The Modern Materialist : sexy

Je M'appelle Sexy

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:12:00 GMT

Taking French lessons is already pretty sexy on its own. But combine learning French with this suggestive lingerie, and you'll be fluent in no time. The Aime-moi panties pictured above translate to "Love Me," and that's about as PG as this underwear comes:

[$65, Kiki de Montparnasse]

Fesse-moi = Spank me

[$65, Kiki de Montparnasse]

Attache-moi = Tie me up

[$65, Kiki de Montparnasse]

Mange-moi = Eat me

[$65, Kiki de Montparnasse]

Baise-moi = F**k me

Can't decide on just one pair? Get a set of all five designs for $295. Truly, learning a language has never been so much fun.

Tools of Seduction: Kiss the Cook

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:28:00 GMT

Take it from a girl who burns toast: a man who can cook is a precious (and sexy) commodity. But whether you're a gourmet guru or nutritional novice, there exists a simple key to culinary prowess:

Culinary Seductions is a "guy's guide to cooking for girls," which basically means that it provides step-by-step instructions for how to (literally) impress the pants off your date. Whether you're looking for a complete menu with recipes, a wine pairing, a unique cocktail, or a dinner soundtrack that'll seal the deal, Culinary Seductions has pretty much everything you'll need. Here are a few tasty sample menus (click the titles for links to specific recipes):

The Delicious, Decadent Picnic

Difficulty: Easy
Budget: Not so Cheap
Rating: XXXX
Starter: Cheese Plate and Cold Cuts
Main Course: Maple Bacon Wrapped Shrimp
Sweet: Cold Chocolate Truffles
Drink: Pinot Grigio

Vegetarian Vixen

Difficulty: Easy
Budget: Cheap
Rating: XXXX
Starter: Arugula salad with herbs, nuts, and Dijon dressing
Main Course: Portobello mushroom steaks
Sweet: Chocolate covered strawberries
Drink: Muscat

Italian Amore

Difficulty: Easy
Budget: Cheap
Rating: XXXX
Starter: Caprese salad
Main Course: Farfalle with Roasted Veggies
Sweet: Cannoli
Drink: Prosecco

Need more help? Check out the video cooking tutorials (they're a little cheesy, but effective nonetheless), table setting tips, and even a foodie app for your iPhone.

How this will get you laid: Mix a pinch of charm with a hefty helping of culinary know-how, bake until well done, top off with candelight, and season to taste. Dee-licious.

[Culinary Seductions]

Kama Sutra Chocolate [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:32:00 GMT

[£3, LoveHoney]

What is it about chocolate and sex that go so well together? Never mind, I think I figured it out.

Anyway, want the Kama Sutra in chocolate form? So do I, but this solid milk chocolate bar only comes in one Kama Sutra position of your choice. Which is too bad, because there's an even better, naughtier version of the Kama Sutra in Chocolate:

I have no idea where to buy this, but... Yowza.

Will Strip For Chocolate, Part 2

Alex Zalben — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

A few months ago, we told you about a Strip Chocolate board game, for getting some sexy times started. Well, let's declass this a few levels:

It's basically a deck of cards, and chocolate poker chips. If you want, give me $2, and I'll make you a similar game. Just mentioning.

[£5, LoveHoney]

Good Enough to Eat

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:03:00 GMT

[$42, Penthouse Lingerie]

Given our love of both cupcakes and undergarments, it's no wonder that we here at MM are completely smitten with Penthouse's new line of delicious lingerie:

Pictured above is the bra and panty set, complete with matching ruffles and cupcake motif sure to satisfy any sweet tooth.

[$55, Penthouse Lingerie]

The cupcake camisole is just about the cutest packaging around, and it features front ruffles and adjustable straps.

[$42, Penthouse Lingerie]

This cotton and mesh babydoll is the icing on the cake, with cupcake bra cups and a ribbon tie.

Check out Penthouse Lingerie's site for more cupcake designs, and suffice to say that they provide the deliciously sexy. I'm pretty sure you might have to whip up the actual cupcakes, though.

