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• Victoria's Secret Suit

  Hey ladies-- and gents who like that sort of thing-- do your Victoria's Secret bras bother the living hell out of you? You're not alone, as we found out from this story out of Cleveland, Ohio... Read More... Posted May 05 2009, 12:18 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: boobs, heidi klum, Victoria's Secret, john travlota, ohio, bras, boobies, lawyers, lawsuit, supermodels, sfw, cleveland

• Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan's Car Crash

  An Italian doctor performing brain surgery suffered a heart attack during the operation, but completed it anyway at the risk of his own life.  Amy Poehler's new show is in trouble already. If the police can't stop a woman's stalker from harassing her on and off for a year-and-a-half, isn't she allowed to take the law into her own hands? Isn't it self-defense? Read More... Posted Mar 24 2009, 06:01 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: robin williams, lindsay lohan, prostitution, sloppy seconds, drugs, stalker, heart attack, drinking, sex tapes, amy poehler, camera phones, nevada, harassment, ohio, Italian, car accident, surgeons, television shows, doctor

• 13-Year-Old Boy Watched That Paris Hilton Video Too Many Times

  These kids today... first, they stage circle-jerk sessions and give out hand jobs in class. Next, at least in Connecticut, they give blow jobs in class.  But one Cincinnatti, Ohio teenager decided that these were not enough to satisfy his adolescent cravings. Now, he's made national news for "pandering obscenity," a ridiculous and unconstitutional law that another Ohio resident, one Larry Flynt, has been messing with for decades... Read More... Posted Mar 19 2009, 12:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: video, paris hilton, sex tape, school, ohio, rumor mongering, teenage girls, middle school, teenage boys, hand jobs, blow job, paris hilton sex tape, cincinnati

• While You Were Sleeping: Laura Croft To Get Naked

  How is that we haven't found a reason to share this clip of Ryan Seacrest trying to high-five a blind American Idol contestant?  The former director of faith-based initiatives for the state of Ohio was busted for operating an online prostitution ring. If you're a high school sports coach and you're going to text an underage girl... Read More... Posted Jan 16 2009, 09:02 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: prostitution, drunk, american idol, ryan seacrest, ohio, diablo cody, rhode island, video game, 90210, prostitute, naked woman, blind people, tomb raider, laura croft

• This Week in Gayness: Being Gay Is A Choice, Say Repuglicans

  We're really sick of Tim Kaine. First, he botches the Democratic response to the State of the Union in a year when he could have turned the tide away from that dreadful President of ours; then, he decides he wants to be the next DNC chair. Now, this ass-backwards dweeb is going to help lead the party away from progressive values like, for example, marriage equality. Kaine, according to Queers United, "has endorsed an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Click here to ask why LGBT democrats should support a party whose chair is anti civil unions and more anti-gay than John McCain." The guy who stole the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio thinks being gay is a choice. We don't even know where to start with his fucking scoundrel. Speaking of elections, a gay bishop is to open Obama's inaugural weekend festivities. Read More... Posted Jan 13 2009, 10:17 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: lesbian, lgbt, angelina jolie, gay marriage, Barack Obama, brad pitt, florida, boycott, ohio, this week in gayness, democrat, gayness, dnc, presidential election, proposition 8, 2004, inauguration, inaugural ball, inauguration day, gay bishop

• In Photo War, Patriots Cheerleaders Outdo Cleveland Cavs Cheerleaders

  The Cleveland Cavaliers cheerleaders had a photo scandal earlier this month that resulted in many self-righteous commentators spewing nonsense about how disgraceful their innocent, playful, and totally raunchy pics were. (Bill O'Reilly, as usual, had to outdo everyone by giving the girls a public spanking: "[T]his isn't ... the inner city; you would think that these kids would have some kind of a values system.") In the ensuing chaos, everyone forgot about another cheerleader scandal-- that one in football, courtesy of the New England Patriots. (Still with us?) Next, the other Patriots cheerleaders, we're guessing wildly here, got jealous of all their rivals' media attention and FHM offers and decided to leak sexy photos from the past... Read More... Posted Jan 07 2009, 10:12 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: photos, basketball, Cheerleaders, football, lingerie, ohio, bill o'reilly, boobies, sfw, cheerleader, cleveland, patriots

• While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

  A rogue church threatened to broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life to its congregation, following her refusal to break up with her boyfriend. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.) A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least mention it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore it, even though it's several days old.  Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo... Read More... Posted Dec 23 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: playboy, sex scenes, page six, women, hugh hefner, nsfw, florida, church, kate winslet, plastic surgery, shopping, ohio, Karl Rove, extra-marital affair, asses, nude photos, leonardo dicaprio, actors, the 30's, deaths, religious fanatics, makeup, lipstick, holly madison, relationship, sam mendes, the great depression, prosecutor, plastic surgeon, liposuction, sag, screen actors guild, suv

• Sloppy Seconds: Is The Pill Making the World Unhappy?

