Ever Wonder What Your Body Would Taste Like To A Cannibal?

Posted by Ina Maier

Yeah, us neither. Until we saw a quiz that purported to tell us exactly that. And then we wondered why on earth we'd never wondered it before.

It starts innocuously enough: Do you lift weights? "Ah, we get it," we thought. "You'll establish how fatty and marbly we're gonna be. Decide flavor on a toughness to tenderness scale. Good thing we haven't seen the inside of a gym in years and we just ate a 5 course meal at Babbo last night. Thank god we ordered the goose liver ravioli!"

Smiling, we coasted through some more exercise questions (including the seemingly absurd "Do you swim regularly?" No. Do you? Maybe it's the New Yorker in us talking, but really? Swimming?) and landed at "What ethnicity are you?" We weren't sure what to make of this one, but as we checked off "White/Caucasian", we wondered idly if it was wrong that Pacific Islander seemed the juiciest.

Gender / Age made sense -- females have all those juicy mammary glands and obviously kidlets are delicious! -- and eating habits seemed obvious: the fattier, the better, no? Like Kobe beef and beer! But then again, maybe it's the opposite in humans? All natural, grain-fed peoples make for yummy meat, etc. Oy! So stressful! What to choose?? We wrestled with our desire for flavor and then erred on the side of honesty: Not a vegetarian, Not healthy, lots of junk food.

Now, our tanning habits? Do we moisturize? We could almost taste the marbled fat waiting in our supple, pasty skin. We smirked arrogantly as we emphatically selected, "Never." and, of course, "Always."

Our mouth watered -- we were delicious, we knew it! -- and we clicked through to our results.