Nerve Insider : in other blogs

Want to Wear Hayden Panettiere's Used Clothes…For a Good Cause?

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 21 May 2008 19:35:00 GMT

Wanna be a hero…or just get to know one? The Modern Materialist shows you how: check out how you get close, really close, to Heroes’ hottie Hayden Panettiere. Or, you know, wear her used clothes…

Also check out:
The $58,000 Personal Helicopter: wear a helmet!
The incredible, edible, chocolate…anus. No need to wear a helmet.
Deal of the day: Guitar Hero 3 for $60, Rock Band for $100.
Silent Dog Tags: for actual dogs.
Wendy’s guide to Chicago Shopping: plus, an ultra-cute picture of ultra-cute Wendy.
So you already own a $58,000 Personal Helicopter, and the $50,000 turntable, and now you want to build your own under-the-sea community? Steph brings you the perfect accessories.
Or, for the rest of us: ten deals under $10.
Wondering if you’ve got mail? But this and you’ll know, fo’ sho.
Sweet-ass places to park your booty.
Let the sunshine in: add a solar panel to your Prius!
Cheap trick for a cheap Penguin.
Worth the splurge? Pottery Barn’s Daily System.
And Wendy brings you: 80's Things That are Popular Again that I'm Too Old to Pull Off. (We think she can pull of neon.)

In Other Blogs: Best Mugshots Ever, Angelina Jolie’s Nipples, and More

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:05:00 GMT

What’s the word on the bloggin’ streets? Scanner brings the news, and the crazy:

Best. Mugshots. Ever. (Take note: best not to wear your “I love midget porn” T-shirt over the long weekend, no?)
Lil Wayne has been reading Mayan prophecies: check out what he’s learned.
Two celebs we haven’t heard from in awhile suck face in public.
If you look closely, you can see Angelina Jolie’s nipples. For reals.
Penthouse owns online Christian dating sites. Also for reals.
Meet the new DC Comics character, Shy Crazy Lolita Canary.
Guess which Star Trek star will take advantage of California’s new gay marriage law? Live long and prosper! All this and so much more at your Daily Scanner.

Over at the Screengrab, we’ve got Joan Collins dishing on why Sean Connery never walked in one her naked body painted gold (and other deep thoughts on the James Bond franchise); Shreveport, Louisiana: not just for birthin’ Spears’ kids!; are you Jaman?; David Bowie calls “bullshit” on stage musical version of The Man Who Fell to Earth; and check out the latest from Cannes.

The Modern Materialist brings us the most evil calculator ever (don’t tease me!); Got Milk? Get this awesome milk-splash chair; all sorts o’ hour glasses; a dog house bigger than your apartment; the smoking cigarette gun; egg pants; and “You Condoms.” As Materialista Wendy says, “They're the modern day calling card — they feature an image on YOU right on the package. Just send in a photo of yourself and they'll make a stylized black and white image to create your very own calling card condoms. Klassy!”

And new video game blog 61 Frames Per Second brings us the trailer review for “The Conduit”; going vertical: how Capcom’s developers are changing the landscape of 3D games; a YouTube-r re-imagines Gradius as an old-fashioned text adventure; and are you “casual” or “hardcore”? Or is there another option…?

In Other (Photo) Blogs, 5.16.08: Red Boxes and Ice Cream

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:22:00 GMT

What to do if you’re not feeling naughty enough? Siege knows: bathe yourself in raunchy red light, of course. Check out Siege’s late night at NYC burlesque bar, The Box, in all it’s red-lit glory. Afterwards, make sure to get up close and personal with blonde bombshell Anna. Who knew balance acts could be so beautiful? And if you want to get really, really up close, check this one out.

Don’t let Autumn’s grumpy little Paula make you grumpy (although we’re pretty sure she won’t)…ice cream is on the way! And she’s not just eating it in these deliciously drippy photos. Speaking of eating and deliciously dripping, see what Autumn bought the paper boy. And don’t hesitate to step into Autumn’s garden photos, for a scintillating secret…

Now, take a peek into Brandonland where it’s all penises and skateboards…and musings about SanFran. Oh, Brandonland, a place that always leaves little to the imagination, and lots to think about. For instance: the statement you make when pairing a naked light bulb, a loose fur coat, a beautiful girl and a…sword?

With Chase’s depiction of the pinnacle of Youth Angst and Drug Culture as our backdrop, we are made to ponder PBR’s place in the mix, among other things…like tantalizingly naked girls. Ever traveled to a seedy motel to eat a bag of ‘shrooms? Just for the fun of it? No matter what your drug of choice, don’t miss Chase’s twisted tale of Tybee Island.

What happens when you mix Rose and Olive, a lonely hotel room, Marilyn Monroe, a camera all together at 5 a.m.?.......THIS.

— Alexandra Godfrey

Hebrew Hammers: The Top 12 Tough Jews in Cinema

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 15 May 2008 20:28:00 GMT

“If any of us get laid tonight, it’s because of Eric Bana in Munich.”

