Nerve Insider : Nicole Ankowski

Scanner's Stories of Love and Hate: A Pre-Valentine's Day Reading of Sorts

Nicole Ankowski — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 20:32:00 GMT

Scanner Emily (yes, the literary goddess/casserole maven who’s also venturing into burlesque) reminds us about tomorrow night’s fab reading:

Hey New Yorkers, don't forget to join your Scanner bloggers and special guests (see below) for a pre-Valentine's Day reading and after-party at Rififi Tuesday night.

Scanner's Stories of Love and Hate: A Pre-Valentine's Day Reading of Sorts
Featuring Nerve.com's Scanner Bloggers and Special Guests
Tuesday, February 12, 8 p.m.
Rififi, 332 East 11th Street, NYC
$5

Featuring Bobby Tisdale, Emily Farris, Will Doig, Sarah Hepola, Katie Halper, Bryan Christian, Brian Fairbanks and Nicole Ankowski. We promise chocolates, red hots and maybe you'll laugh so hard you'll pee your pants. Or cry. Or neither and then you can eat chocolate and scowl. Then stick around for the after party.

In Other (Photo) Blogs: Interns in Bikinis

Sarah — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:45:00 GMT

• Autumn shows us reasons why she loves working for one magazine in particular:
The meetings happen sitting on the floor, they don’t mind if we all drink beer at lunchtime, they let me run around on various attractive beaches after various attractive girls, and if all that wasn’t enough by itself they have a wicked hot staff of interns. Seriously, these interns might just kick Brandon’s intern’s butt…and wouldn’t that be nice to see? See the hot interns enjoying bikinis, piggy back rides, and each other.

• Siege shows us the dark side of parties (and himself), and the light and lovely sides of girls…well, more like fabulously sexy women. You’ll see how they connect here.

• Have you ever wondered what it would be like to attend a Chase photo shoot? Chase gives us fabulous video footage here; can you spot the hummingbird?

• Brandon hasn’t posted since our last Insider update, but we haven’t yet mentioned the cock in blackface. It looks little like Wilson the volleyball from Castaway.

• Rose + Olive play with words, and each other, showing off their best assets, and the bite marks on them. Also, see what beautiful things happen when adventurous flight attendants and tequila meet. If only we could be there...

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Gifts We Want

Sarah — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 23:00:00 GMT

[Image via cheap-chic-weddings.com]

In Other Blogs:

• Scanner knows what we want for Christmas: Flight of the Conchords DVDs; a wedding gown made out of toilet paper (easy to rip off, and recyclable the next morning); Heath Ledger ripping it off (choreographed dancing optional), and a levitating scooter we can ride! Hell’s yeah.

Of course, Scanner also reminds us to count our blessings that we don’t have: John Edwards’ love child; Lynne Spears as our mother; or Scanner Emily’s neighbors. Though, we do like to hear stories about them; God bless those thin Greenpoint walls!

Him: “I did your dishes.”
Her: “They're not my dishes; they're our dishes. But I'll take care of my spoon issues.”
Later that night (rather, two or three minutes later)...
Her: “I suck your dick. What more do you want from me?”
Him: “I lick your pussy and you don't even like it.”

• Screengrab proves that life imitates art: Fans of Mike Judge's Idiocracy will recall Brawndo, the thirst-mutilating energy drink that had replaced water in the film’s terrifying and idiot-overrun vision of the future. Well, if the marketing geniuses behind this thing have their way, you too will be able to mutilate your thirst. Just don’t water the crops with it, yo.

Also, check out the Holiday Trailer Round-up, Jerry Bruckheimer’s latest video game venture; and how the MPAA is protecting America.

• And the Nerve Video Blog ruminates on father, sons and Superman…plus, a mix-tape (video) masterpiece just for you.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other (Photo) Blogs: Bloggers use their words

Sarah — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:00:00 GMT

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but our photobloggers dig the written word, too. Here’s a delicious collection of what’s going on their varied, wild worlds...in their own words.

• Siege is “feeling ranty” today. So ranty, he made a list:

6. Ellen von Unwerth. Models-turned-photographers = snore. Squirting your schoolyard estrogen on Helmut Newton's style is not enough, even with a really cool eurotrash name.

7. Dreadlock hair extensions, especially of the multi-color variety. Often combined with "futuristic" black platform boots, goggles, and short plaid skirts. Stop it. We need to change the name of your festival to Boringman. I loved 1992 as much as the next guy. I subscribed to Mondo2000. But the future came and went and all we got was George Bush and iPhones. Move on.

• Autumn’s traveling the world. Meet her latest bunkmates:Those poor Belgians. We put them through so much. This is George and a suspecting Oliver and Jo, in the hotel in a city that has three streets (none of them paved). You wouldn’t get any sleep either, would you?

• Chase looks for meaning:At this single moment in time I only believe in two things: Dinosaur Jr. and the fact that there should be at least two more glasses of wine in every bottle.

• Rose + Olive break the rules:His only rule is that we stay out of his front yard naked, his driveway naked, his computer room naked (?) and his doorway naked. Oops.

• And Brandon talks tattoos:The tattoo on my stomach says “strength.” It’s something about a tiger and a dragon getting in a fight, to be totally precise, but the meaning is “strength.” For all I know it could actually say “I like to touch little boys.” I got it when I was 16. Nuff said.

