Nerve Insider : miss information

New on Nerve, 5.21.08: Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 21 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info cracks open a pint of Ben & Jerry's for a recently dumped reader in need of some comfort. First she offers a disclaimer:

How do I get over a heartbreak? Poorly. Same as everybody else.

But she's also got some useful tips:

I guess one thing I consistently do that I haven't observed in everybody else — or at least a good number of people who write me letters — is that I don't have a lot of contact with my exes. Interacting with them right after the breakup is bad news, I've found. It always inflicts pain on one or more parties. When it doesn't, it's a temporary sort of pleasure that you have regrets about the next morning, week, etc. as the complications set in. Like eating McDonald's.

Read the whole column here, you poor lovelorn sods.

New on Nerve, 5.14.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:06:00 GMT

I'm Not There is a sweet guy who has trouble coming during sex. He's looking for possible solutions, and a way to make his girlfriend feel less inadequate because of it. Miss Information has the cure, and after offering some physical tips, she's got ways to put the ladyfriend at ease:

I think it's less about words and more about grunts and moans. It should be really apparent that you're into the festivities. An orgasm is like a big wet sticky gold star for your partner. You need to give her a tangible substitute, whether it's compliments on her technique or a "OMG u R best FCK evr!" text message an hour after she drops you off.

Good advice? Weigh in after you check out the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 5.7.08 - Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:51:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info counsels Interior Fornicator, a guy who wants to make his apartment into, and we quote, "a fuck-temple." What should he make sure to get?

A place to stash condoms. A candle with a light, mellow scent. A small, easy-to-use sound system. A lint brush for your partner's clothes, if you own pets. Animals love to use anything black as their new favorite bed.

That's a good start — but what are the five most important things, according to our fearless advice columnist? Click here to find out.

New on Nerve, 4.30.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Do you ever find yourself in this situation?

Dear Miss Information,
I'm a bisexual girl who badly needs pornography. I need to find out how to get it without having to pay for it or contracting nasty diseases on my computer. Finding pictures and videos of penises entering vaginas is easy, but finding hot girl-on-girl stuff is really hard. My definition of hot girl-on-girl does not include tweaked-out bleached-blonde leather-skinned skinny girls sucking on dildos or looking at the camera while fingering each other with talon-like nails. Call me naive, but is there any porn or soft porn where the girls might legitimately appear attracted to other girls? I've tried to talk to male friends who know the ins and outs (so to speak) of porn, but their eyes just sort of glaze over and we end up watching the girl-on-girl I described above. Please help! — Really Need Real XXX

Where to find “real porn”? Check out Miss Info’s answers to this, and so much more, in this week’s titillating, totally real column.

New on Nerve, 4.23.08 - Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:15:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info counsels a relationship-hungry reader who keeps falling for flighty women. She's got extensive tips on meeting ladies who're looking for more than a casual hookup.

* Go to non-boozy establishments to meet people. Even a house party is better, because it's a friend of a friend and there's some connection.

* Start out not wanting to like the other person. Wait for them to give you a reason to like them. I don't recommend this for everyone, but in this case a negative bias is therapeutic.

* Read other people's online profiles carefully. Pay special attention to relationship status, location, age and kind of relationship desired.

Check out all her tips — and a fun question about period sex — here.

New on Nerve, 4.16.08 - Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:13:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info tackles the subject of kids — having them, and acting like them. Is "Mother of Two" wrong for being irritated by her boyfriend's childish behavior? Miss Info says no:

I almost want to congratulate you for finding such a cool guy, instead of telling you to dump him. Then I think about an ex of mine. His shtick was to make this wacky "gotta love me!" face. CONSTANTLY. All my friends thought it was hysterical, but it got pretty fucking irritating after a while. What's funny for the first three months quickly loses its charm.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 4.9.08 - Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:16:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info weighs in on a serious dilemma for our high-tech times: should you tell your girlfriend that you touch yourself to her Facebook pictures? Miss Info says sure, but with a couple of caveats:

Are the particular pictures you're choosing unusual in any way? Then tread lightly. A cheerleading uniform might represent insta-boner to you, but she might think that's creepy.

Good point. Check out the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 4.02.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:14:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info decides sex-camming is cheating. Tough break, non-single sex-cammers:

But why, Miss Info? You're not touching the other person. How is that any different than looking at a spank movie? Well, for starters, watching clips and looking at pictures are one-way experiences. If all of a sudden Joanna Angel stops what she's doing and invites you over to go down on her, chances are you've been stroking it for too long without a break.

