The Modern Materialist Gets Its Freak On

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:41:00 GMT

I don’t know about you, but I’m a bit addicted to the Modern Materialist blog. Maybe it’s because I happen to know two of the bloggers, and they’re super-fun peeps who most eagerly crash Playgirl parties with me. (Or force me to go hooping; sadly, not as dirty as it sounds). Plus, they find tons of amazing items that make me wish I was a trust-fund child, so I could fill my apartment with all the material goodness….But as of yesterday, they surprised me and got their freak on.

And their freak was good…

Steph Auteri was inspired by Grant Stoddard’s “I Did It for Science: Cock Ring” piece. She found some cock rings that will knock the ladies’ socks off. It’s never TMI, Steph! Check ‘em here.

But it was MM blogger Alex who took it to a whole, new, edible, flammable, self-f*ckable level with his find, the Clone-a-Willy Kit. I’ll let Alex explain:

“The Clone-A-Willy Kit let's you stick your man-bits in a mold, then use enclosed materials to create your own female stress reliever. The kit comes with everything you need to make the… Um…. Pleasure tube, and comes in several different varieties: Light tone, dark tone, candle, soap, glow in the dark, and chocolate. And yes, the chocolate one is totally edible. Because there's nothing sexier than seeing your loved one tearing a giant chunk out of your penis with her teeth.

The prices range from $30 for the basic kits, to $45 for the glow in the dark kit, and there are also three Clone-A-Pussy kit, which I have to assume is a mold you stick your cat in. Could be wrong.”

Click here to see more pictures, and what pre-op commenter “sexy humanoid” plans to do a cloned willy, post-op…Send pictures, sexy humanoid!

Blogger Wendy found a way to make even the “Butter Boy and Girl” a little spicy; yes girl, sink your teeth into all that corny goodness. And if you need help getting the party started (especially if you or said party-goers have an oral fixation), she recommends the perfect upscale candy: absinthe lollypops. You can then woo your lovers with a New York apartment-sized s’more kit. It might lead to you whipping off your Pac-Man belt (or, um, whipping with your Pac-Man belt), kicking off your peep-toe kicks and revealing the full glory of your customized G-string. And if you want to record the kink in HD for all posterity, you can use Sony’s new sweet-ass future camcorder. And after all the corn and cloned willies and lovin’ you can clean up with some “Stinky Hippie” body wash. (Or, um, not?) Then check yourself in the mustache mirror; a perfect way to see if your new lover has a sense of humor. And to make sure you don’t have any corn stuck in your teeth.

About Last Night: We Crash the Playgirl Party…

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:29:00 GMT

We figured, why not check out Playgirl’s April Issue Launch Party? It was at a bar called “Happy Endings,” it was within walking distance from Nerve…and it promised free vodka and goodie bags. Plus: we really hoped that there would be male waiters wearing bowties and no shirts. I mean, if you’re gonna throw a Playgirl party, you might as well go all the way, right?

The line outside was cold, but inside the transexual ladies were hot. There was little seating, few men, and (sadly) no shirtless waiters. (WTF, Playgirl?) There were some great pick-up lines. Our fave of the night, from two tall, European dudes with indeterminate accents: “Who are better liars, men or women?” One of our savvy ladies immediately recognized this as a Mystery pick-up line. Mystery must have trained the guys himself, because when we said as much they were completely unfazed:
“Vat? Ees a good pick-up line, no? Ees so good, because zee women can tell zee men ve are bastards!” (Later, we're pretty sure we saw them, naked, in the magazine. Who knew?!)

Playgirl stopped serving the free alcohol at 8:57 pm. Yes, our cheap asses noted the time (it was cold outside!). We were sad:

We grabbed our goodie bags on the way out, and examined the loot after stopping for late-night pizza and drunken photo shoots. Sadly, I can't show you some of the pics that really amused the pizza guys. But we enjoyed our goodie bags:

Lessons learned: Playboy is sexier than Playgirl. And this from a straight gal.

Free vodka is not worth losing toes to frostbite.

If you drunkenly give a strange guy on the street extra lube from your goodie bag, he will follow you. And offer you a ride to New Jersey. Do not accept.

And, we are so not Playgirl's target audience:

Nerve Insider : toys

The Modern Materialist Gets Its Freak On

About Last Night: We Crash the Playgirl Party…