The Modern Materialist : Food and Drink

Will Strip For Chocolate, Part 2

Alex Zalben — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

A few months ago, we told you about a Strip Chocolate board game, for getting some sexy times started. Well, let's declass this a few levels:

It's basically a deck of cards, and chocolate poker chips. If you want, give me $2, and I'll make you a similar game. Just mentioning.

[£5, LoveHoney]

Quick Tip of the Day: Free Chicken!

Laureen Mahler — Wed, 06 May 2009 12:38:00 GMT

Let me preface this post with two things:

1. You may have heard about the newfangled grilled chicken that KFC is offering, and I'd just like to say for the record that I am extremely skeptical. It is Kentucky Fried Chicken, after all.
2. I have more than a few issues with promoting anything fast food-related. But...

... holy crap, free chicken! free sides! free biscuit! That's right, KFC is so desperate to get their new product into your mouth that they are offering a complete chicken dinner, for free:

[Unthinkfc.com]

Simply click here to download the coupon and cash it in for two pieces of grilled chicken, two sides, and a biscuit, completement gratuit. By May 19th, that is. And this offer isn't valid on Mother's Day, so scrap those plans for a free mom date, ya cheapos.

My lust for a bargain may have outweighed my common sense here, but I don't care what you say, I'd eat KFC biscuits until my head explodes from fake butter chemicals.

Thanks to Ranon for the tip!

[via Oprah.com]

The 25 Mother's Day Gifts You Should Buy Immediately (20-16)

Alex Zalben — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:05:00 GMT

Shaun kicked things off yesterday with our countdown of the 25 Mother's Day Gifts You Should Buy Immediately, and here's the big difference between yesterday's list, and today's: you now have one less day to buy presents for your mother. You are a bad child. Herewith, five more chances to make things right, so don't screw it up, or wait for tomorrow... Get these things now:

[$59, Ruby et Violette]

20. Ruby et Violette Cookies

These are easily the most delicious, and tasteful cookies I've ever had in my entire life. And I've had a lot of cookies. Ruby et Violette hand makes each and every one of their delectable morsels, and lucky for you, child of a mother, ships them out in gorgeous gift packs. You can choose from a number of options, but why not go for the Chenonceau, which comes with 18 cookies, or 9 brownies. Your mom deserves it.

[$95, MOMA]

19. Luna Watch

Nothing quite says, "Mom, thanks for all your years with this company, and by company, I mean giving birth to and raising me," like a classy watch from the MOMA store.

[$59, Williams-Sonoma]

18. Recipe & Entertaining Journal

All kidding aside, one of the things I remember best about growing up is cooking with my mom. Making everything from big dinners, to cookies, to breakfast, recipes and being in the kitchen has always been a part of my life. That's why I think my Mom at least would love this Recipe and Entertaining Journal, to keep her (and our) favorite recipes in a leather-bound journal, to last for the ages.

[$100, Food Network]

17. Barefoot Contessa All Chocolate Basket

I don't know if I've mentioned yet that my mother and I liked cooking together. Probably not. Also, I don't think I've put anything on this list about food, or dessert. But for the sake of argument, say I had, what would make this basket special? Well, first off, Barefoot Contessa stuff is delicious across the board. Second of all, a chocolate sweet tooth is something that my mother, and my grandmother both share with a passion. So yeah, this would be a good gift.

[$99, Zoombak]

16. Zoombak, so your mom always knows where you are

If there's one thing I've learned in my time here at Modern Materialist, it's that women over the age of fifty love gadgets. Kidding! But even with my grade school days far behind me, I'm betting my Mom wouldn't turn down the chance to know where I was at all times.

Make Your Own Kettle Chips

Alex Zalben — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:03:00 GMT

Almost a year ago, Wendy, who is sadly no longer with us*, told you about her favorite chips ever. Then I told her she was wrong, these were the best chips. Then, nothing. Until now:

Kettle Chips is giving you the chance to create your own potato chips. The Create-a-Chip Kit contains four bags of unseasoned chips, seven different spices, and full-size bags of Spicy Thai, Buffalo Bleu™ and Tuscan Three Cheese chips. Yum.

Time to finally make those Peanut Butter & Jelly potato chips I've been craving.

[$15, Kettle Chips]

[Via Uncrate]

*Probably a bad turn of phrase. She's doing great, everybody!

Quick Tip of the Day: Still Tasty?

