The Modern Materialist : kitchen

Tools of Seduction: Kiss the Cook

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:28:00 GMT

Take it from a girl who burns toast: a man who can cook is a precious (and sexy) commodity. But whether you're a gourmet guru or nutritional novice, there exists a simple key to culinary prowess:

Culinary Seductions is a "guy's guide to cooking for girls," which basically means that it provides step-by-step instructions for how to (literally) impress the pants off your date. Whether you're looking for a complete menu with recipes, a wine pairing, a unique cocktail, or a dinner soundtrack that'll seal the deal, Culinary Seductions has pretty much everything you'll need. Here are a few tasty sample menus (click the titles for links to specific recipes):

The Delicious, Decadent Picnic

Difficulty: Easy
Budget: Not so Cheap
Rating: XXXX
Starter: Cheese Plate and Cold Cuts
Main Course: Maple Bacon Wrapped Shrimp
Sweet: Cold Chocolate Truffles
Drink: Pinot Grigio

Vegetarian Vixen

Difficulty: Easy
Budget: Cheap
Rating: XXXX
Starter: Arugula salad with herbs, nuts, and Dijon dressing
Main Course: Portobello mushroom steaks
Sweet: Chocolate covered strawberries
Drink: Muscat

Italian Amore

Difficulty: Easy
Budget: Cheap
Rating: XXXX
Starter: Caprese salad
Main Course: Farfalle with Roasted Veggies
Sweet: Cannoli
Drink: Prosecco

Need more help? Check out the video cooking tutorials (they're a little cheesy, but effective nonetheless), table setting tips, and even a foodie app for your iPhone.

How this will get you laid: Mix a pinch of charm with a hefty helping of culinary know-how, bake until well done, top off with candelight, and season to taste. Dee-licious.

[Culinary Seductions]

Quick Tip of the Day: Smashy Smashy

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 08 May 2009 12:38:00 GMT

Behold the greatest kitchen utensil I have ever posted about: the Homo Sapien Tool. This device is designed to do exactly what we all really want to do in the kitchen. Yep, it smashes stuff. Oh yeah, and it also has a few other (not as cool as smashing but still) fabulous features:

[$43, Merchant No. 4]

The Homio Sapien is made of sandstone and cleverly shaped to look like a peeled potato. Or a smashin' rock, depending on your perspective. But not only can it crush things pestle-style, it's also a knife sharpener, meat tenderizer, nut cracker, and root grater.

Me like. Me buy. Me smash.

[via Gearfuse]

The Lap Counter

Alex Zalben — Thu, 07 May 2009 15:04:00 GMT

I don't know about you guys, but besides getting potato peels everywhere, my least favorite part of, er, peeling potatoes is the backache from bending over the garbage can. Enter Tomas Kral's Lap Counter, which changes everything:

The concept is that each Lap Counter would be personally molded for your comfort, and work as both a work surface, and a container. Pretty rad, if you ask this guy's aching back.

[Via Freshome]

Hot Stuff Coming Through

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 05 May 2009 14:28:00 GMT

Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody! In honor of a day devoted entirely to eating food, drinking booze (oh yeah, and celebrating the Mexican victory at the Battle of Puebla -- booyah Wikipedia!), I'm going to share a couple of things that are very close to my heart. 1) My absolute favorite barbecue accessory, and 2) my secret recipe for Jalapeno Poppers that will literally blow your socks off. Truly, they'll fly off in little cotton-y pieces.

[$20, Williams-Sonoma]

First things first: the jalapeno roaster. This handy little device has 18 perfectly shaped pepper holes (or jalapeno hatches, as we like to call them around my kitchen), and is perfect for barbecuing. Bonus: it also slips right into the oven if the weather outside is fickle. If you've never had a handmade fire-roasted jalapeno, a world of tastiness awaits you.

