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• Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

  Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week. Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more. Read more... Posted Jan 07 2009, 03:18 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: nerve, al gore, hillary clinton, tacky, amy winehouse, lists, gay marriage, bloggers, the UK, 2008, top 10 lists, scanner emily, nude beaches, mormons, drinking, new jersey, australia, abortion, scanner brian, roe v. wade, emily farris, sex scandal, Eliot Spitzer, ashley alexandra dupre, math, boobies, dick cheney, comments, top 10, bad movies, groupies, california, breast feeding, scanner nicole, rnc, scanner verena, sarah palin, prop 8, proposition 8, mail goggles, almost famous, client no. 9, client number 9, the room, 2009, nude sunbathing, the mormons, 10-year-olds, suckling at the teet, the u.k, douche bag, sunbathing, pop music, governor eliot spitzer, missy quinn, drunkenness, top ten, commenters, james blunt, tabloid news stories, le pequena, la pequena sarah palin, protesters, douche, mormons in california, grown children breast feeding, mormons against prop 8, high class call girl, republican national convention, top 10 scanner posts of 2008, roe vs. wade, 35 year anniversary, i had an abortion

• In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

  Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more. Read more... Posted Jan 06 2009, 02:02 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: nerve, al gore, hillary clinton, tacky, amy winehouse, lists, gay marriage, bloggers, the UK, 2008, top 10 lists, scanner emily, nude beaches, mormons, drinking, new jersey, australia, abortion, scanner brian, roe v. wade, emily farris, sex scandal, Eliot Spitzer, ashley alexandra dupre, math, boobies, dick cheney, comments, top 10, bad movies, groupies, california, breast feeding, scanner nicole, rnc, scanner verena, sarah palin, prop 8, proposition 8, mail goggles, almost famous, client no. 9, client number 9, the room, 2009, nude sunbathing, the mormons, 10-year-olds, suckling at the teet, the u.k, douche bag, sunbathing, pop music, governor eliot spitzer, missy quinn, drunkenness, top ten, commenters, james blunt, tabloid news stories, le pequena, la pequena sarah palin, protesters, douche, mormons in california, grown children breast feeding, mormons against prop 8, high class call girl, republican national convention, top 10 scanner posts of 2008, roe vs. wade, 35 year anniversary, i had an abortion

• This Week in Gayness: The New Transgender Minister

  Bloggers are defending Anderson Cooper's right to privacy. Can a "Leave Anderson Alone" YouTube video be far behind? Four suspects have been arrested in that San Francisco lesbian gang rape case. After the jump: find out why W. is our Hero of the Week... Read More... Posted Jan 06 2009, 10:16 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: lgbt, anderson cooper, richard simmons, gay marriage, george w bush, youtube, drinking, bigotry, arrest, this week in gayness, arkansas, gayness, san francisco, gay men, hero of the day, gangs

• Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

  Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more. Read More... Posted Jan 05 2009, 04:07 PM by Emily Farris with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, al gore, hillary clinton, tacky, amy winehouse, lists, gay marriage, bloggers, the UK, 2008, top 10 lists, scanner emily, nude beaches, mormons, drinking, new jersey, australia, abortion, scanner brian, roe v. wade, emily farris, sex scandal, Eliot Spitzer, ashley alexandra dupre, math, boobies, dick cheney, comments, top 10, bad movies, groupies, california, breast feeding, scanner nicole, rnc, scanner verena, sarah palin, prop 8, proposition 8, mail goggles, almost famous, client no. 9, client number 9, the room, 2009, nude sunbathing, the mormons, 10-year-olds, suckling at the teet, the u.k, douche bag, sunbathing, pop music, governor eliot spitzer, missy quinn, drunkenness, top ten, commenters, james blunt, tabloid news stories, le pequena, la pequena sarah palin, protesters, douche, mormons in california, grown children breast feeding, mormons against prop 8, high class call girl, republican national convention, top 10 scanner posts of 2008, roe vs. wade, 35 year anniversary, i had an abortion

• See You Next Year, Suckers!