  As if we need to remind you to switch to Firefox, a new report says Internet Explorer has another major security flaw. Anthony Keidis came close to having kidney failure. Did you know this weekend's box office included the biggest bomb in the history of movies? Read More... Posted Dec 16 2008, 05:52 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: movies, babies, playboy, internet, toys, balls, court, celebrities, children, carmen electra, families, ohio, Ball Buster, north carolina, naomi watts, spelling bee, bonnaroo, playboy bunnies, the pill, atlanta, cleveland, firefox, phish, web, face transplant, bombs, tickets, anthony keidis, indie

• "Dad, Guess Who Lost Their Virginity Last Night?"

  This eighteen-year-old girl made the mistake we've all had nightmares about: IMing"Dad" when we meant to tell "Darcy..." Read More... Posted Dec 10 2008, 01:53 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: high school, virginity, wtf, chat, school, ohio, sex life, father issues, beaches, sex on the beach, dad and daughter, cleveland, im'ing, virgin

• While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

  Can't afford to go to Bonnaroo because of the economic crisis? Music festivals have implemented payment plans for hipsters... and other citizens with good taste. John McCain is scheduled to stand David Letterman up again this Thursday.  The Governor of Illinois has no plans to resign, called Obama a horrible name... Read More... Posted Dec 10 2008, 09:05 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: 30 rock, Barack Obama, david letterman, Tyler Perry, kate winslet, john McCain, ohio, teenage girls, Tracy Morgan, underage sex, illinois, cleveland, economic crisis

• Man Shoots Wife During Sex (with a Gun)

  This is disgusting, but we can't say we all haven't been there before. You're making love to your partner and reach over to get something from the nightstand, then accidentally pull the trigger on the .38 caliber pistol you happen to have on your nightstand, which happens to wound your partner in the chest. Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 11:42 AM by Scanner Matt with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: guns, violence, ohio, war, man shoots wife, wife shot by husband, goodfellas, robert deniro, snuff film, ohio buckeyes, bedroom murmder, sick fuck, violence on tv, sex lies and videotape, ray liotta, loraine bracco, psycho sex, sex scene

• "Step Right Up! Enter Our Prostitution Raffle..."

  An adviser at Ohio State was arrested in his friend's home for organizing and operating a $10-a-ticket raffle for a night with a young prostitute.  This is one of those stories that just improves with every emerging detail... Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 02:44 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: police, sports, craigslist, college, children, stupid, arrested, ohio, sexual abuse, prostitute, Craigslist ad, university, sex acts, coed

• Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

  Who the hell wants to steal used sex toys? Oh, right: weirdos. A drunk driver led police on a high-speed chase and after trying to escape from the scene, somehow running over both his legs with his own truck. You just have to read this one. Even better: almost two dozen people were arrested for underage drinking at a party celebrating the life of a person who died from... you get three guesses... Read More... Posted Nov 26 2008, 06:36 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: sex toys, police, dogs in the news, parties, Barack Obama, scanner emily, concerts, marijuana, driving, ohio, united kingdom, idiots, jay-z, underage, chase, coldplay, sarah palin, ex-boyfriends, twilight, kristen stewart

• Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

  1. Mormons 2. Abstinence 3. There’s a better vampire movie you should be watching Reason #1: Never let devout religious people teach or describe sex to you. It’s like having George Bush explain his foreign policy (a bunch of cautionary bullshit and no results). Stephanie Meyer is a Mormon. Yes, those guys who helped spearhead the anti-gay “Yes on Prop 8” campaign… and by the way, who the hell are they to talk about marriage? How Mormon is she? Read More... Posted Nov 24 2008, 05:13 PM by Scanner Matt with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: virginity, mitt romney, mormons, Teen Wolf, pictures, ohio, vampires, buffy the vampire slayer, abstinence, abstinence only education, stephanie meyer, vampire sex, jonas brothers, sarah palin, twilight, brigham young university, new moon, movie ratings, robert pattinson, let the right one in, blood sucking as a replacement for sex, sex and twilight, naked vampires, vampires having sex, kids and twilight, sweedish vampire film, stephanie meyers, billy burke, pg-13, teenage vampires, kristen stewart, twilight sucks, stefanie meyer, vampire pictures, rated R, the twilight saga, sweedish vampire movie, reasons twilight sucks, twilight the movie, bella