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:29:00 GMT

This is me, doing something that I'm not especially proud of. Any guesses? Yep, I'm tentatively sniffing the god-knows-how-old contents of a tupperware container. I think this particular container held the remains of a chorizo and tofu scramble (yes, it doesn't make sense, but damn if that wasn't a tasty scramble). But how long does chorizo and tofu stay good in the fridge? Can I safely nibble, or is it better to let these leftovers go?

The answer to these (and many other leftover-related) questions can be found at Still Tasty, a website designed to tell you how to store it, and -- perhaps more importantly -- when to not eat it.

Here's how it works:

From the main page, you can either type in a food or beverage, or select from a wide variety of food categories. I typed in chorizo, and found this:

[www.stilltasty.com]

Not only does the site tell me how to store my chorizo, it estimates how long I should keep it in the fridge. The good news? The chorizo part of my tupperware scramble should be tasty for another week. The bad news? Tofu should only stay in the fridge for five days after it's opened. Yikes.

Never again will I fear my tupperware! Now I just have to work on learning how to properly cook the things that go into that tupperware...

[via Cool Material]

Equations: Cakesicles

Alex Zalben — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:36:00 GMT

[$12, Amazon]

[Via Book of Joe]

Realistic Fruit Juice Packages

Alex Zalben — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:03:00 GMT

I love this concept idea. Love it. I'm just going to show you a couple more ideas, and hope someone actually starts making these soon:

[Via The Dieline]

Happy Hour Test Drive: Loft Organic Liqueurs

Alex Zalben — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:01:00 GMT

With Spring finally sprung, it's the perfect time for a fresh tasting chilled liqueur, and the good people at LOFT were nice enough to let us try a sample of their wares, the first certified Organic Liqueur in the United States.

Did we like it? Did we hate it? You'll just have to check out our video review below:

...and in case you couldn't parse the info from the video, LOFT comes in four flavors currently: Lemongrass, Lavendar, Spicy Ginger, and Tangerine, which doesn't hit until June, but you just watched a preview of above. Boo-yah!

LOFT is produced in small batches from fresh-picked fruit and botanicals. All ingredients in LOFT are grown without chemicals, pesticides, synthetic fertilizers, radiation or bioengineering, and when possible, sourced from local farms with a like-minded commitment to sound agricultural practices. So that's pretty nice.

Bottles are available right now in stores nationwide for $30. You can find a list of participating retailers right here.

This Product Is Literally, Milk

Alex Zalben — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Hey, it would never work, but it looks pretty cool, no?

[Via TrendHunter]

Happy Hour: Apple Shots

Alex Zalben — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Got a bunch of useless apples sitting around? Then why not use them the way god intended, and turn them into shot glasses?

To be fair, this device is just a slightly larger corer, but it's actually a neat idea. Find the right liquor, let it sit for a second, and you've got a fruit juice infused shot in an instant.

Or, core a potato, and put some vodka in it, for a funny visual joke! Note: may not be a visual joke.

[$12, CoolStuffExpress]

[Via Nerd Approved]

Happy Hour: World's Most Expensive Beer?

Alex Zalben — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Is this the most expensive beer in the world? At $367 a bottle, it ain't cheap. Carlsberg'd Vintage No. 2 is limited to 600 bottles, and is aged for 100 days in French oak casks.

Which is nice and all, but again, I ask... Is this most expensive? Here's another option:

The other night, I was at Draft Barn in Park Slope, which has a few bottles of Sam Adams Utopias. Utopias is beer aged for about two years, until it reaches 27% alcohol by volume. Sam Adams releases a different, limited vintage every year, and they always quickly sell out.

As for price, Draft Barn was selling shots for $20 each, or the whole bottle for $400. And it looks like we have a new winner, except... Sam Adams usually sells the bottles for $100. So while the bottle that Draft Barn has is the most expensive, the beer itself isn't the most expensive.

Anyway, without belabouring this any further, I'd guess that out there, there's an even more expensive bottle of beer. $400 just seems like too low of a ceiling, doesn't it?

[Via The Moodie Report]

Test Drive: Adjustable Heat Hot Sauce

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:02:00 GMT

A while ago, Alex introduced you to Dave's Gourmet adjustable heat hot sauce and speculated as to the effectiveness of a product that could conceivably change spice levels with a simple twist of its lid. So, in the MM tradition of putting life, limb, and tastebuds in peril for the benefit of our readers, I recruited an assistant (thanks John!) to help me test drive this intriguing product.

Warning! Before reading on, note that this test drive contains the following: egregious margarita-making, resulting in pervasive blurry photo-taking, and a pretty sweet suggested soundtrack.