Speaking of tastiness, I've made Jalapeno Poppers with this secret recipe every year since I had my own oven to cook in, and they are indeed the best ever. Delicious, perfectly spicy, and easy enough for 19-year-old me to whip up in a jiff:

The Best Roasted Jalapeno Poppers You'll Ever Have, Ever

Ingredients:

18 jalapenos
1/4 cup roasted red peppers
1 small clove garlic
1 teaspoon olive oil
8 ounces cream cheese
1/2 cup grated cheddar
1 tablespoon minced onion
1 tablespoon minced cilantro
1/2 teaspoon salt

Instructions:

Slice off the tops of the jalapenos just below the stem. Use a small knife to cut out the core and seeds. Heat a skillet with a little oil and saute the peppers for a minute (this makes them soft and easier to stuff). While the jalapenos are cooling, make the filling: stir together cream cheese, cheddar, and olive oil. Mince roasted red peppers, onion, and garlic and stir into cheese mixture. Top off with cilantro and salt to taste. Carefully stuff the peppers and place them in the roaster and put directly on your barbecue grill for about 8-10 minutes. Alternately, if you don't (yet) have a fancy roaster, you can put the peppers on a cookie sheet and roast in the oven at 375 for about 15 minutes.

But, you know, it is a secret, so don't go posting it on the Internet or anything.

Rock Band for Your Kitchen

Laureen Mahler — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:37:00 GMT

Once upon a time, your parents told you not to play with your food. Well, now you can play bonafide music with your utensils. Start with the salt and pepper maraca shakers above, and keep up the beat with these accompanying musical kitchen tools:

Wine glasses with note measurements etched into their sides,

drum stick chopsticks,

guitar plates, and a musical note utensil hanger.

Why are the very best products concept-only? Sigh.

[Tuvie]

Coffee? Tea? Me?

Alex Zalben — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:27:00 GMT

How to properly get across the idea that you're asking a guy (or gal) up for coffee, well all you really want is a sexy good time? These might help:

[$60, Bestow]

[Via OutBlush]

Add Chocolate To Everything

Steph Auteri — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:52:00 GMT

I've already told you about my morning experience with cold-brewed coffee. How much better would it be if I could easily sprinkle some chocolate on top?

[$35, Williams-Sonoma]

This chocolate mill quickly creates chocolate shavings out of your average, store-bought chocolate chunks. Delish!

What would you add chocolate to?

Related: Huffing Chocolate

Clean Kitchen: Keru Keru Bottles

Steph Auteri — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:29:00 GMT

You know how Jackson Pollock and all those other abstract expressionist painters seem merely to randomly fling paint against a blank canvas and call it art?

Well, that's sort of how I cook. After I've put together an entire meal, the entire kitchen manages to be affected, every surface splattered with olive oil, small piles of salt, tomato pulp, and the empty shells of garlic bulbs.

If this is...um...not what you aspire to...

[$20, Charles & Marie]

These Keru Keru bottles are glass and silicone, designed to make pouring easier, and less messy (with the assumption that most messes occur with the constant opening and closing of numerous bottles). Just transfer your liquids into these bottles and, um, never unscrew another cap...?

[Via Holy Cool]

Tools of Seduction: Punk Rock Dinner and a Movie

Shaun Seneviratne — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:31:00 GMT

[Photo via Seventy's Myspace. Seventy is a Brooklyn-based tattoo model and hair stylist with a penchant for comic books]

Food is the path to anyone's heart, even a hardened punk rock girl (remember: food goes down best with a side of mixtape). But that xapple(core)x of your eye won't be impressed with an average meal like pasta and meatballs!

Here are a few products sure to make that post punk princess of yours swoon:

Note to sticklers: I'm using "punk rock" in the broadest sense of the genre.

[$14, How Cool]

First things first--no one wants to get burned! You can argue that pain is punk rock, but I don't subscribe to that. I'd pick up these horror show oven mitts thats inspired by "B" horror films and reminiscent of the Misfits.

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Bone up on your Post Punk Kitchen videos! Join Isa and Terry as they take you on a journey that is both palatable and punk. The video above is from their Valentines Day show. How appropriate!