  Tomorrow I, Scanner Emily, will take advantage of my God Rufus-given day off—well, my two Rufus-given days off—to drink too much and then recover from drinking too much (which may involve drinking too much again). However, there's no need to panic; as I've mentioned before, Scanner Brian needs to blog at least every other day to survive, so you'll be spending tomorrow with him. But when that lovemaking is all said and done, what will you do? Do you plan to pay a ridiculous cover at some scene-y bar with the high hopes of having crazy New Year's bathroom sex? Or will you, like me, refuse to even step out the front door? Considering that The Ghost of New Years' Past has taken me on so many exciting adventures*, I'm happy to cozy up with a few close friends and more than a few bottles of bubbly. Perhaps it will still end in crazy bathroom sex. Wouldn't you want to have sex in this bathroom? Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 06:14 PM by Emily Farris with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: scanner, nerve, blogging, holidays, 2008, scanner emily, new years, drinking, scanner brian, brian fairbanks, emily farris, charmin, nerve.com, crying, rufus griscom, new year's eve, scanner blog, 2009, new years eve, new year's, december 30, crazy bathroom sex, bathroom sex, champagne, days off, cat pee, day off, bubbly, cover charges

• Arousal Brings Out the Creep in Many Dudes

  We all know that alcohol can make men do stupid things. Now science has proven that boners are even worse for our judgment...  Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 12:10 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: books, drunk, drugs, science, drinking, studies, creepy, date rape, sex life, experimenting, perverts, older women, turn offs, turn ons, kissingng, hate sex, berkeley, aroused, sexual attraction

• While You Were Sleeping: Kirsten Dunst Off the Deep End

  A very lame-looking Jim Carrey movie based on a superior autobiography opened with a mere $18 million. Teachers can't keep banging teenagers. The Letters to Santa operation was suspended last week because of a scary security breach... Read More... Posted Dec 22 2008, 10:49 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: amy winehouse, george w bush, teachers, drinking, autobiography, hollywood, alcohol, rehab, hospital, kirsten dunst, teacher student sex, the cosby show, sex offenders, tara reid, teacher sex, jim carrey, underage sex, drunk people, saudi arabia, santa claus, box office

• Sloppy Seconds: Billie Jean Was Indeed My Lover?

  Frank Stallone-- guess who he's related to-- got a reality show based on his relation to a famous person. Woman wins a million bucks, throws it away. End of story, right? A thoughtful clerk decides not to be greedy and gave her the ticket after discovering the oversight. Caylee Anthony's body was found four months ago, but the police decided... Read More... Posted Dec 19 2008, 05:23 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: michael jackson, dead people, babies, kim kardashian, facebook, al franken, teachers, calendar, drinking, nsfw, alcohol, money, minnesota, porn industry, creepy dudes or dudettes, sylvester stallone, hero of the day, felonies, adult films, irs, lottery

• Sloppy Seconds: The 69-Year-Old Pinup Dude

  The adults at one Georgia Middle School have found a way around the no-sex-on-the-job rule: just set up an inflatable mattress in an unused room. Bush used to be a drunk, as we all know, but now he isn't afraid to talk about it. This guy has nothing left to lose-- he's more dangerous than ever. The stars are coming out for Obama's inaugural... Read More... Posted Dec 11 2008, 06:36 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: sloppy seconds, Us Weekly, george w bush, Barack Obama, oral sex, photoshop, mark ruffalo, drinking, jenny craig, governor, government, 69, illinois, liberals, seniors, daily kos, older men, pinup, rod blagojevich, obama's inaugural, alcoholics

• New York Mag News Flash: Women Drink Like Men, Except Not

  In case you haven't noticed. It's effing cold outside. Unreasonably so. And as I walked to work today, all I could think about was how nice it would be to walk back home tonight, curl up in a blanket with my bottle of bourbon (currently: Maker's) and watch Gossip Girl. Which is why when I saw NY Mag's headline of the day: "Should Gender Equality Extend To Drinking?", I thought, "What a perfect story for this time of year." Which is also why, when I saw that it opened with the sad tale of a bright, young, female investment banker who drinks her way to the top, to rehab, and then right back off the wagon, I felt I'd been duped. Read More... Posted Dec 08 2008, 01:06 PM by Verena von Pfetten with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: drunk girls, drinking, alcohol, gender equality, drinking alone

• The Latest Kool Kid Kraze: Vodka Tampons

  Back in the pre-Roman era known as the 1990s, dumb kids all over the world inserted vodka-soaked tampons in their vaginas for a serious "contact high" and to avoid being caught with booze on the breath. The following should disprove any notions you might have about the recent resurgence of the practice among alcohol-crazed teens... Read More... Posted Dec 08 2008, 10:14 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: vodka, kids, booze, drinking, vagina, alcohol, children, families, tampons, teenage girls, tampon ad, menstrual blood, the nineties, hangover, menstrual cycle, craze, menstration, fads

• Top 5 Drunk Scenes of American Cinema

  In honor of the 75th anniversary of the end of Prohibition we present to you the Top 5 drunk Scenes of American Cinema. Do film junkies argue best inebriated sequences in a movie? They should. Read More... Posted Dec 05 2008, 02:47 PM by Scanner Matt with | with no comments Filed under: drunk, drinking, binge drinking, prohgibition, paris hilton drunk, will ferrel drunk running, best drunk movie scnes, drunk porn, sarah palin drunk, easy rider, movie sex scenes, old school, free naked celebrities, will ferrell old school, drunk jeff bridges, animal house, drunk jack nicholson, drunk movies scnes, naked movie sex scenes, the big lebowski, britney spears drunk, the lost weekend, nude sex scenes in movies

• Who Knew North Dakota Had Such A Great Bar Scene?

