The Modern Materialist : Underwear

Guess the Product: A Modest Bra

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 14 May 2009 21:10:00 GMT

The concept behind this bra is pretty hilarious, in a disturbing and not at all sexy way. I'll give you a hint--it's not a ticking time bomb, despite how it looks. Well, not exactly:

This chastity bra puts the brakes on any groping action until the big (wedding) day in Japan, apparently. If an engagement ring is inserted into the "special slot" (that's what she said?), the countdown stops and The Wedding March is played. The bra also has holders for the marriage contract seal and a pen for pre-nups.

...Oh. My. God. In other news, women belong in the kitchen and should be seen, not heard.

[via Reuters]

Scents and Sensibility

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 05 May 2009 19:40:00 GMT

[£10, Copalife]

This is not just any old pair of tighty-whities. This pair of tighty whities boasts a remarkable secret that just might usher in a new era of undergarment awesomeness. Want to know what it is? Are you sure you're ready? Okay. Here we go:

This underwear is the world's first stink-free undergarment. Its maker, Copalife, claims to have created a mystery technology that kills bacteria, absorbs moisture, and eliminates odor. They've even done studies that prove their products can be worn for up to two weeks without any noticeable smells. Plus, they also sell odor-free socks and stinkless undies for women.

While I'm all for stink-free undergarments, I just don't think I could wear the same panties for two weeks. The psychological effects would far outweigh the potential sanitary issues. Besides, I already only wash my bras six time per year.

[via Random Good Stuff]

Syrian Lingerie Seduces the World

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:03:00 GMT

In an article recently published by Der Spiegel, the mysterious world of Syrian lingerie is revealed in no small detail. It turns out that Syria has become a hub of all things exotic, lacy, feathered, musical (yes, musical) and otherwise. Here are a few scintillating samples:

Lingerie is made from everything imaginable, including wire and vinyl,

feathers and cell phones,

and birds and leaves.

Salon.com also gives some insight into the relatively new phenomenon of edible underwear in Syria, which is nothing like the cheap candy stuff made in the States. These panties are made from pure fruit and sugar, cooked and rolled out into a wafer-thin fabric. Now that's a test drive I can get behind.

The styles and concepts behind Syrian lingerie are truly endless: they include everything from musical knickers to remote control undergarments that fall open at the push of a button, and they cost anywhere from $3 to $20 per piece. Talk about bang for your buck!

So why, you might ask, is Syria the new lingerie paradise? According to a lingerie seller at the Hamidiyeh souk in Damascus, "In a culture where there is always the danger that the man may find a second or third wife for himself, wives want to make sure their husband stays loyal to them... mothers believe their son-in-law will be less interested in other women if his wife surprises him with more and more new gimmicks at home."

While the world of Syrian lingerie may be out of reach beyond marketplaces such as Hamidiyeh, you can get your hands on a book devoted to the topic:

[$25, Chronicle Books]

The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie intersperses vivid photographs and interviews with women who, I have no doubt, possess a far more varied unmentionables collection than I ever will.

Have Sex with the Lights On...Kind Of

Diana Vilibert — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:21:00 GMT

Looking for a compromise between sex with the lights on and sex with the lights off? The key might be the right lingerie:

Playtex has released a line of glow in the dark lingerie to celebrate the 10th anniversary of its Moonwalk Charity to raise money for breast cancer research. Find out more about the Moonwalk Charity here, and keep your eyes out for the glow in the dark lingerie after the May 19th anniversary.

Tools of Seduction: One Colorful Package

Steph Auteri — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:38:00 GMT

No, not this one...(though wouldn't you like to know what's in that particularly pretty package)

This one:

Yowza!

According to Jockey, sales of pink briefs have soared 62% since the start of the year.

You can pick up a pair for your man right here, for $19.

How this will get you laid: Much like the vagina dress, these colorful panties highlight one of your best assets. Women won't be able to tear their eyes away. Nothing like looking at a nice, colorful package to get the blood flowing.

[Via Jezebel and Mail Online]

What's a Skong?

