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While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Other Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

William Zantzinger, subject of the Bob Dylan protest song "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll," died in Maryland of undisclosed causes.

Ian McKellen isn't too upset PBS doesn't have the balls to include the nude scene in their broadcast of his play.

Marilyn Manson is being sued by his ex-bandmate for twenty million dollars. Why do we care? Wait till you hear what Manson apparently spent the band's royalties on...

Bier, otherwise known as Madonna Wayne Gacy, sued Manson for more than $20 million last year, claiming Manson siphoned off millions of dollars in band revenue.

The funds allegedly paid for drugs, assorted Nazi paraphernalia, the cost of Von Teese's engagement ring and the ex-couple's 2005 wedding, and the interior decorating of Manson's mansion, which features a stuffed grizzly bear, a pair of baboons and the skeleton of a 4-year-old Chinese girl. [E!]

Patricia Arquette shilled for PETA.

Sources say pop singer Fergie is getting married this weekend. At last, a wedding the gossip rags aren't going apeshit over.

Kate Winslet said her teenage co-star was "terrified" during their sex scenes together in The Reader. Who can blame him? We'd have made a mess of the whole thing-- repeatedly.

Even though photos prove he was seeing Angelina Jolie on the side while still married, Brad Pitt claims he did not cheat.

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will not resign before he's impeached, even though a committee voted 21-0 to remove him. It's now in the hands of the State House of Representatives.

And Maine is getting the topless coffee shop! Hooray?

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Sloppy Seconds: Ellen Degeneres is on the Prowl

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Ellen Degeneres is set on finding Anne Hathaway a new boyfriend. Um, can she find us one while she's at it? [People]

Oh! R. Kelly was married? Could have fooled us. [Us]

What did Martha Stewart say when she walked in on some lesbians having sex in prison? [DailyIntel]

We love this new PlanB commercial. Conservatives? Not so much. [AdAge]

Aaaaaaand the guy who lost the Minnesota state Senate seat is suing him. [Radar]

[Image]

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 22:37:00 GMT

We've always like Joaquin Phoenix just fine. We loved him in "Walk the Line" and even, shamefully, in "The Village." But we've never wanted to, you know, shove him into the nearest bathroom stall and rip his clothes of. Well, not until now, anyway. Joaquin grew a beard!

We pulled this image from Dlisted. They didn't like his beard as much over there, just look at what the image was named: http://www.dlisted.com/node/29980/images/joaquinishideous2.jpg

That's fine D, we'll take him at Scanner.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Set in the Great Outdoors

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:55:00 GMT

After a holiday hiatus, our regular feature returns. This week's list is wishful thinking-- we probably couldn't get away with outdoor sex in today's 36-degree New York weather... you'll have to let us know how your reenactments go in warmer climes...

5. U-Turn. Honestly, we didn't even remember that Jennifer Lopez was in this movie before finding this clip. Still haunting our memories, however, are those extreme closeups of Billy Bob Thornton's teeth.

Jennifer Lopez Outdoor Sex Scene

4. The Hot Spot. This tender nude scene was featured on our Jennifer Connelly list way back when. Hey, if you want to complain about seeing Jennifer Connelly naked again, we can't really help you.

Jennifer Connelly - The Hot Spot

3. Three. We would've had to field serious complaints if we didn't include this raunchy, sexual assault-turned cheeseball sex scene from some straight-to-DVD Kelly Brook vehicle. You'd be amazed how many fans this actress has...

Beach Sex

2. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. The two sex scenes with Jennifer Jason Leigh in this movie take place outdoors (one, in a semi-private changing room; the other, a baseball dugout), but they're clearly overshadowed by this sex-free fantasy sequence that would be our #1... if... only... she would touch someone... anyone...

Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High

1. Domino. We're pretty sure it doesn't happen like this in the original cut of the movie (or any official cut, for that matter), but the homemade repeition is an addition we're thankful for.