Tan and Deliver

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:33:00 GMT

More than a few of you might be familiar with this photo of Kim Kardashian (post tanning session with giant sunglasses). But instead of being embarrassed about her tanning snafu, Kim should have embraced it, and perhaps even released her own line of sun tattoo tanning garments:

[Yu-Chiao Wang]

Designer Yu-Chiao Wang created this sun tattoo robe with cotton and mesh, and the result is pretty amazing. No word on whether you can buy your very own tattoo robe, but personally, I'm not sure that it would translate quite so nicely into San Francisco pale + sunburned tomato red.

Double Your Pleasure [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:07:00 GMT

What is it about retro lithographs that hits on our collective sense of national nostalgia? Actually, that's probably exactly what it is, but regardless, they're just... Cool. And these very, very NSFW retro pin-ups by Mel Ramos are a perfect example of this:

There's something about it, because of the nostalgia factor, that isn't even sexual, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it hits more on the quaint center of the brain than the hot and heavy section. Anyway, Ramos has some other great paintings, here's some of my faves:

...and all of his collection is for sale, here.

Tools of Seduction: Delicious Derriere

Laureen Mahler — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:26:00 GMT

Being a girl of ample, um, backside, I have to say that I appreciate admirers of the derriere. And what better tool of seduction than accenting that very enviable lady part? So here are four ways that you can maximize your gluteus maximus:

[$78, SupermarketHQ]

Diana has already introduced you to the hipster fanny pack, which is basically a sleek, stylish version of the classic fanny pack. Needless to say, it's an exellent way to accentuate your backside.

[$32, Blushing Buyer]

I hate to say it, but an offiicial Bumpaddle is hard to come by these days. That said, you can get your hands on this effective and hilarious ouch paddle, which features convenient backwards letters. In case, you know, you can't read your spanking in reverse.

[$43, Japan Trend Shop]

Want to keep your junk looking choice? There is no better solution than Japan Trend Shop, which (of course) features a chair cushion made to ensure lasting beauty for your derriere. Basically, this cushion guarantees perfect posture, which properly aligns your spine and pelvis, thus working out your butt muscles while you sit around going about your business.

[$193-$405, Nona de Samim]

Finally, if you've got the goods, why not show 'em off? French designer Nona de Samim has created the perfect lingerie for just such a showcase. These buttless pantaloons provide a sultry background for your essential curves, but they certainly don't come cheap.

How this will get you laid: Derrieres are indeed one of life's overlooked pleasures, so why not accentuate the positively delectable?

Bought, and Other Sexy Summer Reads

Steph Auteri — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:33:00 GMT

[$10.19, Amazon]

Bought, by Anna David (one sexy sex writer), comes out in mid-May, offering readers a quick read about questionable characters. Emma, a celebrity event journalist, thinks she's found a big break in a story about modern-day courtesans who trade sex for gifts. Unfortunately, in seeking out the meat of the story, Emma finds that she's losing herself. It's tough finding a single redemptive quality in any of the major players here, but trying to pick sides is all part of the fun, as is asking yourself: What would you do to get what you want?

I practically devoured this light read, which means you probably will, too. Which means you'll need a few backups to take you through the rest of the summer:

[$11.86, Amazon]

Here's another one I've already read. Still Life with Husband by Lauren Fox is about a 30-year-old woman married to her college sweetheart, who somehow slips into an affair with a sexy young reporter. It's a wakeup call on how easy it is to do the wrong thing.

[$18.96, Amazon]

Sex and the City is so overplayed, but this doesn't keep me from wanting to read this similarly-constructed novel from Liz Tuccillo: last summer's How to Be Single.

[$26.40, Amazon]

And because I loves me the Nerve.com, I have to mention Nerve: The First Ten Years, which just came out in December. This collection includes some of the best from Nerve, in the realm of essays, interviews, fiction, and photography. Um...why haven't I been sent a copy?

Furverts!

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:01:00 GMT

[Photo via Michael Cogliantry]

Furvert: (noun) A combination of the words furry and pervert, a furvert likes to have sex while dressed up as an animal. Not to be confused with a classic furry, who does not necessarily get off on the animal costume but just likes to wear it (apparently the difference is a fairly controverial issue).
Furverts: (proper noun) A book devoted to chronicling the phenomenon of furverts.

Peek inside Furverts after the jump. Come on, you know you want to:

For starters, Furverts sports a very apropos cover. None other than a furry peeks out from a ring of fur, giving just a taste of what is to come...