So says Seth Rogen’s full-time slacker Ben Stone at the start of 2007’s Knocked Up, heralding a recent shift in the pop culture persona of the Chosen People from neurotic schlimazels of the Woody Allen variety to bad-ass playas like Bana. But, although the concept of “Jewish action star” is a relatively new phenomenon, film history is filled with tales of Hebrew heroes (and heavies), from ancient Egypt to modern Israel.

And thus, in tribute to the upcoming June 6th release of Adam Sandler’s meshuga Israeli commando/hair-stylist comedy You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, Screengrab is proud to present The Top 12 Tough Jews in Cinema!” — Andrew Osborne

Check out all the Hebrew Hammers, right here.

Scanner Taking Nominations for "Scanner's Top 10 Hottest Women in the World"

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:45:00 GMT

Scanner is serious about taking nominations for Scanner's Top 10 Hottest Women in the World. On Scanner Emily's list: “Jenny Lewis, Rilo Kiley frontwoman, child actor and even better solo artist.”

And it’s on! From ScarJo to Charlotte Rampling to…Faye Wong?...the noms are pouring in. Leave your brilliant suggestions in Scanner’s comments section. (I’m all for Thandie Newton. Even if she has gotten disturbingly skinny.)

And after you answer…Did you ever play the ol’ college game where people ask you to name, in your opinion, the hottest male and female celebrities?

So you name them.

And then – insert dramatic shoe-drop thud! here — the person asking the questions reveals that you only chose that celebrity because they look the most like you.

Which happened about 80% of the time. Except for me. I’m so proud to report I look absolutely nothing like the utterly gorgeous Thandie Newton.

::sigh::

What Thandie looks like:

The celebrity I most resembled in high school, according to some dude who made my sandwiches at Subway:

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The Modern Materialist Helps You Spend Your “Economic Stimulus” Check…

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:09:00 GMT

Have you gotten your $600 “economic-stimulus” check from the government yet? When you do, the Modern Materialist has over six hundred great ways to spend it… Here’s a round-up of their latest treasures:
The Walk of Shame Kit: where was this when I was in college?! (Also helpful on the morning after: the universal shower diffuser.)
Faux sure: the electronic cigarette.
Pun Tiles: not actually puns, but really, really cool.
Hangover Helper Mints: “eliminates ass mouth.”
Umbrella Stools: As in your can sit on them. Not the other kind…
Twist Naked Sponges: good for the environment, nice way to bring up getting’ nude with your significant other…
The travel bar: with two sexy flasks, it’s also a nice way to bring up getting’ nude with your significant other.
Also environmentally friendly: blue balls.
Do you need a giant guitar?
Screw Target: get your personalized pool-float here.
Webcams: not just for live sex feeds, anymore.
And finally, the Fractal 23 desk. Okay, it’s made to order, and costs $20,000. But if you have 33.33 friends who all really like art desks…well, you’re golden.
And if you spent your entire economic stimulus on fun goodies and can’t afford therapy, get your therapy flashcards on, on the cheap.

All this and more, at the Modern Materialist!

In Other Blogs, 5.13.08: Scanner Brings Us One Sexually Confused Fur Seal, A Thousand Amused Scientists…

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:13:00 GMT

It’s been an interesting day already with the Scanner crew. You really need to check out what happened when a male fur seal mistook a king penguin for a vagina. Lots of seal-on-penguin action shots (but in black and white, so they're classy!). You’ll want to check out:

Caught on tape: fur seal tries, unsuccessfully, to have sex with king penguin. For at least 45 minutes.
Caught in the White House: Vice Admiral John Stufflebeem stuffs his beam.
The Wizard of Ass: Dorothy Is Not a Virgin Anymore. Brought to you by Chuck Palahniuk.
The dangers of Google maps. Pertains to prostitution, nose-picking.
NY anchorwoman Sue Simmons very clearly drops the F-bomb on air.
Jimmy Fallon to replace Conan O’Brien?
Arizona considers ban on gay marriage too lenient a stance…
Do you love Blow? This woman doesn’t.
“Desire Paths”: sexy name for being lazy?

The Modern Materialist Interview: Geoff Haggerty and the Comfy Bed

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:30:00 GMT

What do you think makes J.Lo go "woooo"?

This week, The Modern Materialist talks to Geoff Haggerty, a writer for the Onion News Network, who, for a very long time, had a teeny tiny bed. And then he went shopping…

MM: So, without necessarily getting too explicit, any interesting stories you can share about the bed?
GH: Oh, you mean besides all the incredible sex I've had in it? Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. That's what it sounds like when I have sex. I'm sort of at a loss interesting story-wise. I will say that for the first month or so after I bought it, it completely felt like any extravagant purchase or gift. You know that feeling of, "I can't wait to play with my new video game or iPod or whatever?" Well I had that feeling, except with a bed. I got all happy and sleepy and tired at the same time and went to bed earlier than at any other time in my life.

Want a bed that makes you go “Wooooo”? Find it right here, on the TMM.

