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• Sloppy Seconds: More Sex and the City?

  Ada Calhoun, from our not so slutty sister site Babble, weighs in on Facebook's nipple ban. [TIME] We're usually all about Kelly Clarkson's girl power lyrics, but not so much with her new single "My Life Would Suck Without You." [FadedYouth] Speaking of girl power, did you know it's Women's Self-Empowerment Week? And do we really need a Women's Self-Empowerment Week? [Jezebel] Jennifer Love Hewitt is back on the market, in case you're interested. (We're guessing you're not). [People]  Read More... Posted Jan 05 2009, 06:53 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: boobs, sloppy seconds, nipples, Sex and the City, facebook, girl power, jennifer love hewitt, time, ipod, pictures, babble, jezebel, american idol, apple, alcohol, engagements, images, Ada Calhoun, gwyneth paltrow, kelly clarkson, engagement, steve jobs, lyrics, 2009, detox diets, areola, self-empowerment, caffeine, facebook's ban on nipples, january 5, my life would suck without you, patricia field, macbook, holiday pounds, broken engagements, how to detox, ibook, self empowerment, monitors, macbook screen not covered under warranty, sex and the city: the movie, women's self-empowerment week, gwyenth paltrow's diet, areolae, broken engagement, excess weight, macbook monitor not covered under warranty, apple care, time magazine, facebook's nipple ban, goop, sex and the city move

• Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2008

  So this is 2009. So far, so good. We're going to use the next few days to accidentally write "2008" on everything and take a look back at the year that was. You can expect the top 10 Scanner posts of 2008 on Monday. But first, as promised, Scanner Emily's top 10 lessons learned in 2008, including—unfortunately—a repeat from last year. Seriously, how many times must we humiliate ourselves online before learning that drinking and Facebook do not mix? Read More... Posted Jan 02 2009, 10:22 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: scanner, nerve, facebook, 2008, herpes, top 10 lists, american apparel, scanner emily, summer camp, wet hot american summer, missouri, emily farris, ex boyfriends, kansas city, nerve.com, rollerskating, broken bones, exes, top ten lists, las vegas, scanner emily's wet hot american summer, whiskey, hendrick's gin, greenpoint, broken blogger, broken wrist, scanner blog, the ex files, lessons learned, 2009, jameson, nerve blogs, alternative weeklies, the new york press, emergency room, roller skating, the herp, costume parties, january 2, oral herpes, bellevue, roller disco, lessons, yellow tights, phoneputer

• Scanner Brian's Year in Review

  As you may have noticed, we're cleaning house today in preparation for a radically inventive new year, free of server crashes and other taint. One way of wrapping it up is a post that covers just about everything you missed in 2008 here on Scanner. And while a Best of the Year list is still to come, we want to make sure you get an overall summation of what went down here in the past 365... Read More... Posted Dec 31 2008, 02:43 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: scanner, scanner bryan, thanksgiving, facebook, Hayden Panettiere, scanner emily, mormons, summer camp, scanner bobby, scanner brian, scanner nicole, sfw, michael phelps, sarah palin nude photos, arlo guthrie, scanner blog

• Sloppy Seconds: Keep Yer Areolae Off My Facebook, Mmmkay?

  While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC] Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us] I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People] Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 06:51 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: scanner, boobs, nerve, marriage, sloppy seconds, weddings, photos, facebook, crime, 2008, Woody Harrelson, scanner emily, tom cruise, katie holmes, pictures, suri cruise, scientology, vagina, celebrities, money, breasts, madonna, emily farris, Chicago, engagements, images, kansas city, nerve.com, murder, areolas, kabbalah, making babies, breastfeeding, pictures of boobs, pictures of breasts, scanner blog, sexy vagina, december 30, pictures of areolas, double homicide, won't you be my neighbor, philanthropy, al capone, mister rogers, areola, gchat, close-ups

• Sloppy Seconds: Billie Jean Was Indeed My Lover?

