teacher who discussed genital piercings, bondage, and all that jazz during an off-topic rant about masturbation. This was during a sex ed class being taught to eleven-year-olds, which is apparently not acceptable over there.

Related:

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Sacrilege

Colleen Kane — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:01:00 GMT

No no no no no no please God no.

Can you tell what remake of a TV classic that did Not need to be messed with this photo is from?

It's the Americanized Absolutely Fabulous, with Kristen Johnston and Kathryn Hahn.

If you find this more sacrilicious than sacrilegious, more photos can be seen on dlisted.

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BBC Wants You to Know You'll All Get Sex Cancers

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:27:00 GMT

Sex cancers are going to get you! Sex cancers are going to get you!

Can you tell it's a slow news day all over the world, especially at the BBC?

According to their intrepid reporter and staggering research power, the British Broadcasting Corporation has revealed that all that sex and drugs and rock 'n roll you baby boomers enjoy so much has led to cancers of your genitalia:

Rates of anal, vulval and vaginal cancers rose for "baby boomers" born in the decades after the Second World War.

The culprit is the human papillomavirus (HPV), acquired during sex, said the King's College London study.

Up to three out of four people will be infected, it estimates. The British Journal of Cancer report says changes in sexual habits may be the cause.

HPV has been implicated in a number of cancers, including cervical, anal, vulval, vaginal and penile - although the diseases can be caused by other factors too.

We had to check this story's publication date to make sure, but we can confirm that the BBC has discovered the existence of HPV... after the entire state of Texas. Now, that's news...

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The Best Sendup of Facebook Yet

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:56:00 GMT

Facebook! Am I right, people? It's freaky to be online "friends" with people you remember not particularly liking back in grammar school. But now that we're all adults, you have to accept these people's friend requests or it would be awkward in some modern way when you eventually run into them at a reunion or somewhere. Plus, once "friends," you can read their "25 RandomThings About Me" list and realize how much it reflects their insecurities. You can look at their lame life as represented on their profile and you can think to yourself, Who is popular now? Who has designer jeans now!??!

Ahem. Anyway, the sketch group Idiots of Ants (above) did a bit acting out Facebook in real life for the BBC Three show "The Wall," and while the show itself is now over, this video will live on as a great zing on Facebook culture. This is the most viewed BBC Three YouTube clip of all time, BTW.

Related:

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Image

Sloppy Seconds: Boy George's Plea to Amy Winehouse

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:01:00 GMT

The BBC is defending a gay kiss on its hit show East Enders. [Queerty]

Why are we so much more likely to believe that a shark had a virgin birth than a human? [Wired]

Ha, remember when Lynne Spears wrote a book? [MollyGood]

After getting sick and canceling six shows, Janet Jackson is feeling much better and will resume her "Witchu" tour. We encourage her to rename it. Perhaps something like "With You?" [MTV]

Now that he's clean, Boy George would very much like Amy Winehouse to follow his lead. [People]

Sloppy Seconds: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's Rock Star Performance

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:04:00 GMT

This is not a joke or a rumor we're trying to start about Sarah Palin, but apparently her personal email account (that she used to conduct government business) has been hacked. [techPresident]

Is it bad to laugh at this headline? [Naked Man Running Through Traffic Dies]

Okay, but we can laugh at this one, right? [R. Kelly says he was betrayed during porn probe]

Whatever you do, do not send Brokeback Mountain author Annie Proulx your happy endings. [Defamer]

Dane Cook has five sisters and he's still a douche. Interesting. [People]

Think what you will about her intelligence, style and talent, but Jessica Simpson's new album debuted at the top of the Billboard country chart. [Us]

Finally! We'll learn a little something about Carrie Bradshaw before she made her way to (and in) the Big Apple. [FadedYouth]

Scarlett Johansson would like you to recycle your old cell phone. Um, okay! [TeamSugar]

FLWLF (First Lady We'd Like to Fuck), Carla Bruni-Sarkozy rocked out with The Kings of Leon and Metallica on the BBC. [Yahoo!]

New Gemma Arterton Sex Scene Steams Us Up For Bond 22

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:41:00 GMT

Gemma Arterton may not be the sexiest but she is inarguably the cutest Bond Girl ever cast. We were already dying to see Bond 22 (aka "Quantum of Solace"-- ugh, come on, what is it, directed by George Lucas?) without her involvement and now, with her casting and the following screencaps and sex scene clip from her latest film, we're positively foaming at the mouth...

Exclusive full-length version of the scene below. If that's down for any reason, you can watch another, lower-quality version here.

Above is a screenshot from the minute-long sex fest. Here's Gemma in bed with that dude from the BBC version of The Office, who is the luckiest nebbish alive:

The hell with that... back to the sex scene.

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90-Year-Old Woman Served Lunch By Half-Naked Man (And It's Her Make-A-Wish Wish, Too)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:44:00 GMT

Normally, the St. Austel nursing home gets "final" requests for things like a golf game or a visit from the grandkids-- you know, peaceful day trips ending with a beer. They usually don't get a request from their very elderly patients for male staff members to serve fish and chips without their clothes on...

An unnamed male staff member volunteered to serve 90-year-old patient, who also remains anonymous, a "Meal of the Day" at the inhouse restaurant. Did we mention he was dressed only in a thong and a see-through apron? She told a reporter for the BBC: "I thoroughly enjoyed my fish and chips served by the half naked man." No, problem, grandma... and next time, we'll be sure to drop trou... all the way... if you're up for it... because you kick serious ass, wrinkled or otherwise.

Although this is as far as the local reporter went in describing the events, we're pretty sure that, after a nap and some bingo, the party quickly took on this kind of vibe:

More via the BBC. Top photo via.

