The Modern Materialist : sex

Guess the Product: A Modest Bra

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 14 May 2009 21:10:00 GMT

The concept behind this bra is pretty hilarious, in a disturbing and not at all sexy way. I'll give you a hint--it's not a ticking time bomb, despite how it looks. Well, not exactly:

This chastity bra puts the brakes on any groping action until the big (wedding) day in Japan, apparently. If an engagement ring is inserted into the "special slot" (that's what she said?), the countdown stops and The Wedding March is played. The bra also has holders for the marriage contract seal and a pen for pre-nups.

...Oh. My. God. In other news, women belong in the kitchen and should be seen, not heard.

[via Reuters]

Hey Furries: Meet The Woolies [NSFWish]

Alex Zalben — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Yesterday, Laureen told you all about Furverts, a book about Furries that's just been released. Well today, we meet the Woolies:

Woolies, in case you can't figure it out from the name and the picture, get off on wearing full body suits made out of hand knitted wool. Itchy!

[Via Neatorama]

Most Specific Fetish Ever?

Alex Zalben — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:30:00 GMT

The funny part is, normally I'd show you this, and say, "Nah, just kidding, it's an alarm clock," or something like that. But this is actually exactly what you think it is:

It's latex fetish wear based on the alien. You know, from alien?

Look, I've only seen people have sex in movies and things, so I don't really know, but... Don't you need to get some of your body out of a latex suit in order to, you know, do it? Aren't there supposed to be snaps and zippers and things?

And why is this even remotely sexy? It looks like you're a human castle bounce.

[Blackstyle]

[Via Cakehead Loves Evil]

Online STD Database

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:35:00 GMT

This guy knows about your STD, and he's going to tell everyone:

Or at least that's the plan. Cyrus Sullivan is the creator of an online STD carrier database with the threatening tagline “If we know, you will." So far it doesn't seem that he knows much, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the site really catches on as a great resource lawsuit cesspool.

[STD Carriers]

Related: Seal of Sexual Approval

Tools of Seduction: Bamboo for Two

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:35:00 GMT

You've turned out the lights, lit the candles, and switched your iPod to The Best of Teddy Pendergrass. The moment is oh so right, until... wait, what's with these scratchy, cheap-ass sheets?

Remedy your cheap sheet dilemma with these truly amazing (and truly affordable) 100% bamboo sheets:

[$67 - $75 per set, Bed Bath & Beyond]

Here's the trick: bamboo fiber is softer than cotton but feels like silk. In other words, it's got all the cost effectiveness of satin, minus the static cling and egregious slippiness. Trust me, I've fallen out of satin sheets, and it's neither pretty nor sexy.

Bamboo sheets also draw in moisture, which means you won't be left with damp sheets after the dust settles. Other bonuses? They're hypo-allergenic, bacteria resistant, eco-friendly, and they boast a thread count of 230.

How this will get you laid: Let's keep this simple. Scratchy = bad. Smooth, silky, clean, and soft = a night you won't forget anytime soon.

[via Treehugger]

Love It or Leave It: Spray-On Viagra

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:41:00 GMT

Love it or leave it? Scientists have reached what they consider a breakthrough for men who are through too early. This PSD 502 “spray-on Viagra” is a local anesthetic that increased the time of intercourse about 6 times longer...from about 36 seconds to 3.8 minutes*.

*This is upsetting.

So what's my problem with is? Two words:

Numb. Vagina. [Yeah, hi, remember the woman you're having sex with? I'm thinking--and this is just a crazy guess--that she would prefer you keep your local anesthetic far away from her lady bits.]

[Trendhunter]

Related: The Oral Sex Light

Tools of Seduction: Do Not Disturb

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:04:00 GMT

There's just something about a hotel room. Maybe it's the anonymity, the sense that whatever happens behind those hideous curtains will forever be a secret. Or maybe it's the free cable (what about ConAir edited for TV and screened at 2am isn't sexy?). Whatever the explanation, hotel rooms are indeed one of the sexiest places around. So here's how you can maximize your next hotel visit:

Step 1: Book it.

