The Modern Materialist

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• Buy Clothes For Your Whole (Polygamist) Family

  Above is a small collection of clothing offered by FLDSDress.com, which is all fine and dandy, until I tell you this: Read More... Posted Jul 03 2008, 09:00 AM by Alex Zalben with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: clothing

• Something’s Fishy About This Swimsuit

  There’s something a little fishy about this bathing suit, and I can guarantee that in a million years, you’ll never, ever guess what it is. So to that end, I’ll tell you. Ready? Read More... Posted Jun 05 2008, 06:00 PM by Alex Zalben with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: fish, clothing, bikinis, swimsuits

• Tom Ford's Completely NSFW Collection

  Above is the only picture from Tom Ford's Spring/Summer Collection that is even remotely safe for work. I'm going to paste the rest of them below, but be warned... There's so much nudity (male and female), and so few actual items of clothing, it's not even funny. If you're actually interested in checking out the collection, which ranges from eyewear to suits, you can click here. But you stopped reading words a while ago, didn't you? Pictures after the jump, pervs:   Read More... Posted Jun 03 2008, 06:00 PM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: clothing, sexy, Fashion, NSFW

• Check Out The F**king Poncho!

  Boston's Alt Paper, The Weekly Dig, recently sparked a bit of controversy with their profane advertisement for Ponchos. The ad was part of an entire issue devoted to LOLCats and internet memes, and caused readers to accuse the Dig of “bad taste, and poor judgement.” Check out the NSFW ad after the jump, and then let me know whether you want a f**king poncho: Read More... Posted May 22 2008, 01:00 PM by Alex Zalben with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: clothing, ponchos, ads

• Geek Out: Marc Ecko Star Wars Hoodies

  Is Star Wars cool at all anymore? I know Spike TV would certainly like you to think so, as they’re currently playing all six movies back to back. In fact, I would say that their well done add campaign is winning back a lot of nostalgia for the series; that is, as long as you don’t sit down and actually watch it. There’s also been some pretty cool products lately, not least of which is the R2-D2 projector I mentioned a few days ago. That being said, I don’t know if the world is ready for a Marc Ecko designed line of Star Wars hoodies. These are a little bit old news, as they were announced a few months ago. But since I haven’t actually seen anybody wearing ‘em, hey, I bet they’re news to you. More nerdy goodness, after the jump...  Read More... Posted May 06 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: clothing, Geek Out, star wars

• Geek Out: Piranha Plant Undies Return With Friends

  Thanks to Ryan Urico of Last Action Cowboy for dropping us a note that his wicked line of Super Mario Piranha Plant underwear is back, now with several other geek-friendly compatriots. For those of you not up to speed, we previously found some black tighty-blackies featuring the fire breathing piranha plant from Super Mario Brothers about to bite off your Little Luigi. More pics, after the jump...  Read More... Posted May 05 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: clothing, Geek Out

• Oven Mit Apron

  When I first started working out of home, it was like I regressed to being five again. I was entirely unable to feed or clothe myself, wandering around the apartment with no shirt eating peanut butter sandwiches. That quickly* ended, though, and I moved into the second phase of my freelance-dom, and turned into a Haus Frau. I dust while I’m on the phone. I do laundry between writing assignments. And whenever I can, I start cooking dinner around four PM, so it’s ready for my S.O. when she gets home. More homebodiness, after the jump...  Read More... Posted Apr 30 2008, 12:30 PM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: Cooking, clothing

• Bikini Without That Annoying “Up Your Butt” Thing

  Being a dude*, I don’t really have a huge problem with underwear crawling up my butt. However, if Sarah Chalke is to be trusted (and she is), this is a huge problem for women. That’s why, women, I give you the Bikini Pants. The Bikini Pants give you that “My bikini is way over my waistline, ‘cause my pants are so low,” look all you ladies crave, without actually wearing any bikini or underwear, which, interestingly, is the look all dudes crave. A couple more pictures, and then the pricing, after the jump... Read More... Posted Apr 21 2008, 12:30 PM by Alex Zalben with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: clothing, sexy, pants

• Geek Out: Pac-Man Belt

  Recently, my pants started falling down. Now, let’s not freak out and thinking I’m getting super skinny… I have been eating nothing but paper and paper clips lately, but I think that’s unrelated. I just like the taste of ‘em. I think it actually has to do with the elastic in my pants… You know what, this post went off the rails before it even started. Let’s try this again, from the top, after the jump... Read More... Posted Apr 15 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: clothing, Geek Out, Belts

• Call Me G-String

  …Because a G-String peeking out from your jeans doesn’t send a clear enough message, why not print your phone number on it? At least, that’s the suggestion made by SEMDesign, which will custom print a message on the band of their G-Strings. You can get the undies* in small, medium, or large, in a three pack, with any message up to 20 characters printed on the band. May I humbly suggest: “I’m wearing a G-String!” More goodn-ass, after the jump...  Read More... Posted Apr 14 2008, 02:00 PM by Alex Zalben with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: clothing, sexy