• Video of the Day: The Mourning After

  On November 3, 2004, we were driving a van full of volunteers back from Ohio and we stopped at a gas station in West Virginia to listen to John Kerry cede the election to George W. Bush. It was a sorry sight, a bunch of 20-somethings bawling our eyes out in a 15-passenger van at a gas pump in Appalachia. But we can imagine that was nothing compared to what might be on November 5, 2008 if that one thing that we don't even want to think about happening actually happens... Some filmmakers in Pittsburgh think so, too. Read More... Posted Oct 24 2008, 04:29 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: video of the day, vod, george w bush, john McCain, John Kerry, voting, ohio, Pittsburgh, the apocalypse, sarah palin, gotv, 2004, appalacia, the mourning after, november, west virginia

• If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

  ...you won't want to watch this... or read this horror story from West Virginia (who would've thought, just six months ago, West Virginia would be this fierce?) Read More... Posted Oct 20 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: video, scary, george w bush, GOP, Republican, voting, voting machines, ohio, fraud, corrupted mind, liberals

• Debate #4: McCain Blinks, Misses His Chance

  Boy, this John McCain guy is pretty repetitive, huh? If McCain's not saying "my friends" every other sentence, now he's referencing a guy named "Joe the Plumber" so many times that everyone ends up just laughing over the rest of his answers.  Meanwhile, thank God Bob Schieffer at least had some decent questions (bringing up Roe v. Wade and thankfully not just asking the candidates to state their opinions about the decision.) All that matters is what the public thought-- and they thought Obama won by another 20+-point margin. Bye bye, Johnny, bye bye... 1) Here's the Joe the Plumber video you've been dying to see... Read More... Posted Oct 16 2008, 09:49 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: new york, osama bin laden, Barack Obama, john McCain, voting, virginia, ohio, publicity stunts, iraq war, roe v wade, joe the plumber

• Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

  It seems that Republicans are so desperate to win they'll cheat and Democrats are so scared of that cheating that they are offsetting previously-stolen elections with a few semi-legal or even illegal tactics of their own... Here's today's insane roundup... scary, scary stuff... it's enough to make you think Bob Barr might pull it off after all... Read More... Posted Oct 10 2008, 02:08 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: new york, politics, osama bin laden, fox news, Barack Obama, thievery, john McCain, elections, voting, ohio, fraud, election 2008, bob barr, campaign

• Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

  I always pull together my Halloween costume at the last minute. No matter how much thought I put into it the entire month of October, the perfect costume never comes to me until I'm on my way out the door to celebrate with slutty cats and French maids. Last year was no exception. I arrived home at 8 with the vague idea of dressing up as VMA Britney, but needed to leave by 8:30 and didn't have time to buy a wig and my silver bikini was no where to be found. I thought about what I could utilize (my red hair) and took an inventory of the clothes I hadn't yet packed for my move (very few). What I came up with was a pretty - dam - good - if - I - do - say - so - myself Pippi Longstocking. Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 04:30 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: halloween, britney spears, guns, mormons, missouri, ohio, kansas city is in missouri, spongebob square pants, warren jeffs, polygamy, costumes, bikini, sarah palin, sarah palin nude, pipi longstocking, slutty halloween costumes, registering voters, republicas, indepdence mo, gotv, slutty spongebob, polygamist wives, vodte girl, kentucky state

• Mom Gets Five Years In Prison For Going Down On Her Daughter's Friend

  A woman in Ohio has been sentenced to five years in jail for having oral sex with her daughter's underage female friend. Oh, but it gets so, so much better... Read More... Posted Sep 26 2008, 01:21 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: drugs, cocaine, parties, oral sex, moms, sexual assault, ohio, arrest, jailbait, child abuse, teenage girls, prostitute, age of consent

• Pervy Ex-Teacher In Ohio Gets Off... With Probation

  Not her real photo. An Ohio teacher was hot for student, sending him topless photos and hounding him via MySpace until his friends spoiled the fantasy... Read More... Posted Sep 10 2008, 12:46 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: myspace, facebook, hot or not, fired, teacher student sex, ohio, hot for teacher, im, perverts, teacher sex, sexual harassment, topless photos, underage, double standard

• This Week In Gayness: The Saxon Warrior Lovers

  A Maryland appeals court overturned a law that would've hurt protections put in place to help transgender people. Billie Jean King does not support Sarah Palin, whom she calls "honest" and "real," and continues to lend her name to the Obama campaign. An Ohio Church trashed Katy Perry for her UK #1 single by saying on a billboard: "I kissed a girl and I liked it... Then I went to hell." Perez Hilton posted a photo of that homophobic church's sign defaced... Read More... Posted Sep 10 2008, 10:20 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: music, perez hilton, florida, church, bigotry, ohio, this week in gayness, protest, graffiti, gayness, ancient, katy perry, sarah palin, billie jean king