While we all love a little bit of spontaneity, if you live in an urban area, it's generally not a great idea to go boldly into the night to track down a room. In other words, reservations are a seduction artist's best friend. While you could spend an hour browsing a whole host of travel sites, you could also visit this one, which does all the work for you:

[Hotelicopter.com]

Hotelicopter aggregates hotel booking results from over 30 different travel sites, and you can even hook it up to your Facebook. That way you can set the date and book the room all at once. Don't you love the Internet?

Step 2: Study up.

You've got the room, now how about the inspiration? Erotica vixen Rachel Kramer Bussel has the perfect way to prep for your hotel room tryst:

[$15, Powell's]

Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories is an anthology of titillating tales that covers everything from five-star luxury sweet spots to "no-tell" motel meets. With stories ranging from solo to multi-player action, and writing rich with drama, humor, and kinky fun, this book will have you raring to go. As an extra bonus, you could even bring it along and stage a mini-reading with your partner.

Step 3: Privacy.

I'm not talking plain old plastic doorhanger-style privacy (see Tools of Seduction: Tie One On for a brushup on why style counts in the game of seduction). If you really want to impress, provide your own privacy sign:

[$10, Etsy]

These letterpressed beauties are printed from wood type, and they're sure to impress your date and the housekeeping staff alike.

Step 4: Seal the deal.

Hotels may provide the single-serving soap and too-tiny bath towels, but you've got to bring your own gear for the fun and games. Steph has already introduced you to the convenient (and hilarious) Ho on the Go Overnight Kit, and here's an alternate version:

[$15, Ho on the Go]

Complete with thong, two condoms, toothbrush with mini toothpaste, and aromatherapy towelette, this kit has you covered like a cheap motel duvet. In a good way, of course.

How this will get you laid: Hotel rooms bring out the adventurous streak in all of us, and whether you're on vacation or creating a getaway close to home, being prepared for your rendezvous will make all the difference.

Eternal Condom-nation

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 18:34:00 GMT

[Photo via]

I was born and raised Catholic, as in my Italian mom insisted on having a picture of the current pope up in our house at all times. And while I'm not Catholic anymore, I do have a certain nostalgia about the pope. That is, until the pope goes and does something really (I think we can all agree) dumb, like condemning the use of condoms to prevent AIDS.

Vindication arrives in the form of clever products, and not only am I pretty sure the pope would never use a condom machine, I'm also fairly positive he didn't endorse these pope condoms:

These have been spotted in Paris, though they don't appear to be for sale anywhere online.

Hey, I've always said that being an ex-Catholic is sexy.

[via I Love Bad Things]

Tools of Seduction: Love Is Blind

Alex Zalben — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:36:00 GMT

Ah, the blindfold. There's nothing that quite enhances and sexifies your love-play quite like being entirely in the dark. Allow us, though, to kick things up a notch:

The Wink Blindfold has two sides: one with a "Z," indicating you're more interested in sleep. The other a heart, indicating that you're more interested in the opposite of sleep, i.e. ULTIMATE WAKEFULNESS!!! I kid of course, I mean f**king.

You may also notice the three feet of silk ribbon hanging off the blindfold. I'll leave you to your own conclusions as to what that might be used for...

How this will get you laid: Nah, just kidding. I'd never leave you to your own conclusions. If you're into a little bit of the old slap and tickle, but not sure how to break it to your partner, why not wear this blindfold, and let them draw their own conclusions?

[$75, Charles & Marie]

[Via Outblush]

Seriously, Bacon Gets Even More Awesome

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 17:06:00 GMT

So you guys know how much we love bacon here at MM; we're even willing to try bizarre forms of bacon that might, under other circumstances, be highly unadvisable. However, I have to say that this new bacon product officially makes bacon awesomer than it ever was before.

Let me give you a little taste of what is to come: it's bacon, but it's for both you and your partner to enjoy:

[Coming soon, Bacon Salt]

Bacon lube! Truly, the perfect product. It's not available quite yet, but in the interim, we can all enjoy the bacon lube motto: keep it sizzlin'.

