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• Date Machine: Moving to New York and Where It Got Me

  It was lucky that we met.    Read More... Posted May 08 2009, 06:09 PM by amboabe with | with 16 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, love, amboabe, confession, love of my life, michael thomsen, moving to new york, n, whale, where it got me, albatross, luck

• Date Machine: Who Am I and Why Am I Here? or Let’s Keep in Touch

  I didn’t want my last post to be a formal goodbye so I’m going to do all that formal housekeeping here, in my second to last post. My name is Michael Thomsen. Read More... Posted May 07 2009, 09:08 PM by amboabe with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, airheadgenius, amboabe, zeitgeisty, taboo, facebook, peace corps, madagascar, goodbye, big dog, keep in touch, thank you, ign, fady, so long, michael thomsen

• Date Machine: How to Pick Up Women

  When I was in junior high my best friend would give me the names of the girls at his school that he thought were pretty.   Read More... Posted May 06 2009, 03:03 PM by amboabe with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: dating, sex, nerve, date machine, amboabe, single, hitting on people, Mystery, junior high, cigarettes, how to pick up women, seduction, how to, neil strauss, shut up, seduce, say hello, the pick-up artist

• Date Machine: My Friend’s Girlfriend is My Girlfriend

  When I lived in LA, I was hooking up with a woman to whom my friend P had introduced me. They had dated the previous summer. She had just moved to LA and he thought she might need a friend in town. Read More... Posted May 04 2009, 01:07 PM by amboabe with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: dating, sex, nerve, date machine, amboabe, confession, cheating, ego, naked, bro’s beore ho’s, ex-girlfriends, love triangle

• Love Machine: Dating Someone With a Handicap

  I was walking down the sidewalk in Chelsea a few days ago and I saw a pretty woman in a wheelchair. Read More... Posted May 03 2009, 08:13 PM by amboabe with | with 47 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, amboabe, love machine, fetish, handicap, atrophy, malformed limbs, wheelchair

• Date Machine: How to Pick Up a Nurse at the HIV Clinic

  I was arguing with my friend P about competition last night. He believes the need to compete overshadows everything in our romantic lives. This need is especially acute in men, because we have traditionally been yoked with the role of pursuer. I don’t care. I don’t want to compete against the field to wind up with someone who’s attractive and successful just to show everyone else that I can.   Read More... Posted May 02 2009, 08:26 PM by amboabe with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, relationships, date machine, amboabe, embarrassing, seduction, meeting women, hiv clinic, dick snails, nurse, how to pick up, India, bettie davis, competition, std test, compete

• Date Machine: Full Disclosure

  The other day a woman I went out with a couple times sent me a Facebook chat to give me well wishes on moving to New York. We went out a couple of months before I moved, though that was long after I had already decided to leave San Francisco. I never mentioned to her that I was moving, but she had read about it here. “It would have been nice to know that before,” she wrote. Read More... Posted Apr 30 2009, 06:28 PM by amboabe with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, first dates, confession, moving, disclosure, opportunity, availability, amoabe

• Sex Machine: The Bare Minimum

  I fall in love quickly. How much do you have to know about someone before you know you love them? It’s a yes or no question, and when you know there’s no need to sally about and over-qualify things. Yes. Me. I do. But does the same apply to sex? How much do you have to know about somebody before you let them into your pants? Read More... Posted Apr 27 2009, 08:31 PM by amboabe with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: dating, sex, nerve, love, women, men, amboabe, confession, attraction, awkward, one-night stand, French tourist, bare minimum, date machine: sex machine, how do you know

• Date Machine: The Seductive Art of Dancing

  I went to see a band called Starfucker play in Brooklyn last night. Everything they played was danceable, and the small basement room was filled with sweaty people bopping to the clickity-clack drums and pulsing basslines. Read More... Posted Apr 23 2009, 08:04 PM by amboabe with | with 17 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, amboabe, oral sex, Brooklyn, dancing, superbad, praying mantis, good at sex, flashdance, shows, good at dancing, best common practices, gangly, starfucker

• Sex Machine: Becoming a Virgin Again

  Last year my friend S confessed that he had become a virgin again. This is a phenomenon that occurs when somebody goes for a year or longer without having sex.   Read More... Posted Apr 22 2009, 06:51 PM by amboabe with | with no comments Filed under: nerve, date machine, sex machine, amboabe, one night stand, wet, virginity, no sex, emo-gazing, wettening, one year, dry spell, going without

