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• While You Were Sleeping: Mad Men Getting Fired Up

  Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering decriminalizing marijuana altogether in California, possibly for budgetary reasons. One of my celebrity crushes, Bebe Neuwirth, is now married. Dumber-than-that-Carolina-contestant Miss California is in danger of losing her crown... Read More... Posted May 06 2009, 09:53 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: marriage, mad men, rihanna, cross dressers, pregnant, gisele bundchen, 50 Cent, concerts, marijuana, arnold schwarzenegger, New Orleans, sex life, joe biden, california, jennifer hudson, sunglasses, president obama, rick ross, miss california, bebe neuwirth

• Joe Biden's Daughter Caught in Cocaine Scandal?

  Ashley Biden, the cute 27-year-old daughter of the Vice President is apparently this year's Kate Moss. Remember how someone secretly filmed the supermodel doing blow at Pete Doherty's recording session? The same thing happened to Ash, only it was at a party, she knew she was being filmed, and now the tape is about to fetch six figures... Read More... Posted Mar 30 2009, 09:46 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: video, drugs, cocaine, scandals, pete doherty, kate moss, vice president, drug addiction, new york post, boyfriends, joe biden, secret, young people, Delaware, coke, scandal

• While You Were Sleeping: Bad Choice by SNL

  Ellen Barkin may do an HBO series that will serve as her revenge plot against her asshole ex-husband. A boy opened a large birthday present and discovered his Dad, home from Iraq, inside. Morrissey, Amy Winehouse, My Bloody Valentine, Leonard Cohen, the Cure, and Paul McCartney are... Read More... Posted Jan 30 2009, 09:33 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: hillary clinton, amy winehouse, david bowie, my bloody valentine, HBO, Iraq, birthday, paul mccartney, SNL, impeachment, Leonard Cohen, while you were sleeping, joe biden, coachella, alaska, the amazing race, obama administration, blagojevich, caroline kennedy, ellen barkin, morrissey, volcano, ex-husband

• The Very Best Thing About This Inauguration...

  When the inaugural ceremonies kicked off on Sunday, HBO was there to document the whole thing, live. We saw Bruce and Pete Seeger, Beyonce and Bono, a bunch of Hollywood celebrities and even Joe Biden's million-dollar smile. We saw everything, that is, except the one thing we really, really wanted to see... Read More... Posted Jan 20 2009, 10:18 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: Bono, HBO, Barack Obama, television, hollywood, celebrities, President, beyonce, bruce springsteen, joe biden, televangelist, reverend, rick warren, inauguration, inaugural, pete seeger, reverend gene robinson, speeches

• While You Were Sleeping: The Next Major Blockbuster Is...

  Has the Senate ever been this entertaining? Between Dick Cheney swearing in a shit-eating-grin-sportin' Joe Biden to Roland Burris, barbarian at the gate? Aubrey O'Day will receive one half million smackers to allow her boobies to appear in Playboy. We have to admit, we're skeptical the "safe sex" soap opera can convince teens of anything.  This will either be worse than Rocky V or even better than First Blood: Part Two... Read More... Posted Jan 07 2009, 09:02 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: rocky, mickey rourke, playboy, will ferrell, george w bush, senate, thievery, school, balls, Peter Jackson, boring, soap operas, Broadway, virginia, safe sex, weird, Steven Spielberg, boobies, arizona, dick cheney, joe biden, sylvester stallone, cities, rambo, lottery, roland burris, tintin, simon pegg, stooges, aubrey o'day

• Scanner Highs and Lows: An Orgy of Holiday Weirdness

  Scanner Santa has a slew of gift ideas for you: sex toys, DVDs, a pair of shoes and... an artificial virginity hymen? Plus, there's a motherlode of delectable posts you missed out on this week... Read More... Posted Dec 19 2008, 05:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: video, cops, shoes, dogs in the news, santacon, fleshbot, scanner emily, commercials, paula abdul, holiday, leonardo dicaprio, joe biden, scanner verena, mike tyson, scanner colleen, shoe thrower george bush, scanner matt, office party, christmas book recommendations, chrismas, hookerrs, publishing