In Other Blogs, 5.7.08: Scanner Helps You Over Hump Day

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:23:00 GMT

Wow, the Scanner crew knows how to pick ‘em. Today they ask Who Would You Rather: R. Kelly or the Maytag Repairman? I bet you can guess who’s winning…Also helping you get over the Hump Day:

Penis Camouflage: Fun for the Whole Family.
The Spears Family: not so fun.
The Weather Channel wants to lick your swizzle stick, fire your ass if you say “no.”
Wardrobe Malfunction: Did totally classy actress Natasha Richardson really forget to wear panties?
Time Out New York shows real New Yorkers, really naked. For once, we’d rather have seen Julia Allison.
This carrot needs pants! (Thanks commentator “HOLY MACKEREL!”)
Video of Arizona State University’s drunken “Undie Run”: we can smell the Axe Body Spray from here.
“An Australian man was acquitted of forcing vampire sex on a 16-year-old girl who claims he stalked her for years”…I’m sorry. Wait. Vampire sex?

All this and so much more…over at your daily Scanner.

Japandering: The Five Most Embarrassing Celebrity Commercials

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 07 May 2008 14:17:00 GMT

We’ve known for a long time that famous American movie stars who would never deign to sully themselves doing television commercials at home have no such compunctions about doing them abroad, most often in Japan. This phenomenon was immortalized in Lost in Translation, of course, but the tasteful Suntory ad that Bill Murray’s character struggles to complete is not necessarily representative of the antics our most respected and treasured movie icons will get up to when they don’t think we’re watching. Nowadays, of course, thanks to YouTube and the invaluable resource Japander, we’re always watching! Let’s assume these five stars haven’t been humiliated enough and put them through the wringer one more time. — Scott Von Doviak

From Bruce Willis to Ah-nold to…Alex P. Keaton? Check out all five over at the Screengrab.

Screengrab Q&A: Garth Jennings and Nick Goldsmith, Directors of “Son of Rambow”

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 07 May 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Nerve editor Peter Smith got to sit down with directors Garth Jennings and Nick Goldsmith. The duo made a name for themselves helming music videos for Blur, Pulp and R.E.M….not to mention a little film called The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Their latest, Son of Rambow, “follows schoolboy Will (newcomer Bill Milner, an instantly endearing tangle of scrawny limbs), raised by his mother in a conservative religious sect, the Plymouth Brethren. His upbringing has kept him away from all media, so when his troublemaking classmate Lee Carter shows him a bootleg copy of Sylvester Stallone's First Blood, his world is forever changed, and he and Lee Carter set off to make their own First Blood sequel — Son of Rambow."

The guys talk rehearsal, Rambo, and storytelling rapture, right here.

The Top Ten Rich People Who Look Poor

Nicole Ankowski — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:18:00 GMT

As Scanner Emily says, ”When we were growing up, our mom always said 'just because we're poor doesn't mean we have to look poor.'" But over the last few years, we've noticed a new trend. Check out the Top Ten Rich People Who Look Poor. You might be surprised. Not by Nick Nolte, of course…but there are some good pics in there.

Scanner’s Top Ten Celebrity Pets

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:22:00 GMT

You can tell a lot about a person from the choice of pet. Or their choice of said pet’s weaves:

9. Foxxy Cleopatra, Nicole Richie’s Pomeranian. Named after Beyonce’s character in Austin Powers, Foxxy Cleopatra and the also unfortunately named HoneyChild are often paraded around town wearing weaves and hairbows. Here’s hoping they haven’t felt displaced since Nicole squeezed the bun out of her oven.

Woof, woof: check out the Top Ten Celebrity Pets here.

In Other Blogs, 4.23.08: Who Would You Rather?

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:16:00 GMT

The faboo Scanner crew delighted us with their Top 10 “Happy Earth Day” Sex Toys. But the fun doesn’t stop there. Get through “Hump Day” with a little help from your Scanner friends, and make sure to check out:

Who Would You Rather: Nancy Grace or Rachael Ray? Sadly, they didn’t give us a “none of the above” option.
Are you an effing potty mouth? The cuss-o-meter will let you know.
The Open-Source Boob Project. They wish Janet Jackson was involved.
Delta helps out in-flight masturbators.
Video of the Day: Doctors in the Philippines Remove a Can From a Man's Ass, Get a Good Laugh.
Pleasing boys and men everywhere: male masturbation “cuts cancer risk.” Of course, they didn’t mention the ladies. Medical equality, my humps.
Miley Cyrus will write a memoir; Scanner bloggers will rip their eyeballs out. (Also: if you are pedophile, you might enjoy these “pictures” of Miley.)
Smell Yo D*ck: the official video!
Good with a test tube? PETA might give you one million dollars.
More video: Norwegian Viking Metal band plays acoustic set for kindergartners. Why? Because “we need to let metal and Odin catch the kids before Jesus does." Obviously.
Self-validation: the “crazy cat lady” action figure.
Topless cello playing! And…bullshit?
Harry Potter’s real-life “wand”…rejected?! And Hermione is eighteen.

Want more? Live updates, all day long…at your DailyScanner.com.

The Screengrab brings us James Caan versus the Cookie Monster; hot mama Amy Poehler; Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Hollywood Accountants; Jessica Alba, serious actress!; and the trailer review of Neil LaBute’s Wicker Man remake, Lakeview Terrace.

And over at the Nerve Video Blog, has porn star Savanna Samson really been hired by Fox News? (And, do you want to see her in action?) Also check out: homeless James Bond; White House life; a cat versus a cake; the story of bacon; and the potato salad that brings all the boys to the yard. Delish!

