Dear ESPN,
I know that you and I don’t have the best relationship. In fact, I never really watch you at all, so I’m probably unqualified to talk about your programming, your branding, or almost anything else about you. However, what I do think I’m qualified to talk about is gadgets… And I’d like to ask you to stop making them.
I understand on a certain level it makes a lot of sense. You’re a sports network with an audience of dudes who like to spend money on stuff, from season tickets, to sportswear, and more. So why not extend your brand, and create products that help feed your fans addiction to sports, as well as your bottom line.
However, I want you to look at the success, or lack thereof, of the ESPN cell phone. Massive launch. Massive advertising campaign. End of the day, nobody wants a phone that only really tells them what’s going on over at ESPN. If you have a user savvy enough to understand how to navigate and use video coded for mobile content, which, at this point, in America, is a precious few people, there’s not much of a chance they’re going to want to limit what they are viewing. Especially since ESPN is available on non-proprietary mobile devices. But then, you know all this, as you scrapped the ESPN Mobile service, right?
So why, then, are you releasing The Ultimate Remote, which is essentially the same device as the ESPN phone, but without the pesky phone features?
Again, I do understand where you’re coming from. It’s a fun idea, and there is a possibility it will catch on. Basically, you’re banking that most sports viewers don’t need sports info on the go, they like it in their primary place of sports info intake: the couch. So you built a remote that has access to ESPN.com for real-time stats and scores; the ability to text message friends, directly from the remote; and even a feature where you can shop, from the remote. Oh, and you’re releasing it right in time for father’s day.
But I think you’re going to run into the same problem you had with the phone… If you have a fan, sitting down to watch a game, they’re either getting updated scores scrolling on the bottom of the TV already, or near a computer, where they can easily check the scores, or, you know, don’t care.
As for the text messaging thing, if I’m already the type of person who texts during a game, I’m not going to spend time transferring my phone contacts over to a remote control, when I can just as easily text from my cell phone.
As for the shopping thing… Really? I’m going to spend time shopping on my television remote? I don’t even think I need to get into this one.
And finally, there’s the price-tag… $300 for a TV remote I’m probably going to loose in the couch anyway?
Now, listen, ESPN. I know this has been a tough letter to read, and an even tougher pill to swallow. If I’m wrong, and this Ultimate Remote takes off, I will eat my words. Or this remote. But until then, stick to what you do best: making funny commercials with athletes.
Sincerely,
Alex Zalben
PS Please send details on how to get a test version of the Ultimate Remote to modernmaterialist@nerve.com, it looks awesome, and I'd love to play with it.
[$300, Amazon]