Good point, Miss I. Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 3.26.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:53:00 GMT

This week Miss Information deals with a guy who wants to tell on a cheater; a girl who wants to cheat with her college professor; and a bride-to-be who wonders if she should sign that pre-nup.

“Hi Miss Info,
There's a woman who's married who's constantly responding to my personals profile looking for an affair. Not interested. This last time she was stupid enough to give me her personal contact info. I was doing some Googling and I found out all sorts of information about her! I know where she works and her street address. Her last name. I don't do anything. Then she sends me a naked picture. This is out of line. (Although to be honest, she did look superb.) I want to go to her husband. I know who he is — he's her number-one friend on MySpace. I've been in his situation. Looking at the pictures of the two of them I can only think that what she's doing is disgusting. I want to tell him her secret. Do I? — Cheater Bait”

See Miss Info’s answers, right here.

New on Nerve, 3.19.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:42:00 GMT

This week, Miss Information rounds up her best columns on drinking for a post-St. Patrick's Day booze-a-thon. So, Miss Info, when my friend got slipped a rufie, and he confessed his love for me, was that for real?

It's true that alcohol and drugs can be a truth serum. They bring out emotions we wouldn't normally express, either because we only feel them when we're wasted or we're so repressed that we'd have a hard time facing them sober. This doesn't mean your friend's emotions that day were real or authentic. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't.

Hmm, that's a downer. Click here to read the whole column.

Would You Let Your Boyfriend Visit a Craigslist “Masseuse”?

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 19:04:00 GMT

Admittedly, lovelorn writer “Rubbed Wrong” didn’t mention Craigslist, per se, in her letter to Miss Information. But we can extrapolate. Here’s a taste of her dilemma:

"My boyfriend found a masseuse through the online classifieds. She wanted to exchange professional services with someone who could help her with a business plan. I told him I wasn't comfortable with this — he has a history of being deceitful."

Then poor Rubbed Wrong learns her lover is still seeing said masseuse…Miss Info – and the people – have spoken, and their advice runs the gamut from “it’s your problem” to “he's going to screw the massager ( i can't spell massuse) and she's going to down play it like she has all his other assholisms. for good god's sake run!”

Check out the loving and fighting, and feel free to add your own words o’ wisdom, right here.

New on Nerve, 3.12.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:20:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info teaches religious tolerance — sexy religious tolerance — to a reader whose boyfriend won't have sex before marriage. Should she just marry him for the honeymoon?

For a lot of folks the 'no sex before marriage' rule is extremely bendy. It could mean nearly everything is fair game — even oral. Then again, it could mean no Frenching. I'd say make the absolute most of what he'll let you do. . . Above all, don't rush into something as huge as marriage just because you're horny and impatient.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 3.5.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:00:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info counsels "East Coast" on breakup etiquette.

There is no way to break up with someone and not hurt them. There is no way to break up with someone and not get busted up yourself. There is no way to predict how much hurt there's going to be or what it's going to feel like until you actually do it. They're all unknowns.

Click here to read the whole column, with Miss Info's personal Five Breakup Don'ts.

New on Nerve, 2.27.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:53:00 GMT

This week, Miss Information counsels a shy undergrad on how to approach that sexy grad student artist:

Here's the thing about artists: they're insecure. Needy. Constantly looking for validation. Why on earth would anyone not want to be complimented? "You're pretty!" "You're intelligent and talented!" You're golden. You're covering all the angles. Even better, you're being sincere and not fake about it. That already puts you ahead of some letch with a dumb come-on line.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 2.20.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:30:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info gets the best advice her readers have to offer:

Never take your Valentine to Chili's for Valentine's Day. Even if you have a gift card. — MM
Thanks for the heads up, MM. I used to be a potato-skin slinger myself. You guys have no idea what kind of romance went down at the Big B on Heart Day.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 2.14.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:29:00 GMT

In a special Valentine's Day installment of your favorite advice column, Miss Info solicits some Valentine's Day wisdom from her family and friends. Couples, heed the words of her best friend Mary:

What would you tell a couple considering an open relationship?
I'd tell them that the person pushing for it in the relationship really wants to break up but is scared to let go of the security and friendship in the relationship. There must be some statistics out there on those '70s couples that participated in key parties. Two words: Ice Storm.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 2.5.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:26:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info flashes back to her high-school days:

Sean was a jock. I was a goth. We ran in different crowds. One morning, during some pre-English-class banter, our teacher Mrs. Jackson asked Sean if he had gotten a haircut. Sean answered in the affirmative. Sensing an opportunity to be clever, I decided to try out a joke I'd heard my sister's supercool boyfriend deploy many times before. The gag is supposed to go something like this. . .