• Ow, My Eyes! "Ann Coulter Lite" Is Anti-Everything We Hold Awesome

  Ashley Herzog is a college student at Ohio University and a blogger for Town Hall, one of the last bastions of conservatism in a medium overrun by liberal outlets like the New York Post, the Washington Times, the Utah Herald Journal, and, of course, those Commie pinko queers at Fox News. Herzog is atypical of college students-- and we mean besides the fact that she doesn't support lowering the drinking age to 18 (or 12, as we've always favored.) Here's part of her recent post about Back To School stuff... Read More... Posted Sep 05 2008, 04:22 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: ann coulter, fox news, school, college, conservatives, ohio, liberals, town hall, university, moran, ashley herzog

• Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

  Would you guzzle five kilos of chili-spaghetti for fame and glory? In Ohio? It's like the 21st century version of that football quiz scene from Diner: the videogamer who programmed his girlfriend's game to propose to her for him when she reached a high score has gotten married. John Mayer is wisely avoiding dating celebrities, at least for now... Read More... Posted Sep 02 2008, 03:33 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: britney spears, marriage, babies, john mayer, gisele bundchen, marriage proposal, vice president, celebrities, james gandolfini, food, ohio, las vegas, birth, sarah palin, diner

• Sloppy Seconds: What Happened To Harvey Dent?

  No wonder it was so easy to change votes: we had no idea Ohio allowed random people to babysit voting machines at their own homes prior to the election. Anyone who thinks Ohio voted fair and square can at least admit that was a pretty stupid idea, right? Speaking of Ohio and politics, Stephanie Tubbs-Jones was pronounced dead, then that was retracted, following a brain aneurysm. Tubbs-Jones, a black Congresswoman and hardcore Hillary supporter, is currently in critical condition. Britney's condition has improved, so much so that people actually want to read about her latest diet... Read More... Posted Aug 20 2008, 05:18 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: movies, politics, britney spears, marriage, death, paul mccartney, hospital, robbery, ohio, diets, child abuse, animal, gas money, spanking, dark knight

• While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

  Last night, Colin Powell denied he will endorse Barack Obama and speak at the Democratic National Convention. Assuming he's not just stalling so an official announcement is given at a more effective time, one has to wonder what Fox News, which broke the "story," had intended... Read More... Posted Aug 14 2008, 09:19 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: politics, republicans, Barack Obama, college, john McCain, Democrats, voting, ohio, conventions, colin powell, jenny mccarthy

• While You Were Sleeping: We'll Score Or Go Topless For You

  Don't you wish America's Next Top Models were making sex tapes, too? Isn't this entrapment? An Ohio man came upon a topless woman in a park. The woman, noting that the park was empty, asked him to take out his dick. He obliged and was promptly arrested as part of a sting operation. Did you hear about the naked airplane passenger? Read More... Posted Jul 21 2008, 09:48 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: sex tape, America's Next Top Model, subway, david beckham, football, soccer, mile high club, ohio, suicide, topless photos, Neil Young, indecent exposure

• Creationist Teacher Burns Cross In Students' Arms

  An Ohio teacher burnt a cross on at least one student's arm, which stay imprinted on the kid's skin for almost a month, and somehow managed to escape arrest in this, the 21st century. Question: if a burn lasts three to four weeks... why was the teacher who caused the injury not fired for it by the time this story leaked? Read More... Posted Jun 23 2008, 01:10 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: religion, creepy, ohio, Christian, education, bible, religious wackos, public school

• McCain Talks Of His Imaginary Friend Obama

  John McCain, who is running for President against himself and all he stands for, held a Town Hall meeting on ultra-liberal media outlet Fox News yesterday and challenged imaginary friend Barack Obama to a duel: “I think this town hall meeting would have been a little more interesting if Senator Obama had accepted my request,” McCain said to applause.  To confused applause, that is, as most of the audience, if they are supporting someone as crazy as John McCain, probably have never heard of a man named Senator Obama... Read More... Posted Jun 13 2008, 12:30 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: new york, fox news, Barack Obama, john McCain, vice president, ohio, california, ted strickland

• Ohio Democrat Flashes Topless Photos During High School Class

  Ohio State Rep. Matthew Barrett resigned his office yesterday after flashing topless photos of two unidentified women from his district to the high school seniors he was lecturing. Dude, if you're gonna cheat on your wife, don't keep nudie pics of your mistress on the same flash drive as your slideshow presentation... Read More... Posted Apr 25 2008, 11:32 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: cheating, elections, Democrats, arrested, ohio, child abuse, mistress, topless, topless photos, gwen stefani