• Sex Machine: Come on My Face

  Zeitgeisty speculated last week that it’s hard to know whether pornography preceded certain socio-sexual habits, or whether normal people invented them. Swallowing is something I’ve rarely experienced, but I’ve always found it sweet when it’s happened to me. I’ve never pulled out and come on someone. Read More... Posted Apr 21 2009, 05:13 PM by amboabe with | with 16 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, penis, amboabe, masturbating, vagina, facial, derogation, emasculate, ejaculate, porno, bang bros, come on my face, leakings, bangbus

• Sex Machine: Because I Can

  I was out over the weekend and a woman asked me to come home with her. Read More... Posted Apr 20 2009, 11:09 AM by amboabe with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, sex machine, amboabe, one night stand, alcohol, new york, sex deer, attainability, calvin klein, come-on headlights, scarcity, underbelly

• Love Machine: Am I Romantic Enough?

  I sometimes wonder if I am not romantic enough. Being called a misanthrope and a pessimist has been one of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve had writing here. I love people. I wouldn’t spend this much of my time sharing my experiences with them if I had no faith in the inherent goodness of all people.  But there remains a gap between inward feeling, outward expression, and the interpretation of those who see it all happen. Read More... Posted Apr 19 2009, 05:40 PM by amboabe with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, ambaobe, love machine, romance, feelings, emotion, emo-gazing

• Sex Machine: Picking Up Women in Gay Bars

  So as you’ve probably heard I had drinks with Airheadgenuis and Zeitgeisty the other day. We spent the better part of the evening in a gay bar, with softcore porn playing in monitors underneath the tables and big ticket Hollywood movies like The Great Santini and Polanski’s Tess projected against the far wall. Read More... Posted Apr 16 2009, 07:51 PM by amboabe with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, airheadgenius, sex machine, amboabe, zeitgeisty, how to pick up women, gay bar, pick-up

• Sex Machine: Diary of a Sperm Donor

  A few years ago a friend asked me if I would be willing to donate sperm to her and her partner should they choose to have a child. The idea freaked me out and made me excited all at the same time. Read More... Posted Apr 15 2009, 03:51 PM by amboabe with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: masturbation, nerve, date machine, sex machine, amboabe, lesbian, confession, parenting, children, sperm donor, helical secret, sperm

• Date Machine: Long Distance Lovers

  I was having lunch with my friend M the other day and she mentioned one of her girlfriend’s who’d been writing back and forth with a man through a dating service for an extended period of time. They’d never met in person. Read More... Posted Apr 15 2009, 01:07 AM by amboabe with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, amboabe, delta of venus, long distance lovers, e-mail relationships, cats, seduction

• Sex Machine: A Revised History of Whores

  I was out with some friends over the weekend. After some polite peacocking about taste in obscure music, the talk turned to women. “My sister used to be a whore in college. No judgment,” my friend B said. “She’s married now. But when she was younger she’d had every dick on campus.” Read More... Posted Apr 13 2009, 09:19 PM by amboabe with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, women, men, sex machine, amboabe, whore, gender, wunderbeast, penile spittoon, double standards, stud

• Date Machine: Moving to New York in Pictures

  After seven months of planning, saving, angling, thirteen boxes, and 170 pounds of luggage, I've finally moved to New York. Read More... Posted Apr 09 2009, 05:13 PM by amboabe with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, dreams, amboabe, new york, leaving, moving, luggage, beginning, anxiety, feelings, uncertainty

• Date Machine: Old Love Letters, or Things That Got Thrown Away in the Move

  Moving is stupid. I've had two months to get everything organized and I still wound up the night before with my four bags stuffed to bursting. After all the planning there remained a pile of scattered detritus, all the random crap that I wanted to take but couldn't find space for. I felt like a caveman staring at two sticks and kindling, trying to figure out if there was any other way beyond the obvious to accomplish what I wanted. Read More... Posted Apr 08 2009, 04:09 PM by amboabe with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, amboabe, high school, Yosemite, moving, wet hot teenage mess, what you keep, love letters, cards, old letters

• Sex Machine: Talking About Sex With Your Parents

  My dad came to the city for an afternoon to help me mail some boxes the day before my move. As we were talking about times to meet, I mentioned I had an appointment for an HIV/STI check. My dad was quiet for a second, then said "Uh huh. Well, how about the next day then." Read More... Posted Apr 07 2009, 10:45 PM by amboabe with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, sex machine, amboabe, religion, confession, parents, moving, caffeine, talking about sex with your parents, seventh day adventist, pre-marital sex

