I'm really sad to hear about this, Z. I'm a big fan of Mlle. Mud. I hope you both can figure out a way forward that makes both of you happy.

You're toast!

Perspective gained from a break can help; however, sometimes that doesn't matter, as the other person simply moves on.

You wrote a similar (though not as dire) entry back in the day that I (and other readers) responded to: we all (Like AHG above) pretty much pleaded with you to say fucking "Yes" to anything and everything Mlle Mud suggested.

Absolutely anyone you'd fall for is going to want to be out in the world, Z.  There is no choice, except to go out int he world with someone you already know you love and desire.

In just the time I've read your stuff, you've had two inspired (and, unlike most bloggers, professional) blogs, a cool magazine (you published an epic interview with Harvey Pekar, for god's sake), fallen in love with a lovely and spirited woman, had lots of ideas, carried on a thousand riotous arguments with readers, drawn cartoons, posted a short film, had lunch with your brother, and grown 13 beards.  So, hey, why this insistence that you're nearly dead?

oh zeitgeisty.... je me sens mal pour toi mon choux. Make a little effort for her and like AHG said, choose happiness. It IS a choice afterall.

Zeit, contrary to the particle physicists and the deluded lackwits who urge you to "choose happiness," know this:  There is no free will.  There are no choices.  Your consciousness is nothing more than a mildly remarkable epiphenomenon in the clash of a very very large number of billiard balls.  Accept that and you will feel better.  Or not.  Either way you don't have any choice in the matter.

I'm with ahg - it is a cop out. Not just for your relationship either.

The thing with choosing to be miserable and scared (yeah I said it) is, you don't get to opt out as much as you think you are. Part of you still tries to keep going and living in some way, that's why you bother loving someone in the first place, or being creative, etc.

Even if you went to the extreme and became a crazy shut-in, part of the reason you'd be miserable is because there's always that option to live and love. That option doesn't go away until you're actually without pulse. You might as well live.

Well zeit, if AHG's self-absorption doesn't cheer you, nothing will.

I'm so sorry.  

Well...initial reaction, then skip to the relevant part...

My response, having been the girl on the "break" more than once, is:

if she's in her early twenties, this is her way of easing her way out of the relationship because she hasn't learned how to make a clean break yet.

if she's in her late twenties, she's partly hoping you will get your shit together and act like someone she can enjoy being with, because she realizes you are a better fit for her than anyone else she'll ever meet,and she's mostly knowing that's probably not going to happen, but still hoping for the best.

Or maybe I'm persoanlizing this a bit too much.

You're so not dead and dying, Zeit! This is just the blogging persona you like to flirt with, to our great amusement. 1) AHG already confirmed it, that you're pretty charming in flesh and blood. 2) A girl as sexy and energetic as your GF seems to be would never stay longer than 2 months with a zombie. So why things turn out problematic between the two of you could be related more to STRATEGY than COMPATIBILITY.

I personally never got anything from strongly verbalizing my needs, demands or requests to my lover. This created more distance and hearing the eternally annoying argument "sorry babe, I can't change". [Of course, this is a huge pain in the ass since women love to operate within the "it's your choice/man up" framework and men love to resist it with the unbeatable "i can't change" argument]

But I've got everything I desired by abandoning this pattern and making the effort to interact with the lover as if I expected nothing from him. This practically denied him the option of returning to the ICC pattern too. So, left without our usual game field, things got very simple. Where genuine attraction existed, the man made "the efforts", made "the choice". When provided with the illusion of him doing something out of his will, not out of collective expectation or demand, he miraculously turned into the desired version of himself.      

I think these male/female differences are pretty fucked up and we have zero choice around them. Love is work, meaning love implies also mutual manipulation, and as long as you can keep a sense of humor about it, desire for togetherness will never leave, not even an apparently "I'm just too far gone" adorable soul like yours. :)

You're so not dead and dying, Zeit! This is just the blogging persona you like to flirt with, to our great amusement. 1) AHG already confirmed it, that you're pretty charming in flesh and blood. 2) A girl as sexy and energetic as your GF seems to be would never stay longer than 2 months with a zombie. So why things turn out problematic between the two of you could be related more to STRATEGY than COMPATIBILITY.

I personally never got anything from strongly verbalizing my needs, demands or requests to my lover. This created more distance and hearing the eternally annoying argument "sorry babe, I can't change". [Of course, this is a huge pain in the ass since women love to operate within the "it's your choice/man up" framework and men love to resist it with the unbeatable "i can't change" argument]

But I've got everything I desired by abandoning this pattern and making the effort to interact with the lover as if I expected nothing from him. This practically denied him the option of returning to the ICC pattern too. So, left without our usual game field, things got very simple. Where genuine attraction existed, the man made "the efforts", made "the choice". When provided with the illusion of him doing something out of his will, not out of collective expectation or demand, he miraculously turned into the desired version of himself.      

I think these male/female differences are pretty fucked up and we have zero choice around them. Love is work, meaning love implies also mutual manipulation, and as long as you can keep a sense of humor about it, desire for togetherness will never leave, not even an apparently "I'm just too far gone" adorable soul like yours. :)

I do agree with AGH (steady there, girl) that it can come down to simply choosing happiness.

There is a duality in most misanthropic sorts in that shy of being clinically depressed, most share a love-hate relationship with the world at large.  You seem to me, despite your attempts to prove otherwise in writing, to be a person that finds beauty, or humor, or at least a laughable irony in the world around you.  You acknowledge the existence of all of it regularly.

It's easy to be profoundly disappointed in the failings around  you, including your own.  Anybody with half a brain has to see that it can all add up to a shit sandwich some days.  You come to an acceptance of that and the entire burden disappears.  If it's all shit, then it doesn't really matter, and you don't have to make the effort to make it better.  As the great poet Kristofferson said, freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.  Choose happiness.  Choose life, as the other poet, Mark Renton said.  

I can't speak for relationships, or what a break in a relationship portends, having failed in more of them then I care to expound upon.  Decide what you want from life, and from her.  If you care for her, go for it.  If she's not into it, you'll find out soon enough.  I'm sure she's already expressed what she wants from her life.  Maybe if you don't want the same things, you should ask yourself why not.  Then if you care for her, you'll just move on... haha... It's really more simple than you're making it sound.

In the meantime, from one misanthrope to another, listen to My Dad Is Dead's "Too Far Gone."  It's a great song and might even make you crack a smile.  

HI - long-time reader, first-time poster whatever...

So you're missing her.  OK.  It's ok to brood about it for a bit.

When you get over your strep throat and get out of the house you'll feel better.  It's warm.  Skin is showing.  We live in Brooklyn.  Enjoy.

Living by oneself is awesome, providing one doesn't have any substance abuse issues or a morose temperament.