See tattoos, Belgians, rule-breakers and more, right here. — Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Maggie Gyllenhaal vs Katie Holmes

Sarah — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 23:00:00 GMT

• Travel the circle of life with Scanner, sans any singing lions. The Scanner crew bring you the latest in sperm (ooh, science!) and birth (Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton celebrate the birth of their daughter, we can only imagine the Goth wonderland of the nursery), to marriage (Pam Anderson) and divorce (Pam Anderson), to passings (goodbye Dan Folgerberg: “Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens/ I've been in love with you.”)

Plus: Jessica Simpson may go nude to “save” her “acting career.” Tim McGraw may star in a movie with Jon Favreau. Mitt Romney gets a horse-face mask; his wife gets excited. The Spice Girls get armpit bulge. And a 22-year-old Canadian man gets an $83,000 cell phone bill after connecting his phone to his computer to use as a modem. We can only hope he also got some sweet-ass porn.

• Screengrab is in lurve with the new Batman Dark Knight trailer. We have to admit, Heath Ledger is looking pretty bad-ass. And our holy shit moment: Maggie Gyllenhaal is the love interest. She beats Katie Holmes, any day.

Also: Oliver Stone pisses off Iran. Phil Nugent takes a look at Slate’s “overlooked Christmas movies,” including Yogi's First Christmas ("A surprisingly touching ode to ursine innocence"), as well as Stalin’s love/hate affair with John Wayne. Though I think him sending the KGB to California to assassinate him veers firmly into the “hate” side of things…

• And Oliver over at the Nerve Video Blog learns that the Bible is weirder than animated viral video…and throws in his two, super-excited cents for the new Batman trailer. As well as Google and its spell-check function. Go “Gyllenhaal” go.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Political Finger Puppets!

Sarah — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 22:30:00 GMT

• Sure, Scanner’s bringing us the fabulous Holiday Gift Guide (hand-crocheted finger puppets of Hillary and Obama make perfect stocking stuffers), but they’ve got so many other gifts for you…

Check out the holiday guide to snogging at office parties; Scanner Emily’s advice for snogging to Led Zeppelin; UCLA students run through the night in their undies; and Britney’s new video will be premiere on…20/20? In other hard news, Scanner Emily reminds us that earlier this week Congress passed a resolution "recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith."

As Emily says, “While we realize both are important and we do love Christmas for all its Pagan glory, Congress is making it very hard for us to get into the spirit with all this Jesus talk.” What the hell ever happened to separation of church and state? Oh well, if we concentrate on the war on Christmas, maybe it’ll make that nasty Iraq war fade into the background…

• Screengrab brings us word that Die Hard director John McTiernan might direct a new Conan. John Singleton will direct the A-Team movie. And The Writers' Guild strike has now killed forty-seven of the fifty-two active scripted TV shows, according to Variety. Just give 'em the money!

• And the Nerve Video Blog dives into the Hollywood Sex Scene Database to find the “Top Five Artistic Sex Scenes.” Does A Clockwork Orange turn you on more than Wild at Heart? Or does Helena Bonham Carter kick the most (sexy) ass in Fight Club? Watch all five right here. You might find some artistic inspiration…

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Get Riskay

Sarah — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 23:15:00 GMT

• Scanner asks, “What’s that smell?” Why, it’s the smooth, sweet stylings of Riskay; here’s the chorus, typed out by yours truly:

Why you coming home, five in the morning?
Something’s going on, can I smell your dick?
Don’t play me like a fool, ’cause that ain’t cool,
So what you need to do is let me smell your dick…

It’s actually catchy, and yours to enjoy here.

Plus: Those frisky congressional pages are smelling it, too. This poor dog is not. And Demi Moore will help Punky Brewster give birth. Good Lord.

• Screengrab cringes at the rumor that Sex and the City is going to be a trilogy, brings us a zesty trailer round-up (Go, Speed Racer, go) and the latest on the WGA strike, and reveals what filmmaker John Frankenheimer did when he wasn’t trying to screw with Steve Martin’s love life.

• And Nerve Video Blogger Jessica returns (2 Girls 1 Cup scarred her for awhile…don’t Google it!), bringing us three versions of Soulja Boy videos; I like the Winnie the Pooh version best. Plus, we wonder what John Goodman is doing with that mustache, and that chimpanzee. Go, Speed Racer, go!
— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Harold and Kumar

Sarah — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 21:45:00 GMT

Oh sweet holy hell…the Harold and Kumar trailer is out! Yes, I studied feminist revisionist history, and yes, I love me some Harold, Kumar, and great golden god Neil Patrick Harris. Screengrab brings us the trailer; happy Friday, everybody.

Scanner gets a first peek at the Sex and the City trailer…much more amusing: class act 50 Cent postpones snorting coke to speak to Croatian journalists…Plus the Scanner crew gets excited over vintage Tom Selleck, naked Eva Mendes, and drunk-ass Santas. Wonder what gifts they’ll be carrying?

And the Nerve Video Blog gets down and dirty with James Spader, as part of our new Hollywood Sex Scene Database. When is the Spader more delicious: when he’s bedding Susan Sarandon, using an ice cube on a relatively unknown Charlize Theron, or giving the world their first glimpse of the great Maggie Gyllenhaal’s breasts? You might have to watch a few times to decide.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other (Photo) Blogs: Pretty Girls

Sarah — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 23:15:00 GMT

• If there’s a cold wind blowing down your collar or up your dress, if you’re surrounded by snow and ice (literal or metaphorical), Autumn can take you away from it all. She’s on a birthday soulquest/Amazon boat trip, and she’s meeting some fascinating, beautiful creatures along the way. Thank goodness she has her camera and computer, even if sparks fly from the outlet when she plugs in her laptop.