[$13, Chronicle Books]

Inside, Furverts is a veritable lovefest of fuzzy animals in every position and setting imaginable. Now that's definitely not something you see every day. But what truly sets this book apart is the combination of artful photography by Michael Cogliantry and clever design: the book itself is made in the board-book style, so it's got super thick, colorful pages that set a tone of playful delight.

p.s. Alternate post titles, for your perusal: "When a Coffee Table Book Becomes a Dare," "Fur Will Fly," "Bunny Love Me Baby One More Time," "Fur Whom the Bell Tolls," "A Fur, Fur Better Orgasm." In the end, it was just all too overwhelming.

[via swissmiss]

Related: Impress All the Furries

You Get Me So Wound Up

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:03:00 GMT

While we could all say that our sex toys have accomplished amazing feats, this vibrator has truly achieved something out of this world. So much so, in fact, that it's called the Earth Angel. Want to know its secret?

[$95, LoveHoney]

The Earth Angel is the world's first wind-up vibrator, and not only is it battery-free, it's also made from recycled materials. The retractable crank on the bottom winds up to produce four hours and thirty minutes of vibration. And hey, even if the Earth Angel won't win any beauty contests, you've got to give it kudos for being 100% sexy eco-friendly fun.

Sexy Cans

Shaun Seneviratne — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Want to see her cans? Click below (safe for work, promise):

This awesome packaging design concept is the work of Ramm ND.

See more of his designs at the link below.

[Via Packagings of the World]

Related: Realistic Fruit Juice Packages

Law and Order Resorts to Selling Sex Toys

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:05:00 GMT

Okay, not really. But there I was in the late-late part of last night, innocently watching L&O in my pajamas, totally intent on this pivotal scene where Abbie Carmichael is having a tete-a-tete with Jack McCoy, when the screen fades and a commercial comes on for the Vibrating Touch:

[$20, Vibrating Touch]

And this isn't just any commercial. This commercial stars what, in my opinion, is a veritable Angie Harmon look-alike browsing a magazine and discussing in whispered words how naughty her Vibrating Touch massager is:

Apparently, it's a fingertip massager put out by Trojan and intended to attract the shy lady demographic. It comes with two batteries and a discreet carrying pouch, plus the pleasure guarantee of that wise, older lady in the background.

I don't know about you guys, but when Assistant DA Carmichael (and/or her look-alike) tells me to buy a sex toy, I listen. Can someone give me a dramatic dong-dong sound right about here?

Shirt of the Day: Sexy People

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:29:00 GMT

One of my most favorite things in this world is the Sexy People blog. If you haven't heard of/seen/spent many a late-night hour clicking through this blog, you are indeed missing out on a pop culture phenomenon. Basically, it collects and catalogs everything from yearbook photos to Sears-stye posed shots that redefine the concept of cheese. And as if that weren't awesome enough, Sexy People has come out with its very first exclusive shirt:

[Sexy People]

This limited edition shirt features none other than a shot of Sexy People viewer's choice The Queen (the closeup is far too terrifying to post here). Unfortunately, it is very limited edition, with only 50 shirts in existence; the shirt announcement was made on Thursday, so there might just be a few left, particularly since they're only available to purchase by emailing the folks at Sexy People: sexypipol(at)gmail.com. No word on price, but this is truly a priceless object.

[via Fecal Face]

Star Trek Cologne: Spray On and Prosper

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:01:00 GMT

[$30 pre-order, Entertainment Earth]

Last month, Steph warned us all about the impending arrival of Star Trek cologne. Now, love it or leave it, the veritable Enterprise of men's scents is about to land. Pictured above is Red Shirt, perfect for "the young, modern man of the galaxy who doesn't hesitate" and characterized by hints of mandarin, bergamot, and lavender.

But perhaps you're in a more, shall we say, commanding mood. You might want to pick up a bottle of Tiberius:

[$30 pre-order, Entertainment Earth]

Inspired by Captain Kirk, this scent is "difficult to define and impossible to refuse." It also might have hints of citron and cedar, though it's being pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing.

Star Trek cologne comes in 100mL bottles, and sports two of the best taglines I've seen: "Because tomorrow may never come" and "Boldly Go," respectively. No word yet on which stores will stock Star Trek cologne, but internet pre-orders are happening now and will ship at the beginning of May.

