Hey
everybody, close your eyes and pretend it's 1999. Are you there yet?
Has your computer turned into an iBook and does every commercial on TV
have Moby in it? Good. Now, Google up something about... er, wait,
sorry, um... go to AltaVista and see what Metallica drummer
Lars Ulrich says about Napster. He doesn't like it, huh? He wants it
destroyed, you say? Well, now, snap your fingers and come back to 2008!
Blammo, you're back. Great. Remind us to tell you about what Hillary's
up to later.
In the meantime, remember what you read about Lars
Ulrich? Well, change "former metal God and current douchebag" with
"porn veteran and Mario lookalike" and "music downloading" with "free
porn streaming" and you might be able to guess why that unwieldy trip
through time was necessary. (Or not.)
Quoth the master:
"What
harms the industry is the Internet. Before it was helpful. Every
company had its own website. Now you have things like YouPorn and
PornTube
that show full-length features of Vivid's movies. Who the f--- do they
think they are? Now Vivid is suing them. You wouldn't see YouTube play a full-length feature of a Steven Spielberg
film. But they think that it's just porn so they can get away with it.
So now Vivid is striking back. Piracy is piracy, whether the film is
PG, R or X. We deserve the same respect."
And to that end, Mr. Jeremy has endorsed Vivid Video's pledge to sue the pants off anyone who's caught streaming Vivid products without consent. (What they plan to do with pants we're not sure.)
Boy,
hell hath no fury like a hedgehog scorned, huh? Now, we all know that
he and Vivid are basically doomed to failure on this one, right? Maybe
10 years ago we thought something like this would have a shot, but now?
Forget about it. Music, video, passport records -- it's all gonna be
free on the web eventually. So let 'em try! What'll it harm? We'll still love you, Ron! How could we not? Jeez, have you seen the control that guy's got over his own ejaculate? It's, like, telekinetic.
Mad props forever, you know? So, click on through for a reminder of the
total freaking stud that Mr. Jeremy once was and will continue to be in
our hearts and, most likely, our flash-enabled, no-pay browsers.
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