Phase 1: Instructions

As is clear from the photo, the adjustable hot sauce comes with extremely scant instructions. The bottle says "turn the top to adjust the heat," but it doesn't indicate which direction is spicier, or how spiciness is measured. So, we decided to just jump right in.

Phase 2: Consistency

It comes in a spray bottle, which 1) is extremely dangerous if you're me and decide to inspect the nozzle while pressing the button, and 2) results in a watery consistency that is a little less than appealing.

Phase 3: Taste Test

Without any guidance from the bottle, we decided to test spiciness at the following lid settings: medium, four notches right, all the way right, four notches left, and all the way left. Above, John tests four notches right and finds it to be somewhat tepid.

Here, I boldly test all the way left. The bad news? Same spice level. In fact, every setting seemed to be producing the same level of (non)spiciness. Frustrated and more than a few rounds of margaritas into the test drive, we did what any responsible taste testers would do: decided the bottle was broken, spun it like Russian Roulette, and doused a pile of tortilla chips.

The result? Somehow we got the bottle stuck on super spicy, which produced a bout of watery eyes, coughing, and another (rather hasty) round of margaritas.

Phase 4: In Summary

On the up side, the adjustable heat hot sauce is a pretty fun concept, and if you can get it to spicy, it doesn't disappoint. It also prompted the invention of Russian Spice Roulette, though this might only work if your bottle is broken. On the down side, consistency is a big issue, as well as the non-functioning bottle. If you're going to make adjustable hot sauce, it's got to actually be adjustable, right?

Our final judgment: not perfect but definitely worth a try, especially when accompanied by margaritas and our official test drive playlist:

1) Johnny Thunders: Chinese Rocks
2) TV on the Radio: Wolf Like Me
3) Roky Erickson: I Have Always Been Here Before
4) The Damned: Wait for the Blackout
5) Kiss: Love Gun
6) Black Flag: Rise Above
7) Pixies: Wave of Mutilation
8) Sonic Youth: Dirty Boots
9) David Bowie: Heroes

[$7, Dave's Gourmet]

Happy Hour: World's Most Expensive Champagne

Alex Zalben — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:04:00 GMT

Nope, nothing phallic about that picture at all. Not one bit.

Anyway, for those of you who are interested in what this champagne is, and why it's so expensive, Diadema Diamante is a champagne which would cost a pretty penny regardless of its label. However, it is the label that jacks up the price:

- The "regular" version comes in a 4 karat bottle emblazoned with 134 diamonds. That costs $10,506.

- The "magnum" version includes 180 diamonds, and is packed in wooden boxes lined with black leather, sewn with silver thread. Now only $15,757!

What economic downturn?

[Diadema]

[Via Born Rich]

Hangover Cure: Obama Fingers

Alex Zalben — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 21:59:00 GMT

At this point in the day, some of you have just got out of work, and are catching up to the rest of us. Others are moving into their twelfth hour of partying. Still others are probably just wondering what Obama Fingers are. And I'll tell you:

They're the perfect hangover cure! Nothing's better that delicious fried food, or thinking about our excellent new President to make you feel better. So why not combine them into one lovely package, as a German frozen food company has done.

The fingers in question, by the way, are chicken fingers, with a curry dip. Oh, and the Golden Gate bridge in the background, I think? Hey, why not?

[Via Neatorama]

Happy Hour: Shamrock Shot

Alex Zalben — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:02:00 GMT

Guys, I must be totally wiznasted by now, because other than Malibu and Curacao, I have no idea what the third ingredient this delightful mish-mash is. Maybe you all can figure it out?

Coffee Makers of The Future

Alex Zalben — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:29:00 GMT

Earlier today, Steph told you how to get the perfect cup of coffee. The natural follow-up question is, how to make it?

I may not have the answer to that, but I do have a line-up of fantastic looking coffee maker... Concepts, I guess? Anyway, one is above, the even crazier looking rest are below:

[Via Room69]

Less Rat Race, More Cheese

Laureen Mahler — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:57:00 GMT

[Photo via]

This is precisely how I imagine my retirement: playing Scrabble on a nude beach with nothing but my honey and a bag of veggies. In the meantime, I'll have to settle for subtler methods of making my Scrabble more fun:

[Cheez-It]

I'm pretty sure this'll do the trick. (Not that Scrabble needs to be made more fun, of course.)

Wait a minute... what about naked cheese-flavored beach Scrabble? Oh man, I think I just blew my own mind.