[The Post Punk Kitchen]

[$14, Amazon]

[$12, Amazon]

Both Lost in the Supermarket: An Indie Rock Cookbook and I Like Food, Food Tastes Good: In the Kitchen with Your Favorite Bands are pretty much written by your favorite punk rock and indie bands! The recipes of Ted Leo, Superchunk, Death Cab for Cutie, NOFX, The Mountain Goats, Daniel Johnston (I'm kind of scared to know what he contributed), Sonic Youth, Animal Collective, Belle & Sebastian, and Devendra Barnhart adorn the pages of these books.

In fact, here is Devendra's contribution:

AFRICANAS RICAS:

many bananas!
a box of graham crackers!!!
two eggs!!!
SOUR CREAM!!!
HONEY!

I also love the Descendents reference of the second book.

[$15, Amazon]

Rock 'n' Roll High School: probably the greatest musical of all time. A 60s teen party flick meets the Ramones--hilarious results ensue.

How these will get you laid: You've finally worked up the nerve to invite that cute girl you met at Second Chance Saloon over for dinner. First, put a good record on (preferably something she doesn't know but could get into). Then get your cooking on, pound back a few shots, pop in your copy of Rock 'n' Roll High School and let the piercings and tattered clothes fly!

Cheap Trick: Taco Plates Keeps Things Clean

Steph Auteri — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:40:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Does anyone else make a huge mess every time they attempt to eat a taco? I mean, the shell is always falling over, spilling out its contents, and forcing me to scramble for utensils. Or else I'm biting one end of the taco, and its innards plop out the other end, onto my lap or into my cleavage.

Now it's possible to at least keep your plate neat, with these taco plates that promose "no more tipped-over tacos!"

[$7.95 for set of 6, Solutions]

Other food items I have trouble eating gracefully:

spaghetti
mussels
lobster tail or soft-shelled crab
candy buttons
corn on the cob
etc.

[Via Gizmodo]

Pac-Man Can Handle the Heat

Shaun Seneviratne — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:01:00 GMT

I'm not a fan of the silicone oven mitts, but I would forego my dislike of it for this Pac-Man oven mitt!

And for your enjoyment, here is Pac-Man running around France and effing shiz up:

PAC MAN (REMI GAILLARD)
Uploaded by nqtv

[$15, Perpetual Kid]

[Via Rare Bird Finds]

Related: Getting Head From Pac-Man

A Compact Kitchen

Shaun Seneviratne — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:58:00 GMT

See how the seemingly flat structure above becomes. . .

a full blown dining room:

The Compact Kitchen was designed by Ilja Oelschlagel. I'm sure everyone in New York City wouldn't mind one of these.

[Compact Kitchen]

[Via Curbly]

This Bowl Has a Secret

Alex Zalben — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 15:02:00 GMT

Can you guess what this bowl is for? The clue is in the design inside of the bowl, but it still may not be clear until I tell you. It...

...displays web statistics. Just a concept, natch, but the idea is you can read web stastics on your web site, while eating a big bowl of cereal. I just think it's a neat looking bowl, but maybe that's just me.

[Via Yanko Design]

Dishware with a Bit of Slap and Tickle

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:03:00 GMT

It might look like these people are eating their dishes, but this isn't edible dishware. These photos actually show how designer Romain Gnidzaz created a set of small plates inspired by our most intimate behaviors:

[Price upon request, Romain Gnidzaz]

Yep, there it is: the stroke, the lick, and even the scrape for good measure. These oddly sensual shapes were created by people getting intimate with a dish, then a mold being cast from the resulting indentation. Here are the plates in action:

Foreplay and tapas? Count me in!

Condiments Become More Puzzling

Steph Auteri — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Okay.

So my spice rack is filled with a plethora of items I haven't used in two years, and the Baconnaise is gathering fridge-dust (my man's reaction when I told him there was Baconnaise in the fridge? "Eeeeww!"). But these oddball condiments aren't what I'm referring to in the post title.

[$16.55 each, IWOOT]

These Rubik's Cube shakers work like your typical condiment mill, so there's no brains about it.

[Via Oh Gizmo!]