  Frank Stallone-- guess who he's related to-- got a reality show based on his relation to a famous person. Woman wins a million bucks, throws it away. End of story, right? A thoughtful clerk decides not to be greedy and gave her the ticket after discovering the oversight. Caylee Anthony's body was found four months ago, but the police decided... Read More... Posted Dec 19 2008, 05:23 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: michael jackson, dead people, babies, kim kardashian, facebook, al franken, teachers, calendar, drinking, nsfw, alcohol, money, minnesota, porn industry, creepy dudes or dudettes, sylvester stallone, hero of the day, felonies, adult films, irs, lottery

• Real Quick Before I Go (More Shameless Self Promotion)

  You and I both know that you've been waiting for the perfect moment to buy my cookbook Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven. Now is that moment. Perhaps you want to give it as a Christmas gift (or Hanukkah gift; there are some kugels in there) with a nice vintage Pyrex dish. Or maybe you want to hang it on your wall and throw darts at it. Either way, if you order it from my local, independent bookstore today (and today only considering I'm outie) I'll swing by and sign it before it gets shipped to you. I might even write something dirty. Maybe. If nothing else, will you at least become my fan on The Facebook Machine? Thanks, much cheese love and I'll see you back here Tuesday.  [Buy Casserole Crazy from WORD Brooklyn or Amazon, if you must.] Related: TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come Posted Dec 18 2008, 08:33 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: scanner, nerve, facebook, 2008, casserole, emily farris, nerve.com, shameless self promotion, casserole crazy, christmas presents, recession food, greenpoint, casserole crazy: hot stuff for your oven, scanner blog, the facebook, vintage pyrex, dirty book inscriptions, december 18, buy books for christmas, hanukkah, shop local, word, bookstores that do special orders, word brooklyn, become a fan

• Back to the Future (or Today in the Apocalypse?): First Documented Case of 'Zzz-mailing'

  We've heard of sleep walking, sleep talking and even sleep fucking, but emailing while asleep? Oh yes. Is it a fluke or a sign of the imminent technology/drug-induced apocalypse? Read More... Posted Dec 16 2008, 02:42 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: computers, facebook, 2008, email, technology, wine, december 16, zzz-mailing, zzzmailing, ambien, doom, sleep, sleep disorders, sleep talking, sex during sleep, apocalypse, sleep fucking, sleep walking, sleep journal, zzz mailing, zolpidem, caviar, sex while sleeping, emailing while asleep

• Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

  The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us] Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, winner runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People] If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar] What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture] Read More... Posted Dec 12 2008, 07:41 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: fashion, anderson cooper, sloppy seconds, kanye west, cocaine, amy winehouse, facebook, Barack Obama, 2008, scanner emily, ryan gosling, golden globes, George Bush, pictures, lauren conrad, crack, harvey weinstein, prison, washington post, depression, emily farris, michelle obama, naked, olympics, recession, images, interns, the white house, crazy cat lady, swimming, michael phelps, malia obama, sasha obama, amy winehouse smoking crack, december 12, pictures of amy winehouse smoking crack, the blair house, golden globe nominations, are we in a recession, scanner emily is the crazy cat lady, fashion internships, the great depression, amy winehouse snorting cocaine, sam talbot, are we in a depression, donald graham, internships

• Regarding The Facebook, It's Time for Plan B (Facebook the Sh*t Out of Facebook)

  I know I never told you what Plan A was, but that would have defeated the entire idea. You see, plan A was to deny the powers of The Facebook. I tried swearing off of it for an entire day earlier this week. And I stayed off from 10 a.m. until about 5 p.m., save the few times I checked it from my phone. So, I was mildly successful. But for something to really work for me, I need to go all in. Hence, Plan B: Go all in. Read More... Posted Dec 12 2008, 04:35 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: facebook, 2008, scanner emily, facebook applications, laundry, alanis morissette, jagged little pill, facebook water fight, status updates, december 12, the facebook, emily farriss, facebook.com, chinese food, facebook status