Check out her travel pics here; they make all kinds of sparks fly.

• Siege discovers a lovely web, no spiders involved…and opens up about early childhood hurts, and the various ways people can heal…like by knowing and loving other good souls. See the beauty and healing that is KT.

• Chase also revisits the dark periods in his life…and gives us other beautiful things to look at.

• Rose + Olive show us how the very prettiest girls party…and don some pretty party hats themselves. They also party in their friend’s house (while he’s not home), and bring some pretty boys home to bed. In fact, in contrast to their usual, lovely estrogen-enhanced photos, the girls get a little XY…and a little XXX.

• Speaking of XY and XXX, Brandon made some new friends over the weekend. The hot sort of friends who let you take pictures of them cavorting in their general hot naked splendor. Also, meet the love of his life. We love her tattoos…we bet you will, too.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Snoop makes us swoon

Sarah — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 23:15:00 GMT

• Scanner blows our effing minds with Snoop Dogg’s latest, “Sensual Seduction.” It’s not so much the crazy seventies-meets-Prince vibe. It’s not the circular bed flying through the galaxy. It’s not Snoop Dogg’s hair (though that’s part of it). It’s Snoop Dogg being a proponent of the ladies coming first, if you know what I mean. He’s not going to rush the strokes, oh no no no. It’s so smooth you can practically picture Britney Spears being inseminated with her third child to this jam…thankfully, we don’t have pictures of that. But we do have video of Brit-Brit a tad tipsy, along with ten other celebs at their poignantly drunkest. Also, Spirit Airlines promotes M.I.L.F., Amy Winehouse may be in more trouble than Britney Spears, and Adbusters has your holiday card picked out for you.

• Those Screengrab kids are pretty genius when it comes to making lists. The Ten Greatest Prosthetics in Movie History? What more is there to say, except check out Part 1 right here. Also: John C. Reilly fans, prepare yourselves: the dude’s going on tour with his band, to promote his Judd Apatow-produced, starring vehicle, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. And check out the latest in the WGA strike, and writer/actress/funnywoman Mindy Kaling’s take on those utterly annoying movie theater PSA ads that compare pirating a film to stealing a car:

You know what? I would steal a car, if it was as easy as, like, touching the car, and then thirty seconds later, I owned the car. . . and if, by stealing the car, the person who owned the car, they got to keep the car.

• And the Nerve Video Blog answers the question: what happens when you take one over-extended law student and force him to blog about videos in the midst of his final exams? Answer: pretty funny stuff. Check out blogger Oliver’s picks of the day, featuring Darth Vader, Darth Vader, more Star Wars, and some really hot French chick singing Madonna covers. I can’t wait for the Bar exam… — Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: The Nerve Video Blog Wears Gold Spandex

Sarah — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 23:00:00 GMT

• Scanner brings us the bizarre, the beautiful, and the Chuck Norris. Starting with the bizarre, we’ve got the latest in Britney Spears propaganda (she wants you to make her next video!); “The Bizarre, Obscene, and Disturbing Hidden Images in Leonardo da Vinci’s Sacred Art” as well as the incredibly long headlines in Italian newspapers; and the real reason R. Kelly’s publicist quit. No, not because he dates teenage girls. Because he was dating her teenage girl.

Onto the beautiful…Funny or Die imagines a world where the Writer’s Strike forces actual actors to perform scenes from reality TV. See a scene from The Hills, James Franco- and Mila Kunis-style. And somewhere between bizarre and beautiful: Kansas State’s Bill Walker takes a piss in a towel, mid-game. All the world’s his urinal…

And the truth about Chuck Norris is revealed. A sample: Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. But he has done things to cobras and vaginas we mere mortals can only dream about…

• In honor of director Julian Schnabel, who's caused quite a stir in France with his latest, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Screengrab decides to take five…as in, the top five films that deal with the betrayal of the body as a theme. Can the human form become a cage for the soul? You know, just a nice light thought to start out the weekend.

If you can’t handle that, I’m afraid to tell you about the YouTube Fight Club, and that Edward Norton is trying (again) for comedy; he’ll be directing himself, playing twins who get in trouble with “murderous potheads.” Yep, funny!

• And the Nerve Video Blog celebrates the return of Futurama, as well as large lady rappers who like gold spandex jumpers and the DQ. “How We Go Out” is the perfect jam for Friday night pre-parties; I bet even murderous potheads will like it, too. And this is how we go out…

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other (Photo) Blogs: Naked Models Will Cure What Ails You

Sarah — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 22:00:00 GMT

• Siege has been busy, building a new dreampod (where we’re sure some dreamy photo shoots will take place). Lucky for us, he’s putting his models to work: when they’re not moving heavy furniture, they’re posing pretty. Nice red light district, Siege.

• Chase goes retro, and you’ll be glad he did. He spends some time trying to recreate 1983, and “the late 70s porno magazines found in bushes and the woods.” Also, check out the lovely Pony, and the senior portrait she never had. She sure as hell has one now.

• Brandon visits the City of Lights, and sets up a 3D photo installation. Once you see the outtakes, you’ll wish you could fly to Paris and see it in 3D, too.