I've Got This Grinding Feeling

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:38:00 GMT

This meat grinder gun should probably be filed under "Things That Shouldn't Exist." Sure, it's clever and sort of off-the-cuff funny, albeit in a pretty gross, violent way. But the back story on this bizarre kitchen gadget is really why it shouldn't exist:

Supposedly, this meat grinder gun is a free gift from the NRA when you sign up for a one-year ($35) membership. Rumor has it that the NRA is trying to reach out to foodies, who an NRA spokesman has (again, supposedly) said "have a ton of things in common" with gun lovers. Chances are pretty high that this is a pesky April Fool's joke perpetuating its way through the blogosphere, but real or fake, it's pretty hilarious.

By the way, is grinding meat ever not gross? Somehow the gun concept makes it even more wrong.

[via LikeCool]

Cheap Trick: Get Your Salad Fingers Dirty with Salad Hands

Steph Auteri — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:59:00 GMT

[$10, Sur La Table]

These salad hands include ergonomic, nonslip grips that make it easier for you to...um...toss your salad. The lips on the grip also rest easily on any bowl.

Funny how something so colorful and truly helpful could remind me of something so dark and creepy:

Modern Materialistas, meet Salad Fingers.

Better yet, meet Salad Fingers in action:

I apologize to those of you who are now disturbed beyond belief.

[Via Apartment Therapy]

Related: Gremlins in Your Salad

Top Chef-in-a-Box

Steph Auteri — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:02:00 GMT

I collect cookbooks in much the same way I collect ridiculous winter hats: I acquire far too many to put into use, but people find the sheer numbers way impressive/distubing.

Some of the books I keep turning back to:

Pure Comfort (put out by Weight Watchers)
The Whole Foods Market Cookbook
my mom
Real Simple magazine and RealSimple.com (I recently bought their Meals Made Easy book)

Want the breadth without the bulk?

[$30, Fred Flare]

This cookbook box set includes a collection of mini-cookbooks, ensuring that you will never want for another cookbook. Um...unless you're me.

This is the Pits!

Steph Auteri — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:05:00 GMT

Nono! I mean in a good way! I swear! Check it:

[$150, Etsy]

This porcelain Whirl Olive Dish was designed with a separate spot for the pits. Good thinking!

Quick Tip of the Day: Look Ma, No Knife

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:34:00 GMT

[$10, Amazon]

You guys already know that the kitchen is my own personal danger zone, which why I try to minimize my knife usage. That means I avoid things like slicing small objects (shallots, garlic, ginger, etc), and that means my already-questionably-prepared meals generally leave something to be desired in the seasoning department.

But this little gizmo is the answer to my seasoning prayers. Check out the instructional video, which pretty much instantly sold me:

The Garlic Zoom (which I have hereby renamed Garlic Car) makes chopping up garlic as easy as... um... riding in a tiny little car? In any case, I bet you could use it for lots of small choppables, and anything blade-free has a happy home in my kitchen.

[via bookofjoe]

The Money Shot: Nice Rack (NSFW-ish)

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:57:00 GMT

[Amor de Madre]

These awesome racks from European designer Amor de Madre can be used for drying or storage. Ingenious, no?

So let's see... what naked(ish) celebrity hails from Europe and has an amazing rack...

Monica Bellucci, of course.

[Amor de Madre racks via Cribcandy]

Quick Tip of the Day: Make Easy Tasks Easier

Steph Auteri — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:30:00 GMT

[Photo via]

I'm a huge fan of products that make easy tasks even easier. For example:

my garlic press
my Vidalia Chop Wizard
mechanical toothbrushes
this dusting glove
fingerless gloves

Speaking of gloves...

[$20, The Spoon Sisters]

These Grab and Dry Gloves make drying just-cleaned dishes even easier than it already was.

Related: Dust Bunny Duster

A Demy-God Among Kitchen Gadgets

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:34:00 GMT

[$300, My Demy]

Aside from constantly injuring myself, I have two main problems in the kitchen: 1) if I don't use a recipe, I'll end up with something that tastes like rubberized oatmeal and end up eating toast for dinner, and 2) I am an incredibly messy chef. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure I should call myself a chef.

