We're not big fans of fearful rumormongering around here, and Lord knows you've all got a lot of stuff on your minds, what with the economy and the election and babies having babies. But seriously: What. The. FUCK. Is going on in the skies?
First, we hear that the Brits are going public with their UFO documents. Sounds great, guys, can't wait to hear fevered summaries of them on Coast to Coast. But then, zap! All of a sudden, we're awash with UFO sightings in San Diego (see above), Texas,
Wrexham, and Cornwall. And then, right after this true believer starts creeping us out, we hear this:
Across the globe, researchers searching for signs of life in space were
abuzz this week with word that a mystery signal has been picked up by a
giant radio-telescope in Puerto Rico.
Now the dilemma is -- how do you answer it?
I don't know. Can they hear us shitting our pants?
OK, let's ignore, for just a moment, the fact that the most terrifying prospect about the aliens actually arriving on our meek little planet isn't that they're gonna come down plasma guns a-blazin', but rather that Junior here will either assume that they are or that the Rapture's just a little weirder than he was expecting and in either event wind up getting us trapped in real-life hentai or something.
Forgetting all that -- and the riots and the starvation and the subjugation by 8-foot tall rastas that are so clearly on the way... Just know that when the ships come down, we are SO throwing the naked freakout to end all naked freakouts. And you've got a Plus One.
