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• Sloppy Seconds: Pornos Will Save Us All

  A family decided not to report their adopted son missing... for a decade. Think they had a hand in his disappearance? Is this officially the end of the Bush era? Jeb has declined to run for Senate in Florida, where he would have been virtually unbeatable. The Josh Brolin-Jeffrey Wright bar brawl case has been resolved... Read More... Posted Jan 06 2009, 05:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: sloppy seconds, awards, senate, fleshbot, florida, adoption, New Orleans, roommates, pornography, porno, sean penn, milk, josh brolin, jeffrey wright, shooting, jeb bush, missing child, bar brawl

• Lingerie Football Linebacker Sues Ex For Leaking Her Nude Photos

  Melissa Berry, a linebacker for the lingerie football league (for some reason, the words "linebacker" and "lingerie" don't go together in our brains), is suing her ex for 15 g's after it was discovered he posted photos of her giving a blow job.  We may have to side with him on this one: since we can't seem to find any records of the nude photos online (and unless someone sends us a link, damn it), we have to suspect they were never there in the first place. However, given this guy's profession, we almost hope this story is true... Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 01:49 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: lingerie, florida, topless, nude photos, topless photos, topless model, lawsuit, bikini, revenge, sexy photos, sfw, lingerie league, lingerie football, lingerie bowl, ex-boyfriends

• Are Too Few Baby Boys Being Circumcised?

  According to new research, the number of baby boys being circumcised in the U.S. is dropping. While critics of circumcision may think this is a good thing, the reason behind the drop may not be. Read More... Posted Dec 23 2008, 04:29 PM by Emily Farris with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: science, florida, missouri, research, studies, minnesota, mississippi, nevada, discrimination, louisiana, washington, arizona, circumcision, the 80s, Idaho, north carolina, montana, california, oregon, north dakota, utah, maine, the eighties, circumcision rates drop, medical procedures, medicaid, dropping circumcision rates, procedure, circumcision rates, 1980s, 1980's, drops, rates, heath

• While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

  A rogue church threatened to broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life to its congregation, following her refusal to break up with her boyfriend. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.) A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least mention it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore it, even though it's several days old.  Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo... Read More... Posted Dec 23 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: playboy, sex scenes, page six, women, hugh hefner, nsfw, florida, church, kate winslet, plastic surgery, shopping, ohio, Karl Rove, extra-marital affair, asses, nude photos, leonardo dicaprio, actors, the 30's, deaths, religious fanatics, makeup, lipstick, holly madison, relationship, sam mendes, the great depression, prosecutor, plastic surgeon, liposuction, sag, screen actors guild, suv

• Man Gets 4 Years For Doing Something Horrible To Grandma's Dog

  We were in Clearwater, Florida for Thanksgiving this year and heard a story so creepy, even we didn't want to write about it. Which, as you know, means this is one you won't be able to brush off, no matter how much you drink to forget... Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 02:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: thanksgiving, jail, dogs in the news, scary, holidays, florida, medicine, families, arrested, bestiality, parenting, sex crimes, grand parents, doors, medical problems

• Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

  Who the hell wants to get someone a Planned Parenthood gift certificate?  What purpose do they serve besides stirring up the hornet's nest that is the anti-abortion movement? Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 01:18 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: holiday gift guide, gifts under $50, florida, holiday, abortion, planned parenthood, Pro Life, indiana, illinois, pro-choice, gifts

• This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

  For the ten millionth time in a row, research suggests being gay is not a choice. Have you heard about the Day Without a Gay? No, it's not some Fred Phelps extraordinary rendition program, it's a pro-gay event on December 10th in which gay people will not participate in the economy. Next Friday, possibly-gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married. So, in light of the recent statewide amendment banning same-sex marriage... Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 10:37 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: anderson cooper, gay marriage, public sex, florida, fred phelps, gay sex, olympics, protest, cnn.com, 60 Minutes, gay marriage ban, milk, swimming, closeted, charlie crist, homosexual, michael phelps, olympians, folsom street fair, harvey milk, linda harvey