• Joe Biden Had My Vote, Has My Heart

  Click through for the sweetest thing you'll see all day. We promise.  Read More... Posted Dec 16 2008, 12:33 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: dogs, cats, Barack Obama, 2008, scanner emily, puppies, pictures, emily farris, lol cats, crazy cat lady, joe biden, cute overload, scanner emily is the crazy cat lady, december 16, vice president joe biden, politicians with puppies, joe biden's pets, pictures of cats, pictures of politicians with puppies, pictures of puppies, politicians being sweet, joe biden has my heart, white house pets, dogs in washington d.c., pictures of cutness, cute pictures, politicians being cute, joe biden has my vote

• Sloppy Seconds: Joe The Plumber's New Homeland Security Gig

  We can't think of anything more unAmurrrican than George W. Bush pardoning an eagle killer. Okay, we can, but still... [Gawker] Hugh Jackman's wife was totally cool with him kissing Nicole Kidman. [Us] Who was totally not cool on David Letterman last night. [Jezebel] Read More... Posted Nov 25 2008, 05:52 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: sloppy seconds, drugs, kissing, amy winehouse, sexiest man alive, advertisements, Barack Obama, television, commercials, david letterman, talk shows, the olsen twins, nicole kidman, National Security, australia, john McCain, rehab, hospital, hugh jackman, the iraq war, meth, joe biden, baby daddy, full house, W, sarah palin, the real world, joe the plumber, unpatriotic, converter boxes, pardons, presidential election 2008, cody herpin, dtv transition, jodie sweetin, eagles, stephanie from full house, public safety, the war in iraq, people 2008, medication, digital tv transition, george bush pardons eagle killer, bob sagett, digital tv, president of the united states, candace cameron, Samuel Wurzelbacher, stephanie tanner, late night talk shows, george w. bush, election 08, unamerican

• While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

  A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year. However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving... Read More... Posted Nov 25 2008, 09:01 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: sports, Barack Obama, senate, tom cruise, FARK, Giveaway, football, cnn, suri cruise, hollywood, prison, radio stations, rape, fake boobs, jennifer aniston, joe biden, Hurricane Katrina, lawsuit, real or fake, hero of the day, pavement, ikea

• While You Were Sleeping: Winona Ryder OD'd

  Scarlett Johansson doesn't mind that "I Kissed A Girl" is a bland Jill Sobule ripoff. Hell, she's flattered to be the inspiration for the song. Joe Biden's son Beau is on his way to Iraq... and possibly the Senate in 2010. Twilight is getting some disappointing reviews ahead of its Friday release... Read More... Posted Nov 20 2008, 10:27 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: winona ryder, maxim, scarlett johansson, overdose, prison, wedding, megan fox, joe biden, katy perry, brian austin green, rappers, xanax, twilight, marx brothers

• While You Were Sleeping: The Black James Bond?

  What do you Republicans out there think of this site, called Rebuild the Party, which looks at various ways the GOP can get back on track? Full-length feature films, albeit with a couple of ads here and there, will be streaming via YouTube soon. Say goodbye to $15 movies, guys... Check out why Melissa Etheridge is our absolute hero today... Read More... Posted Nov 07 2008, 10:43 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: movies, james bond, senate, youtube, Daniel Craig, Melissa Etheridge, black actors, protest, joe biden, california, anti-war, founding fathers, vietnam, republican idiots, prop 8, kim cattrall

• The World Has Joe Biden to Thank for Pete Wentz's Penis

  Tuesday night was a very special night for us all. But the fact that Joe Biden is the vice-president elect is extra special for Pete Wentz and his giant penis. Read More... Posted Nov 06 2008, 10:42 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: gay, 2008, making out, pete wentz, ashlee simpson, joe biden, homosexual, pete wentz penis pictures, barack obama infomercial, election night

• Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

  For a while, we tried to remain balanced, nitpicking each party's candidates with snarky attacks. Then John McCain's campaign took a horrendous turn. It wasn't just on the strategic end, although that's what doomed him; rather, there seemed to be a point where he said, "I used to be that kind who didn't stoop so low. Now I realize I can't win any other way or I want to win so badly I have temporarily lost control of my convictions." And that's where Obama stepped in. Read More... Posted Nov 04 2008, 02:00 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: politics, Barack Obama, john McCain, elections, voting, campaigns, endorsements, joe biden, sarah palin, election 2008, vote for obama, voting for obama, vote

• David Sedaris On Undecided Voters: Chicken or Sh*t?

