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Hey there, Scanners.

Scanner Emily here with some news you can use: we have updated our software. Yes, when you jump, you'll jump to the correct place, when you click "back" you'll end up where you were before. Can you even believe it?! Neither can we. But this means if you want to keep getting your daily dose of WTF, you must update your bookmarks and blog readers to this link. 

You hear? There will be no more posts at this URL —no more Scanner Emily, Brian, Colleen, Ina or Drew. You'll just look at this post forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. So please, please, please visit the NEW and IMPROVED Super Scanner and update your bookmarks and blog readers accordingly. 

Go there now.  We'll see your sexy ass when you get there.

Thanks and love,

Scanner Emily

Brandon Piekarsky entering court before his acquittal on third-degree murder charges. Piekarsky's level of involvement in the killing is unclear, as he wasn't believed to have helped in the beating.

On July 12th, in Shenandoah, Pennsylvania, a group of white teenagers were walking home when they came across a young Hispanic man in the park with a teenage girl. One of them yelled out, "Isn't it a little late for you to be out? Get your Mexican boyfriend out of here."

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Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, France’s hottie first lady, is on display in her birthday suit alongside strippers, pin-up girls, and Dita Von Tease at a Paris art auction. Unfortunately, it’s only a nude drawing of the former model: But if you don’t remember Carla’s nudie stir when these pictures surfaced last year, you obviously haven’t been paying attention. The pic sold for $91,000, though the drawing probably will only go for $3,000-4,000…either because of art deprecation or because a picture is only worth a thousand words, not one hundred thousand euro.

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The People For the Ethical Treatment of Tasty Animals, already riding a small wave of publicity from its Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door (read: "nobody activists") competition, has decided to steal a page from People Magazine and follow-up with The Sexiest Vegetarian Alive (read: "celebrities.")

We're pretty sure that they nominated, um, every single vegetarian in Hollywood...

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A new bra being sold overseas claims that, thanks to memory foam and natural sweat, it can boost your bosom when you're getting in the mood.

As if you needed another reason for men to stare at your breasts...

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Free mp3’s from the likes of She & Him, Robyn Hitchcock, and Shawn Mullins can be yours if you donate so much as one dollar to save Paste Magazine.

We really feel bad for this woman who cried in her mugshot photo, even though she put up an ad on an elevator wall offering sex for money and gave out her real phone number.

Tom Hanks is upset his Angels and Demons sex scene was cut for the PG-13 rating.

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Spring Awakening—the musical that made more than $57 million in the United States and made anyone who went to see it with his or her parents very uncomfortable—is closing in London after only five months. [FlavorWire]

Um, what kind of high school lets the yearbook team publish an upskirt photo? [BuzzFeed]

A new development in the Jon and Kate Plus Eight saga:

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Okay, we don't want to give up too much about last night's LOST season finale (but hello! Jacob! WTF?!?!), but after watching Sawyer's breakdown, we have to ask, who would you rather, Kate or Juliet? 

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Nancy Grace vs. Rachael Ray?

Who Would You Rather: Jon Favreau vs. Jon Favreau?

Who Would You Rather, Celebrity Chef Edition: Gordon Ramsay vs. Bobby Flay?

We're obviously having too much fun with these lists, but we don't want to be too cruel. So, America's limpest cities after the jump.

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It's being touted as "The Catholic Karma Sutra," which is hilarious enough to warrant its own story. The book is by a man who goes by the name of Father Ksawery Knotz, and he's a celibate monk residing in Poland, where his book is selling like sexy hotcakes.

But what does some monk, probably a virgin, know about fornicating? And don't say "depends on if it's with young boys..."

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Archeologists may have found the oldest piece of "art" in existence: A sculpture of Venus de Milo dating back 35,000 years ago. That's approximately 5,000 years before the next Venus knockoffs! So what were the standards for a perfect woman back in the day?

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This really ain't Michigan's week, is it? First, some dumbass ex-Mayor was arrested for having an extramarital affair in the middle of the street. Then, we made a mean joke about the Detroit Free Press and it's sex advice column, complete with a newspaper headline that says, "Detroit Blows." Now, comes word that Business Insider is further driving down the state's property values by including two MI cities on its list of the most depressing places in America.

Cheer up and enjoy this sprightly little list...

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To promote her own menswear line, Ashley Olsen stripped down to her bra and some trousers for the magazine V Man.

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 The Sun must be filled with boob men: Yesterday we saw them interview Norma Stitz and her gigantic rack, and today they've compiled a list of the best jugs and hooters in the world. And yes, they included NSFW pics, thank god.

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