• While You Were Sleeping: The Gyllenhaal Divorce

  This week, we're blogging from a quiet beach near Clearwater, Florida... so your news will be a bit more Southern and probably a lot weirder... The government will finally bail out the public, thanks to up to $800 billion in money being directed toward allowing for more loans to consumers. Great, just what we need, more debt. There's nothing worse than getting busted for being involved in prostitution and having your face plastered all over the local media. Actually, we take that back: there's nothing worse than getting busted for prostitution and having your face plastered all over the world, plus admit to dating a much, much older doorman who won the lottery and buys you expensive things. Yeah, that will go over well with your childhood community overseas. Kristen Johnston, who took it off for-- what else-- PETA. And she, uh, mounted a house for the shoot... Read More... Posted Nov 26 2008, 09:01 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: divorce, thanksgiving, history, PETA, parents, China, florida, Republican, money, maggie gyllenhaal, cancer, nude photos, beyonce knowles, taxes, jake gyllenhaal, etta james, government, charlie crist, beach, housing, sfw, beyonce bleached, bailout, chinese, kristen johnston

• While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

  Shots were fired at the motorcades of the Presidents of Georgia and Poland, although no one was hit. A drag queen hosted a Miss Texas pageant, to the obvious horror of parents. A boy in Florida was arrested for something heinous. No, we mean the reason he was arrested was heinous. Oh, never mind, you'll see... Read More... Posted Nov 24 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: britney spears, guns, texas, florida, Poland, madonna, teacher student sex, farting, Spain, arrest, drag queen, text messaging, teacher sex, teenage boys, georgia, pageants, kabbalah, utah, hate crime, teacher, nebraska, breakup, butt bandit, boris becker, barcelona

• Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...

  Burger King is deliberately dropping wallets full of cash all over the country and, unlike the wicked New York City Police Department, they aren't arresting people who are kind enough to pick them up... Read More... Posted Nov 20 2008, 12:50 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: thievery, jobs, florida, money, Chicago, arizona, NYPD, economic stimulus, fast food, burger king, economy

• While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Likes Short Shorts

  Academy Awards season started up with the shortlisting of 15 feature documentaries, which includes "Man on a Wire" and films by Werner Herzog and Errol Morris. We're rooting for Encounters At the End of the World. The lead singer of the Vines is battling the effects of his autism and the band has canceled all their upcoming shows. There will be a female Secretary of State after all... Read More... Posted Nov 18 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: new york times, hillary clinton, Barack Obama, booze, tom cruise, Bill Clinton, concerts, condoleezza rice, florida, academy awards, short shorts, autism, democrat, miami, newspapers, keith olbermann, government, oscar, werner herzog, lewis black, sarah palin, singers, sarah palin photos, sarah palin sexy photos, patti smith, the closer, salman rushdie, usa today

• While You Were Sleeping: The Lapdancers And The Prime Minister

  A New England Patriots cheerleader was booted from the squad after Facebook pictures showed her drawing penises and swastikas on a passed-out girl's body. The New York Times wants you to know that stretching before exercise is actually a bad idea. And so it begins... check out what this Floridian DJ did to "celebrate" Obama's victory... Read More... Posted Nov 06 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: new york times, antonio banderas, facebook, Barack Obama, ryan gosling, marijuana, florida, exercise, racism, radio, Nazis, salvador dali, prime minister, british, massachusetts, exotic dancers, lap dances, rachel mcadams, cheerleader

• This Week In Gayness: We Say No To That Yes On Prop 8

  As we reported earlier, the gay romance on Grey's Anatomy has ended, thanks to a questionable change in the TV show's storyline. Hmmm... We're still wondering about these gay-baiting robo-calls. How is this guy still allowed out of the house? Ever? He should do 500 years in prison, at minimum: Read More... Posted Nov 05 2008, 02:56 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: gay, fox, gay marriage, Barack Obama, florida, this week in gayness, the simpsons, arizona, north carolina, grey's anatomy, gayness, california, california gay marriage, california gay marriage ban, prop 8, raleigh, television shows, anti-gay

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck Stumps for Sarah Palin, We Drink Heavily

  At a rally in Tampa, FL yesterday The View's resident Republican and woman we love to hate, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, introduced Sarah Palin and her accessories including, but not limited to, her "priceless" flag pin and her special-needs child. It's not pretty. If you can handle nearly ten minutes of Hasselbeck's tortured metaphors, click on through. Or wait until you can get home and pour yourself a drink. We had to watch this in two minute shifts with a shot of whiskey in between each. Read More... Posted Oct 27 2008, 10:33 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: video, the view, torture, Barack Obama, metaphors, florida, john McCain, elisabeth hasselbeck, alaska, whiskey, sarah palin, newspaper endorsements for obama, flag pins, tampa fl, anchorage ak, anchorage daily news endorses obama, accessories, stumping, special needs child