Find out what happened here.

Feedback Feast: What’s Wrong With Your Personal Ad?

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:07:00 GMT

This poor lass wrote to Miss Information in despair:
My dating profile has been active for years. Literally. Guys will hotlist me and look at my profile over and over, but they rarely reply to my emails. Any tips?

Not only did Miss Info give her some great advice (“Stop bringing up your family. You answer eleven questions. Grandma & co. show up four times. Unless I have an incest fetish, I don't want to be thinking about your kinfolk when I'm taking the first steps toward doing the dirty.”)…and the readers opened the floodgates, as well. Yes, “good personal hygiene” should be expected, TM!

If you’ve ever needed help crafting that personal, check out Miss Info’s “Unf*ckable Five” — the five dealbreaker terms that people use in online personals.

Or, if you’ve read a helluva lot of unf*uckable online profiles…help this chick out. Check out the Feedback here, and post your own wisdom, too. My personal pet peeve? I know we’re all human, but dudes and ladies: check your spelling. A misspelled word can be the difference between a hot librarian checking out your books, and a hot librarian checking you out.

New on Nerve, 1.30.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 17:50:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info offers tips for sprucing up your personals profile:

If you kids have any of these terms on your profiles, do a purge right now:

1. "Sassy"
2. "High-maintenance" — "Hi, I'm a bitch masquerading as a cutesy stereotype!"
3. "Fun-loving" — As opposed to fun-hating. Way to differentiate yourself.
4. "Sweet" — zzzzzzzzzzzz. Like they told you in English 101, "Show, don't tell."
5. Cat references in user handles — MizSexyKitty, purrfectgirl_76, etc. — This is weird and cloying. Keep it up and I'm going to spay you and make you poop in a box.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 1.23.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:31:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info counsels a reader who slept with her best male friend — who then started ignoring her:

A social worker would call this guy "low functioning." Able to excel in certain basic activities (movie-watching, hand-holding, best-friend fucking) but failing miserably in anything requiring emotional sensitivity, communication skills, adult behavior or advanced reasoning. While you have a big bloated normal-person brain floating about in your cranium, his is tiny and reptilian. Instead of wondering whether or not he's still up for grabs, a cool girl like you should be asking herself why she's trying to romance Godzilla.

Read the whole column here.

Feedback Feast: Miss Info Asked, You’re Giving…

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 21:32:00 GMT

Today’s Miss Information ended with Miss Info herself asking for readers’ advice. One letter she couldn’t fit into this week’s column was from a person dating a single parent; the letter writer wondered at what point she could give child-rearing advice to her lover? Some highlights from the ongoing discussion:

“If you can't handle a tantrum, you probably aren't ready to date a parent.”

“So you people who say 'never' you'll 'never' put enough trust in the person you're banging for them to suggest that maybe junior shouldn't have a soda right before bed?”

“Yikes. Is there seriously no place in a relationship for a respectful discussion about parenting?”

“Never, ever, ever. At least not until you have given the kid a kidney.”

Want to add your words of wisdom? Join in right here.

New on Nerve, 1.16.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:49:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info talks down a reader upset about having slept over on a first date:

Was there some all-night sex session that I missed? Did I miss a few lines about watersports and hamster bondage? You went on a date, drank some booze, and made what the overwhelming majority of non-celebutante adults would consider to be a responsible decision not to drink and drive. Then you took the goody two-shoes act a few steps further by refraining from sexual intimacy before you're ready, something that's hard to do when you're all liquored up. I don't think the relationship is ruined, but all this nervous, high-strung behavior could put it in jeopardy.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 1.9.08: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Peter Smith — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:00:00 GMT

This week, Miss Info takes "eCoward" to school — breakup school. Key advice for the timid breakup artist:

When there's devastating news to communicate, you're going to foul up. Fouling up is good; it lets the person you're breaking up with see that you're feeling upset by this too and that it wasn't an easy decision. I'd rather not be dumped at all, but if I had a choice between a "There, there, darling" smoothie and a teary-eyed wreck, I'd gladly take the latter.

