"Blond
hair the way God meant, blond like Clorox sunshine. A caviar body, if
you like your caviar lacquered in barbecue sauce. Breasts like plucked
guinea hens, undercooked and overstuffed. And those legs, like those of
every coed in every early-80s corduroy skirt, waving across the quad at
the guy just behind you. Cheerleader legs. Jackknifing legs that split
the air like seesaws. In the Dukes of Hazzard music video, those legs
are in cowboy boots, moving like joysticks across your screen. She's
got that dumb-fox high-maintenance pout. She's got her own money: She
can buy your house just to use the toilet. She's one of those Easy-Bake
celebrities, up from Abilene, Texas, with a fizzy pop beat on
church-choir training wheels. She's hot as fresh milk and has an okay
voice, and the rest just happens around her. Luck on Red Bull."
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