[via Geekologie]

Sale of the Day: Sex Cents

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Know what's even better than a naughty drawer full of sex toys? A naughty drawer full of sex toys that were purchased on the cheap! Thank goodness for Good Vibrations, which totally has your sexy money-saving sense covered with 25% off everything in their online store:

That includes books,

[$11, Good Vibrations]

innovative and travel-worthy sex kits,

[$19.50, Good Vibrations]

and all sorts of vibrators.

[$94, Good Vibrations]

The Good Vibrations virtual storefront can be found here. Get clicking!

Oil Paintings of F**king US Presidents [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:26:00 GMT

There are almost no words one can use to describe this series, where artist Justine Lai painted herself having sex with every US President. She's painting the series in order, so she's only up to Ulysses S. Grant right now. But I bet that's more Presidents than you've banged.

Check out plenty more, TOTALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK paintings, below:

Here's a fun game: see if you can guess which Presidents Justine is letting into her oval office.

[Justine Lai]

[Via Drawn]

Tools of Seduction: Sexy Stilettos

Steph Auteri — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:37:00 GMT

[$911, farfetch]

Apparently, there's been a study that scientifically proves that wearing high heels can better your orgasm.

That's right. Wearing stilettos helps women develop their pelvic muscles, which in turn influences the contraction ability of the muscles. And well-developed pelvic muscles strengthen sexual arousal, allowing women to have stronger orgasms.

But riddle me this:

How will being unable to walk (not to mention being unable to pay the rent after buying the shoes above) affect my libido?

How this will get you laid: Everyone knows that high heels make damn sexy legs look even sexier, ensuring that you'll be inundated with wannabe sexual partners. That and the ability to more easily orgasm will make your love muffin feel like a rock star.

Multi-Tasking Is Orgasmic

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:27:00 GMT

Here's a riddle for you: what device makes you clean and dirty at the same time? Need a hint? It's made of leather, has a spin cycle, and pretty much guarantees orgasm:

[Price upon request, Dominic Wilcox]

Yep, it's the Orgasmatron 3000, and it is available for purchase, thank you very much. Though I suppose you could upholster your current washing machine with leather and top it off with a saddle to cut costs...

[via Cool Material]

This Belly-Button Ring Gives You a Total Boner [NSFW]

Shaun Seneviratne — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:31:00 GMT

Belly-button rings have been known to cause arousal (of the sexual kind) in some people, but how often does it cause the wearer to "rise to the occasion"? When you have this:

The Penis Belly-Button Ring. Schwing!

[$12, She Cool He Cool]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

NSFW, But Safe For His Penis

Steph Auteri — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:51:00 GMT

A new product promises to revolutionize safe (oral) sex:

[$27.95, Blowguard]

With the Blowguard, there's no risk of nicking his dick!

[Via Gizmodo]

Related: The Oral Sex Light

Do Drugs and Have Sex Without Doing Drugs or Having Sex

Shaun Seneviratne — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 20:30:00 GMT

You like drugs? Probably. Can you always score? Not always.

You like sex? Most definitly. Can you always score? Not always.

What if you could achieve those mental states without drugs or sex? That's what I-Doser claims to do:

I-Doser makes Binaural Brainwave Doses. Now, what is that exactly? They basically create ambient soundscapes that are scientifically tested to affect your brainwaves in the way that other things would. Basically, you can feel like you just had some (sex/marijuana/cocaine/peyote/opium) without actually doing it.

The website says that susceptability is subject to the user and may take several tries to achieve the stimulated state.

Do I smell a test drive coming on?

Thanks to Kavita for the tip!

[I-Doser]

Quick Tip of the Day: Study Your Sex Life

Steph Auteri — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 13:31:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Worried that you're having a leetle too much sex lately? Too little? Don't fool yourself. You are a (man)whore/frigid wet blanket. If you demand proof, you have only to start rtacking things over at Bedpost:

As you can see, you simply log in every time you have sex, fill in some info fields on duration, sex partner, etc., and then view you're rolling Calendar of Sexy Time.

Wait a second. Aside from misplaced pride...why are we doing this again?