Whatever, I'll Have Anything

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 21:18:00 GMT

The funniest concepts for products often remain just concepts, so I LOVE that these are real products:

Singapore company Anything takes the refreshment decision out of everyone's hands with their surprise drinks. Whether you want "Whateve" or "Anything," you'll get a can of cola, cola with lemon, apple cola, cloudy lemon and root beer (huh?), iced tea, peach tea, jasmine green tea, white grape tea, apple tea, or chrysanthemum tea. And next time you'll learn to make a freakin' decision already.

[Inventor Spot]

Guess How Many Ingredients Are In This Ice Cream?

Alex Zalben — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:06:00 GMT

Hey, can you guess how many ingredients are in this ice cream? It's really difficult, but I think you can figure it out:

Correct! It's five! Milk, sugar, cream, and eggs, plus one of six flavors (milk chocolate, vanilla bean, coffee, brown sugar, ginger, mint, and passion fruit). Nice, simple, and I'm guessing delicious? Hopefully?

[Via The Food Section]

Quick Tip Of The Day: Get Minimal

Alex Zalben — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:32:00 GMT

I really like the idea of podcasts, but I haven't been able to get into them. I don't know if it's the time commitment, or the amount of concentration I can put in; but it just hasn't been working for me... Except for The Minimalist video podcast. Reasons I like it:

- The Minimalist is easily the best cooking column for New Yorkers. Very few ingredients, quick recipes, and everything is always delicious.

- Mark Bitman is dryly hilarious. Most of his recipes are presented as if he hardly cares what you put in them... Which is true. A recent recipe had him saying, "I'm using cream. You can use milk. Or water. Or nothing, I don't care."

- It's short! Most episodes are less than five minutes. Take that, Rachael Ray.

- It's free! That's pretty self explanatory.

It's also impossible to find, as it's listed in iTunes under Video: Style/Dining & Wine, rather than "The Minimalist," so here's the link. Enjoy!

Nice Ice, Baby

Laureen Mahler — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:12:00 GMT

How much would you pay for a cube of ice? Granted, it's free in most of the establishments that I patronize, but if you desperately needed to chill a drink, what would you say? Fifty cents? One dollar?

Now multiply that number by about 10, and you've got luxury ice:

[$8 per cube, Glace Luxury Ice]

These ice balls are 2.5 inches in diameter and made with artesian water, by a company that claims it's at the top of the luxury ice market. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't know that there was a luxury ice market. You learn something every day, I suppose.

[via Baller House]

Will Strip For Chocolate [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:49:00 GMT

Want to get a little bit of this going on at home? Then get the home game:

As you travel around the board, you draw cards to see who strips, and who gets painted with chocolate and cherry body frosting. To be fair, I really hope the person that strips gets painted with the frosting, cause that stuff can ruin clothes. And that would be the worst.

[$30, Uncommon Goods]

[Via Outblush]

Condoms for Douchebags

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:14:00 GMT

This is the New Jersey species of the Douchebaggery kingdom (thanks, Ebaum's!) They're not a rare species and the're hard to miss, but if you need help spotting one, these are the traits to look for:

a faux orange glow, usually from hours spent in a tanning booth every week, sometimes followed by fake tan lotion
muscle distribution and overall body shape that indicates 10+ weekly gym hours spent working biceps and biceps only
backwards, upside-down visor (I hope, for everyone's sake, that this trend was localized to NJ. Was it?)
pants that are either much too tight or dangerously loose
consumption of energy drinks with douchebagalicious names that often include words such as "crunk" and "pimp"

That last one is pretty much a requirement. I've managed to avoid sleeping with this particular species of Douchebag, but if I were to, I would probably be eager to put some kind of latex barrier between the two of us. Thank goodness for energy drinks that come with condoms:

In case you can't read it, the type below the cartoon penis juggling says "refreshingly fruity." I don't even have to make this joke, do I?

[Billy Boy]

Related: Kama Sutra Condoms

Best/Worst: Last Call of the Wild

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:06:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Why the long face? Could it be that there aren't enough tipsy animals in your life? As a feline owner who assumes that raging catnip parties take place whenever I leave my apartment, I definitely appreciate some well-intended animal vice humor. Here's the problem, though: products based on drinking humor usually miss the mark on style and refinement.

But to keep things equitable and entertaining, here are the best and worst of products featuring animal intoxication:

Best: An otter walks up to a bar

[Megan Adie]

Lovely letterpressed cards that affirm my suspicion about otters: they do indeed prefer the hard stuff.

Worst: Shark humor gone wrong

[$20, Zazzle]

Exactly what occasion might call for this shirt? Maybe, maybe if you were attending a cocktail party for marine biologists and feeling especially ironic, you could think about thinking about wearing this.