• Rose + Olive find that after a hard night of bartending, nothing cures your aches and pains like taking a long, hot shower…especially with a pretty stranger.

• Autumn gives us an insider’s look at fashion shoots…see how she risks her ass for fashion, literally. Plus, you’ll want to meet Autumn’s new friend, Patricia:

She’s writing a book on Brazilian Hip-Hop. Half of her vocabulary consists of dirty words. She likes to walk around bad neighborhoods and make friends with the drug lords and the heads of the evangelical Hell’s Angels. Regardless of all of that, she dresses like a Madison Avenue Princess. She wears these sort of frilly pastel dresses and kitten heels.

Check out the tiger in kitten heels, here.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Good-Bye Scanner Sarah!

Sarah — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:00:00 GMT

• Oh how we’ll miss her: Scanner Sarah says so long, and thanks for all the lube. (She also says “Xanadu.”) The romantic journey continues for others, however, including Heidi Klum, who plays with her boobs, cougars in Kenya, who wanna get laid and the Audrey Underwear company in Taizhong City, Taiwan, which declared November 21 “Camisole Day,” and encouraged all 500 women working in the firm’s headquarters to wear only their undies to work.

"We have been waiting for this day all month. Today, we are super high, and don't know where to put our eyes," salesman Cai Mingda told Straits News. As Scanner Bryan says: Thus did "super high" become our new favorite way to say "fully erect."

• Screengrab brings us the morning deal report: Brad Pitt flies outta Edward Norton’s coop; the director of The U.S. vs. John Lennon is working on a new documentary about Michael Hutchence of INXS; and just what you’ve been waiting for…a new movie called The 13^th Disciple. It’s about…yes…Jesus’ evil twin. I feel a Halloween costume coming on… Plus: Chuck Norris gets political, crazy.

• And the Nerve Video Blog brings you the secret of rock-star sexiness from rock star-turned motivational speaker Andrew W.K. Hint: Norman Mailer would approve; your mother would not. Plus, the origins of the terms “420.” Is Bob Barker in on it, or not?

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Blondes vs. Brunettes

Sarah — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 23:30:00 GMT

• While Scanner doesn’t prove that blondes have more fun, they do discover that men act dumber around fair-haired women. Go figure. In other (smart) blond news: Kyla Ebbert, the miniskirt-clad woman hassled on a Southwest Airlines flight because of her outfit, has moved on from the Today Show…and straight into the pages of Playboy. And all I ever get when I fly is free headphones.

In brunette news: Natalie Portman won’t marry until gay marriage is legal. (I love me some brunettes; not that I’m biased or anything.) Also, Harvard squanders money, brainpower studying HotorNot.com, Lindsay Lohan serves hard time, and Scanner asks: “Where the hell is Hannah Montana, and why does it cost so much to get there?”

• Screengrab makes me all weepy and warm and excited with their Trailer Roundup (okay, okay, it was just the music and precious-moments-in-time from The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, above; Hillary Swank and Hayden Christensen kinda just made me want to weep.)

Also: The latest from the WGA picket lines, Warner Bros. and the Harry Potter empire desperately race against their teen actors’ aging process,Donald Sutherland was cool, is cool, and Bruce Willis is still around.

• And the Nerve Video Blog gets all weepy with puppies and marriage, and men who marry puppies. No word yet on what Natalie Portman thinks of that.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other (Photo) Blogs: Siege undresses Ryan Pfluger

Sarah — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 22:40:00 GMT

• Is it a Siege first? Usually Siege likes to undress the pretty ladies. Today, he undresses a very pretty boy. He even provides the soundtrack…I’m not sure which I like better, model Ryan’s tattoos, or his Joe Boxer flair. Also: see what kind of gardening Siege does on weekends….

• Chase plays with sheer stockings and shiny high-heels, and asks readers for help…

• Brandon is interviewed by Suburban Refugee, and his own suburban refugee finds a quiet place to go swimming. In the nude, of course.

• Rose + Olive take a deep breath…and show us pics from a Friday night strip session on an empty road. True story: they got caught, twice.

• Autumn introduces us to her dear friend Andy from the Black Forest. If you live near the Upper East Side and like a good man and a good spaetzle, check Andy out. Autumn wants to find him a girlfriend…And today Autumn gives us a self-portrait with a porn star. She writes:

Note to self: if you're going to a porn set, and you are not the talent, it is not in your best interests to show up in a short skirt and a bikini.

Words to live by!

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Spam Art

Sarah — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 22:30:00 GMT

• Screengrab celebrates Guy Fawkes day by lauding movies that stick it to the man. Film crit turns vicious when one critic says death to mumblecore; maybe the genre doesn't compete with "the French New Wave or the postwar American avant-garde." But, ya know, what does?

Further mumbling about the upcoming G.I. Joe film caused Hasbro to issue a ‘clarification’ statement to fans, stating: “The G.I. Joe team will not be based in Brussels.” Also, the New York Times reveals that while filming The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger kept a “Joker diary” containing, among other things, a list of things Ledger believes the supervillain would find amusing. Like AIDS.

And Winona Ryder has signed on to join the cast for the upcoming JJ Abrams' Star Trek feature, playing Spock’s mom. No word yet on what she finds amusing.