Keira-knightley Having Sex Outdoors

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Scanner Emily'z Internets Iz Ded

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:23:00 GMT

So my "modem was offline" (unbeknownst to me, thanks Time Warner!) for the last few hours. Then I return (it's still reaaaally slow) only to get this message? Why does the Internet hate me so much?

Good thing there's absolutely nothing happening this week...

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All Aboard the Atheism Bus

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 20:34:00 GMT

The biggest story in Britain right now is the "Atheism Bus" campaign, which involves the rental of 800 billboard-size spaces on the sides of London's double deckers. The backers raised more than $200,000, most of it in just four days, and are now moving in to subway advertising, which we were lucky enough to get a full preview of.

“I think it’s dreadful,” said Sandra Lafaire, 76, a tourist from Los Angeles, who said she believed in God and still enjoyed her life, thank you very much. “Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I don’t like it in my face.” But Sarah Hall, 28, a visitor from Australia, said she was happy to see such a robust example of freedom of speech. “Whatever floats your boat,” she said. [NY Times]

(Of course, Lafaire wasn't asked if she minded having the other, pro-Christianity signs in her face.)

That's the bus ad, obviously. Here are three of the four or five subway posters that are about to launch:

Meanwhile, activists all over the world have taken up the call and people in other countries should expect to see atheist messages on public transit as early as Monday. Meanwhile, claiming the ads "discriminate" against religious people (again, that didn't stop them from running pro-religious ads), a Tasmanian transportation company withdrew plans to allow for a similar campaign, and is now facing a lawsuit to reverse that decision.

Australian partners, unsurprisingly, also face tremendous public opposition to their plan:

They hoped to put adverts on the back of buses with slogans stating "atheism – celebrate reason" or "atheism - sleep in on Sunday mornings".
But the proposed campaign was rejected by APN Outdoor, the country's biggest outdoor advertising company.
David Nicholls, president of the Atheist Foundation of Australia, said: "I am flabbergasted. This is extremely disappointing and a severe blow to freedom of expression in Australia. [Telegraph]

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Anne Hathaway Is a Dork and Her Dad Is a Sex Fiend

Scanner Matt — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Hathaway was on Leno last night explaining why her father was talking to the NY Post about his apparently very active sex life. Video after the jump.

We guess Mr. Hathaway is more of a one-woman sex fiend... for 28 years.

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Note to Lilakoi Moon (formerly Lisa Bonet): Your Newborn Baby Will Not Be Able to Pronounce His Ambitiously Bestowed Multisyllabic Name Until He Is at Least 14

Scanner Matt — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:03:00 GMT

That once rascally Lenny-Kravitz-loving late 80's/early 90's hipster of the Cosby family, Denise Huxtable Kendall (remember when she married that Navy dude?!), just had another baby, a very creatively (annoyingly?) named baby.

Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa, tha's right, Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. Would you expect anything less from this unconventional free spirit than Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa?

We like interesting names. There are so many others who share the same generic name that it might be nice to have a unique label, but this just stinks of dumb fertile people trying really hard to illustrate they have achieved some sort of spirituality or higher understanding of this crazy mixed up world by slathering their baby in "meaningful" words, which we all know is impossible, these are television actors.

We don't even have the energy to look up what it means. It might be here, father of the child Jason Momoa's (of "Stargate: Atlantis" fame) hilarious fansite.

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The Facebook Pages of the Italian Mafia

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:29:00 GMT

We always suspected La Cosa Nostra had infiltrated Facebook from prison but, until now, we haven't had the proof...

Bernardo Provenzano, seen above, also known as The Tractor for "mowing people down," started out as an enforcer in Corleone, Sicily, after the second World War. After whacking his boss, the heat from the cops and other mafioso caused him to go into hiding, where he remained for more than forty years, thanks to rumors of his demise being greatly exaggerated. When he finally turned up, Provenzano was living in a farmhouse outside Corleone, not far from his wife and children. Thanks to having been sentenced in absentia to life in prison, he spends his days reading Dante and, according to this story in today's Telegraph, updating his Facebook profile.