Deep Inside…Rose and Olive’s Photo Blog

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:28:00 GMT

Who are the earthiest photobloggers in the Nerve blogosphere? Honey child, you know it’s the down-home, delicious duo of Rose + Olive. Let’s venture beyond the Premium veil and see what those lovely, earthy goddesses are up to (and whom they’re getting down with)…

Easily my favorite place to be at night
4/18/2008 2:15:00 PM

flash me 1

flash me 2

bruises

in the bayou

And not far from home, to boot.

Anti-Nostalgia
4/16/2008 12:24:59 PM

It's amazing to me that a little spinning bolt inside my head can tilt a bit in one direction via my halfass (and halfconscious) suggestion and lay out a series of wonderful things to remember and other things made to forget.

Sometimes when I'm just waking up I'll remember part of a dream, one I had of Michelle this morning for instance, and a piece of her face will come to mind and the way she moves her hair back from her face with only her fingernails, not her fingers, and I'll decide, in just one moment, that I don't want to think about the dream any more. That I don't want any details, that I don't want to replay any of it, that I don't want to beat myself up this way or sentimentalize that way.

And you know what, magically, I don't.

I'll get up slowly, trying not to wake the warm body in my bed, put on my jogging shoes and tie my shoelaces twice on a forty minute run. Without remembering a single second of the dream other than the one of her face bending down behind the counter.

It's also amazing how memory can work in the opposite way too. When you want to tie a bunch of decisions and images into a basket, throw in a hundred pound stone and kick it off the pier at the edge of the peninsula.

But then again, you don't want to really. Knowing that you could, and might one day, is enough. You are, after all, having quite a fine picnic right this second.

Injuries on Alex that neither one of us may be held accountable for.
4/15/2008 12:54:55 AM

surgical scar

But the first thing she showed me the other day, thought I might like it. File under things you never get to see, or not enough. What is the fetish called for the way everyone bruises and heals differently? This one gets red.

Modesty is the new Exhibitionism;
4/2/2008 10:38:12 AM

or,

why subtle shyness is once again sexy. so it can be occasionally subverted:

watching a beautiful boy watch us watch boxing
3/28/2008 5:57:29 PM

all afternoon and into the evening.

thank you espn.

(although the man washing his green impala outside the window did sometimes distract us.)

and also thank you, channel somethingelseorother, for the handheld amateur porn we watched late into the night. who knew being bent over the backseat of a bouncing (driving) suv could be so (literally) fucking sexy?

B-Bunny Grows Up Right Here!
3/13/2008 12:45:37 PM

Our sweet countrygirl from Ferriday, Louisiana is taking a big ole piece of metal that flies through the air(!) this weekend. She'll land in a city far away from her small-room apartment and spend a weekend on foot seeing, tasting and (if i know her as well as i think i do) taking many kinds of advantage of the city's many kinds of exotics.

And before she flies back home in that same big metal tube, she'll see in person people we've collectively only ever known through the internet.

B-Bunny, we're crossing our fingers that you'll end up naked-by-desire in more places than you count, will get kissed on the cheeks by more people than you will remember, and, while eating a hotdog in a very public place, will be cheerfully molested a bit to the point of bringing out that big guffaw of yours that we love so much.

Happy Earth Day! Check out Isabella Rossellini’s “Green Pornos”

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:47:00 GMT

No, the scene above is not from a David Lynch film. It’s an excerpt from Isabella Rosellini’s latest venture with the Sundance Channel, a series of uber-short, one-minute films examining the mating habits of various insects. Rosellini co-wrote the series, which she calls Green Porno, and she stars in each film…playing the male insect.

Screengrab brings us this video, in which Rosellini discusses men, mating, and what it’s like to have a giant papier-mache preying mantis bite your head off….

Read more about red ants, David Lynch, and Green Pornos in the Screengrab.

In Other Blogs, 4.14.08: Cake, Cunnilingus and Heidi Klum

Nicole Ankowski — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:59:00 GMT

It’s Cake (or steak, or salad) and Cunnilingus Day over at the Scanner - but whatever you choose to snack on today, make sure you check out all the sexy and crazy going down on this fine Monday. To wit: An Italian porn star does politics; a mostly naked Heidi Klum; the best way to get a one-night stand to make a hasty retreat; and the Marilyn Monroe sex tape you’ll probably never get to see. Also: fingers crossed that somehow this is true and Al Gore will finally be able to save America like he always wanted to.

Over at yon Screengrab, it’s confirmed: Werner Herzog is one great big mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped up in bacon and enveloped in strange interview responses; James Cagney still kicks ass and takes names; an awkward breakfast with Bud Cort; and a cause worth supporting. Also: file this under “Sweet merciful crap WHY IS THIS HAPPENING”: a fourth Austin Powers movie? Are you freaking kidding? …Sigh.

The Nerve Video Blog continues to have their metaphorical muffins buttered by Senator Obama, even especially when he has to awkwardly schmooze with a drunken American public, and across the pond, we’re not sure if Britain’s got talent, necessarily, but this dog totally freaking rules. Also wrecking the video world: hot dog pizza, Cooking with Coolio, and Bozard and the BBQ Boys. Bon appetit, y’all.