I can't decide if this product development will result in more geeks getting laid, or more Trekkie hearts getting broken. Only time will tell, I suppose.

[via Unique Daily]

Dishware with a Bit of Slap and Tickle

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:03:00 GMT

It might look like these people are eating their dishes, but this isn't edible dishware. These photos actually show how designer Romain Gnidzaz created a set of small plates inspired by our most intimate behaviors:

[Price upon request, Romain Gnidzaz]

Yep, there it is: the stroke, the lick, and even the scrape for good measure. These oddly sensual shapes were created by people getting intimate with a dish, then a mold being cast from the resulting indentation. Here are the plates in action:

Foreplay and tapas? Count me in!

Is That a Flashlight in Your Crotch, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:30:00 GMT

[$45, Playazon]

There are a couple of things wrong with this picture. Can you guess what they are? Let's see...

1) This person has decidedly neon-colored pubic hair. That can't be natural.
2) There appears to be a lighting contraption attached to that pubic hair.
3) This faux pubic hair/flashlight contraption is actually for sale:

This crotch flashlight is the real deal, and it features tri-bulb LED lighting, two blinking functions that the manufacturer describes as "lure modes," and a pivoting lamp head. Also included are two faux pubic hair pieces ("anatomical pink" and "arctic white"), plus five pieces of body tape for maximum adherence and three AAA batteries. Whew.

So why in the world would you want a crotch flashlight? I can think of a few good reasons, but Playazon is actually a purveyor of products for Burning Man. That said, there's no rule against ordering one for personal purposes, even if you don't plan on visiting Black Rock City.

[via Nerd Approved]

Candy for Two

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:41:00 GMT

Sure a lollipop for one is pretty sexy, but what about a lollipop made for two? Now that's sexy, seductive, and efficient:

[Bijoux Indiscrets]

Spanish company Bijoux Indiscrets (named after Denis Diderot's 18th Century novel) is new on the products for lovers scene, but they've already scored big points with these two-sided suckers. Do I smell a test drive? Something along the lines of "how many licks does it take to get to the kiss?"

The only tricky part is finding where to buy their stuff; your best bet is to send them an email for a list of nearby retailers.

What's a Skong?

Alex Zalben — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:08:00 GMT

A skong? Why, that's an easy one. It's a skirt/thong. You know, like a skort is a skirt/shorts, and shpants is a shirt/pants. Here's a few more examples for your eyeballs:

[Via TrendHunter]

Tools of Seduction: Love Is Blind

Alex Zalben — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:36:00 GMT

Ah, the blindfold. There's nothing that quite enhances and sexifies your love-play quite like being entirely in the dark. Allow us, though, to kick things up a notch:

The Wink Blindfold has two sides: one with a "Z," indicating you're more interested in sleep. The other a heart, indicating that you're more interested in the opposite of sleep, i.e. ULTIMATE WAKEFULNESS!!! I kid of course, I mean f**king.

You may also notice the three feet of silk ribbon hanging off the blindfold. I'll leave you to your own conclusions as to what that might be used for...

How this will get you laid: Nah, just kidding. I'd never leave you to your own conclusions. If you're into a little bit of the old slap and tickle, but not sure how to break it to your partner, why not wear this blindfold, and let them draw their own conclusions?

[$75, Charles & Marie]

[Via Outblush]

The Money Shot: Where Does He Get Those Wonderful Toys? [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:00:00 GMT

[$89, Amazon]

The original four Batman movies have been released on DVD and Blu-Ray, and though it could be argued that Warner Brothers should pay YOU to buy Batman & Robin, it does give us an excuse for today's Money Shot. Can you guess which celebrity getting their kit off this movie set made us think of?

Answer: a whole bunch of them.

The Money Shot: These Pencil Erasers Make Me Think Of... [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:58:00 GMT

[$19, Amazon]

You guys know how this works by now, right? Take a look at the above pencil erasers, and tell yourself which nakey celeb it makes you think of. Then, look below, and we'll have a picture of said nakey celeb. Hmmm... Pencil erasers... And they're pictures of Raymond Geddes dogs, which is totally crazy. Crazy... Pencil Erasers...