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10 Things That Make Men Cry

Ina Maier — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:58:00 GMT

Did you know that there are ten whole things that will make a man cry?

Did you also know that we are somehow still in an age wherein the BBC (!) would consider ten whole things that make men, nay - "blokes" cry news? No? Well, pull up a chair and sit down because do we have news for you: Men cry! Particulary during emotional and/or life-altering events like, oh, say, the birth of their first child! Or being dumped! Or watching someone you love be treated like shit! Also cry-worthy: failure (in the eyes of a loved one), success (in the eyes of a parent), and having to apologize. Losing, and winning both place on the list, as does low self-esteem.

What a quirky and original list! What instant Digg material! What say we put it under "Offbeat"?

Ugh.

Does anyone else agree that this sort of pseudo-sexist crap is embarrassing, particularly in this day and age? Of course men cry. And while it may not be a stereotypically common occurrence, it is not news. And -- at the very least -- if you're going to insist on running it, please make it funny. We don't think we ask for much.

We're sure there's a good Rudy joke in there somewhere.

[via BBC]

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:21:00 GMT

Our first reaction was three words: a new low. But the more we think about the BBC's latest model reality show, premiering Tuesday night, the more we think it may be a largely positive idea...

The show, which is obviously a takeoff of America's Next Top Model, is unfortunately called Britain's Missing Top Model, which you would think means it's a detective show with the English version of Hayden Panettiere or something. Nope-- instead, it features

a woman whose arm was severed in a bus crash, another who is profoundly deaf and an aspiring film director who suffers from a degenerative neuro-muscular disorder, which means she is largely confined to a wheelchair. [News.com.au]

Great, promoting disability awareness by putting the cattiest girls alive in one apartment together? Once again, our assumptions seem to be incorrect:

Anyway, the title’s not the only baffling element of Britain’s Missing Top Model. To be frank, Britain’s Missing Top Model is a mess, and it all boils down to one, elemental problem: no lunatic sassy bitches. [Times UK]

Apparently, the producers put together mature, thoughtful, good-looking disabled women for the show-- there's no fighting or other fake drama on this show. Even so, are the producers still exploiting them for profit in the cruelest way or actually trying to have a decent reality show that presents the disabled in a positive light (i.e. "we can be cool and good looking, too" or whatever)?

What do you think?

Introducing The Mighty Boosh and Its Crack Fox

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:02:00 GMT

We just discovered the BBC program The Mighty Boosh. We're still not quite sure what it is exactly besides hilarious. In the bit below Vince visits the Crack Fox at his home where "everything is different," we hear the story of the Crack Fox's descent into poverty and vice, and somehow there's also a racist badger.

And, yes, it's as bizarre as it sounds.

Me, Myself and My Breasts

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:42:00 GMT

BBC America is airing two news specials about breasts—one big, one small.

While we're not sure about their grammatical choices ("My Big Breasts and Me" vs. "My Small Breasts and I") we wish we had cable so we could catch these shows that fallow women with breasts both big and small and the everyday annoyances that come along with each.

SMALL: "My Small Breasts and I uncovers the complex, poignant and sometimes amusing relationship women have with their tiny breasts. Talking candidly, three women reveal how they really feel about their own bodies and the lengths to which they'll go to, to change their situation."

BIG: "Great Britain is home to the biggest breasts in all of Europe. But for many women, this isn't good news. In this documentary, meet three women who feel defined by their naturally big breasts, and find out what it's really like to have a cup size at the far end of the alphabet."

Jezebel has a clip of 23-year-old Jodi who is 5' 1" and wears a 28K bra size (Is that European? Either way, it's big).

Previously: Hello Boys!

Today in Great Headlines: "Great tits cope well with warming"

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:36:00 GMT

The Great Tit, Parus major, is a passerine bird in the tit family Paridae. It is a widespread and common species throughout Europe and Asia in any sort of woodland. It is resident, and most Great Tits do not migrate. [Wikipedia]

Who knew?

You know Richard Black at the BBC wrote about these birds just so he could write that headline. And for that, he is our hero of the day.

[BBC: Great tits cope well with warming]

(Thanks, Joe!)

From the Medical News Vault: Male Masturbation 'Cuts Cancer Risk'

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:21:00 GMT

A former college professor forwarded this article from 2003 on to us this week with the subject line, "Ignore at your own risk!!!! For God's sake!!!" And yes, in case you were wondering, we did go to a liberal arts school in New York. Anyway, we thought it was worth sharing since we missed it the first time around (did you?) and this is information that could save lives.

Men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation, researchers suggest.

They say cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

And they say sexual intercourse may not have the same protective effect because of the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, which could increase men's cancer risk.

Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits.

They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

Find the rest of the story at BBC News.

[Image via, NSFW]

Videos of the Day: "The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest of 1957" and "The Day Today"

Bryan Christian — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:01:00 GMT

Probably our favorite filmed April Fools hoax of all time is this: the normally staid BBC's 1957 attempt to make its viewers believe that spaghetti grew on trees. Sublime, no? But do we ask ourselves the larger question: is this the birth of fake news? Hard to say, though we'd sure love to know if Christopher Morris -- creator of the seminal mid-90's fake news radio series On The Hour and, later on TV, The Day Today -- had seen it before he started doing his surreal, occasionally foulmouthed takes on the bluster of mass media news. It's a surprisingly short jump, after all, between this and a fake news show using, as its tagline, "Thrusting deep inside the news whore." Or is it? Judge for yourself -- full pilot episode of The Day Today after the jump, featuring a very young Steve Coogan.