• While You Were Sleeping: The Jennifer Hudson Horror Story Continues

  Just before we wrapped up for the day on Friday, we heard about a man accusing the NYPD of sexually assaulting him by sticking a walkie-talkie up his ass. We're not sure we buy the guy's story, but he did end up in the hospital after being arrested, so that may mean something's up. Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney is so scared for his political future, he backed out of a debate with his Republican opponent with barely any notice. Meanwhile, we applaud his wife for sticking up for herself by filing for divorce from this pig. In a bizarre turn of events, Amy Poehler didn't show up for her Saturday Night Live scenes this weekened, although she gave a fairly reasonably explanation... Read More... Posted Oct 27 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: japan cannot be stopped, marriage, babies, saturday night live, japan, florida, missouri, Democrats, SNL, amy poehler, wedding, murder, Congressman, cheaters, NYPD, st. louis, jennifer hudson, arson, dumb, tim mahoney

• Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

  Pictures of "fraud" are boring... so we went with this one instead. Sue us. Virginia, Georgia, Kentucky, New Mexico, Nevada and other early-voting states are already tilting the election toward Obama... as long as the machines register their votes, of course. Seriously, though, this year we'll be able to watch our votes disappear in real time, thanks to Wired's awesome new interactive map... Read More... Posted Oct 24 2008, 09:42 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: politics, florida, elections, voting, nevada, Chicago, fraud, election 2008, sex acts, vote for obama

• While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

  It became apparent that a Boston-area football coach was stealing from the school's uniform fund when he made an ATM withdrawal of $500 at 1am while standing next to a strip club. A teacher in a Daytona-area school district was busted for some sleazy motel sex with her seventeen-year-old male charge. Miss Louisiana Teen USA lost her title in the most embarrassing way imaginable... Read More... Posted Oct 23 2008, 09:51 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: divorce, david duchovny, facebook, fire, strip clubs, football, marijuana, florida, john McCain, money, drunk driving, teacher student sex, boston, arrest, restaurants, louisiana, teacher sex, beyonce knowles, cheaters, lawsuit, hotel sex, tennis, miss teen usa, motel sex, coach

• Cop Fired For Drinking With Teens, Tasering Them For Laughs

  You'd think after all the horror stories about death-by-cop and death-by-tasering-by-cop, that a) a cop would be hesitant to use it on an innocent fifteen-year-old boy and b) the fifteen-year-old boy wouldn't have verbally requested a tasering... for fun... Read More... Posted Oct 20 2008, 02:05 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: police, cops, parties, funny, drinking, fired, florida, idiots, teenage boys, police are idiots, tasered, taser

• 12-Year-Old Boy Gets Arrested For Attacking Pregnant Teacher, Threatening To Kill Her

  What's nuttier than a story about an adolescent getting arrested for throwing sticks and stones (literally) at his pregnant teacher? How about what he said to her while he did it and the fact that the local media saw fit to print his mugshot as a warning to others... Read More... Posted Oct 17 2008, 11:52 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: kids, violence, mug shots, florida, children, arrested, child abuse, pregnacy, swearing, teacher, battery, threat

• No Surprise Here: Democrat Who Defeated Mark Foley Is A Perv

  Tim Mahoney, who only won his Congressional seat because Mark Foley's name was still on the ballot, is already in danger of losing it because of his own boneheaded sex scandal... Read More... Posted Oct 14 2008, 03:10 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: politics, sex scandals, Mark Foley, florida, sex offenders, extra-marital affair, perverts, democrat, idiots, cheaters, politician

• Seminole Casino Solves The Economic Crisis... With Strip Poker

  According to About.com, "gambling in Florida is legal at Indian Casinos, Greyhound dog tracks, horse racing tracks and off-shore casino cruises." No wonder all the old people, card sharks, and sex offenders are moving down there! And this is before they found out that their local Indian casino, which the state Attorney General wants to shut down, thought of an ingenious way to "boost" our "economy..." Read More... Posted Oct 10 2008, 10:46 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: stripper, gambling, florida, old people, sex offenders, cheaters, stripping, casino, strip poker

• Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

  "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - from The Friends of Voltaire by Evelyn Beatrice Hall, 1906 The US District Court in Tampa, Florida appears to have forgotten the lessons of the above quote, Lenny Bruce, and the First Amendment to the United States Constitution: on Friday, they sentenced the disgusting, misogynistic, violent, and downright horrible pornographer Max Hardcore (real name Paul Little) to a three years and ten months in prison. The stock market crashes, we may actually elect McCain-Palin, and the national debt is soaring, but the real problem here is our inability to see how all this is leading to a degradation in our collective sanity... Read More... Posted Oct 09 2008, 12:46 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: porn, sex, florida, john McCain, court, prison, pornography, free speech, america, california, misogynist, constitution, degrading sex acts, tampa florida, hardcore, lenny bruce