— Caitlin MacRae

In Other Blogs, 4.11.08: Friday WTF Edition

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:32:00 GMT

O my, O me…what a week it’s been! Let’s start with the Big-O: Scanner finds that the new Gossip Girl ads make you feel a little funny down there. But that’s the least of the WTF-worthy items of note:

Can you guess who has a new vagina?
Prostitution 101: class trip to the Chicken Ranch.
Is that a naked woman in Dick Cheney's sunglasses? Or is he just happy to see us?
Which Would You Rather: Rufus Wainwright's Green "Advocate" or Madonna's Green "Vanity Fair?"
“Jock Itch”: the best porno poster ever?
Bush signed torture memo: no joke. Unless the White House administration was kidding, all those times they insisted he didn’t.
Finally! An outlet for passive-aggressive note-leavers, and their prey.
Video of the Day: Pequeña Amy Winehouse.
Rape = chocolate cake?
“Extra Pillow” = prostitute?
The shitty things that happen to live, on-camera reporters: also kinda funny?
Candy Spelling sympathizes with Mommie Dearest.
Jessica Simpson decides to be super happy about little sister Ashlee's engagement to Pete Wentz.
Scary skinny Terri Hatcher performed a Carrie Underwood song on American Idol: if she weren't Terri Hatcher we might have thought it wasn't half bad.
Piss-poor Photoshoppers add third arm to Beyoncé.

On Screengrab, we wish Tina Fey was our baby mama; Paul Clark defends Uwe Boll; check out the which clique picks “Hick” flick; the Zombie Strippers trailer review; hotel dirty movie channels under siege by a clutch of conservative groups; and Blogwars!

And the Nerve Video Blog brings us Hayden Panettiere, in a very special PSA; disembodied-head Thursday, and dance-party Friday. Enjoy!

In Other Blogs, 4.8.08: Who Would You Rather?

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:19:00 GMT

Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves. Case in point: the New Zealand man being charged with assault for flinging a hedgehog at a 15-year-old boy. Then again, sometimes it’s harder to find the funny. Lucky for us, Scanner brings their A-game on the daily. Take a jaunt with them down to the Museum of Broken Relationships, where jilted lovers showcase the detritus of their failed romances; then marvel at the architectural porn that is the Finnish ice palace (like that story by F. Scott Fitzgerald! Anyone? Anyone?). But Scanner doesn’t just bring the news, they also ask the questions others are afraid to tackle, such as: How skinny is unf*ckable if you’re Jennifer Connolly? Tyra Banks vs. Jessie Spano, who’d you rather? Plus: The last supper turned hot gay orgy.

Over in Screengrab territory, we get a migraine-inducing preview of Oliver Stone’s Dubya biopic which, from the script snippets we’ve been handed, may as well be called Turdblossom and Friends; The Rep Report brings us the art house haps in three major cities; the DVD Digest gives us the skinny newly released flicks, from Munchausen to milkshakes; and finally, we get a look at Scarlett Johansson’s bone-crushingly literal album cover for her upcoming release (seriously, the only other option on the obviousness scale would be Tom Waits swaddled in a sheet.)

And lastly but not leastly, the Nerve Video Blog serves up bears playing hockey, the infamous pregnant man inviting the SNL cast to his baby shower (complete with pregnant stripper!), and an airline ad featuring hot buttered tits.

— Caitlin MacRae

In Other Blogs, 4.4.08: Friday WTF Edition

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:32:00 GMT

In addition to some Friday well-wishing that’ll take you way back to the glory days of Prince and his entourage (and deep into the dark subconscious of Scanner Nicole’s sleeping mind), Scanner brings us up to date with this week’s big gay news, including the gay naturist swimming hour, Chelsea Clinton courting the queermo constituency, E-harmony’s ludicrous bigotry, and a high school student suing for his right to be a bigot.

And as always (but especially today), Scanner brings up questions that burn hotter than a bad infection:
…Anime spooge sculptures?
Sonny Bono: was the skiing accident really a covert government assassination?
A bra made of raw bacon? We totally predicted this four days ago.
What’s better than Richard Simmons, Jimmy Kimmel, and the cowboy narrator of The Big Lebowski? (Answer: very little)
Ladies, how do you take your porn: gay, lesbian, or hetero?
Are we finally allowed to hate on Wong Kar-Wai?
And, finally, Bigfoot: benevolent myth or secret molester?

Over at the Video Blog, your cup of WTF runneth over. Between the heartbreaking tale of Permanent Nutface Gary, flying penguins, an elephant painting a self-portrait, and John McCain threatening an inquisitive youngster with the draft … well, sometimes the internets just leave us speechless.

And lastly but not leastly, today’s Screengrab offerings tops off your day in whatthef*ck, beginning with the trailer for the new Cameron Diaz-Ashton Kutcher vehicle, which might just be the film world’s fourth horseman of the apocalypse. (Seriously. Why is this allowed to happen?) Also: Have music documentaries finally gone too far? What about the seemingly endless spawning of musicals from films we actually liked once? Can the world be saved by the likes of the 48 Hour Film Project or….gasp… Wong Kar-Wai?