• Scanner brings us mug shots extraordinaire: Mickey Rourke (and his complexion) have apparently gone to hell, though David Bowie’s 70s mug shot is slick bliss. Scanner would share a cell with him, any day. Also: a mom accidentally sends her son a stripper-gram (spanking in the classroom is definitely involved), lingerie meets conservation (and dinner!) with the chopstick bra and finally, someone has turned spam subject lines into art. (But no one has yet explained to me what "cat dick" means.) And which 80s Jennifer would you rather rip the leg warmers off of: Grey, Jason Leigh, or Beals?

• The Nerve Video Blog shows that the Foo Fighters have a sense of humor, as well as giant fake 70s mustaches. But do they rawk ’em? Also, Mel from Flight of the Conchords gets silly, the Coen brothers get scary, and Hillary Clinton gets in trouble with waitresses. People: tell your interns to leave at least twenty percent.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Brit Brit + Kim Kim

Sarah — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:30:00 GMT

• Scanner helps you get started on your holiday shopping: place your orders now for the new Ghostface Killa doll. Nothing says “I love you, Ma” like a little Wu Tang. As for those Aqua Dots you bought? You might want to return ’em, unless Grandma likes GHB-laced crafts.

We’re not sure which is more shocking: that Britney Spears wants to make sweet, sweet love to Kim Kardashian (and her ass) or that Kim’s ex-boyfriend/ex-porno partner Ray J. is Moesha’s brother. Or, that I know who all of these people are.

Puppies behind bars made Scanner Sarah cry. (But hey—what else is new?) And those eight-year-old twins who invented wedgie-proof boxers will be on “Ellen” tomorrow. Set yore TiVo.

• Screengrab explains why writers strike (you mean they want to get paid?). Valerie Plame goes to Hollywood, with Kate Beckinsale taking on the Judith Miller role (hopefully she’ll keep her leather pants from Underworld). Plus: the Top 12 Real Bodily Transformations on Film; watch DeNiro, D’Onofrio, Mariel Hemingway and more do ridiculous things to their body.

• And the Nerve Video Blog curses up a storm with The State. Plus, Celine Dion proves that insanely wealthy insane French-Canadians have senses of humor, too. Watching her sing “Who Let the Dogs Out” is much more amusing than expected. Woo, woo woo.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Sexual Positions for the Lonely

Sarah — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 23:00:00 GMT

Nerve brings you Positions of the Day; Scanner brings you Positions of the Day for the lonely and loveless (not that there’s anything wrong with watching a Golden Girls marathon). The Scanner crew also asks the deep questions, like who would you rather: Winona Ryder or Janeane Garofalo? And would you ever…Benicio del Toro? Plus: candid wedding photos (note to brides: lock the toilet stall)…and yes, you can take David Hasselhoff to the gym. For only $39.95.

• Screengrab proves that Hollywood loves a remake, that everything is funnier with “Yackety Sax” played as background music, and, from an interview with a former co-worker, that Stanley Kubrick was just a wee bit eccentric:

"His [Kubrick's] laser-like eyes locked mine: 'Why doesn't Pauline Kael like my movie?' My mind raced. I had been nervous enough rehearsing what to say. . . My answer had to meet his challenge. Perhaps a minute elapsed. Triggered by a survival instinct from some deep memory recess, I countered, 'She thought The Bible was the best movie of the year.' Our eyes didn't move but his body shifted slightly. It was my acknowledgment."

Oh, we also learned that Jay-Z…acts?

• The Nerve Video Blog learns that kittens will maul you in a second if you try to steal their chicken McNuggets…but they’re still cute. Plus, Joe Strummer was the best part of John From Cincinnati, Oliver introduces the Hanukkah Bird, some truly painful grape-stomping, and Japanese game shows bring us speed-eater Kobayashi versus an actual, live bear in a hot-dog eating contest. As the announcers said:

“You see, he’ll look away and take a break. He doesn’t know it’s a competition. He’s just a natural eating machine.” After that, “44 little people” take on an elephant. This is all just fodder for I Love New York 3, isn’t it?

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other (Photo) Blogs: Nov. 5

Sarah — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 23:00:00 GMT

What do photobloggers do on weekends? Do they really live wild lives, filled with naked friends, frisky strippers, flexible ballerinas, an appreciation for the beauty of life, and…Storm Troopers?

Well, yes. Yes they do.

• Brandon started with weekend wondering why no one commented on his work. The people responded with much love, support, and demands for more naked interns.

Brandon takes feedback wonderfully, so over the weekend we got to see pics from his Halloween raging (love the Storm Trooper outfit, and the after-shots/after-sex face, Brandon). He also answered questions from the audience, including the gay/straight/bi question, as well as what happened to his naked intern?

• Siege continues to make good use of his new home, including the outdoor space and the lovely skylight. He spent Friday becoming better acquainted with, well, breasts…and a lovely lass (and ass) on a seal-skin rug. He also gives us new pictures of Lambchop and KT; proving once more that Siege’s family portraits are like no others.

• Autumn spent six hours in a car on Friday, but she made damn good use of that time. If you like legs, toes and feet (and playful biting), check out her pics here. Sunday was devoted to some heavenly strippers. As Autumn writes:

It’s hard for me to explain the affection I have for strippers and pole dancers and go-go boys. …I love how they have tattoos of their children’s names, ex-lovers names, those stupid paw prints above their pussies and red and blue stars on inside of their wrists. There´s so much to love. Too much, even.

Share her love here.

