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• While You Were Sleeping: Woody And the Scarlett-Penelope Makeout Scene

  How does a man "accidentally" castrate himself and flush his own penis down the toilet? Robin Quivers has some diet tips for you that sound similar to everything else you've heard, except they worked for her. It's nice to see that Etta James is as crazy as we remember her from a 2008 concert... Read More... Posted Feb 06 2009, 09:08 AM by Brian Fairbanks with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: lesbian, masturbation, penis, making out, concerts, Penelope Cruz, scarlett johansson, woody allen, grammys, diets, penises, masturbating, crazy people, etta james, trials, michael phelps, coldplay, castration, breakfast, perjury, dieting, barry bonds

• Today in Studies that Freak Us Out: Breakfast and Sex

  We read quite a few news stories about studies here at Scanner. Generally, we pass them over, sometimes rolling our eyes, other times not even caring enough about the subject matter to waste the energy of actually moving our eyes. Today, however, we were intrigued by a headline and after reading the first paragraph—"that those who skipped breakfast in their early teens first had sexual intercourse at an average age of 17.5"— thought, "Holy Shit! That's us!" (Us, being me, Scanner Emily, natch). Read More... Posted Dec 26 2008, 12:01 PM by Emily Farris with | with no comments Filed under: boobs, virginity, 2008, japan, sex, scanner emily, virgins, studies, breasts, emily farris, sex studies, breakfast, technical virginity, december 26, average age to lose virginity in the united states, technical virgin, sex in japan, hating my father, breakfast in japan, average age to lose virginity, average age to lose virginity in japan, correlation, hating my mother, fried eggs, causation, breakfast in bed, the u.s., correlations, sex at 17, sex and breakfast

• When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

  You love Tina Fey now, right? But would you have loved her when she was not really fat but considered fat by Hollywood's standards? According to her and Maureen Dowd, and possibly Steve Martin, maybe not. We haven't received our Vanity Fair in the mail yet, and we'll admit, we just skimmed the online version of Maureen Dowd's profile of the funny lady to find the quote about her famous scar. But the kids over at Daily Intel, who are much more diligent than we are, went through the article and pulled out all the quotes regarding Fey's previous, er, heaviness. And, well, fuck. Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 03:23 PM by Emily Farris with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: scanner, new york, nerve, tina fey, 30 rock, saturday night live, fatties, scanner emily, pictures, photographs, fat, vanity fair, Chicago, jenny craig, annie leibovitz, salad, sarah palin, steve martin, liz lemon, b.l.t, weight watchers, fat women, kristie alley, doppelganger, tina fey in chicago, adam mckay, hollywood's standards of fat, fat actress, fat comedians, fat actresses, donuts, rubenesque, 30 rock's liz lemon, daily intel, second city, alec baldwin, breakfast, fat females, tina fey fat, maureen down, when tina fey was fat, tina fey at second city