• World, Meet Colleen

  Meet Colleen Kane. She's going to join us here at Scanner for a while. I haven't actually met Colleen in person yet, but let me tell you why I like her. Colleen reviewed my book for BUST. In fact, she gave it a great review. But that's not why I like her. I like her because she found me on Facebook to tell me how much she liked the book before the review ran and afterwords she emailed to apologize for an editing error. She appears to love cheese as much as I do and she's currently looking for the prefect vintage gown to get married in. If we lived in the same city, I'd probably go all Single White Female on her. For now, I'll just have to settle for being BFFs (Blog Friends Forever). Be nice to her. Love, Scanner Emily Posted Dec 02 2008, 05:11 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: scanner, facebook, welcome, bust, scanner emily, emily farris, casserole crazy, cheese, recession food, nerve scanner, casserole crazy: hot stuff for your oven, casserole recipes, scanner blog, jenny lewis on the cover of bust, book reviews, single white female, casserole crazy in bust magazine, scanner colleen, colleen kane, reviews for casserole crazy, scanner nerve, swf, bust magazine

• MySpace: Over, Sam and Lilo: Not

  According to Michael Wolff, MySpace is so over. Though we can't quite bring ourselves to bury our profile next to the Friendster grave, we knew that a long time ago. But it seems Lindsay Lohan just got the memo. What does this mean for the world? Well, for one, maybe she won't be posting so many newsworthy MySpace blog posts and two, maybe she'll be our friend on Facebook.  If the rumor mill is right (and when is it not?) Lilo is posting on the "Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson" group on Facebook under the pseudonym "Bella Vita" and she would like you to know that she and Sam are not breaking up. Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 11:11 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: gay, lindsay lohan, new york magazine, myspace, gay marriage, facebook, scrabulous, lesbians, pictures, technology, friendster, samantha ronson, lindsay lohan lesbian, lesbians kissing, prop 8, proposition 8, michael wolff, samantha ronson lesbian, pseudonyms, michael wolff on facebook, gay girls, myspace is dead, pseudonym "Bella Vita", lindsay and sam facebook group, bella vita, myspace is going to zero, lindsay lohan and samantha ronson facebook group, graves, michael wolff on myspace, the internet, lindsay lohan facebook group, sam and lindsay kiss, lindsay lohan is a lesbian

• Kelly Osbourne's Crazy Train Makes a Stop at the Nursery

  Looks like Kelly Osbourne is engaged. Who, you ask, could be exciting, unmarred, and fresh-faced enough to win this 23-year-old's heart? Read More... Posted Nov 24 2008, 01:40 PM by Nicole Pasulka with | with no comments Filed under: reality shows, facebook, Lord of the Rings, engaged, teenage boys, kelly osbourne, engagement, luke worrall, skateboarding

• Generate This: Facebook Status Generator For The Lazy, Self-Obsessed

  We've all done it: signed on to Facebook, seen that status update at the top, the one that hasn't been updated since 2006, still saying you're at a great party and wish everyone was there. So, you clear the status and say to yourself, "Why can't I be brilliant and creative and sound like I'm getting laid just to prove to that Racer X guy that I can?" Read More... Posted Nov 19 2008, 01:43 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: wtf, facebook, facebook applications, stupid, weird, status quo, laziness, status updates

• Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Travel to the Future, And We Like It

  A cure for AIDS? A black president? Pregnant men? The ability to put our own faces inside of our vaginas? Welcome to the future, baby. Read More... Posted Nov 14 2008, 05:41 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: underwear, New York City, facebook, Victoria's Secret, pregnant, Barack Obama, highs and lows, mormons, penis, vagina, German, germany, 60 Minutes, pregnant man, feet, lindsay lohan lesbian, menopause, prop 8, proposition 8, formaldehyde, gel, cure for aids, c ure for hiv, bone marrow marrow, leaving new york city, moving out of new york, aerosol

• While You Were Sleeping: The Lapdancers And The Prime Minister

  A New England Patriots cheerleader was booted from the squad after Facebook pictures showed her drawing penises and swastikas on a passed-out girl's body. The New York Times wants you to know that stretching before exercise is actually a bad idea. And so it begins... check out what this Floridian DJ did to "celebrate" Obama's victory... Read More... Posted Nov 06 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: new york times, antonio banderas, facebook, Barack Obama, ryan gosling, marijuana, florida, exercise, racism, radio, Nazis, salvador dali, prime minister, british, massachusetts, exotic dancers, lap dances, rachel mcadams, cheerleader