Tune in next week for more questions without answers!

— Caitlin MacRae

Someone DVR This: Pregnant Man on Oprah

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:50:00 GMT

It’s a situation countless women have dreamed about, but never thought possible…until today. Thomas Beatie, Scanner’s Dad of the Day, is carrying a child as a transgender man because his wife wasn't able to do so.

And today he’ll appear on Oprah. This should be good, because the older and richer Oprah’s gotten, the more she skips small talk with the common folk, and cuts to the chase with her questioning. (“Why are you still with him?” “Don’t you realize this all comes back to your own fears?” “What is this contraption called a ‘laundry machine’?”) What the hell will come out of her mouth? Guaranteed: nothing as interesting as what will be coming out of Thomas…

And for women who always wanted to piss standing up: Nintendo’s got something for you.

Oh yes, Scanner’s got more:

Joy: hacked Muppet video = best Rickroll ever.
Pain: The last days of Chris Farley.
M&M Gets Caught in the Act. Yeah. That act.
Scanner Emily looks cute in her cast, wedding ring.

Sex therapists like it quick and rough. (Well, they like it quick, at least. We can only guess about the roughness.) Do you agree?

And, we’re still in love with Dita Von Teese’s lesbian porn. That lady can make anything look classy!

Lindsay Lohan Redeems Herself, TMZ

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:27:00 GMT

I know, you wouldn’t have thought the latter was possible, would you have? But here she is, actually showing both a sense of humor, and humility…

Also on the Nerve Video Blog:
An elephant is a better artist than you: watch him paint a self-portrait.
The You’re Not My Father project: Full House’s far-reaching influence continues to be felt today.
Poodle exercises for humans: it’s as strange as it sounds.
The Leningrad Cowboys (neither from Leningrad, nor cowboys) team up with the Soviet Red Army Choice and kick ass with “Sweet Home Alabama.” As good as it sounds.
McCain to ballsy/obnoxious kid: “You’re Drafted!”
Marlon Brando improvises dialogue, while snacking, on the Apocalypse Now set.
And no, penguins can’t fly. But it’s fun to watch a fake video of them doing so.

In Other Blogs, 3.31.08: Monday News, Including “Nude Man, Charged with Having Sex with Table”

Nicole Ankowski — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:22:00 GMT

Remember the original Nintendo, and the awe that came along with the release of Mario 3, complete with the raccoon tail feature that enabled Mario to fly? Well even if you don’t, video blogger Oliver does, and over at the Nerve Video Blog you can get a flashback-taste of that raccoon tail, along with a disturbing clip of Grand Theft Auto IV, apparently, the new “raccoon tail” for children of today…

Meanwhile, Scanner Emily is reminding us of yet another technological advancement that makes today’s childhoods just a little more F’ed up than ours was: Facebook! How does everyone feel about the new “people you might know” feature? Well Emily has an opinion, and yes, it has everything to do with ex-boyfriend angst…

Also on Scanner: Group French kissing: recipe for the Herp? Probably, but that didn’t stop this chain of New Yorkers from trying to break the world record! Also, did you watch TV last night? Hopefully you caught Scanner’s latest Crush of The Week. Plus: Pedophile beard; the ten weirdest pizza toppings; and a man has been charged with having sex with a table. We have so many questions about this…

Over at Screengrab, it’s all gossip, gossip, gossip surrounding Oliver Stone’s developing biopic W. James Cromwell as George Bush Sr.? Jeffrey Wright as Colin Powell? Maybe yes, maybe no- one thing we do know that this little project is going to be one hell of a goodbye present for good ol’ Dubya come January… Also: who knew April 1^st wasn’t just for foolin’?; The Top Bleakest Movie Endings; and, Tintin Revealed (he’s a cutie)!

— Alexandra Godfrey

In Other Blogs, 3.28.08: Friday WTF Edition

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:22:00 GMT

They don't look fuzzy to us...

Okay, there is a huuuuge debate going on over at Scanner. Granted, the “huuuge” part of it might be in my mind, but there is a debate. And it raises the question: is Maggie Gyllenhaal sexy? (Or is Secretary the most over-rated “sexy” film of the past decade?) Scanner Brian opens this can of worms, while also bringing you the nastiest sex scenes ever. “Nasty” as in a scene which both “turns you on and repulses you at the same time.”

Also under debate: Hot or Not? Scarlett Johansson's Fuzzy Nipple. Yes, there are pictures. And video.

Plus: Tina Fey wants “Kristen” (a.k.a. Ashley Alexandra Dupre) to appear on 30 Rock. And after I volunteered my uterus for that woman…
Scanner Bryan’s hard-on threatens to smash his keyboard: Children of Men: The Television Series.
Today in Global Warming: 10 Fun Surprises.
Scanner Emily hates herself for loving Men in Trees. (We, too, have researched moving to Alaska…)
School’s out; students celebrate by having giant orgy in town square.
Then the kids went home to watch 80s cartoon moments that, back in the day, made us pee in our Ninja Turtle-footed pajamas.
It’s not just Southwest: TSA forces woman to remove her nipple rings. Yes, they used pliers.
Meet Rip Glitter, the most metal online product reviewer in history.
Kate from Lost! Before she was famous! Looking to meet singles just like you!
Dominatrix offers service discounts for Bear Stearns employees.
Miss Bimbo is just misunderstood.
Sacré Blue! French First Lady is all nekkid and shit.