• Love Machine: Willing to Relocate

  I'm moving to New York next week. I quit my job at the end of February. I've been saving money since last Fall. I've got a couch to sleep on when I land, a laptop to chase jobs with, and not much else. I'm doing it for a woman. Read More... Posted Apr 03 2009, 03:36 AM by amboabe with | with 29 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, amboabe, love machine, new york, black ankle socks, waves, easter, relocate, moving, levitating, pancakes

• Date Confessions: Still more SNARKY and ASSININE responses to Nerve Dating Confessions... plus throbbage

  Back by popular demand.... I take your confessions, and turn them into comedy gold.  Read More... Posted Apr 02 2009, 12:13 PM by zeitgeisty with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: humor, sex, nerve, date machine, celebrity photos, zeitgeisty, the daily throb, dating confessions, jennifer lopez

• Sex Machine: Checking my Oil, or the HIV Test

  I went to a free clinic in the Castro tonight to get an HIV/STD test. It's been five months since my last test. Throughout my 20's I was tested sporadically. Every couple of years I would wind up with a new physician or have to complete a form physical. I never worried about the results. Read More... Posted Apr 02 2009, 01:24 AM by amboabe with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, sex machine, amboabe, hiv testing, health, adult, oil check, inconvenience, stigma, castro

• Date Machine: How to Pick Up a Bartender

  I'm sitting at a corner table in a bar watching a man with a laptop bag still around his shoulder hitting on the bartender. He's cute, curly salt and pepper hair, dressed in one layer too many for the weather. The bartender is thickish with a pretty face and small breasts mashed into a tight black top. Read More... Posted Apr 01 2009, 02:48 AM by amboabe with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, amboabe, pick-up artist, Mystery, felon, bartender, Yosemite

• Date Machine: Are You My Girlfriend Now?

  How long do you have to date someone before you can start calling them your girlfriend or boyfriend? Is it even something you have to worry about asking? Read More... Posted Mar 31 2009, 02:37 AM by amboabe with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, boyfriend, amboabe, girlfriend, confession, are you my girlfriend: placard, how soon, titles

• PDA Machine: Making Out in a Bar

  I haven't been able to post very much this week. I've been covering a big conference for my day job and have been swamped from the time my alarm sounds until the time I turn the bedside lamp off before collapsing into sleep somewhere after midnight. The world starts to look a lot different when it's dark and you're still doing something work-related, especially when there is a superficial veneer of the social laid on top.   Read More... Posted Mar 26 2009, 04:51 AM by amboabe with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, amboabe, san francisco, PDA machine, james Carville, sex in a taxi, making out in a bar, the war room

• Sex Machine: The Cake is a Lie, or Does My Butt Show When I Walk?

  I had a pressing need to venture into the heart of the suburbs this weekend to find a Target. I rode BART to the end of the line in Richmond. I had never been out that way but my roommate told me that all my retail needs would be taken care of in that mythic borderland where the city meets the suburban wastes.     Read More... Posted Mar 24 2009, 01:24 AM by amboabe with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, sex machine, amboabe, fresno, bart, black eye, lascivious, target, suburbs, Richmond, lewd, second grade, butt showing

• Sex Machine: The psychology of the FEMALE ORGASM: "The PLEASURE PRINCIPLE"..plus throbbage.

  The Female ORGASM. Read More... Posted Mar 23 2009, 10:44 AM by zeitgeisty with | with 27 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, zeitgeisty, the pleasure principle, the new york times pleasure principle, the psychology of the female orgasm, the dove girls naked, responsibility for your own orgasm

• Obituary Machine: Natasha Richardson, or Smoking Cigarettes on the Roof

  The first thing I heard on my alarm radio this morning was that Natasha Richardson had died of complications from a skiing accident. I had been asleep for five hours and it was still dark outside when the blare of the radio announcer reported her death. From that morose news he transitioned seamlessly into The Supremes.   Read More... Posted Mar 20 2009, 02:07 AM by amboabe with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: sex, nerve, date machine, amboabe, death, cold, smoking cigarettes on the roof, Natasha Richardson, grandma, sake

• Love Machine: Throwing Punches, or Get Your Hands Off of My Woman

  There's something deeply territorial about being in a relationship. I went out to a bar with a woman I had been seeing last year. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back there was a tubby guy in his late thirties sitting in my seat trying to make conversation with her.   Read More... Posted Mar 19 2009, 02:16 AM by amboabe with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: nerve, date machine, brad pitt, amboabe, love machine, fight club, vulnerability, punch, fights, bar, fighting over women