• While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

  It became apparent that a Boston-area football coach was stealing from the school's uniform fund when he made an ATM withdrawal of $500 at 1am while standing next to a strip club. A teacher in a Daytona-area school district was busted for some sleazy motel sex with her seventeen-year-old male charge. Miss Louisiana Teen USA lost her title in the most embarrassing way imaginable... Read More... Posted Oct 23 2008, 09:51 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: divorce, david duchovny, facebook, fire, strip clubs, football, marijuana, florida, john McCain, money, drunk driving, teacher student sex, boston, arrest, restaurants, louisiana, teacher sex, beyonce knowles, cheaters, lawsuit, hotel sex, tennis, miss teen usa, motel sex, coach

• Sarah Palin Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

  For the past couple of weeks, I've had this image of Sarah Palin set as my Facebook photo... and in that time I've received more Facebook action than I've had in months. Apparently, Scanner Emily as Sarah Palin is far more attractive than Scanner Emily as Scanner Emily. Scanner Emily as Sarah Palin best of—from someone who grew up near my hometown—after the jump.  Read More... Posted Sep 29 2008, 01:13 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: facebook, photoshop, missouri, sarah palin, sarah palin nude photos, scanner emily as sarah palin

• Pervy Ex-Teacher In Ohio Gets Off... With Probation

  Not her real photo. An Ohio teacher was hot for student, sending him topless photos and hounding him via MySpace until his friends spoiled the fantasy... Read More... Posted Sep 10 2008, 12:46 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: myspace, facebook, hot or not, fired, teacher student sex, ohio, hot for teacher, im, perverts, teacher sex, sexual harassment, topless photos, underage, double standard

• GOP Senate Candidate's Son In Hot Water For Racist Facebook Profile

  Bob Schaffer is a Republican in the Senate seat fight for his life in Colorado, in one of the hottest races in the country. Unfortunately for him, his son has a Facebook page that is only going to help his opponent raise insane amounts of money. Among its many highlights, Justin's page features: 1) a gun-toting Jesus in front of the Confederate flag asking WWRJD? (What Would Republican Jesus Do? The answer, this year, would be to vote Bob Barr, probably.) 2) Obama admitting he's gay. 3) And by far the most offensive one of all, the image that could incite a huge backlash... and no, not the one you're seeing at right, in which Obama is depicted as Count Chocula... Read More... Posted Aug 05 2008, 05:00 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: kids, facebook, Barack Obama, GOP, senate, woody allen, racism, social networking, Muslim, colorado, candidates

• Facebook Water Fight Goes Awry, Girl Gets Punched In The Face

  9 people were arrested, several children have broken bones, and a girl got socked in the face when a Facebook-organized water fight got a leeeetle bit out of hand in London's Hyde Park yesterday...  Read More... Posted Aug 01 2008, 03:47 PM by Verena von Pfetten with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: facebook, water fights, facebook water fight, water fight london

• While You Were Sleeping: The Death of Scrabulous

  The Republican Senator Ted Stevens (of Alaskan fame) was indicted on seven counts of making false statements yesterday. Even though these seem kind of trivial in the scheme of things, Stevens already had an uphill battle for re-election, so this is all but a death sentence.  Jerry Lewis was tackled by airport security after they found a gun in his luggage. For Christ's sake, guys and dolls, he's 82 years old! Tackling is not necessary-- hell, you could probably have tiptoed over to apprehend him and he wouldn't have been able to get away.  Alicia Keys and Jack White... Read More... Posted Jul 30 2008, 08:50 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: james bond, owen wilson, airplane, facebook, Barack Obama, guns, Woody Harrelson, scrabulous, television, julia allison, Juno, scrabble, john McCain, politics are sexy!, kate hudson, arrest, twitter, quantum of solace, music camp, juno effect, meg white, jerry lewis, michael douglas, alicia keys, jack white