Read the whole column here.

New on Nerve, 12.19.2007: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Sarah — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:15:00 GMT

Today Miss Information counsels “Worried Mind,” who is nervous that his cock appears small next to the well-hung dude he and his girlfriend threesomed with, and “The Derrida of Dating,” who overanalyzes his dates every IM, email and MySpace message.

Key Advice: “When it comes to choosing a threesome partner, dick size is rarely the threat. Much better to have a fella with a twelve-inch schlong who respects boundaries and limits than a three-incher who's trying to schedule dates with your wife on your side.”

Further words of wisdom here.

Today on Miss Information: Fantasies, Seducers and Husbands

Sarah — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:30:00 GMT

It’s Wednesday, which means that Miss Information is dispensing advice to the lonely, the lovelorn, the lusty. Today she:

- tells a divorced dude that it’s ok to fantasize about is ex-wife

- warns a woman off seducing her friend who’s in a relationship

- pep-talks a husband whose wife is a little too close with an ex

Would-be cheaters, take note!

New on Nerve, 12.5.2007: Sex and Dating advice from Miss Information

Sarah — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 15:45:00 GMT

Miss Information helps three advice seekers today:

Facebook Faceoff snooped and found that her BF gave his phone number to a Facebook girl with “a hot ass.” Should she break up with him?

Lacking Locks has trichotillomania, a condition where you compulsively pull out your hair, and feels insecure about dating. What should she tell potential suitors?

Want to Be Normal has a HUGE penis and can’t have sex with most women. How can he convince women he’s worth it?

Read Miss Info’s answers here, and post your own advice in the feedback.

New on Nerve, 11.28.2007: Sex and Dating Advice from Miss Information

Sarah — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:00:00 GMT

It’s Wednesday, which means another dose of Miss Information. Today she serves up some excellent advice for a) a guy who wants to know how to turn down the dreaded good-email bad-picture online dating prospect b) an anal adventurer wondering about the best lube and c) the wife of a foot-fetishist whose husband is taking his longing outside the relationship.

Just in case you don’t read the entire column (which you should), here’s one thing you should know:

“Nothing wrong with using Crisco. There are quite a few doctors who say it's okay to use in limited amounts, provided you test a small area and watch for your reaction. But I'm not sure you'd want to rub anything called "shortening" on or around an organ that's usually revered for its length.”

New on Nerve, 11.21.2007: Miss Information’s Greatest Hits

Sarah — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 18:30:00 GMT

Miss Info is preparing for her turkey-coma right now so today we’ve published a few of her best questions and answers:

- A phone buddy who won’t commit

- A bi girl in a relationship whose female friends try to kiss her

- A guy who may or may not be being dumped by the woman he’s seeing

New on Nerve, 11.14.2007: Miss Information

Sarah — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:07:00 GMT

Today Miss Info brings us the winners of last week’s contest, which challenged readers explain why this writer wasn’t getting second dates after coming out of a serious relationships.

First prize goes to Sam, who explains why a kiss is just a kiss, and a butt grab even less so.

Second place goes to Sean, who works in three Neil Diamond references without mentioning this, the most poignant classic of the D man's entire career. Enjoy your snack food, sonny boy. How you live with yourself, I'll never know.

In third place is Andy, who reminds me of Sigmund Freud, if Siggie would stop yammering about Oedipal junk and give you some practical advice, like "Make out with everyone! (Just not your father.)"

New on Nerve, 11.7.2007: Miss Information's Sex and Dating Advice

Sarah — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:59:00 GMT

Today on Miss Info: a guy whose ex is blogging falsities about their relationship and a single Korean dude who wishes his friends would stop trying to set him up on dates.

Also, be Miss Information for a day!

Send an email to erin@nerve.com with a 350-word-or-less response to the question at the end of this week's column. Next week I'll post the winners.

1st prize: Membership to Nerve Premium

2rd prize: Jumbo assortment of UTZ brand snacks (The NYC junk food of choice — accept no substitute!)

3rd prize: Gift certificate for iTunes so you can download the latest young-people internet album.