Enter the Demy... a device that truly achieves near godliness in the kitchen:

The Demy is a recipe card-sized gadget that syncs up with your computer via USB and stores recipes in a coated (ie slash and spill proof) sleek design. It's not available until May, which means I'll have to continue using antiquated paper recipes until then. Bah!

[via Gizmodo]

250 Cupcakes...And They're All Yours

Steph Auteri — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:03:00 GMT

I am not above making an entire batch of cupcakes...or brownies, or any other bit of pastry...and then eating the entire lot myself. Within a horrifyingly short period of time.

Which is why I'm so thrilled over the possibilities this particular cupcake making kit affords me:

[$19.95, Fred Flare]

This particular kit comes with 250 decorative liners (all miiiinne!!!). It also comes with recipes and a pastry bag.

Great Option for the Appliance-Challenged

Steph Auteri — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:31:00 GMT

[Photo via]

I'm sort of a spaz when it comes to spatulas. Or any kitchen appliance, for that matter.

But especially with spatulas. Like when I have to flip things. Or lift things.

I generally just mutilate whatever food I'm attempting to work with. If you're anything like me, you'll appreciate this:

[$12.95, King Arthur Flour]

It seems that this giant spatula would be way less unwieldy for me. I love it.

Best. Sushi. Ever.

Alex Zalben — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:28:00 GMT

You guys were pretty into the Obama sushi we posted about a month ago. But as ridiculous as that is, the above is easily the best sushi ever. Want to know why?

It's actually Rice Crispie Treats, with Swedish Fish or Licorice, rolled in Fruit Roll Ups.

I think I'm going to make myself a plate of healthy sushi right now.

[Via Boing Boing]

Pretty Up Your Plain Jane Products

Steph Auteri — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 17:19:00 GMT

Are you the type of person who likes to make everything perfectly pretty, down to the bathroom toilet? (::coughcough:: me)

Then you might sort of love these products by designer Louise Graham, made to pretty up everyday objects:

[$50, Pedlars]

This milk pourer fits pretty much any milk container.

[$41, Pedlars]

This egg cup stand allows you to transform pieces of your egg crate into pretty little egg cups.

[$41, Pedlars]

And this handle screws into your margarine container.

[Via Designers' Block]

Ping Pong Paradise

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:56:00 GMT

For some reason, ping pong reminds me of being on vacation. This is underscored by the fact that I spent a hefty majority of my last vacation testing out public ping pong tables all over Paris. So how can you make every day feel like vacation my way? Well, you could splurge on a floating table tennis set (not such a hot idea for those of us sans private pool), or you could pick up this irresistible kitchen accessory:

[Design Spotter]

This cutting board brings new meaning to the concept of slicing a serve.

Post bonus! Proof of my Parisian ping pong obsession:

This was taken in a park near Chinatown, where I had the world's best pho and broke my all-time rally record. Is there anything that doesn't make Paris a perfect city?

[via Cribcandy]

Cheap Trick: Spaghetti Measure

Steph Auteri — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:19:00 GMT

As I'm of the mind that there's no such thing as too much spaghetti, I usually just cook up the entire box, no matter what the recipe tells me to do.

(This could be why many of the dishes I cook taste...not quite right.)

For those who play by the rules:

[$7.50, The Conran Shop]

This Spaghetti Measure has an aperture with you can measure out varying portion sizes.

[Via Ooh! Shiny!]

Cheap Trick: Do Your Kitchen Gadgets Measure Up?

Steph Auteri — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 20:02:00 GMT

Are you getting the most out of your kitchen gadgets? How many of them can do double duty? I have these great bag clips/fridge magnets, which is nifty.

If you're not a potato chip kinda gal, you may get more use out of this multitasking product:

[$3.50, The Conran Shop]

This magnetic measuring spoon is double-sided, with a tablespoon and a teaspoon, each containing a halfway line.

[Via Ooh! Shiny!]