Alex Zalben — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:08:00 GMT

A skong? Why, that's an easy one. It's a skirt/thong. You know, like a skort is a skirt/shorts, and shpants is a shirt/pants. Here's a few more examples for your eyeballs:

[Via TrendHunter]

Go Commando

Alex Zalben — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:03:00 GMT

Want to encourage a friend to go commando? Then you'll want to check this out:

[£3, Spinning Hat]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Take Off Fergie's Underwear

Alex Zalben — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:07:00 GMT

Want to take the undies right off the most Fergalicious pop star of them all? Then check this out:

Fergie's undies are part of an auction to benefit... Wait for it... The New North London Synagogue, and are currently commanding £430 on eBay. The auction also includes undies from Daniel Day Lewis, Emma Thompson, and many more. Let's just hope it's not the undies she was wearing at this concert:

[£430, eBay]

[Via AVN]

Take Off Evangeline Lilly's Underwear [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:37:00 GMT

Hey, how'd you like to go where only Jack and Sawyer have gone before? Then you're going to want to check this out:

Lilly is releasing a new line of panties and bras for charity, some of which I'm posting here, but you can check out the full eBay store at this link.

[Via HippyShopper]

Spider-Man Wants To Get Into Your Pants

Alex Zalben — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:25:00 GMT

Literally, I mean:

[$35, Ego Assassin]

[Via Warren Ellis]

Let Them Know Your Man is Taken

Alex Zalben — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:31:00 GMT

There's one big problem with this underwear (and no, it's not what's inside):

By the time someone else gets a look at these undies, the message emblazoned on them is probably void. If you know what I mean.

[$26, Shop Intuition]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Chocolate + Thongs: A Recipe for Disaster

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:31:00 GMT

What happens when thongs and chocolate come together? Pretty much what you would expect:

The company promises that your body heat will start melting the chocolate thong as soon as you slip it on. You know, as if it's a good thing. Are we all in agreement that this seems like a bad idea, or did I not get the memo that melted chocolate in your nether regions is the new "hey, let's try whipped cream!"?

[$10.98, The Lighter Side]

Bodily Function Underwear

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:43:00 GMT

Sigh. Why do these exist? Who is wearing them?

[$13.50, Pee & Poo]

Related: I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear

Does This Make My Butt Look Big - Dude Edition

Alex Zalben — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:01:00 GMT

So, just out of curiousity, how many ladies out there would like a man with a big bubble butt? Because that's exactly what these do:

The BoyBubbles Men's Padded Briefs are designed to... Well, I don't know, make your butt look bigger? Is this a thing? Anyone? Thanks to MM reader devojones for the tip, by the way.

[$34, Bubbles]

Game Your Way Into Her Pants [NSFWish]

Alex Zalben — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:05:00 GMT

I'm not going to lie to you guys, it's a little difficult to post about hot ladies in skimpy outdits this morning, what with all the hope and change in the air. That doesn't mean I'm not going to do it, though:

The above is snakes an ladders tights. The below is Sodoku panties:

The store has a ton more game themed undies and "outfits," which you can get for £100 to £200.

[Mio Destino's Game Store]

Quickie Knickers

Alex Zalben — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 23:00:00 GMT

A quickie is often not as quick as it should be. From fumbling with pants, to not having proper protection, there's a lot of roadblocks in the way of your instant bliss. Thank goodness for these, then:

Crotchless, and they have a tiny pocket filled with a flavored condom. Delightful!

[£3, Smutty Gifts]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Find Her Sweet Spot

Alex Zalben — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Want to always find her sweet spot? Then you'll want to pick up this lingerie. Can you guess why? The answer is in the picture:

Yup, if you look in the bottom left of the undies, that's a GPS box. So next time you... head down, you can have a friendly female robot saying, "Turn left in 100 feet." Just kidding.

[$800, Lindelucy]

[Via Gizmo Watch]

Even More Nuts Underwear

Alex Zalben — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Above? Big Problem. Below? The Solution:

The great thing about this product is, it has so many uses.

[$10, Archie McPhee]

Related: Most Nuts Lingerie Ever

Victoria's Secret Geeks Out?