  In this week's New Yorker the always hilarious David Sedaris gives us a little analogy to help us all understand where America's undecided voters are coming from. Read More... Posted Oct 21 2008, 04:44 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: Barack Obama, presidential candidates, john McCain, shit, flying, joe biden, sarah palin, election 2008, sarah palin nude, chicken breast, shit sandwiches, the new yoker, analogy, david sedaris, airplaneanes, analogies, chicken shit

• Sloppy Seconds: Where Joe Biden Stands on Prop8

  Attention Mad Men fans, the show has been renewed for a third season. [Radar]  Lil' Wayne is expecting an even lil'er Wayne in just a couple of days. [MTV] Maybe it's just the hair in this picture (and the bad facial hair and hats in other pictures) but are we the only ones who think Brad Pitt is not getting better with age? [People] Read More... Posted Oct 20 2008, 05:22 PM by Emily Farris with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: movies, sloppy seconds, babies, mad men, the UK, brad pitt, scarlett johansson, sarah silverman, lil wayne, ellen degeneres, joe biden, feist, prop 8, proposition 8, nobel peace prize dinner, julia louis dreyfus, nobel prize, joan holloway, diana ross

• Sloppy Seconds: Has Colin Powell Finally Made Up His Mind?

  So, Madonna's directorial debut comes out right as she divorces her director husband? Is that, like, the equivalent of sleeping with his best friend? [NYT] The lead singer of the Four Tops, Levi Stubbs, is dead at 72. [Yahoo!] We imagine this guy will vote against the McCain/Palin ticket after Sarah Palin tried to take away his skate park. [MTV] Read More... Posted Oct 17 2008, 05:09 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: the view, sloppy seconds, Barack Obama, john McCain, madonna, kathy griffin, elisabeth hasselbeck, Guy Ritchie, ellen degeneres, joe biden, california, colin powell, sarah palin, levi stubbs, prop 8, gary marriage, proposition 8, the four tops

• In This Particular Case, We Don't Wish Kristen Wiig Well

  We like Kristen Wiig. Nay, we love her. But there's a lil' part of us that hopes she'll be out of a job come November 4. And here's why. Read More... Posted Oct 15 2008, 03:49 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: tina fey, saturday night live, presidential candidates, SNL, Kristen Wiig, joe biden, sarah palin, tina fey as sarah palin, jill biden

• Anna Wintour: A Political Prophet?

  Does Vogue editor Anna Wintour think the election already happened? Or does she know something we don't? Because in an upcoming issue, she's chronicled generations of women in the Vice President's family. But—correct us if we're wrong—we don't have a Vice President yet.  Read More... Posted Oct 15 2008, 01:15 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: anna wintour, vogue, vice president, joe biden, sarah palin, all the vice president's women, magazine stories

• Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

  Hayden Panettiere, our Greatest Love Of All*, made a video for one of our favorite websites talking about how much she loves cigarettes and her Presidential candidate... You might be surprised who she supports... and at how dirty her mouth is. Yowza! Read More... Posted Oct 15 2008, 09:13 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: politics, dirty words, satire, tattoos, funny or die, Hayden Panettiere, Barack Obama, presidential candidates, hot or not, nsfw, fuck, penthouse, joe biden

• Sloppy Seconds: How Sarah Palin Brought a Litte Heaven Into Our Lives

  Do we sound like your mother when we say that Kirsten Dunst looks so much cuter without a cigarette attached to her face? [Faded Youth] Clay Aiken addressed his seemingly homophobic Claymates—he's the same old Gay Aiken he's always been. [MollyGood] We want to eat Suri Cruise. Really. She's so fucking cute. [INF] Read More... Posted Oct 06 2008, 05:33 PM by Emily Farris with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: tina fey, sloppy seconds, babies, saturday night live, tom cruise, katie holmes, suri cruise, kirsten dunst, smoking, clay aiken, joe biden, cigarettes, sarah palin, gay aiken, reward in heaven, paris hilton hilton, queen latifa

• Video of the Day: Biden v. Palin in Song and Dance

  Sure you could listen to the VP candidates talk about what they'll do in the White House, or you can hear them sing it with the help of AutoTune and phat beats. Posted Oct 06 2008, 02:40 PM by Nicole Pasulka with | with no comments Filed under: video of the day, youtube, debates, joe biden, sarah palin, vp debates

