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• Caption This: Mariah Carey is Gon' Cut Rachael Ray

  [Image] Posted Oct 31 2008, 01:01 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: caption this, rachael ray, mariah carey, rachael ray fucking sucks

• Scanner Highs and Lows: We're This Close to Losing it to Sarah Palin

  In a month we'll either get to stop hearing about Sarah Palin forever or we'll be stuck hearing about her for four years. It kind-of feels like that time when you decide you're ready to lose your virginity and just need to find someone to lose it to. You know it's either going to be really great or really terrible, but you just need it to happen already... Right? Anyone? Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 05:29 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: michael cera, virginity, tv, highs and lows, hugh hefner, naked, anal, paul newman, rachael ray, anal sex, anne hathaway, sarah palin, joe "boobies" francis, microwave

• Video of the Day: Rachael Ray Corn Porn

  We don't like Rachael Ray. You should know that by now. In fact, the last line of our author bio says "Comparisons to Rachael Ray are highly discouraged and may result in violent outbursts." However, we can't help but giggle a little over this Rachael Ray Corn Porn. Related: Who Would You Rather: Nancy Grace vs. Rachael Ray? What's Worse Than Chicken Pox in Your Vagina? Today in Probably Fake Things We Wish Really Happened Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages Posted Oct 03 2008, 12:12 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: video, porn, rachael ray, corn porn, corn, rachael ray fucking sucks, scanner emily hates rachael ray, emily farris hates rachael ray, rachael ray sucks, video of the day day

• Sloppy Seconds: The Pregnant Man is No Longer Pregnant

  We have to admit, we'd be pretty fucking scared if Hulk Hogan was stalking us, so we feel you Linda. We do. [People] We don't know what you're doing this weekend, but we're going to the vagina spa. [NYT] Rachael Ray's people want you to eat lots and lots and lots and lots of hamburgers this weekend. Or else you're fired. [TMZ Michael Lohan sure does like stage moms. Apparently the mother of his "secret love child" is already shopping around a record deal for the 13-year-old. [dListed] Read More... Posted Jul 03 2008, 04:02 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: lindsay lohan, sloppy seconds, hulk hogan, dina lohan, vagina, the apocalypse, thomas beatie, rachael ray, pregnant man, linda hogan, spas, michael loahn, meteorites, mandy moore

• In Defense of Cindy "Cookie Monster" McCain

  Recently, Cindy McCain, wife of Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, submitted a recipe to Family Circle for her oatmeal-butterscotch cookies. Only it turns out, they weren't exactly her oatmeal-butterscotch cookies. Or if they were her oatmeal-butterscotch cookies, they happen to be made the same way as someone over at Hershey's makes them — because the same recipe appears on the company's website. Forgetting for a moment that oatmeal-butterscotch cookies sound pretty gross, I have to say, this kind of shit happens in the culinary world. Read More... Posted Jun 17 2008, 02:57 PM by Emily Farris with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: Bill Clinton, recipes, john McCain, huffington post, cindy mccain, rachael ray, the cookie monster, investigative journalism

• Scanner Highs and Lows: The Week That Was All About The Ladies

  Well, it was about all of the ladies but one, and we were pretty okay with that. But seriously, if you like ladies, you'll love this week's Highs and Lows. Read More... Posted Jun 06 2008, 07:03 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: hillary clinton, lily allen, Sex and the City, Barack Obama, highs and lows, swingers, babeland, vagina, 2 girls 1 cup, voting, boobies, Dita Von Teese, john lajoie, rachael ray, break ups, booty call, salon sarah, scanner nicole

• What's Worse Than Chicken Pox in Your Vagina?

  You think it couldn't get worse, right? Oh, but it can, because chicken pox are is only temporary. Read More... Posted Jun 04 2008, 09:13 AM by Emily Farris with | with 12 comment(s) Filed under: tattoos, vagina, rachael ray, chicken pox, viruses

• Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages

  Rachael started to get us very excited and so we were ultimately disturbed by this audio clip from the sex tape Rachael Ray made before she was famous. NSFW, but too funny to miss. You will also probably lose your (sexual) appetite for the duration of the day, so please listen with earplugs fully enabled, like Odysseus if the sirens were screeching TV "chefs" with giant teeth.  Posted Jun 02 2008, 04:15 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: satire, parodies, sex tapes, tv shows, food, cooking, celebrity chefs, rachael ray, annoying

• Scarf is to Terrorist as Leather Jacket is to Gay?

  Scanner Emily and Scanner Brian did a great job breaking the Dunkin' Donuts story. But there's a new twist nobody is paying attention to. Read More... Posted May 30 2008, 10:22 AM by Katie Halper with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: osama bin laden, 9/11, dunkin donuts, gay pride, rachael ray, michelle malkin, leathermen, Yasser Arafat, Keffiyeh, leather jacket, rachel ray terrorist, homosexual agenda, palestinian jihad, Glen Hughes, leather men, jihad, muslim terrorists, the village people, queen, gay leather, internment, pride parades, Laurence of Arabia

• Losers of The Day: Dunkin' Donuts

  Scanner Emily alerted you to the Rachael Ray ad fiasco that came to light yesterday. But we can't let the story go that easily, since there is a political element to this and now, thanks to us, a boycott of Dunkin' Donuts in the works. First, let's take a look at the photo evidence, if you can call it that... Read More... Posted May 29 2008, 10:10 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: politics, fox news, george w bush, republicans, tv shows, terrorism, cooking, right-wing, rachael ray, michelle malkin

• Sloppy Seconds: Are Donna and David Still Married?

  Wow, we knew Rachael Ray was an obnoxious freak, but a terrorist? [LA Times]  Have we mentioned how screwed R. Kelly is? [MTV]  If we ever get in a fight on the street, we hope we have a box of moon pies readily available to use as a weapon, too. [KansasCity.com] The good people at Fleshbot would like you to meet Vicktoria, the world's hottest amputee, and so would we. [Fleshbot] Read More... Posted May 28 2008, 05:56 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: sloppy seconds, Sex and the City, R Kelly, amputation, terrorism, kirsten dunst, 90210 Beverly Hills, tori spelling, rachael ray, donna martin

• Today in Probably Fake Things We Wish Really Happened

  [Defamer: Why Oprah And Rachael Ray Hate Each Other, In Words And Pictures] Posted May 01 2008, 12:58 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: oprah winfrey, rachael ray, the enquirer, fakee news

• While You Were Sleeping: Bruce Springsteen Endorsed Somebody, And it Wasn't McCain

  Apparently Beyonce is planning to retire. Yeah, like Jay- Z retired all those times? We don't buy it. [GabbyBabble] Don't want to be all hunch-backed when you get old? Stand up straight. Or try this crazy ergonomic undershirt. [Gizmodo]  If Ashlee Simpson has a baby bump, this is the first ever picture of it. Like, first. Ever. That or she just had a burger and fries, which we can totally get behind.  [FameCrawler] Read More... Posted Apr 17 2008, 08:49 AM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: hillary clinton, republicans, Barack Obama, pregnancy, john McCain, election, beyonce, bruce springsteen, jay z, ashlee simpson, while you were sleeping, rachael ray, endorsements