  Hankinson, North Dakota is an up-and-coming town of 1,058 people, with not much going on these days except the North Dakota Horseshoe Tournament, taking place while the rest of the world will be climbing up lampposts in D.C. to see an inauguration. But now this budding tourist hamlet is getting some unwanted publicity of the kind that actually inspires horndogs and other vacationers to hop the next plane to... wait, where the hell are the airports in North Dakota anyway? Read More... Posted Dec 05 2008, 10:48 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: public sex, booze, nudity, drinking, camera phones, sex life, dive bars, north dakota, sex laws, cell phone, sex lies and videotape, bar sex

• While You Were Sleeping: Scrubs & Friends

  Denis Leary can't escape controversy if he tries. Geffen is blaming Axl Rose for the flop that is Chinese Democracy. Releasing the album exclusively to Best Buy stores and not really promoting that fact may not have been the blockbuster idea of the century either, dumbass. Someone send these people a lifetime supply of birth control pills, stat... Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 10:18 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: spencer pratt, heidi montag, paris hilton, music, Friends, women, drinking, driving, children, birth control, scrubs, courtney cox, iraq war, axl rose, chinese democracy, dennis leary

• Drunk Teenagers Have No Respect For the Dead, Other Drunk People

  Last week, we brought you the story of the 20 or so drunk teenagers arrested at a party held to celebrate the life of a kid who died as the result of underage binge drinking.  We thought that was as low as anyone could go to dishonor the alcohol-related dead. Nope, this one tops it and goes way further down that highway to hell... Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 09:45 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: dead people, drinking, drunk people, underage

• Reading Under the Influence

  They say the two surviving enterprises in a spiraling economy are books and booze. People usually skip the vacation and the fancy nights out in rough times to stay home, cuddle up with a good book and get trashed. So why not give the people what they want for the holidays? Whether your friends and family are heavy readers or heavy drinkers here are some great book and booze pairings to give as (affordable) gifts. Read More... Posted Dec 01 2008, 03:19 PM by Scanner Matt with | with 11 comment(s) Filed under: books, drunk, beer pong, holiday shopping, booze, christmas shopping, drinking, christmas presents, gin gimlet, parker, book review, hemingway, nabokov, reading and writing, dostoevsky, chandler, naked shopping, holidayday gift ideas, fitzgerald, christmas gift ideas, tolstor, booze and books, literarture. literary cocktails, black friday, naked drinking game, drunken sex, drunk authors

• While You Were Sleeping: The MySpace Suicide Trial Verdict

  This guy wants to be on America's Got Talent... for playing music with his telephones. Is Emily the Strange a ripoff of Nate the Great or is this, whether it's coincidence or deliberate theft, no big deal? Robert Downey, Jr. had a very close call on the set of Sherlock Holmes... Read More... Posted Dec 01 2008, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: movies, books, employment, booze, jobs, drinking, fights, money, ripoffs, nirvana, sherlock holmes, robert downey jr, united nations, ambassador, america's got talent

• We Present... The Cougar Perv

  Poor Stifler. A forty-year-old Syracuse, Utah mother of a very embarrassed high school boy had sex with at least two of his classmates and sent nude photos of herself to a host of others. Read More... Posted Nov 26 2008, 10:55 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: high school, cougars, underage-ness, jail, milf, drinking, alcohol, prison, arrest, jailbait, text messaging, nude photos, underage sex, teenage boys, utah, american pie, mom of the year, kimberly arigot, salt lake city

• Today in Sweden: Teen Sex For Booze On The Rise

  The percentage of people trading sex for booze is on the rise in the U.S. and Canada, especially among former Brady Bunch stars. Now a truly oblivious police department in Sweden wants to warn teens about trading sex for booze... as some guys would like to have sex with you in exchange for the booze. Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious... Read More... Posted Nov 26 2008, 09:40 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: prostitution, police, cops, teen sex, booze, drinking, sweden, world of warcraft, teenage girls, perverts, swedish, underage sex, prostitute, brady bunch

• Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

  Patrick Dempsey didn't dig the doc firing on Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps he knows something we don't about ABC's true motives? This guy will either be dead or a legend by 27. Eddie Izzard made the really dumb decision, as he is not a US citizen, to donate to Obama. He made an even dumber one when... Read More... Posted Nov 05 2008, 05:25 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: reality shows, beer, books, amy winehouse, jail, Barack Obama, 50 Cent, drinking, cnn, prison, jesus christ, authors, blake fielder civil, money changes everything, cancer, grey's anatomy, eddie izzard, patrick dempsey, michael crichton

• While You Were Sleeping: Playboy Kills the DVD

  Rudy Ray Moore, aka "Dolemite," passed away.  Billy Baldwin's co-star says his wife is a lucky man because Baldwin is one helluva kisser. This is his transsexual mistress-playing co-star, which makes it all the better. Good Lord, Tom Arnold is absolutely wasted in this video... how ever did it get on the airwaves? Even if those airwaves are over the internet? [Video on autoplay] Read More... Posted Oct 21 2008, 11:06 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: paris hilton, drunk, babies, kissing, playboy, london, television, drinking, cnn, pornography, gillian anderson, baldwins, cnn.com, Transsexuals, dvds, deaths, tom arnold

• We're Still Getting It Together This Morning...

  Our heads feel like they've been run over by this chimp's runaway Segway. Last night, we indluged in the Hendrick's Gin party you may have read about on nerve.com. We can only manage this video post at this time-- be thankful it's not just an LOL Cats post. We'll be up and running again momentarily... until then, enjoy the video, after the jump... Read More... Posted Oct 21 2008, 10:34 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with no comments Filed under: parties, New York City, drinking, scanner brian, alcohol, lol cats, hangover

• Cop Fired For Drinking With Teens, Tasering Them For Laughs

  You'd think after all the horror stories about death-by-cop and death-by-tasering-by-cop, that a) a cop would be hesitant to use it on an innocent fifteen-year-old boy and b) the fifteen-year-old boy wouldn't have verbally requested a tasering... for fun... Read More... Posted Oct 20 2008, 02:05 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: police, cops, parties, funny, drinking, fired, florida, idiots, teenage boys, police are idiots, tasered, taser

• Paris Night Club Says You Can Never Start 'Em Too Young

  A new nightclub has just opened in Paris and if you think you're getting in, think again. They've got a very strict entrance policy... Read More... Posted Oct 10 2008, 03:15 PM by Verena von Pfetten with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: beer, kids, babies, art, Paris, drinking, france, children, french, child abuse, underage, babydisco

• University of Wisconsin Disappears Into A Haze Of Substance Abuse And Good Times!

  The entire-- yes, every last member-- of the University of Wisconsin marching band has been suspended indefinitely as part of an investigation into the sexual and alcoholic abuse going on among its makeup. This isn't the first time these "damn kids!" have been in trouble with authority figures... Read More... Posted Oct 07 2008, 11:40 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: sports, drinking, college, drug addiction, Wisconsin, alyson hannigan, investigations, university, bands, hazing, american pie

• Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

  A South Carolina middle school teacher is in custody today after sexually assaulting a drunk 15-year-old girl from an area high school in his apartment. He picked the girl up via MySpace, took her to his place, got her drunk, and had his way with her. The facts of the case are simple and the man is almost certainly guilty. But there's one thing we don't understand... Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 12:44 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: wtf, myspace, drinking, sexual assault, teacher student sex, South Carolina, middle school, teacher sex, underage sex, molestation

• Man Charged After Drunken Sex Leaves Woman Dead

  A man is charged with murder in St. Paul, Minnesota after a one-night stand gone wrong. Barely even news these days, right? Of course, if you're seeing it here, it is. The man, Michael Carrasco Sontoya, faces 40 years in prison for having what many believe was consensual, drunken sex that involved fisting and anal sex... Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 09:41 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: cops, drunk, drinking, minnesota, sexual assault, blood, arrest, murder, anal sex, fisting

• Do Ten Shots Every Time Biden Mentions Indians And 7-11

  We know the debate is tomorrow, but we wanted to tell you about MIT's hilarious drinking game (this one, unlike the previous incarnation, is actually doable) so you can stock up now on select booze... or Slurpee's... which is, of course, bigot Biden's favorite beverage... Read More... Posted Oct 01 2008, 03:51 PM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: India, drinking, vice president, bigotry, debate, MIT, joe biden, racial profiling, massachusetts, slurpee, 7-11, sarah palin, drinking games, indian

• It's Friday, And There's Just Too Much Good Stuff To Squeeze It All In

  We're busy getting ready for the debate tonight... stocking our liquor cabinets, preparing pancakes, you know, the usual... We don't have time to tell you all about the other amazing stories going on in the world right now. The stories that involve Sacha Baron Cohen's invasion of an Italian fashion show... Wonkett