Have you guessed yet?

Yup, it's Bai Ling, aka Mickey Rourke's ex. This was an EASY one.

Check out more of miss Ling's photoshoot here. And be sure to buy pencil erasers. They're the erasers that are at the end of your pencil!

Take Off Fergie's Underwear

Alex Zalben — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:07:00 GMT

Want to take the undies right off the most Fergalicious pop star of them all? Then check this out:

Fergie's undies are part of an auction to benefit... Wait for it... The New North London Synagogue, and are currently commanding £430 on eBay. The auction also includes undies from Daniel Day Lewis, Emma Thompson, and many more. Let's just hope it's not the undies she was wearing at this concert:

[£430, eBay]

[Via AVN]

The Money Shot: See The Product, Guess The Nude Celeb [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

[$9, TripleTSoap]

Okay, here's how this works, gang... I've shown you a picture of a product above. Without scrolling down (or hitting "after the jump," if you're on the website), see if you can guess which naked celebrity this product makes us think of.

Did you make your guess? Okay, here's the answer:

It's a soapy Cindy Crawford, from a recent photo shoot, which is like the above Crawfish Boil Hand Soap! Yup, there's strained puns in here, folks.

Hey, if you want to see more nakey celebs, and barely plausible puns, let us know. I can do this every day.

Connect Foreplay

Alex Zalben — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:06:00 GMT

This is one of those ideas, so blindingly obvious, that I'm surprised no one thought of it before. The one huge downside is, it's called Foreplay Connect, instead of what I titled this post. I'm brilliant, they're not. Anyway:

The way you play is, each game piece has a different type of foreplay on it. You drop in the tiles, and the four that make up the winning row are what you're about to do in real life. Sexy? Maybe?

[£13, MenKind]

[Via Nerd Approved]

How To Create An Affair

Alex Zalben — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 19:03:00 GMT

Cheating: It's so wrong, and yet it feels... So wrong. So how to capture that delightfully dirty feeling, without actually committing the deed? Easy:

Traces of an Imaginary Affair is a kit containing a set of nine tools which can be used to create an imaginary affair. These tools leave marks on the body, such as bite marks, carpet burns, bondage marks, love bites, scratches and bruises. In addition, probes of perfume, lipstick and hair can be applied to either the body or clothes.

...Or you could just talk to your partner, and break up? Just spitballing here.

[Bjorn Franke]

[Via TrendHunter]

More Secret Sex Toys [NSFWish]

Alex Zalben — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 16:31:00 GMT

Yesterday, I showed you a lamp, and a fish bowl that secretly hid sex toys. Today, as you can see above, a designer has gone ahead and developed a paper towel holder that is ALSO a secret sex toy. Since this seems like a fun game, herewith, a couple of secret sex toys I've developed:

You may not be able to tell, but I've cleverly hidden a vibrator inside of the Eiffel Tower. Only when you flip the Tower out of the way, do you reveal the enormous sex toy hidden inside!

Just a nice, normal looking couple, right? Wrong! All this lucky girl needs to do is pop off her boyfriend's head, to reveal the vibrator hid in his neck! Did someone say, "deep throat?" Because that guy probably has a pretty deep throat, is why I ask.

The trickiest one of them all! See, at first, it looks just like a normal vibrator. But then you pull it aside, and hidden in it is another vibrator! Throw one of these babies on your nightstand, and you'll fool everyone!

Take Off Evangeline Lilly's Underwear [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:37:00 GMT

Hey, how'd you like to go where only Jack and Sawyer have gone before? Then you're going to want to check this out:

Lilly is releasing a new line of panties and bras for charity, some of which I'm posting here, but you can check out the full eBay store at this link.

[Via HippyShopper]

This Hand Bra Is Totally Metal

Alex Zalben — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:27:00 GMT

You guys probably know the term "hand-bra," referring to what a lady does to preserve her modesty when topless. But this takes it rather literally, doesn't it? Another version, this one for sale:

The best thing about these, of course, is how comfortable they are. Kidding.

[$7, Costume Shopper]

[Via Inventor Spot]

Spider-Man Wants To Get Into Your Pants

Alex Zalben — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:25:00 GMT

Literally, I mean:

[$35, Ego Assassin]

[Via Warren Ellis]