Best: Drinking with bears

[$24, Little Paper Planes]

The best part of this artist print? The inscription that reads "The known practice of using domesticated bears as cushions while drinking."

Worst: Ill-advised puns remain ill advised

[$18, Cafe Press]

I have two issues here: 1) this doesn't make any sense, and 2) it is a clear ripoff of the Charmin Pooping Bear, icon of American advertising and my personal favorite toilet paper salesman.

Best: Behind the scenes at Meerkat Manor

[$4.25, Etsy]

Victorian zoological prints modified and made into magnets. Don't mind if I do, thanks.

Worst: Buy me a drink and I'll let you pet my hair.

[Nagi Noda]

These hair hats win points for craftsmanship, but I simply don't trust the model under the snout.

Best: Maakies, Maakies, Maakies

[$10, Dark Horse]

Drinky Crow has a very special, booze-soaked place in my heart, and this coaster homage makes me smile.

Worst: Wine storage gets weird

[$25, Red's Bazaar]

I'm willing to overlook the drunk pooches lounging in gigantic grape bunches. I'm even ready to accept the hiccupping dog cork topper. But why in the world would anyone need a wine holder for Charles Shaw?

Grownup Parties are Lame

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:21:00 GMT

This past New Year's, I asked my friends I was celebrating with if we're not officially adults yet until we stop ringing in the new year drinking out of red plastic cups and chewing on cold pizza. I was told we would always celebrate this way, thankyouverymuch. Want in on the not-quite-grownup fun? Bring out this tablecloth for your next formal occasion:

Who needs place settings anyway?

[$50, Up to You or Onto]

Related: Napkin Catch Placemat

Diet Jar Locks Food, Punishes Cheaters

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:59:00 GMT

The post New Year's diet craze is most certainly upon us, and just in case any calorie counters out there needed extra inspiration, 2009's 20 Worst Foods in America list was just published. Here are some highlights:

• Worst Milkshake: Baskin Robbins Oreo Shake @ 2,600 calories
• Worst Burger: Chili's Bacon Cheeseburger @ 2,040 calories
• Worst Sandwich: Quizno's Tuna Melt @ 2,090 calories

Yikes! It's a good thing that diet technology is keeping up with gadgets like the Diet Jar.

[$42, Bim Bam Banana]

This friendly-looking contraption has a time-lock lid to keep forbidden goodies out of reach, and its maker promises a "shocking consequence" for anyone who tampers with the lock. I can only assume that means cheaters will be thoroughly punished with a high-voltage charge likely to result in unconsciousness and, therefore, even less forbidden eating.

Zero-Calorie Chips

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:55:00 GMT

Are zero-calorie chips real? They are (kind of), and they're called Slim Chips.

The product designer says, "It's like eating tasty air. The Slim Chips are made out of edible paper and pure organic tastes." Coming to a store near you soon? I hope so. Let's just cross our fingers that Lindsay Lohan or whoever catches wind of it, and it'll be on the shelves in no time.

[Hafsteinn Juliusson]

Related: Calorie Free Popcorn

Happy Hour: Building a Better Corkscrew

Alex Zalben — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:00:00 GMT

The problem with corkscrews is that you can open one bottle, and then you have to throw out the corkscrew, right*? So, in the immortal words of Wolverine**, behold the power of three:

I can see one problem right off with this, that no-one can get a cork on a crokscrew that perfectly. But maybe I'm wrong*?

[$38, Unica Home]

[Via BLTD]

*Wrong.

**My friend Chris once had a dream that Wolverine's catch-phrase was, "Behold the power of three!" We thought this was kind of hilarious.

Pubes? For Dinner? [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:01:00 GMT

Mmm... Yummy! Look, designer Ana Mir has created a dinner plate with pubes baked into it. This used to be on sale at the MOMA Store, but seems to have mysteriously disappeared. Weird! Well, what else does Mir have on the menu? Let's take a look:

Oh, yum, chocolate nipples. Thank you Ana Mir! What else do you have?

Edible toe candy? You shouldn't have. But Ana, forget about dinner. I'm renewing my vows, and my wife needs a dress. Any suggestions?

Thanks, Ana Mir! Check out the rest of her designs here.

Marsha Mello [NSFM]

Alex Zalben — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 21:32:00 GMT

From the creators of the above little gem, comes Marsha Mello:

NSFM=Not Safe For Marshmallows, by the way. Also? Unclear to me how to use this.

[$18, Roast My Weenie]

[Via Nerd Approved]