• While You Were Sleeping: Mike Myers Is An Inglorious Bastard

  Is there any reason to shoot yourself in the arm? For one man, not getting laid is reason enough.  If you happen to spot a tour bus belonging to The Kills, please contact the Feds. And the verdict on the Apple iTunes store's fate... Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: new york, movies, rock and roll, music, babies, guns, brad pitt, sex, school, florida, apple, angelina joile, drunk driving, racism, itunes, mike myers, quentin tarantino, bus, inglorious bastards, madd

• Man Claims He Was Robbed By Gang Of Topless Women

  A man in Martin County, Florida told the police he was roughed up and robbed of $100 in cash by a gang of shirtless, braless women. The man insisted that he had been awake the entire time and was not making this up... Read More... Posted Sep 30 2008, 11:34 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: cops, bra, blonde, thievery, keira knightley, florida, robbery, naked, topless, lap dances, interview, gang

• "I Seem To Have Forgotten To Bathe For Two Days"

  The man who has been anointed to run the public schools in good ol' Miami-Dade County has just had his entire affair, in the form of raunchy e-mails, splashed across the front pages of everything from his local paper to Gawker.com. Normally, we wouldn't make a big deal of a guy or gal having an affair, even if one of them is in Alberto Carvalho's esteemed position, but we'll make an exception for how perfectly insane these messages are... Read More... Posted Sep 26 2008, 11:47 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: marriage, cheating, divorce, sex, school, funny, florida, reporters, boston, sex scandal, extra-marital affair, e-mail, miami, cheaters, newspapers, tmi

• While You Were Sleeping: Mark Foley's Replacement's Sex Scandal

  A homeless man in Florida was arrested for sleeping nude on the steps of a City Hall. Insult to injury: he was given $150 in bail which, obviously, he probably can't even pay. Farm Aid 2008 is playing in a loop here. (The lineup: Neil Young, John Mellencamp, Willie Nelson, Dave Matthews, Kenny Chesney, Arlo Guthrie, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Pretenders, Jakob Dylan, and much more.) How much would you pay for a date with this porn star? Read More... Posted Sep 23 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: porn star, sex scandals, Mark Foley, canada, florida, dane cook, comedians, Democrats, naked people, homeless, willie nelson, Neil Young, auction, greyhound, kenny chesney, dave matthews

• Motorcycle Party Features Screaming Orgasm Contest, Rampant Nudity

  Back when we were alerting you to the triumphant success of the New Zealand Boobs on Bikes parade, we agreed with the readers that it wouldn't be long before a copycat event (or two) sprung up stateside. It turned out one was coming up soon... and it's already been a success once before, as evidenced by these (nsfw!) photos... Read More... Posted Sep 22 2008, 09:44 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: pole dancing, t-shirts, nudity, nsfw, florida, orgasms, topless, nude photos, topless photos, decency, blow up dolls, motorcycle

• While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

  Jude Law's new girlfriend is posing nude for the upcoming edition of Playboy in France. If this guy keeps winning elections, maybe there isn't any reason to vote. A conservative Canadian mayor is finding out that just because those nude photos of her made headlines over five years ago, people are still going to bring them up when she runs for higher office. Uncensored photo after the jump... Read More... Posted Sep 22 2008, 09:09 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: new york, stripper, beer, playboy, charity, canada, nsfw, france, florida, strippers, england, cheapdom, election, camera phones, arrested, Jude Law, mayor, sex scandal, perverts, detroit, nude photos, lawyers, stripping, conservative, strip club, girlfriends

• Woman Gets Life For... Sex With A Five-Year-Old Boy?!

  Do we think it's fair that a 33-year-old woman, who was then only 21, got such a harsh punishment for having sex with a five-year-old under her then-husband's direction? Read More... Posted Sep 19 2008, 02:09 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: sex tape, jail, crime, florida, children, prison, sexual assault, arrest, cancer, rape, underage sex, trials, sex crimes, sex acts

• Woman Busted For Videotaping Her Underage Sex Crime

  Hey, just because R. Kelly was acquitted doesn't mean we should all run out and find jailbait to have sex with. More importantly, if we're dumb enough to do all that, we should probably not film the sex with our cellphone cameras. Well, that's just what one 31-year-old Florida woman did... and was caught because she all but asked to be... Read More... Posted Sep 18 2008, 03:12 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: jail, florida, prison, camera phones, arrested, jailbait, perverts, idiots, teenage boys, older women