Kansas Citians like to eat. Case in point:
A
Kansas City man and his wife were enjoying some ice cream during their
Laguna Beach vacation, when, according to the man, two gulls attacked
the couple by knocking their ice cream to the ground and then peck,
peck, peck, peck, pecking at the man. He said he had no choice but to
defend himself against the birds by picking up a stick and beating the
fucking life out of them. Well, one of them. The other bird flew off
into the sea and hasn't been found. (Read: it flew into the sea to die).
While
the loss of any life is, of course, sad, they're just seagulls, right?
Right? Nope. Those weren't just any birds the man bludgeoned.
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