This Week In Gayness: My Boyfriend Won't Put Out

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

If your Dad is a fervent anti-homosexual zealot, best not to brag to his face about having come from the Pride parade.

What, you thought they'd let gay couples on the revamped "Newlywed Game"?

A woman who worked in the Georgia General Assembly claims to have been fired after telling her boss she was "going to live as a woman."

Guess which reality show host is joining the cast of "The L Word" for Season Six?

According to Michael Ausiello of EW.com's the Ausiello Files (Entertainment Weekly online) Elizabeth Berkley, who flirted with the L word during her Showgirls days, is joining the Showtime hit for a multi-episode arc. [Lesbiatopia]

Today is the day our do-nothing Democratic Congress will finally do something: they're planning to take a peek at "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Unsurprisingly, the Lesbos of Lesbos island lost their cast against the, um, lesbos of the world. Nice waste of paper, kids.

A Turkish honor killing (aka hate crime), in which a 26-year-old gay man was the victim, shows no signs of any future bright spots: apparently, as is the case in most honor killings, the family left their son's body to rot and the boyfriend has fled the country after warnings from his consulate.

In a Dear Mona column posted today on About.com, one guy asks "Mona" why his boyfriend can say "I still love you" while abstaining from sex and watching a steady stream of porno. Is it a porn addiction or the relationship itself that's the problem? Read the response here.

+ DIGG

+ DEL.ICIO.US

+ REDDIT

Posted Jul 23 2008, 02:50 PM

Comments

Jon said:

Jesus (in Luke 17) stated that one of the BIG signs warning that His return to earth is very near is the resurgence and popularity and "steamrollering" of worldwide homosexualmania (a worldwide imitation of what occurred long ago in Sodom and Gomorrah). I see that many are getting on the bandwagon and assisting this endtime craze and helping to fulfill it in many ways (their way of making the Bible even more believable!). But if they don't want to find out what is predicted to happen to them if they don't make a u-turn, they should NOT read chapters 16 through 18 in the book of Revelation! Jon

July 23, 2008 9:07 PM

Brian Fairbanks said:

Jon,

Ah, I see you are a student of "history." Perhaps you have heard of another time of resurgence and popularity and "steamrolling" of homosexualmania (hey, can I copyright that for you, Jon?), another time where Jesus H. Christ was sooo ready to return, thought his followers... and whoops, I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about the 1970s, when Jesus was predicted to be coming back. Nope, wasn't talking about right after 9/11 when religious zealots SWORE to me, on their very lives, that Jesus would be back in only a matter of WEEKS, Jon, WEEKS! Nope, not that time.

I'm talking about the Roman Empire. I propose we go back to the age of Claudius and, better yet, Caligula. Oh, he was a BIG fan of marriages between men and women, wasn't he, Jon? He loved to fuck married people! Nowadays we'd call him a "Republican Congressman."

Anyway, there were lots of homos running rampant and blowing each other until one day Jesus came back and-- wait, that didn't happen then. Sorry, Jon, it didn't happen during the strong gay rights movement in the 60's, 70's, and 80's. It didn't happen during the reign of Caligula. And the closest thing to Jesus I saw after 9/11 was the loony on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras, saying what he has said every year since Jesus was invented by a couple members of the Frey clan, that "Jesus will be back! He's going to clean up all this filth in the morning!" And the city workers walk by him and snap, "No, he won't. WE clean it up, dumbass!"

July 23, 2008 10:40 PM

Julian said:

I think Jon was being sarcastic, although as silly as most of the Jesus crowd are, it can be difficult to tell sometimes. If he was serious, well then, yeah, fuck him.

CALIGULA RULES!!!

July 24, 2008 10:49 AM

Michael said:

"We won't let the Venezuelas or the Nigerias or the Saudi Arabias or the Irans jerk us around by the gas nozzle..." This is a quote from Sen Larry Craig, who was arrested last year for lewd conduct in Minneapolis airport mens room, in a Senate floor speech to describe U.S. reliance on foreign oil. Newsweek, July 28, 2008

July 25, 2008 11:49 AM

juandos said:

Someone named Brian Fairbanks said: "Ah, I see you are a student of "history." Perhaps you have heard of another time of resurgence and popularity and "steamrolling" of homosexualmania (hey, can I copyright that for you, Jon?), another time where Jesus H. Christ was sooo ready to return, thought his followers... and whoops, I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about the 1970s, when Jesus was predicted to be coming back. Nope, wasn't talking about right after 9/11 when religious zealots SWORE to me, on their very lives, that Jesus would be back in only a matter of WEEKS, Jon, WEEKS! Nope, not that time"...

Hey Fairbannks, in what delusional world did this happen?

Brooklyn is I know short on oxygen (just look at the oxygen bandits you elect to Congress) but even so this is bizzare even for a New Yorker...

July 29, 2008 3:35 PM

Brian Fairbanks said:

Right, Junados-- what delusional world do we live in that people think a dead person is going to come back and "save" them, like Santa Claus with alien-like powers? With you on that.

By the way, I have no idea what "oxygen bandits" are, but can I please copyright that term as well? God bless YOU and only YOU... fuck the rest, right, Juan? How Christian of us.

July 29, 2008 4:24 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Nerve, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.