[Via Jezebel]

Kama Sutra At Work

Shaun Seneviratne — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:30:00 GMT

[$2, Sex Toy Site]

When I was a young'n, I found these cocktail picks in the kitchen. I had no idea what was on top of them until I was about 13 and saw them in the kitchen drawer again. Naturally, I brought them to school the next day and ended up getting detention for it.

Now I'm 23 years old and considering buying these Kama Sutra paper clips for work.. I doubt my bosses would find it funny, but at least I won't get sent to detention this time around.

[£6 (Approx. $9), Play]

[Via Nerd Approved]

The Guide To Doing Me

Alex Zalben — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 17:03:00 GMT

Guys, you'll know what I'm talking about here: sometimes it feels like girls have no idea what to do to get you hot, right? Like, not only do they want to just jump right into it (hello, a little foreplay please? I'm not a machine), but then they can't get your boxers unhooked, let alone know where your erogenous zones are. You know, your penis and that's it?

So thank goodness for this book:

Finally, a place you can mark down everything your partner needs to know about doing you, hardcore, so you can skip all that relationship-building conversation.

[$10, Urban Outfitters]

[Via Mighty Goods]

Condoms for Douchebags

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:14:00 GMT

This is the New Jersey species of the Douchebaggery kingdom (thanks, Ebaum's!) They're not a rare species and the're hard to miss, but if you need help spotting one, these are the traits to look for:

a faux orange glow, usually from hours spent in a tanning booth every week, sometimes followed by fake tan lotion
muscle distribution and overall body shape that indicates 10+ weekly gym hours spent working biceps and biceps only
backwards, upside-down visor (I hope, for everyone's sake, that this trend was localized to NJ. Was it?)
pants that are either much too tight or dangerously loose
consumption of energy drinks with douchebagalicious names that often include words such as "crunk" and "pimp"

That last one is pretty much a requirement. I've managed to avoid sleeping with this particular species of Douchebag, but if I were to, I would probably be eager to put some kind of latex barrier between the two of us. Thank goodness for energy drinks that come with condoms:

In case you can't read it, the type below the cartoon penis juggling says "refreshingly fruity." I don't even have to make this joke, do I?

[Billy Boy]

Related: Kama Sutra Condoms

Sex Tips for Long-Distance Lovers (NSFW)

Steph Auteri — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 21:19:00 GMT

learn to rely on a little self-love
invest in a webcam
master the art of virtual dirty talk via text message or IM
stop worrying about what he/she is getting up to over there
consider trying out one of these forms of teledildonics:

[$129.95, Sinulator]

With the Sinulator, your partner can control your sex toys over the Internet, or by using the remote control. The main package on the site includes both the remote and your typical pink rabbit pearl vibrator.

[$84.99, High Joy Products]

The iVibe Rabbit is similar to the Sinulator package, in that you can engage your partner in an online sex session at Highjoy.com.

[$69, OhMiBod]

The Boditalk is similar to the Naughtibod, previously reviewed here on MM. Except in this case, it's your phone conversation that gets you off, and not your iTunes playlist. Boditalk is activated by calls made to or from your cell phone, pleasuring you with a vibrating sequence that lasts for the entire call, making phone sex a lot more high-tech.

[$81.95, VitaMaker]

I've posted about this one before, but it belongs in this post as well. This voice-activated rabbit vibrator has voice recognition software, allowing you to record commands that correspond to certain functions. Record your loved one's voice, so that you can trick yourself into believing he's right there. Okay, I just creeped myself out.

[CuteCircuit]

And finally, we have the Hug Shirt, which is more sweet than sexy, and still a concept. You can find the huge-ass explanation on how to send hugs here.

Personal Trainer Too Personal?

Steph Auteri — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 17:05:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Yowza! If this guy was my personal trainer, I would love it if he whispered sweet nothings into my ear while we were doing the down and dirty...

...but if this was my personal trainer:

[$79.95, LoveTrainer]

You know what? I'm having a tough time even believing that the LoveTrainer exists. Allegedly, it keeps track of your heartbeat, and then whispers sweet, instructional nothings into your ear.