• Geek Out: Piranha Plant Underwear

  Two things I did as a kid: 1) Played a lot of video games. 2) Wore super hero tighty-whities. More, after the jump...  Read More... Posted Apr 11 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: clothing, Geek Out, Underwear

• Freudian Slippers

  Sigh. I find these totally hilarious. I'm sorry. My defense, after the jump.    Read More... Posted Apr 07 2008, 04:30 PM by Alex Zalben with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: clothing, slippers

• Extra Large Gameboy Color Compatible Dog Panties

  Ummm… Uh…. So these are for… Well, pet owners, these dog panties are hygenic, so… Looking for accesories that are “atible with ameboy Color?” Look no further… Uh. ... [$5.12, DealExtreme] [Via Kotaku] Posted Mar 26 2008, 03:30 PM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: clothing, Ridiculous, Pet Products

• Retro Arcade: Tetris Skirt

  I’m just going to post this without comment. Okay, one comment: If I was a lady, I would totally wear this. Okay, one more comment: I might wear this anyway. [Sold Out, Etsy] [Via Kotaku] Posted Mar 14 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: video games, clothing, Retro Arcade

• Retro Arcade: Evolution of Man T-Shirt

  When man first climbed from the primordial muck, there was only one thought on his mind: Do you have any quarters? From ape, to caveman, to modern human, the quest to get quarters has shaped our world, and changed the very course of evolution. What better medium to capture the heart of this quest than the canvas used by Michelangelo, Da Vinci, and of course, Picasso: The T-Shirt. Game Asylum’s new Tee, showcasing the growth of the human race, is a picture for the ages. Nay, a snapshot of the very soul of the human race. Don’t you owe it to yourself to wear it while drinking the nectar of the gods itself? I refer of course, to PBR. Let us bring a frosty toast to our lips. To man! [$20, Game Asylum] [Via TechnaBob] Posted Mar 12 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: video games, clothing, Retro Arcade, Shirts

• Retro Arcade: Joystick Junkies T-Shirts

  I’ll just throw this out there, but I think part of the appeal of gaming t-shirts is wearing your nerdiness on your sleeve, both literally and figuratively. The shirts are geeky, you’re geeky, and everybody is fine with it. This is why I’m annoyed about these Joystick Junkies shirts… They’re actually pretty cool. The above hoodie shirt looks like any other designer. How am I supposed to know the wearer is a big Space Invaders geek if my first cursory glance informs me that they are way too cool for me? There are a ton more shirts over at their site, but this hoodie is teh most awesome.  [$55, Joystick Junkies] Posted Mar 10 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: video games, clothing, Retro Arcade, Shirts

• Retro Arcade: Mushroom Dealer T-Shirt, Tote, and Hoodie

  This is kind of turning into “Retro Mario Arcade,” isn’t it? Anywho, here’s the perfect gift for the friend you like doing shrooms with*, or for any friend who likes to do a little power up now and then. Or, get it for yourself, and let people know where all the best warp whistles are. They come in 14 different colors for the shirts, down to five colors for the totes, and all sizes, from Mario to Super Mario. Tote and Hoodie after the jump...    Read More... Posted Mar 05 2008, 09:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: video games, clothing, Retro Arcade, Bags, geeky

• Hello, My Name is Awesome Shirt. You Killed My Previous Shirt. Prepare To Wear Me.

  God, I love Think Geek. Like, seriously, love love. Like, if I could marry a website, and then have babies with that website, and then grow old with that website, and then that website would go to Hell, but I would go to Heaven, because I’m awesome and righteous, that website would be Think Geek. Not to hyperbolize too much, but how great you believe Think Geek is may be directly proportional to how much you love the Princess Bride inspired shirt above. For those of us who spent their afternoons in high school watching a video tape of Rob Reiner’s classic, memorizing every line, and, in particular, replaying the BEST SWORDFIGHT OF ALL TIME, this is the perfect shirt to let everyone know, “Hey, I’m ironic, but also, ironically, I love things that are good.” More after the jump...   Read More... Posted Feb 21 2008, 10:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: clothing, geeky

• Embrace Your Outer Rock Star

  For those of you whose only experience playing some hot licks on the guitar involves five brightly colored buttons, these are your T-shirts. Worn Free has lovingly recreated vintage T’s famously worn by rockers, and will sell them to you for the punk rock price of forty bones. The shirts are “modeled” on the Worn Free site by everyone from Debbie Harry, to Frank Zappa, and come in a variety of colors. It’s worth it just to check out the gallery for a little piece of rock history. I have nothing funny to say on this one, they're just that cool. [$40, Worn Free] [Via]  Posted Feb 18 2008, 10:30 AM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: clothing