• If You Can Name Two Funny Republicans, BarackBook Is For You

  Oh, those conservative icons, members of a party known for supporting the arts, free speech on the internet, and Nerve.com. They've really got us guffawing now: how witty, you'll say! Check out more geniousness after the jump...  Read More... Posted Jul 29 2008, 03:28 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: politics, facebook, republicans, Barack Obama, funny, facebook applications, rnc, internet addiction, iraq war, blackbook

• Let There Be Babybook

  We have a bunch of friends who just had babies. Like, six couples within the last two weeks. And while we love you, and we love your babies (we really do!), we don't need to know every time your baby takes a shit, and frankly, we don't care that much. We know you're excited, and we know that you care, and that's great and all, but do you really need to update your Facebook status to reflect your newborn's every move? Because remember when we said we loved your baby? Even though we want to look at baby pictures and drool over him every once in a while, you're actually making it very hard for us to love him right now. Before you get all defensive, we have a solution we hope will work for everybody. Read More... Posted Jul 15 2008, 03:14 PM by Emily Farris with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, babies, facebook, babble, baby pictures, hook ups, poking

• Mark Zuckerberg to China: Let My People Poke!

  Social networking behemoth Facebook launched a Chinese-language version last month, and already some of the site's approximately 250,000 users are having problems exercising their right to poke. Read More... Posted Jul 02 2008, 04:09 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: facebook, China, censorship, olympics, the olympics

• Scanner Book Club: Gays, Handjobs and Super Pokes

  During a recent foray into our local, independent bookstore, we came across a few new titles we thought you might like, and another we thought you might like to use as a weapon, perhaps in a battle against giant cockroaches?  The first, Welcome to the Gayborhood, explores the golden age of gay neighborhoods like the Castro and Chelsea/ Author Donald F. Reuter has chronicles the evolution of gay neighborhoods in twelve cities —Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Fort Lauderdale, Los Angeles, New Orleans, New York City, Philadelphia, San Diego, San Francisco, Seattle, and Washington DC—and looks at how gentrification affected each one. $19.95.   Read More... Posted Jun 27 2008, 09:14 AM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: scanner book club, books, gayborhood, facebook, hipsters, cockroaches, bookstores, welcome to the gayborhood, the hipster handbook, handjobs, the handjob book

• Teenagers Can't Even Go Swimming Without Facebook Anymore

  Oh God, kids these days and all their technology and destructive tendencies. It seems the latest trend we should get totally freaked out about is "dipping." From what we can tell, and bear with us because we don't Twitter or Facebook or have an iPhone and are therefore sort of naive about things like this, dipping involves scouting out swimming pools on Google Earth and then using Facebook to invite people to sneak into the pools at night. Read More... Posted Jun 18 2008, 03:45 PM by Nicole Pasulka with | with no comments Filed under: facebook, teenagers, swimming pools, dipping

• Scanner Roundtable: What's Up With All the Spring Break Ups?

  It seems that lately friends of ours are breaking up on a daily basis. What's up with that? Isn't spring supposed to be for lovers? Read More... Posted Jun 03 2008, 09:15 AM by Emily Farris with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: dating, relationships, facebook, sex, skin, spring, break ups

• Sloppy Seconds: Heather Mills, Liv Tyler, and... Roseanne Barr?!

  Facebook is causing all sort of problems in England: first, a bunch of crazy water-fight participants destroyed a famous garden; more importantly, an ex-girlfriend broke into her guy's account and wrote all about his douchebaggery.  Liv Tyler is getting divorced. Liv, you can message us through Facebook anytime.  The McGreevey's finally settled their custody battle. We'll resist the temptation to make any jokes about their multiple fathers, orgies, sex with staff members, and any other crimes we've already covered exhaustively.  Heather Mills is going to pursue a spot on "Celebrity: Apprentice." We've never so badly wanted a show to get canceled...  Read More... Posted May 09 2008, 05:33 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: stephen colbert, divorce, george clooney, playboy, hannah montana, facebook, television, heather mills, hugh hefner, miley cyrus, the colbert report, comedy central, Donald Trump, jailbait, Breakup of the Week, the apprentice, roseanne barr, topless photos, liv tyler, bad breakups, arianna huffington