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• Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Holds Out, Won't Put Out

  A 15-year-old student in Florida has been suspended from school for three days because he farted on the bus. [Inquisitr] Oh, Jesus. Some dude wants to make babies with "angel princess" Paris Hilton. [FadedYouth] We were sort-of excited (okay, really excited) about "Lesbian Vampire Killers" until we read this: Read More... Posted Mar 25 2009, 07:01 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: isaiah washington, dating, paris hilton, porn, sloppy seconds, babies, school, lesbians, celebrities, farting, vampires, josh groban, recession, porno, grey's anatomy, economy, katy perry, i kissed a girl, celebrity couples, suspension, crazy baby lady, nadya suleman, t.r. knight, wednesday, lesbian vampire killers, hump day, eviction, foreclosure, not dating, march 26, the school bus

• MSNBC Needs a Lesson on Panties

  A hard-hitting MSNBC video expose on a trend in sales of panties-- namely, that sales of thongs are down in the recession in favor of "granny panties"-- reveals an oversimplified, antipodal view of panties. According to newscaster Lauren Petty of WVIT, there are only two kinds.  Can we just review the range of other readily available categories, all of which are more comfortable than thongs and less ugly than granny panties? Read More... Posted Feb 09 2009, 05:10 PM by Colleen Kane with | with no comments Filed under: panties, msnbc, hot or not, thongs, surveys, lingerie, reporters, granny panties, depression, recession, bikinis, economy, boyshorts, bikini corrie, stop the insanity

• The End of Masturbaking?

  Another victim of the economy bites the dust: the New York Press' blog reported that the East Village Cajun eatery Old Devil Moon has closed its doors. This is bad news not just for fans of their Cajun-style food, but for fans of cupcakes shaped like boobs, and let's not forget cakes shaped like penises: Masturbakers was headquartered in the ODM premises as well.  What is to become of the city's best-known purveyor of penis pastries? Read More... Posted Jan 19 2009, 12:33 PM by Colleen Kane with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: boobs, birthday, depression, penises, recession, economy, new york press, penis cakes, cajun food, old devil moon, masturbakers, east village, boob cupcakes

• Heroes of the Day: Those Who Gave Money To Elderly Man With $3,000 Water Bill

  In these trying economic times, even charities are suffering. Food banks are packed with starving, unemployed families while their stockpiles are depleted quickly and their donations plummet.  So, you'd be forgiven for thinking that an 84-year-old man, slapped with a $3,000 water bill, is going to be out of luck when asking people to help him out this holiday season... Read More... Posted Nov 26 2008, 04:38 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: elderly, charity, Heroes, money, Wisconsin, food, old people, water, economy, hero of the day, donation

• Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...

  Burger King is deliberately dropping wallets full of cash all over the country and, unlike the wicked New York City Police Department, they aren't arresting people who are kind enough to pick them up... Read More... Posted Nov 20 2008, 12:50 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: thievery, jobs, florida, money, Chicago, arizona, NYPD, economic stimulus, fast food, burger king, economy

• While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama's Big Move

  Alan Greenspan reveals the man responsible for the grave economic crisis we're facing: it's jazz musician Stan Getz. Apparently, I, Brian Fairbanks had something to do with that Oregon stripper mayor getting stripped of her duties. We don't understand this link either. This guy won't be able to accompany his 17-year-old wife to her high school dances... Read More... Posted Nov 17 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: high school, marriage, kids, Barack Obama, MTV, senate, school, youtube, cars, jewelry, scanner brian, brian fairbanks, money, children, justin timberlake, ebay, Cynthia Nixon, teenage girls, finance guys, video game, piercings, eminem, Beyoncé, teenage boys, economy, folk, shotgun wedding

• Lou Reed's Classic Example Of How To Give An Interview

  With international leaders meeting today to discuss the growing world economic crisis, employees are spending more and more of their workday online, job hunting. Thankfully, Lou Reed is here to help with your next interview. Now, in honor of the release of his brilliant new record, the master teaches you how to relax and to not appear too eager when facing down those overbearing interviewers... Read More... Posted Nov 14 2008, 12:26 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: video, drugs, david bowie, jobs, youtube, berlin, funny, brooklyn, economic stimulus, lou reed, economy, iggy pop, interview, job listings, online, velvet underground

• While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

  We still have a long way to go, baby: gay marriage is not equal to straight marriage in California and Massachusetts... at least when it comes to taxes. Inspired by Radiohead's slap at the record industry, Michael Moore will post his next movie online for free. We think it's called "Sicko II: The John McCain Story." And aren't we past this, especially with a female Vice Presidential candidate on the Republican ticket? Read More... Posted Sep 05 2008, 09:43 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: movies, tina fey, death, gay marriage, 50 Cent, texas, Radiohead, john McCain, vice president, michael moore, vibe, governor, vaccines, economy, ciara

• Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

  Are you better off now than you were in 1999? We seriously doubt it, although this chart may make you think you're making the same money you were then: nice try, thanks for (not) factoring in cost of living increases, dumbasses. Charlize Theron at the DNC: No, I won't get married. Speaking of marriage: Are we upset or could we care less that this movie star got hitched? Plus: more delectable Eva Longoria snaps... Read More... Posted Aug 27 2008, 05:01 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: charlize theron, senate, Eva Longoria, lingerie, bankruptcy, Asia Argento, beauty pageants, Cambodia, alaska, today in the apocalypse, economy, sexy photos, nuns, rats, vincent gallo, michael pitt

• Condo Board Solves Housing Crisis With Nude Pool

  Eden Condominiums, developers of Arbors at Branch Creek, in Tampa, FL, have hatched upon a new plan to attract business. Apparently, retirees and other ancient peoples in the state are in drawn to condos with... Read More... Posted Jun 23 2008, 09:00 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: real estate, nude beaches, florida, old people, nude photos, economy