• Chase saw Morrissey—multiple times—over the weekend, as well as got excited about knee socks and shared “some pictures that I think Darth Vader would keep in his sock drawer for his special ‘alone time,’ you know?”

• And Rose and Olive were busy, busy girls. On Friday they had party in a bubble bath, got dressed for an actual party…and then took it all off again. Not sure how the naked German fits in with all of this, but we’re glad he made an appearance. Saturday brought the incredible, flexible ballerina…need we say more?

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Best of the week

Sarah — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:30:00 GMT

Sure it was Halloween…but forget werewolves and “sexy mustard” costumes. Those other blogs brought the truly terrifying this week. Here’s the best of the week, the perfect Friday afternoon treat:

• Scanner shattered our dreams by revealing that execs are casting for Heidi Montag’s and Spencer Pratt’s wedding? You mean…The Hills is staged, and Heidi’s boobs aren’t real? Will the horrors ever cease?

Also terrifying: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes might spawn again…peanut butter crystal meth…Scotland will not let you have sex with your bicycle…and the Times brings us the linguistic history of “vajayjay.” They’re bringing sexy back.

Thank your lone stars that there was some good new this week, like a former Texas cop telling us where to hide our weed (I mean, our friends’ weed), and how to avoid arrest. Scanner nominates Woody Harrelson to play the lead in Spike original made-for-TV movie.

• Screengrab scared us at first glance, with the title of their new feature, Face/Off. Thankfully, it didn’t involve John Travolta lovingly trailing his fingers over anyone’s eyes and lips. It was actually the debut of a regular Screengrab feature, in which two writers debate a specific moment in a great film. In this case, Breaking the Waves.

Plus: John Cusack loves aliens…Steven Seagal is a badass of cinema…a goodbye to Robert Goulet…Meryl Streep to play Julia Childs…and rumors of an X-Files movie sequel. More alien love, we hope.

• And the Nerve Video Blog brought a horrifying vision of the future: what will happen when Kim Kardashian’s little sisters grow up. Plus, Natalie Portman plays with swords and yen (and hair extensions)…the Hot/Crazy scale of dating…the sad phenomenon of puppets with STDs…and pothead vampires. Hopefully they’ll make that Woody Harrelson movie real soon.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Halloween on Scanner, Screengrab and The Nerve Video Blog

Sarah — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:00:00 GMT

How do those other Nerve bloggers celebrate Halloween? Strangely, it’s not too different from every other day around here…

• Tired of all the Thriller videos out there? (Even the Filipino prisoners have moved on to the mambo.) Scanner’s moved on to Hot Blood’s 1977 freak-out Soul Dracula. Yes, Scanner Bryan, it is “a steaming bowl of awesome.”

Also: Do not eat the peanut butter crystal meth! Do buy Scanner the Freddie Mercury doll. And Contest of the Day: who’s the hottest Hollywood horror victim? If you take a stab at it (mwa-ha-ha), you might win a very special prize.

• Speaking of horror films, Screengrab applauds and is astounded by Noel Murray’s Year-By-Year with Friday the 13^th. If you ever wanted to know, for example, that “1984's Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter dates itself with "a hospital orderly [who] watches a jazzercise video” or that by 1986, "the boys look like Bruce Springsteen and the girls look like either Madonna or Lisa Bonet” then check out this Jasonology.

Also, get to know “That Gal!” Linda Hunt; she may have won her Academy Award for playing a man, but she’s one hell of a woman. And if cross-dressing isn’t Halloween-y enough for ya, check out Aliens versus Predators…in a sporting goods department.

• The Nerve Video Blog celebrates Halloween with multiple versions of Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin: which is better, the original or the re-dub (best line: “sit your bony ass down”)?

Also, dancing with Ghoul-a-Go-Go, linguistic lessons (literally) with a sexy European schoolmarm and home videos featuring exploding pumpkins. Best line? “Dad, you’re on fire.”

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Pumpkin Porn

Sarah — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 21:29:00 GMT

• Today Scanner asks the important questions…Like, is Tila Tequila actually a petite, busty robot? Can you be a God-fearing Christian and still get your rocks off at a cuddle party? If Leonardo DiCaprio was a virgin at 17, why the hell didn’t he answer Scanner Sarah’s fan mail? But, most importantly, what kind of porno pumpkin are you carving for Halloween?

• Screengrab brings us Movies We Missed featuring My Life Without Me, starring Mark Ruffalo, Sarah Polley, and with Pedro Almodovar as the film’s “presenter?” If only we hadn’t been so busy composing fan mail to Leo…Also: sexy vampires, and Seagalogy: A Life in Badass Cinema. Yes, it’s about Steven Seagal.

• The Nerve Video Blog gets just a tiny little bit excited that G.I. Joe is coming to the big screen. Plus: puppet rape (It’s not funny! Or, is it?)…Mexican synth-pop…Owen Wilson…the crazy Kardashian clan…and the most insane touchdown in Division 3 college football history. Not quite as badass as Steven Seagal, but definitely as badass as porno pumpkins.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: YouPorn Lives!

Sarah — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 21:45:00 GMT

• Scanner stands up for the little people…or at least, the little people who get fined for using their breasts to crush beer cans. Kind of gives titty-fucking a whole new twist…

Scanner also brings us Porno hankies…sluts who are trying to steal Halloween (but are they pirate-sluts or nurse-sluts?)…YouPorn versus the government (poorly-lit home movies of blow jobs WIN!)…And an IT-geek/bear-about-town’s tale of a Larry Craig sexcapade. Sex with Craig might have been “clumsy and unremarkable,” but apparently you get twenty bucks out of the deal. Oh, and the memories.

