The Modern Materialist

You’re about to go onstage for your first gig. The crowd is restless. It’s your one shot to make it as a star, and you’ve got to do something to blow them away. You take a momentary deep breath, and then strut on stage. There’s a pause of anticipation from the crowd, almost as if everyone is collectively holding their breath. And then, you pull out the biggest f-ing guitar in history. The crowd goes wild, you’re a superstar, and a doctor finds a cure for cancer.

Find out how to make this dream a reality, after the jump... 

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I love to get out of town and check out new towns, states, and countries, but that doesn't mean I'm not without concerns when I travel.

My top travel concerns are:

 

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With all the problems in our modern world, very few afflict us on quite so emotional a level as the mis-use and appropriation of our pool floats. Whether it’s finding out that Mummy and Dads have sullied your favorite floater with their behinds, forcing you to head to the mall to purchase a replacement pool float from… shudder… Target. Or it’s friend from the mansion across the street having their limo driver come over to borrow a floatie because theirs is “in the shop,” we all know the pain of losing a prized pool float forever.

A solution to this terrifying problem, after the jump... 

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Is there really anyone out there who couldn't benefit from a little therapy? I mean, we're all so fucked up. We can't sleep anymore, we're starving ourselves or eating way too much, we drink too much, too, and we sabotage anything good that comes our way because we can't get our heads around actually deserving happiness. Oh come on, I know I'm not just talking about myself here — you guys are just as crazy! So why aren't we all in therapy? Oh yeah, because we like paying our rent. But what if we could get therapy on the cheap? What if we could solve our emotional issues for less than $15? Oh, it can be done:

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All right, so I’m about to tell you about two custom Nerd Pillows, one about twice the price of the other. The one pictured above is the basic Nerd Pillow, each hand-made from 100% Italian Wool. Nice, right? Check out the price, and the even more expensive option, after the jump:

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[$145, Amazon] 

While I'm not big on watches for myself, preferring instead to bug strangers on the street when I'm wondering how late I'm running, I do appreciate a good-looking time piece on the wrists on manly men. You know what I'm talking about — a hot watch on a lightly tanned wrist with a vein or two parralell to the face and maybe just bit of hair peeking out from under the band — hmm-mm, yes, very nice. Just to encourage some of you guys out there to adopt the look I like so much, I've rounded up a handful (pun intended) of sexy, affordable (all under $150) black watches:

 

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Now, I know not all of us were in the Math Research Group in our High School. Not all of us wanted to be a mathematician in college. And not all of us realized how stupid that was, and promptly forgot everything about math. But I can tell you that this desk is not, technically, a fractal, as it doesn’t go on forever.

Actual info, including where to check it out this weekend, after the jump... 

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[$50, Microsoft]

I have grand plans for future MM Test Drive posts. Grand, I tell you. Some even including video.

As there's not always someone around to videotape me like the burgeoning star I am, perhaps I should invest in a webcam. And these forthcoming (June) webcams from Microsoft are cute as hell (my no. 1 requirement for all new gadgetry).

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I think I'm in love.

[ £168.00 , Orla Kiely]

Most of these are concepts, and some of them are just art. But most of the products produced by d-Vision, a design collective, are jaw-droppingly beautiful. I’ve highlighted a couple, like the cutlery above, and you can check out the rest at their website.

Check out the rest after the jump: 

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[$9.99, Pop Deluxe] 

For those times when your husband keeps putting the fan on over the bed...and you keep freezing your ass off and waiting for him to drift off so you can turn it off...and he suddenly awakens lying in a pool of his own sweat, and turns it back on...and you eventually wake up shivering...

This glow-in-the-dark dude will help you both, yet never resolve the issue.

After the jump, a video guide to sharing a bed:

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[$105, Ben Sherman] 

Not everyone can pull off the retro sunglasses look. In fact, few can do it successfully, and most people just end up looking pretty douchey when they try. But those lucky ones who can pull it off with panache, look so cool in this look that you can almost forgive them if they wear the sunglasses at night or indoors. If you can so without the tortoise frames and the leather case this Ben Sherman pair comes with, there's a more afforable option that saves you nearly 75%:

 

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About freaking time, I think. As you can see from the picture above:

1) I have some names for play lists in my iTunes I would rather not explain.
2) HBO shows have been added to iTunes.

Details after the jump... 

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Way back when, during my college years, I had a one-night stand. I had just "crossed" into sorority-dom, had hopped four parties, and had somehow been lured back to an out-of-the-way apartment with the promise of kahlua. The fact that my entire sorority had the hots for the guy only somewhat dulled the shame I felt. Here, five things that went through my head on the long trek home:

1.  I am wildly hungover...
2. ...yet still wildly hungry.
3. I will eat this lollipop to stave off the hunger.
4. Does it still count if he was too drunk to keep it up?
5. I smell.

