Scanner does not fuck around when it comes to puppies, or any animals for that matter. (Yes, we may eat bacon, but that's beside the point.) We get all teary eyed every time we see puppies in pet shop windows and if it weren't for roommates who put their feet down, we probably would have adopted 17 strays by now. So, when we saw this article about a Bel-Air pet store to the stars (including Paris) that sells puppies from unlicensed puppy mills we were sad, and incensed, but not surprised. Celebrities have pets as accessories, and while we don't like it, the pets are probably better off with the likes of Paris and Nicole than in a cage. Fine. But when we really thought long and hard about it, we traced the popularity of puppy mills back to Paris Hilton. It's very complicated, so we put together a third-grade-level flow chart to help Paris understand.

You, see, Paris. It's because of you that the demand for "glamour" puppies has increased. We know you didn't know, but now you do, so if you and Nicole could just start getting your pets from the pound from now on and, you know, make a big deal of it in the press, it would be a lot better for everybody, including the puppies. Thanks. 

Love,

Scanner 

(Thanks for the tip, Pete!)