Asteroid in 2036?  Ha!  Deathclock gives me until June of 2035!  GUESS I WIN AGAIN!  

On a more serious note, I've lived alone for the better part of the last 6 years and mostly love it.  It's going to be very hard if I ever do engage in a serious relationship and have to attempt sharing my space again.  It can be rather intoxicating.  My sons stay over, of course, and that's great because we're all very good at the same thing... sitting around and doing sweet fuck all!  They are the only humans I can imagine living with at the moment.  

Enjoy it while it lasts...

And every so often listen to Tom Waits' Better Off Without a Wife.  I love that song.  It reminds me to laugh at myself.  

Of course we're all alone in the end. That doesn't necessarily imply that you should FEEL any particular way about it.

How about you try to feel 100% superawesome about the extreme endliness which inheres in the alonificatory nature of we. If you could pull that off, wouldn't it improve how you feel about your day-to-day existence? If you can't, it's worth thinking about why not. A natural personal disposition? Fixable. A chemical imbalance in your brain? Fixable. Shitty environment? Fixable.

Why choose to feel bad about things you can't influence. There's enough to feel bad about that you can.

I would normally dredge up some chipper words of wisdom, but I just broke off my engagement (for those playing at home, that's #4...the 4th monster ring I've been blinded by in my lil' datin' life).  No matter the fellow, I feel like a solitary bird.  I make a happy home, extend a benevolent offer of eternal joy, and then pick up my knickers and run!  

Like and AHG and Z, I, too, want to know.

And are you looking for a 5th?  (Yes, one final heartbreak to chew on till the end of my days, that's all I want.)

MOTHER (excited, gesturing with hands):  What's the Universe got to do with it?  You're here in Brooklyn!  Brooklyn is not expanding!

DOCTOR (Heartily, looking down at Zeitgeisty):  It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Zeitgeisty.  And we've got to try and enjoy ourselves while we're here.  Huh?

OK, OK.  The fiance lost his job due to recession layoffs.  He lapsed into a prolonged depression.  I attempted a few sparky jolts back into life, but he remained sullen.  He wanted to push up the wedding date, but I won't marry on a downturn.  I want to celebrate, not host a wake!  After a bout of self medicating topped with booze, a new character emerged.  This individual had surly opinions about my past, my future, and my "fat ass" (aka bouncy bottom!)  I'll accept a brooding man, but turn that dark eye on me and I'm finished.

    I told him when we started dating:  "I'm a sweet girl and possess a reasonable amount of charm.  We could be lying side by side in the old folks home and if you do me wrong, I'll shuffle across the hall with my IV and oxygen tank and sit on another old man's lap before you flat line."  

    This is not the first gorgeous house I've given up, not the first handsome man, and not the first rock I've slipped off my finger.  I am never more alone than in the arms of a man who doesn't give me 100%.  I am not cynical.  I believe in love!!!  I'm currently a little weepy but strong.  The man who actually drags me across the alter is going to have sparks coming out of his ears from thinking and fireworks exploding from his pants.  Around every corner, the sidewalk is jittery with possibility.  When I'm through crying, gentlemen better gird their loins!  

devale: what about that "for better or worst." looks like you only want the first part. don't blame you.

D-val's ex-fiance is fucking lucky to be out of that misery.. should be counting his blessings..

Loobetchka sits alone drowning his sorrows.  He wishes to be Charles Bukowski but lacks the writing talent and world-wearied wisdom.  I'm dancing on the bar top and accidentally kick a drink in his lap.  I'm not being mean, I just hardly notice him.  His pants are soaked with the sticky liquid of a thousand such careless cocktails, the thin discharge of his limp masturbatory failures, and the pee-pee of late night emissions brought on by childhood traumas.  Will someone please give this poor lil' fella a hug?  

PS  If you read between the lines, loo is totally flirting with me!  

You're always alone anyway. You should feel liberated, take this as an opportunity to start doing the things you want to do with out having to worry about the wants, comprehensions and feelings of someone else. You said you are always reinventing yourself for your various GFs. This is the time for you to be who you are.   Is your brother still in the city, just wondering in terms of hanging out with someone who understands.

I'm being a little glib.  Breakups are sad and draining.  I am not a raging beauty or the most brilliant girl in the room, but I'm energetic and genuinely excited about the world around me.  I think sad sack guys are drawn to this, they cast me as "Last Chance Girl to Change My Whole Life", and then, two years later when their less-than-self-perceived-ideal reality returns, I get the brunt of some of that resentment.  Like, "Why aren't you making me feel good anymore?"  I notice this anger tends to include a lashing out, like I'm supposed to feel as bad as they do and if not, they'll keep poking at me until I crack and feel miserable.  This seems sort of abusive, or at least less than kind.  I'll stick with someone I love through the bad times (sickness, job loss, death) but I won't be beaten down in the process.  I need to feel like my fellow and I are on the same side.  

If I may be bold, I feel that in your situation, taking care of yourself might have been opening up your life a little to let your girlfriend really have a shot at loving and caring for you.  For me, taking care of myself was not letting someone's love dissolving into bitterness smash me up too hard before I tied the last vestiges of my spirit to a little hobo stick and hit the road.  

DV: more substantive/interesting than usual comment (including my own).

dval: I hear you. There's lots of things people can put up with in a relationship, but the one thing no one should put up with is being treated disrespectfully or downright badly. I, too, have felt like some dudes can really start getting careless about you when they start realizing you're not going to please them come Hell or high water. When you no longer play into the psychological niche they created for you, usually because their perception has somehow changed, they can get all kinds of emotionally and verbally abusive.

At the end of the day, I am way too sensitive and way too small to defend myself from any kind of lashing, literal or otherwise. My seriously hyper-sensitive sweetheart freaked out on me when I poked fun at his screen name from high school, and I told him I can never be talked to like that. No one should have to attack someone else when you're both adults and you can express yourself in a reasonable way, especially when you supposedly care about each other.

After a good amount of experience, you know that you have to call out on bullshit whether it's theirs or your own. If you don't, you're just asking for trouble later.