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The Modern Materialist

Conversations I hope to Never Have with My Future Children

Posted by Wendy Atterberry

Conversations I hope to never have with my future children:

  1. "Rehab is like camp, but without the S'mores and Poison Ivy."
  2. "Your father and I were just taking a nap."
  3. "You really shouldn't put your fingers there in public."
  4. "Yes, second cousins still count as family."
  5. "Your teacher says I have to search your head."
  6. "When I come back, I'll have bigger boobs and a smooth forehead!"

If my life ever sank so low, I guess this book would help with the latter. But God, whatever happened to just telling you kids you're going away on vacation for a few weeks?

[pre-order $19.95, Big Ten Books] 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Apr 23 2008, 11:30 AM
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About Wendy Atterberry

Wendy is a recent transplant to New York City via Chicago. She loves dive bars, diners and dark movie theaters and hates when people talk with affected accents (like Madonna and Johnny Depp). She lives in Manhattan with her boyfriend and two cats, and has a blog like everyone else.

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    • about the blogger

    Wendy Atterberry is a recent transplant to New York City via Chicago. You can often find her at some karaoke dive bar singing her repertoire, which includes "Midnight Train to Georgia," "Daniel," and most recently, "Sweet Dreams." Don't expect her to always hit the right notes. She lives in Manhattan with her boyfriend and two cats, and has a blog like everyone else.

    Alex Zalben is a writer living in New York City. He's written for McSweeney's, Modern Humorist and PulpSecret.com. As one-fifth of the sketch comedy group Elephant Larry, he has been written up in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and pretty much every other major publication. Their blog was named one of PC Magazine's Top Blogs for 2007, and they recently won an ECNY Award for their viral short, "Minesweeper: The Movie." Alex did not know love until he bought his first Mac.

    Steph Auteri is a freelance writer and proofreader who has been published in Publishers Weekly, New York Press, Playgirl, and other bastions of fine writing. She maintains a professional site http://www.stephiswrite.com, and also blogs about freelancing over at Freelancedom. You can keep up on her day-to-day by visiting her Twitter page.

    Diana Vilibert is a freelance writer, among other things. Born in Lithuania, she now lives in New Jersey, where she doesn't have to walk to work ten miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways. Diana cannot afford most of the products she writes about because she buys too many pairs of heels to make up for her shoeless childhood. She's written for MarieClaire.com, Janemag.com, and CosmoGIRL!.

    Send tips to modernmaterialist@nerve.com