Alex Zalben — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:29:00 GMT

There's one easy way to make anyone totally geek out over the above panties:

Make sure they have this design, now available from Victoria's Secret. What's next, the WonderWoman Bra?

[5 for $25, Victoria's Secret]

[Via Geeksugar]

Equations: (Bras + Thongs) x Robots

Alex Zalben — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:35:00 GMT

[$10 for the bra, $6 for the Thong, Tilly's]

[Via GeekSugar]

[NSFW] Revenge of the Pearl Necklace

Alex Zalben — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Tired of having your man snickeringly ask if he can give you a pearl necklace? Then why not take sweet, sweet vengeance (or, you know, break up with the a-hole)? If the choice is ironic revenge, then you might want to look into one of these (and, I might mention, everyone else, avert your eyes):

Yup. That's a pearl dude thong. Sa-weet.

[$60, Thongs and More Online]

[Via TrendHunter]

Related: Most Nuts Lingerie Ever

What's Under Those Panties?

Diana Vilibert — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:13:00 GMT

Usually, I like my lingerie sexy, frilly, and girly--leaving little to the imagination. The sex appeal in the panties below may be subjective, but I think we can all agree they indeed leave absolutely nothing to the imagination...

I can't decide if these uterus undies are making some sort of feminist statement or if they're best worn over leggings as part of a superhero Halloween costume.

[$11, Etsy]

Get Into Each Other's Pants

Alex Zalben — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Want to know, 100% guaranteed, the easiest way to get into another person's pants? Pick up one of these:

Most awful idea ever, right?

[$10, Shop In Private]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

How Many Sex Partners Have You Had?

Alex Zalben — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Most of us don't want to talk about how many partners we've had in bed. It's either too many, too few, or... A Third option I'm not thinking of. But there's an easy way to break the news to your newest beau, as soon as you take your pants off, without saying a word:

[$12, Vulgaritees]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

A Cracking Good Trend [NSFW-ish] - Part 2

Alex Zalben — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Hey, remember when I posted about that new butt cleavage trend that's sweeping the nation? Well, there's more where that came from:

Am I a horrible person? Yes, yes I am.

[Rufskin Denim]

[Via Trendhunter]

GILF

Alex Zalben — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Tell you what: I'm not going to explain the title of this post, but see if you can figure out what it has to do with the above picture, and the bottom one:

Get it? The bottom one?

[$175, Kiki de Montparnasse]

[Via Fashion156]

Maison Close's NSFW Collection

Alex Zalben — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:00:00 GMT

You remember last week when we all decided that the new "butt crack hanging out" look for lingerie was a little gross? Well, get ready for Maison Close's new collection which, for the most part, is just some very loose lengths of rope. Totally NSFW, in case you couldn't guess:

[Maison Close]

[Via TrendHunter]

A Cracking Good Trend [NSFW-ish]

Alex Zalben — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Ummm... So... Apparently there's this trend to, uh... Well, you know. More pictures below. Cough.

[$125, Agent Provocateur]

I gotta say, and just speaking as a guy here, but I think this style is a little more jarring, and perhaps slightly gross, than sexy. Gents, am I crazy? Ladies, thoughts?

[Via Trendhunter, Trend de la Creme]

The Thong Remains The Same

Alex Zalben — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:30:00 GMT

BWA... Must be some sort of hot new sex thing, right? Or maybe one of those internet slang phrases the kids love so much? Nope. BWA actually stands for:

Boomers With Attitude, a hip* line of clothing with slogans that are supposed to appeal to the fifty to sixty somethings: Kiss My Platinum AMEX; Wisdom & Cunning Always Trump Youth & Arrogance; Did I Sell Out? Hell No, I Bought it; and Former Soccer Mom, Now Seasoned Hottie.

Hilarious?

[$15, BWA]

[Via TrendHunter]

*Replacement.

DIY: Make Your Own Underwear

Alex Zalben — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Got a lot of old t-shirts lying around? Want to make your own underwear out of 'em, like the pairs pictures above? Then just use this pattern:

[Battical Magazine]

[Via TrendHunter]