Dear Pete Wentz,
Pete, Pete, Pete.
When we were first introduced to you as Ashlee
Simpson's maybe baby daddy, we only knew you as that kid in the emo
band who wore eyeliner—we had no idea what that band of yours was
called or what you played (okay we sill don't know.... bass?). Who knew
we'd get to know you so, so, so much better over the course of a few
short months. But let's be honest here: had it not been for your penis,
we'd hardly know you at all.
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