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• Why Hayden And I Broke Up: A Scanner Confession

  As many of you are aware, I, Scanner Brian have long been the amour of Hayden Panettiere, star of "Heroes" and many a male fantasy. I wanted you to be the first to know that I've decided to end my relationship with this young lady... and why... Read More... Posted Jun 09 2008, 05:00 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: lindsay lohan, paris hilton, Heroes, Cheerleaders, bisexuality, hayden christensen, ellen degeneres, tabloids, milo

• Sloppy Seconds: What Ever Happened to Stephanie (After the Meth)?

  A couple in Vancouver put their baby up for sale on Craigslist. But, you know, they were totally joking. [Reuters]  The lesbians are coming! Jenna Bush Hager (we'd get rid of that name, too, sweetie) told Ellen Degeneres she and Portia De Rossi could use the Crawford ranch for their wedding. But, oops, gay marriage isn't legal in Texas. [ABC] A sixteen-year-old in Ontario has found a way to break down the polymers in plastic bags. What this means is that plastic could be far more biodegradable than we thought. At least that's what we think it means. Yeah, he may have solved one of our biggest environmental problems while trying to get a blue ribbon at the science fair. [MotherJones] Read More... Posted May 29 2008, 06:14 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: sloppy seconds, babies, science, blogging, craigslist, missouri, gays, saved by the bell, ellen degeneres, meth, jenna bush, full house

• Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Consider Prancing Around in Stripper Shoes to Survive the Recession

  It was a long, cold winter and nothing says fuck me (and tip me) like a pair of stripper shoes, right?  Read More... Posted May 23 2008, 06:01 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: stephen colbert, Barack Obama, highs and lows, R Kelly, penis, scarlett johansson, john McCain, mike Huckabee, new kids on the block, ellen degeneres, nkotb, Oprah, jon stewart, vegetarians, 90210, stripper shoes, hulu

• This Week In Gayness: McCain And Ellen

  McCain said, "I think that people should be able to enter into legal agreements and it's something that we should encourage, particularly in the case of insurance and other areas and decisions that have to be made. I just believe in the unique status of marriage between a man and a woman and I know that we have a respectful disagreement on that issue." [MSNBC] Watch Ellen's response... her answer is cautious and spot-on, and is met with, thankfully, a chorus of cheers...  Posted May 22 2008, 02:00 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: gay marriage, john McCain, this week in gayness, ellen degeneres, portia de rossi

• Sloppy Seconds: Who Says Homosexuality and Polygamy Are The Same Thing?

  We'll never think of Folsom Prison the same way again. [Fleshbot] Ultra-Orthodox residents of Jerusalem have demanded a "Sex and the City" movie billboard be taken down because it contains the word "sex." Hm, "And the City," kind-of sounds like our life lately. [Defamer]  Buffy the Vampire Slayer has officially become college curriculum. Maybe it's finally time for us to start watching. [elPasoTimes] Read More... Posted May 20 2008, 06:01 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: bacon, chocolate, marriage, sloppy seconds, Sex and the City, gay marriage, johnny cash, homosexuality, buffy the vampire slayer, Jews, ellen degeneres, polygamists, folsom prison, ted kennedy

• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi: Blushing, Blesbian Brides to Be in LOL Cat

  Uh,  here comes a couple we were sure had broken up already off to the California Justice of the Peace to do some marrying. according to Scanner Katie (and the bride herself), Ellen and Portia are hitching it up soon thanks to California's legalization of gay marriage. Read More... Posted May 16 2008, 05:06 PM by Nicole Pasulka with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: lesbian, gay marriage, ellen degeneres, portia de rossi

• Guess Who's Getting Gay Married?

  The story of California's gay marriage ban...ban was broken by our own Scanner Emily yesterday, and is one small step towards equality for mankind humankind. And one gigantic leap towards a wedding registry for a certain gay celeb who announced "for the first time, I am announcing that I am getting married." Find out who just came out with marriage plans after the jump! Read More... Posted May 16 2008, 04:05 PM by Katie Halper with | with no comments Filed under: gay marriage, ellen degeneres, portia de rossi, california gay marriage

• See? We DID Send That Check... Jerk

  Okay, we actually didn't send that check, but if we did, and you never got it, it could be because more than 100,000 pieces of undelivered mail were found in the home of a Postal Service employee. Read More... Posted May 14 2008, 01:34 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: jobs, postage, money, ellen degeneres, theft, letters, lazy, mail, postal service

• I Hate Myself for Loving You: "Men in Trees"

  It's true, I, Scanner Emily, love "Men in Trees," the ABC dramedy about New York relationship coach/author Marin Frist (Anne Heche) who moves to Elmo, Alaska to find love and finish her book in peace. Sure, it's completely cliched and the characters may be more than a little archetypal and hokey, but they wouldn't be characters if they weren't, right? But it's not the cheesy writing or beautiful scenery that gets me. It's not the fact that that when I come home drunk at 3 a.m. on Thursday night, it's there waiting for me at abc.com. It's not even the fact that before "Men in Trees," I really only knew Heche as Ellen DeGeneres' bat-shit crazy ex. Read More... Posted Mar 28 2008, 03:14 PM by Emily Farris with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: television, I Hate Myself for Loving You, abc.com, men in trees, ellen degeneres, anne heche