• Screebgrab’s Peter Smith tells us that someone is paying John Travolta way too much, and Ed Burns way too little: Ed Burns’ new movie will be released on iTunes.

Plus, Part 3 of the “Top Thirteen Greatest Fictional Movie Presidents Ever.” Hail to the Chiefs. And good news for those who can’t get enough of Underworld, or Kate Beckinsale’s leather-clad ass: There’s another Underworld coming soon. As Peter says, “Apparently for the first time we'll experience the Underworld universe through the eyes of the Lycans. I feel a little more complete inside.” Us too, Peter. Us too.

• And the Nerve Video Blog brings you a whole bunch of hot chicks living together, and having their lives taped! This week: the girls are videotaped as they watch…old videotapes of themselves.

Money quote (and shot?): “I’m really happy that we videotaped ourselves in college running around in bikinis and hooking up and having fun because one day we’re going to be old and crusty and we can show that to our grandchildren, and they’ll know that we were hot.” Amazingly, this was not Britney Spears talking.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: James Lipton was once a p-i-m-p

Sarah — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:25:00 GMT

Are we all connected, like my college stoner friends used to say after reading up on quantum physics? Seems so. Those crazy kids at Scanner prove it, by playing their own version of six degrees of separation...

• See what The Bachelor has in common with a zombie sex guide. Tip: It’s like the most emotional tips for zombie S&M evah! Also: what do James Lipton and Huggy Bear have in common? You will never freakin’ guess. As Lipton says:

“This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit... I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, `Look, you'll be my mec... We would translate it perhaps... as pimp.

"We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say."

Seriously. Lipton was pimpin’.

• Screengrab also blows our minds, bringing us in interview with Canadian maverick direcor David Cronenberg. Apparently he almost helmed Basic Instinct 2, but he script was rejected for being “too interesting.” Where would Sharon Stone be now if he had? Oh, the humanity. Also up: American Gangsters, the Son of Dracula, and that hot chick from Transformers is set to play a cheerleader who kills boys due to demonic possession. It’s a comedy, yo.

• And the Nerve Video Blog brings us some very special public service announcements…Please, eat your crackers responsibly.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other (Photo) Blogs: What Happens in the Dreampod Stays in the Dreampod

Sarah — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:00:00 GMT

• Just like the seasons, photo-artist Siege embraces change. This week he dismantled his Dreampod. (What’s a Dreampod, you wonder, and where can you get one? As Grant Stoddard described it, “With some colored gels, a few cameras and a harem of female friends, he created what he calls a ‘dreampod’ in his bedroom, a comfortable space where Siege and his friends are free to express themselves sexually and artistically.”) Siege found the letting go freeing, though as a good-bye he invites us to look back at some of the deliciousness that came from the pod. Apparently deliciousness comes in both hot and cold varieties.

After looking at these pics, you may feel like Stoddard did: “I alternate between thinking, ‘These are some of the coolest images I've seen’ and ‘I'll never be able to walk around Williamsburg again, knowing that above some Polish bakery, Siege or someone like him is getting away with murder.’

• Autumn invites us to meet her lovely, freckled friend Luiza…the two girls play in the sheets and get to know Dolly Parton.

• Brandon still has his intern wandering around naked, though he’s also contemplating if he should add more ladies to his portfolio. Brandon says he can’t help the plethora of peni, since he just has “more dude-friends than chick-friends.” Brandon, we’re okay with that. So okay with that.

• Chase examines nuns and his version of a burning bush…

• And Rose + Olive find multiple ways to explore one beautiful woman…slow, sensual, and a great way to end the late afternoon.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Ann Coulter's Penis

Sarah — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 22:00:00 GMT

What a day, what a day in those other blogs…Scanner gets its video on, featuring Brazilian artists, condoms, and the hilarious (fake) ad for the “Sexy Costume Warehouse”… I now want to be “Sexy Mustard” for Halloween!

• Scanner also gives you the scoop on NYC open casting for Michael Cera’s new movie; the new Wonder Woman movie; Ann Coulter’s penis; and what happens when sex-toy companies send the Scanner ladies free sex toys (blog entry title: Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina).

• Screengrab tells us who That Guy is (hint: he drove Cameron’s dad’s car in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)…that Wristcutters: A Love Story rocks almost as much as Gogol Bordello….and that Brian De Palma doesn’t want his film Redacted redacted.

• The Nerve Video Blog explores what tiny penises and Australian men who speed have in common…the joys of 1970s sex…the cheesiness that was Hellraiser’s Pinhead (and take votes the new Pinhead role in Dimension’s upcoming remake; Dane Cook, anyone?). Oh yes, and Stephen Colbert’s running for president. Of South Carolina.

Get your sexy mustard on.

– Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Scanner and Screengrab Get All 2.0 on Us

Sarah — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 22:00:00 GMT

Screengrab gets a makeover, reports that Jake Gyllenhaal will be going to the moon, and that there’s a la-la-land race to get a Pablo Escobar biopic on the big screen. Yep, Oliver Stone’s involved…but isn’t this really Ari Gold’s deal? Plus a bunch of other stuff that we…ah…can’t remember now because Screengrab put up the hottest pic of Jake Gyllenhaal, like, ever. We’re usually fans of his sister…but the wet-shirt look does him good.