If you want to hear the LoveTrainer purr such naughties as "Following the beat, make love much harder!" and "Well done! Let's make love more regularly!"go here.

[Via Gizmodo]

Related: Test Drive: Privacy Mouse

Equations: The Sex Bible

Alex Zalben — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 18:03:00 GMT

That was a pretty straightforward equation, wasn't it?

[£17, LoveHoney]

Kama Sutra On Your Sheets

Diana Vilibert — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 19:47:00 GMT

The Kama Sutra is a good place to start if you want to get a little creative with your sex positions. But if you want a little help figuring out where exactly all your body parts need to go (no that you need it, you stud), you might want to pick up these sheets:

[$26, Curiosite]

Week In Review: January 16

Steph Auteri — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

So good to be back in the swing of things, discovering new things, sharing our product-lust, sharing our lust-lust. Five of our top sex-related posts this week?

We undressed this one with our eyes.
We considered contacting a phone sex operator.
We revealed some serious potty mouths.
We reclaimed our virginity.
We decided that we all deserved threesomes.

Cyber Sex 2.0 (NSFW)

Diana Vilibert — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Cyber sex, now with more penetration (NSFW):

The Rabbit Internet-enabled vibrator comes with a free membership to HighJoy, the website that enables you to watch and control a partners sex toys from any PC, anywhere in the world.

[$85, High Joy]

DIY: Sexy Start-Up

Steph Auteri — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:36:00 GMT

[Photo via]

So I've been hanging around my condo, feeling like a drain on society, and trying to figure out what to do for some extra cash.

I mean, I blog here, but one cannot live on blogging alone.

Or rather, you can, but at the moment I'm not.

So I took a careful inventory of my interests (shopping and vibrators) and decided to open a sex shop.

[22.95, Self-Counsel Press]

As I'm not the most savvy businesswoman there is, it was obvious I needed help. Luckily, this book (with accompanying CD-ROM) actually exists.

Bedinger's book asks of me the usual questions for those planning a startup business, but then dives right into the nitty-gritty of the sex industry:

researching the market: adult video stores, adult bookstores/superstores, & women- and couple-friendly shops
location and market research
developing a business plan
financing your business
merchandise inventory and packaging
marketing and advertising
etc.

The CD-Rom goes further, including a resource guide (vendors, industry literature, and more) and printable worksheets.

In short, it's the startup business guide you'd want if you were starting any business, fleshed out with specifics for the industry at hand. For example, a section on customer service and sales techniques touches upon the comments you may hear from particularly obnoxious customers ("Will you model this for me?"), and tells you how to handle them. It also advises you to keep locks on your dressing room doors, so no one sneaks in there for nookie (hehe). Another section goes into every type of adult product you could ever think to stock, ensuring that you know your inventory like no one else.

Looking to get into something a little less...risque? Self-Counsel Press has a ton of these guides, including ones for bed & breakfasts, coffee bars, daycare, event planning, and more.

Boundless riches...here I come.

Rent a Sex Toy

Diana Vilibert — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:32:00 GMT

Things It Makes Sense to Rent:

An apartment
Ice skates
A car for
Furniture

Things You Should Never, Ever Rent, No Matter How Grossly Fascinated You Are By The Idea:

A sex doll

In Tokyo, Doll No Mori (Forest of Dolls) offers a membership that lets you “use” your favorite doll for a certain amount of time (70 minutes to 24 hrs)--apparently the most popular option is the 2-hour rental, which at least allows time for foreplay, I guess.

[Doll Data Room]

Related: Angelina Jolie is a Real Doll

Born-Again Virgin

Steph Auteri — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Things I miss about life pre-sex:

the tingle that occurs when skin brushes against skin
the sweetness of holding hands
dry humping
the importance of a kiss
my hymen...um...I mean...

Is passing as a virgin so important to you that you'd fake your hymen and even first-sex blood? (ew)

[$14.90, Gigimo]

The artificial virginity hymen expands a bit when you place it inside you, making you feel tight. When your lover's man-handle penetrates it, it will ooze out a liquid that looks somewhat like blood.

Color me horrified.

[Via Jezebel]

Related: How To Lose Your Virginity