The Screengrab brings us more news on the X-Files leaked trailer; also, the Deception’s trailer kind of freaks us out (Hugh Jackman? Ewan McGregor? Sex games? Michelle Williams in blood-red lipstick? WTF is going on?); Penn & Teller…get killed?; and, of course, the Ten Greatest Mentors in Movie History.

And the Nerve Video Blog also takes a look at some trailers, including The Onion Movie and Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Undead. Plus: fondue and major boobage; Wal-Mart; and one hilarious commercial that would never be aired in the United States…

In Other (Photo) Blogs: X-Ray Goggles and Y-Shaped Bums

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:03:00 GMT

Ever wish you had X-ray goggles when some hottie body sashays by you on the street? There could be different settings on the goggles for “totally naked” or “undies only” depending on your curiosity. Well, apparently Siege wishes for those goggles too, only he has an extra special setting on his: “knee socks only.” And it’s sexy. Don’t miss seeing Isabella via Siege’s own special X-ray vision… or her cute Y-shaped bum.

Autumn’s got us all hot n’ bothered as usual. Check out her latest, complete with blindfolds, garter belts, heels AND mud baths — oh my! One look at Jo’s mud slathered mid-section and I’m sold on the prospect of gettin’ dirty, just for the hell of it...

Brandonland, just as absurd as always, finds our photo friend in NYC once again, staying out until the wee small hours, allowing the energy of this place to kick his ass and coming home to play yet another rousing game of “Dick on the Face”, only this particular round is for the skin contact-shy player in all of us…

Chase, bathing in the turmoil of his driving artistic force and his own self-loathing, gives us his last sexy scene from his most favorite recent series. Check out the model in the wet see-through tank, a trippy photo with too many limbs to figure out and the most interesting tarantula I have ever seen. Here’s a hint: it’s made out of human body parts.

And over in Rose and Olive territory, we have our choice of enjoying the sun-splashed tile floor, the sexy Sunday morning shoe taker or the breezy bedroom with flower dappled sheets- complete with scantily clad Rose, exercising her right to stretch. The last one I’ll save for your own personal shock-value enjoyment, but let’s just say, Olive got kinky last night — and liked it.

— Alexandra Godfrey

In Other Blogs: The Modern Materialist Loves Calvin and Hobbes

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 22:28:00 GMT

Bill Watterson was the Charles Schulz of the millennial generation. His richly drawn, tragicomic Calvin and Hobbes wedged pathos into the fantasy world of a spiky haired 6-year-old boy and his stuffed tiger. Today, The Modern Materialist writer Alex Zalben waxes nostalgic on comic strips past. “Comic strips, on a whole, are disappearing, and I think a large part of that has to do with the end of The Far Side, and Calvin & Hobbes, which were like a one-two punch for the strip format,” he writes. For only 95 bones on Amazon.com, you can pony up for a print of the heartbreakingly sweet final Calvin and Hobbes strip.

Other goodies in The Modern Materialist grab bag:
The vaguely misogynistic Hillary Clinton nutcracker.
Kitschy throwback Zoltars from the Tom Hanks classic, Big.
Clunky felt tip slingback wedges from Franco Sarto .
And every nerd’s wet dream: a mailbox shaped like R2-D2.

-- Joey Hood

In Other Blogs, 3.26.08: Amy Winehouse's Facegate!

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 21:53:00 GMT

Today Scanner Emily bulldozes through heaps of dirt to bring us the latest goods on the Amy Winehouse Facegate drama. Apparently, British tabbie The Sun uncovered the less-than-flattering face shots. Says Emily, “We're not the type to kick people when they're down. Nor do we want to (publicly) pick at people's flaws. So you should know we feel really bad showing you this picture of Amy Winehouse.”

Speaking of the paps, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s recent Britney Spears skewering is too rich for words. We’re fine with mere mumbles.

Scanner Brian is convulsing through his “nerdgasm” as he polishes off sexy Simpsons avatars from the cast of Battlestar Galactica.

Meanwhile, FOX News staffers are convulsing with fits of a different breed. Their faux moral outrage sniff test of the satire Miss Bimbo Virtual Fashion Game has failed them yet again.

A mossback spoof of MTV’s fakality show The Hills is better than the actual show. But then again, it doesn’t take too much.

In douchebag news, Girls Gone Wild Joe Francis could be headed back to the chink.

Screengrab examines a New York magazine article on John Waters, which finds the cutting-edge auteur interested in fake rubber pies and books on Nazism; ponders whether Brad Pitt and Barack Obama were separated at birth; lambastes Entertainment Weekly’s umpteenth list, this on movie villains; and previews Kids director Harmony Korine’s new flick, Mister Lonely.

— Joey Hood

In Other Blogs, 3.21.08: Friday WTF Edition

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:22:00 GMT

well, she's kinda-sorta related to today's wtf

Today Scanner Brian has been lounging in his “family's outdoor hot tub on a lake in the Connecticut wilderness, armed with boxed wine, rifles, purified water, and four hundred-plus orgiastic packs of Canadian geese.” But he made sure to drag his laptop over to the tub and share the joy: check out Bottoms for Obama.