Here's Provenzano's fan page and his regular Facebook profile is linked on this page-- you have to add him as a friend to see the full profile. The same goes for fellow gangster Salvatore "the Beast" Riina, who has a fan page here and a regular profile, linked here. Both men claim thousands of "friends" and fans, who leave comments like "fuck the government" and "we love you, you're great." Provenzano has a page in which supporters petition for his canonization-- even if you love the Mob, you still have to wonder what these people did to deserve sainthood. (Contrary to other news reports, the Facebook profiles for Messina Denaro, the current "boss of bosses," all appear to be fakes.)

Meanwhile, Mafia Wars is the most popular new Facebook application...

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Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:55:00 GMT

Chloe Sevigny, who, we can attest from our one public encounter with her, has the best gams in town, talked with Esquire about blow jobs, Vincent Gallo, aroused casting directors, movie sex scenes, and why it's annoying when people say she looks better in person...

Here are our favorite moments, which unlike the original story, is annotated with links that help explain what she's talking about:

Harry Dean Stanton is very profound--everything that comes out of his mouth. There's so much weight to that guy. He always knows all his lines, always prepared. True, he might come straight from the bar, but he's got it together.
I'm ambitious, but I'm not ambitious enough to move to Los Angeles.
Stones over Beatles.

Then what I get a lot, too, which I think is really odd, is, "You're so much prettier in person." All the time. They think that makes me feel good?
I always found it distracting to be watching a movie and there was a love scene and the girl had her bra on.
I saw it in Cannes with everybody else. Vincent [Gallo] and I, we don't really speak anymore. But I'll always love him, and I hope that he makes another movie that's a million times better than Buffalo '66 or The Brown Bunny and blows everybody out of the water. And he will, if he can ever get the money for it.
Maybe we went too far.

She's referring, of course, to the infamous, epic on-screen blow job she gave Gallo in Gallo's movie The Brown Bunny, one of the most critically despised films ever released. Read more about that here.

I had an agent once who said that in an audition you have to make the women want to be you and the men want to fuck you. I said, I'm sorry, I can't just go into a room and, like, try to achieve that. That's not my motivation in life.

The rest of her quotes are here.

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This Slow News Week is Killing Michael Jackson (Heee He!)

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:22:00 GMT

Okay, guys. Stop grabbing your crotches, it's time to get serious. Michael Jackson is dying. His rare genetic skin disorder has spread to his lungs and now he needs a lung transplant! Also: Booze! Pain killers!

A source "close to the star" and apparently even closer to The Enquirer says "Painkillers and booze have caught up with him. The only way he was able to cope with the stress of sex scandals and his roller-coaster life was to mask the pain with substance abuse."

Again, it is a very, very slow news week. You'd think as long as The Enquirer has probably been sitting on this story they'd be able to Photoshop some crazy image of Jackson's lungs oozing out of his little nose slits.

[National Enquirer: PALS FEAR: JACKO 6 MONTHS TO LIVE AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING!]

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[Image via Jezebel]

Photos: Nude Animal Rights Protesters from Spain (Who Don't Seem to Be Making a Difference)

Scanner Matt — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:50:00 GMT

Now we're all for loving animals (just look at Scanner Verena's dog and elephant BFF post below) and we're all for stylish public displays of nudity, but we don't think anyone's going to stop the circus ("No Mas Circos Con Animales") like this.

Thundercats!

We actually came across our old Le Tigre t-shirt the other day.

Not sure what animals these people are supposed to be... (probably bulls, but no horns?)

Drama!

Italians!

And then there's the previously posted naked caged animal protesters of Louisiana if you're still not convinced the circus is evil.

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[image]

PapSmeared: Amy Winehouse is Just Doin' It

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:18:00 GMT

[Image]

An Elephant And A Dog: If They Can Do It, Why Can't We?

Verena von Pfetten — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:47:00 GMT

It's no secret that Scanner Verena is a sucker for the cute animal vids, but don't let that take away from her thorough, whole-hearted, and only slightly tear-stained endorsement of this abso-effing-lutely adorable video of the two bestest friends the world has ever seen. Who just happen to be a dog and an elephant.