If you don't even have the time to stop home before stumbling your way in to work, there is something to ease that last point, at least:

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[$4.50, Etsy] 

We are society obsessed with food! Whether we're over-fed, under-fed, dieting to squeeze into a wedding dress this summer, or stuffing our faces in post-break-up misery, the thing we seem to have most in common is munchies on our minds. Just look at all this food-centric jewelry for proof:

 

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I’ve previously spewed the praises of the Tivoli line of products. I own a CD player and speaker from Tivoli, and the sound is crisp, and clear. Not only that, but the units are tiny and beautiful, as they’re encased in actual wood (not the balsa stuff you get from an Ikea or Target). They’re durable, beautiful gadgets. What more do you want?

How about a totally redesigned internet radio?

The Networks 2 sports Tivoli’s patented design, now completely covered in wood. It connects to any internet radio station, and can stream music from your computer or other hard drive. Not only that, but it can connect to a USB port, thumb-drive, or mp3 player, so it’s an all-in-one speaker, music player solution.

Check out a video of the announcement, below:

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Question: How can these weird looking blue balls save you time and money?

Answer after the jump:

 

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 While this totally looks like the schematics for some odd-shaped paper airplane, it's actually...

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Enjoying a glass of wine is right up there on my list of favorite things to do in the bath, which is why I love this bamboo bathtub caddy with its clever wine glass holder. It takes away any worry I might have had about knocking over a glass precariously resting on the wet, soapy corner of the tub, which in turn, leaves me much more relaxed to enjoy these other favorite bath-time activities:

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For those of you who are a little tech savvy, and don’t mind playing around with a hard drive, the Hardbook might be the thing for you. The hard drive enclosure fits most 3.5 inch SATA I or II drives, and connects to your PC or Mac using a USB cord.

Oh, and it looks like a book.

A couple more features, after the jump... 

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Not in stores, this ghost mirror — designed by Olivier Sidet — appeals to the creepy child in me, who devoured John Saul novels and found great joy in ouija boards and withchcraft kits.

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Question: How can you turn this simple wine bottle into instant romance once the wine is already gone:

Answer:

 

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Whether it’s SNL back when you remember it being good, or Welsh neo-Big Band music, The Weekly Top 5 tells you how you should be spending your entertainment dollars this week. Check out the whole list, and then let me know what I got horribly wrong, or missed, in the comments below:

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5 Things I Do On the Bus To Discourage Others From Sitting Next To Me:

1. sit in the aisle seat
2. spread all my belongings (how does one "spread" a single purse?) across the seat next to me
3. pretend to be asleep, whilst sitting in the aisle seat with my stuff taking up the seat next to me
4. look angry/dangerous
5. look angry/dangerous while wearing my massive headphones

This probably isn't nice of me. Rather than doing all of the above, I should sit in the window seat with my purse placed primly on my lap, my countenance smiley. And when someone sits down next to me, I should pass this over to them:

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This watch, made from reclaimed and recycled materials is so cool looking, it's hard to believe it once looked like this:

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Okay, gang, I’ve cracked this mystery: Apple is trying to get people to buy Blackberrys, and it’s stunningly obvious. Find out the secret plan, after the jump...

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They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but, as it turns out, you can teach a goldfish to play sports. Using operant conditioning, positive reinforcement, and the R2 Fish School Training Kit, your goldfish will be playing soccer in no time. Also, limbo, fetch, slalom, basketball, and much more.

Check out a video of a fish playing Football, after the jump (and yes, the fish does jumps):

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I was raised a Roman Catholic, but I did that typical thing in college where I became agnostic, and I've since been on a constant search for the meaning of faith.

Despite my lapsed Catholicism, however, there are many times during which I find it appropriate to invoke God's name:

• when someone cuts me off on the highway
• when someone cuts me off in the suburbs
• when I stub my toe
• when I realize that the cat has vomited all over the condo
• when I'm running late
• etc.

Obviously, I'm not the most pious of people. But for those who are looking for new ways to rock out with the Lord:

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We all know that at least half of Michael Jackson's face has been carved away since he was a cute kid singing 'ABC' in the Jackson Five. These Matryoshka dolls are a perfect representation of his drasticly altered face:

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What you see above, my friends, is the world’s most expensive shirt. Made by Eton Shirts Limited to celebrate their 80th Anniversary, the shirt has been created from the finest Egyptian cotton yarn, with buttons and studs encrusted with diamonds.

After the jump, a devious plan to claim this shirt for my own... 

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