And we’ve got more: Alien sex. With pictures, yo.
Oh, Lindsay. Watch out for hidden cameras, girl!
Mick Jagger enlightens us to how performing onstage is like sex; but how reading a book is not at all like sex. Also: he’s skinny because he’s a “war child.” Not because he’s snorted Keith Richards’ dad.
Discover our addictive, mindless website of the Day: P.S. I'll Find My Frog.
Nerd porn perplexes, delights.
New advances in ways to exploit (er, merchandise?) Ashley Alexandra Dupre.
Do you really want to see Eva Longoria Parker nude? (How about Scarlett Johansson?)
Dave Grohl and Will Ferrell vs. a Japanese ten-year-old.
Ron Jeremy wants to destroy your YouPorn.
Paris Hilton finds the perfect hat to wear when visiting a South African orphanage.
Another intern scandal: why won’t New York learn from Bill Clinton’s mistakes?
The Onion goes full frontal. But is it as hot as Chuck Norris wearing “Chuck Norris Action Jeans”?
Science finally justifies Anna Nicole Smith’s marriage to J. Howard Marshall. For evolutionary reasons, yo.
An open letter to Iraq, from America.
And make sure to celebrate Pillow Fight 2008 tomorrow!

Screengrab examines when good directors go bad (Not Errol Morris and Lou Diamond Phillips! No!); wonders what the hell Tyler Perry is doing in panty hose; plays Truth or Dare with Ricky Gervais; and brings us the ten best (however you choose to define “best”) murderous duos in the movies…don’t’ go outside alone!

And the Nerve Video Blog discovers the most rad school project ever: a “war on terror” film made entirely from porno clips. Check it here. Also, James Franco teaches us how to emote. An internet life coach teaches us five simple ways to have better sex. We don’t really believe the Easter Bunny hates us. And see the best TV pilot that never saw the light of day.

In Other (Photo) Blogs, 3.20.08: “The Way I Like You Bent Over the Best”

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Over at The Daily Siege, we’re greeted with a serious-looking portrait of a Texan couple that doesn’t remind me at all of my family portraits, a raw and lovely new set with trans-model Brooke, and a gorgeous shot of electric tattoos accompanied by a diary entry about regressive propagandists and moral hazards.

The world of Brandonland is full of body bridges and naked handstands, and fears that he may be menstruating. He also treats us to some shots of himself taking a piss and then, inexplicably, trapped in an ice machine. All part of a day’s work, y’all.

Chase is full of meditations on having a St. Patrick’s birthday and a rare shot of a model with a smile; he also brings us some stunning reflections of a girl in the water transfixed by her own image like a bird at a mirror, and, even though it’s Thursday, here’s a shot of last week’s Pink Friday to help you gear up for the end of the week.

Still rocking the streets of São Paolo, Autumn takes us on a night out with Monica Mattos, Brazilian porn’s beautiful girl next door, beautifully lit naughty bits, and candid doorway shots of the empress, barely clothed. Also: love bruises, and the body submerged.

And deep in the heart of everything Rose + Olive continue to feed their love of 50s Playboy centerfold Marilyn Waltz, look at skin surfaces in natural light and the fruit of creation, and bring us a sweet series of red little knees – a body part that often gets overlooked in the realms of sexy.

— Caitlin M.

Chase discovers a very special T-shirt:

Autumn's friend Miss Erikitty gets a new outfit:

Rose and Olive play pin up:

Siege loves ladies, all the ladies:

And Brandon loves this:

In Other Blogs, 3.19.08: The End of the World As We Know It

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:58:00 GMT

What a whirlwind o’ activity in the bloggy netherlands. Here are some highlights from today:

Scanner Emily’s open letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre (let her write your book, girl!).
[see also: the Ashley Alexandra Dupre Girls Gone Wild video]
Scanner Brian hates himself for loving you, Slut Machine.
Amy Winehouse gets naked, for real, for a good cause.
We’re just waiting to see what charities Heather Mills, nee McCartney, will be endowing. Besides her own closet.
Recession special: what businesses can learn from porn (and maybe Burt Reynolds).
Name those gnarly celebrity toes (for once: not Britney Spears’!).
Michael Stipe: officially gay. (Me: officially mourning the end of my fifth-grade-era dream of one day becoming Mrs. Michael Stipe. It’s the end of the world as I know it.)
Hot or Not? Madonna’s Hard Candy.
Babeland Staff: The MacGyvers of dildos?
And (surprise?) W.H. Auden was one dirty mothersucker.

Screengrab brings us the Indie box-office roundup (Snow Angels takes flight); Regal Cinemas to allow trailers with fart jokes; we’re still mourning Anthony Minghella; is 10,000 B.C. director Roland Emmerich’s mom is his harshest critic?; and (yes! yes! yes!) the new Street Fighter movie has been cast.

And the Nerve Video Blog brings us a fabulous procrastination tool; “Braa! Braa! It's the Melon Song!” (don’t ask—just watch); video from Tibet; and the Army’s annual “Bring Your Daughter to War Day.”