• While You Were Sleeping: Mischa Barton Can't Keep Her Clothes On

  Once you read this family's story, you won't have much to complain about anymore. Yesterday, seven members of the Palin administration (gack! no, we mean her administration in Alaska, don't worry) agreed to testify in the Troopergate investigation. They'll probably say they didn't know anything about the unethical firing; after all, everyone who actually knows something is refusing to cooperate. Tonight, VH1 broadcasts the Hip Hop Honors, with awards going to... Read More... Posted Oct 06 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: movies, hip hop, death, mischa barton, fights, vice president, harrison ford, indiana jones, nipple slip, joe biden, kimbo, vh1, sfw, naked photos, sarah palin

• The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

  If this had been a job interview, Joe Biden would have been passed over for not saying anything about himself or calling Palin on her fabrications and Palin would have been passed over for hardly answering any of the moderator's direct questions. After the jump: why both candidates lost... Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 10:59 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: politics, Barack Obama, vice president, debates, campaigns, joe biden, sarah palin

• While You Were Watching the Debates: We Tried Out Political Punditry

  Okay, that's not entirely true. We used to be far too involved in politics for our own good. But last night, we couldn't help but visit our old friends at Drinking Liberally where we met a Scanner fan and got interviewed by the local news. Posted Oct 03 2008, 10:17 AM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: scanner emily, debates, local news, while you were sleeping, joe biden, alaska, sarah palin, scanner emily as sarah palin, vice-presidential debates

• Do Ten Shots Every Time Biden Mentions Indians And 7-11

  We know the debate is tomorrow, but we wanted to tell you about MIT's hilarious drinking game (this one, unlike the previous incarnation, is actually doable) so you can stock up now on select booze... or Slurpee's... which is, of course, bigot Biden's favorite beverage... Read More... Posted Oct 01 2008, 03:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: India, drinking, vice president, bigotry, debate, MIT, joe biden, racial profiling, massachusetts, slurpee, 7-11, sarah palin, drinking games, indian

• Which Candidate Spends More on Make-Up Than We Do On Shoes?

  And we just got some expensive new boots.  Hint: it's not Sarah Palin.  Read More... Posted Sep 25 2008, 03:37 PM by Emily Farris with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: boobs, Barack Obama, make up, john McCain, cunt, cindy mccain, joe biden, sarah palin, tanning bed

• Dolly Parton for Vice President!

  You know, if we're going to elect a bubbly woman with big hair and an even bigger personality to the While House, shouldn't it be a woman we love and respect, like Dolly Parton? In fact, shouldn't it just be Dolly Parton? Can we forget all of this white man vs. black man vs. white haired man vs. woman business and just elect someone that everybody in the entire world loves? Read More... Posted Sep 23 2008, 11:27 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: Barack Obama, Dolly Parton, john McCain, vice president, Broadway, Los Angeles, the white house, joe biden, musicals, sarah palin, musical theater heaven, musical theare heaven, nine to five the musical, 9 to 5, dollywood, brianstol palin, musical theater, musical theatre, 9 to 5 the musical, off broadway

• While You Were Sleeping: Will Ferrell Answers Your Questions

  The investigation into who hacked Sarah Palin's e-mail is focusing around the 20-year-old son of a Memphis Democratic State Representative. Joe Biden is a friend of the gays. What's the verdict on Kate Holmes on Broadway? Read More... Posted Sep 19 2008, 09:53 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: funny or die, New York City, will ferrell, tom cruise, katie holmes, project runway, zac efron, Broadway, kathy griffin, David Blaine, bravo, megan fox, joe biden, hackers, sarah palin, vanessa hudgens

• BREAKING: John McCain Picks Embattled Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin For VP

  When Tina Fey wannabe Sarah Palin flew overnight to Ohio without telling her closest aides, the AP and others new the jig was up... Read More... Posted Aug 29 2008, 11:10 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: politics, republicans, john McCain, vice president, joe biden, alaska, sarah palin

• Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

  Madame Secretary... I move that the Convention suspend the rules... With these words, a collective chill went up through the nation, especially those one or two million of us who care enough about the country to have seen it live. Meanwhile, the yakking heads at NBC couldn't shut up for two seconds to allow us to hear all of Nancy Pelosi's speech... Read More... Posted Aug 28 2008, 12:18 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: politics, hillary clinton, music, Barack Obama, youtube, Democrats, John Kerry, NBC, will.i.am, joe biden, conventions, denver