PS. Please don't be scared off by the Katy Perry into ad. It's only 10-seconds long and if you plug your ears, you'll make it through.

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Craziest Town Meeting Ever Involves Porn, Sexual Harassment, Vehicular Homicide

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:15:00 GMT

When Anthony Troiano went into a meeting with fellow town selectmen in Hopkinton, MA, he thought maybe they would want to discuss that time he killed somebody, had his license suspended, and was arrested.

As it turns out, Troiano had bigger problems, as the local paper (The Metro West Daily News) breaks it down for us:

1) Troiano has been busted at least twice: once, for committing vehicular homicide (for which he's already been convicted) and for driving with a revoked license five days after having the license taken away in September.

2) Troiano's political enemies looked for other mistakes to help their case to oust him. One turned up a visit to a porn site Troiano had made while using a town-owned laptop in the privacy of Troiano's home. Troiano admitted to going to the site, but came up with a vague excuse involving spam e-mails that caused him to visit it in the first place.

3) Unsure the board would expel their rival, Troiano's opponents then appear to have tried another tactic. One anonymous member filed a claim that their co-worker's visit to a porn site while on a network they all shared amounted to sexual harassment. ("Troiano had created a hostile work environment by using a town computer to look at porn.")

Troiano was booted unanimously, although one board member-- clearly the only one with half a brain here-- abstained from voting, saying it should not become a public matter and could unfairly damage the man's reputation. Too late-- it's now all over the national news and blogosphere, thanks to the October meeting's notes being made public.

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Ex-Prostitutes In South Korea Have A Bone To Pick With Us

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:40:00 GMT

Kim Ae-ran is a fifty-eight-year-old former prostitute living in South Korea. She's been reading in the news about how her country is seeking apologies and other reparations from the government of Japan and it's been pissing her off. Not because she disagrees-- she just thinks the U.S. government's involvement in her country's underworld should be addressed as well.

“Our government was one big pimp for the U.S. military,” she says, and that's just the beginning...

Today's New York Times features a story on women who were tools of the South Korean government, which they accuse of boosting prostitution in the country in order to stabilize the economy and keep the Americans satiated.

The Korean police would then detain the prostitutes who were thought to be ill, the women said, locking them up under guard in so-called monkey houses, where the windows had bars. There, the prostitutes were forced to take medications until they were well.
The women... compared themselves to the so-called comfort women who have won widespread public sympathy for being forced into prostitution by the Japanese during World War II. Whether prostitutes by choice, need or coercion, the women say, they were all victims of government policies.

A woman, identified only as "Bae" in the above and other photographs, is 80-years-old, living on welfare and off of an oxygen machine. Her loose collective seeks compensation and an official apology, which we doubt will come anytime soon...

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While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Doctors have figured out how to prevent a large number of miscarriages.

Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks to play villains in Iron Man 2.

If Jeremy Piven turns out to have lied about his mercury poisoning, he could be in deep sheeeeiittt:

According to the New York Post, many involved with the production are pushing to have Piven's high mercury claims examined by a non-musclebound, non-teevee doctor, and they're hoping the result may "squeeze some money out of him."

[U]nder the Actors' Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven's medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him. [Defamer]

Scarlett Johansson wants to open a brothel... in a movie.

Paris Hilton claims she's only slept with a few guys. In other news, "a few" is now "less than eight hundred."

Isn't there anyone besides Nicole Richie who could star in the Gossip Girl season finale?

Guy Ritchie's heist movies have such brilliant robbery ideas, these dudes decided to plagiarize one.

And Oklahoma introduced legislation to prohibit the teaching of evolution in schools. You'll know America has emerged from the dark ages when laws start getting passed that prevent anything besides evolution from being taught as possible fact.

And Ione Skye (star of Say Anything and River's Edge) and Ben Lee (ex-boyfriend of Claire Danes) married in India.

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