Scanner’s new look is also super-fly, but the ladies aren’t wasting any time admiring their hotness. They deliver some delicious treats, among them: your chance to win a bacon wallet (seriously), the only way a porn star can end her career, hot Mormons, and some of the best (i.e. incomprehensible) Bob Dylan interviews of all time. For instance, here’s Bob discussing his career in a 1966 Playboy interview:

The next thing I know I'm in Omaha. It's so cold there, by this time I'm robbing my own bicycles and frying my own fish. I stumble onto some luck and get a job as a carburetor out at the hot-rod races every Thursday night. I move in with a high school teacher who also does a little plumbing on the side, who ain't much to look at, but who's built a special kind of refrigerator that can turn newspaper into lettuce. Everything's going good until that delivery boy shows up and tries to knife me. Needless to say, he burned the house down, and I hit the road. The first guy that picked me up asked me if I wanted to be a star. What could I say?

And the Nerve Video Blog fantasizes about the Orgasalarm, demands the return of Underoos, and gets a sneak peak at former America’s Next Top Model contestant Lisa D’Amato’s new music video. Hot, raw and insane, just like Lisa. Watch out: she’ll pencil-whip you in the ass. -- Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Japanese Voyeurs and Dr. Anal

Sarah — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 21:45:00 GMT

It’s another glorious day in the Nerve blogosphere, wherein neither Dr. Anal nor the Baldwin brothers will go away…

• Scanner peeks at the crazy photographs of Kohei Yoshiyuki. Back in the 1970s young lovers flocked to Tokyo’s public parks to get some nighttime nooky. The voyeurs followed. The young lovers didn’t see the voyeurs…and the voyeurs didn’t see Yoshiyuki’s infrared camera. Just what we like: a highbrow retrospective of people rolling in the grass. If that’s still too damn cultural, check out: Dr. Anal, spray-on condoms, and Billy Baldwin’s tranny love.

• Screengrab reports on the Luis Buñuel Blogathon – he was a filmmaker who “used the cinema to explore these areas and took special delight in society’s inexorable draw to the seven deadly sins.” Sounds right up our alley. If you’re more in the mood for some fake convicts freestyling, however, check out the clip from 1986’s Knights of the City. See if you can spot the not-so-fat Fat Boys.

• And the Nerve Video Blog examines Iron Men, robot sex, cheesy Lifetime movies and a young Terri Hatcher’s breasts. No surprise: another Baldwin is involved!

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: Brandon Takes off His Pants

Sarah — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 23:00:00 GMT

Speaking of blowjobs and fear: one of my most outrageous and sexually adventurous friends won’t go down on a guy. It’s all Bruce Willis’ fault. She saw Look Who’s Talking as a young girl, and ever since then can’t do the deed without picturing wriggling (and voice-overed) sperm trapped in her gum line. Amusing for everyone, except her boyfriend….

Who isn’t afraid to go down? Our Nerve photobloggers. Here’s a round-up of today’s naked, wet and wonderful pics. Beware browsing at work…

• Autumn takes us to Brazil and gets us wet: today she features her friend Luiza cavorting naked on a beach, after a monsoon. You’ll want to meet Luiza, and all of Autumn’s friends:

This is what Erica wears to the grocery store at three in the morning when she runs out of champagne. (What you aren't seeing, a bit further down in the photo: her knee-high patent leather boots, a half-dozen bottles of champagne on the ground, a pint of really good tiramisu ice cream.)

• Siege explores things wet…and dry.

• Brandon just couldn’t stay away from New York city…or keep his pants on. We’re okay with that.

• Chase finds a girl who definitely can keep her hands to herself…As he says:
It's X-rated week here on "chase blog.”

• Rose + Olive find an incredibly flexible temptress. Is she an angel, devil, or fallen cheerleader? All the ladies have to say is: Good things happen when you follow your waitress home.

— Nicole Ankowski

In Other Blogs: The Rock gets a special invitation to Nerve's next cuddle party

Sarah — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:56:00 GMT

Ah, the wonderful world of those other Nerve blogs: the passion, the drama, the hand-knitted pillows-slash-impromptu sex swings.

Here are a few sparkling jewels from today’s posts:

● In preparation for October 5th’s “Super Massive Cuddle Party,” Scanner brings us formal etiquette for polyamorous carousing. Off the top off the list:

1. Please do not give birth in the hot tub. The only reason I say as much is because at my last cuddle party, a woman gave "natural" birth to a set of twins in the hot tub.

2. I'd appreciate it if you didn't use my grandmother's hand-knitted pillows as an impromptu sex swing. I only bring this up because at my last cuddle party, a man by the name of "Mr. Pump" (nickname?) used my grandmother's knitted pillows as an impromptu sex swing.

● Screengrab brings us the top 15 “All Time Worst Athletes-Turned Actors.” Oh yes, they are clips. Though we can’t be too hard on The Rock: my sister-in-law tried to arm wrestle him once at a Mexican restaurant. He was nice to her drunk ass, though his hot female Asian bodyguards weren’t….who does he think he is, Prince?

● And the Nerve Video Blog gets all hot and bothered: See a student get tasered for questioning John Kerry. See Mos Def enlighten Bill Maher and others on the Jena 6…and Bigfoot. We’d go Sasquatch hunting with him anytime…

-- Nicole Ankowski