61 Frames Per Second

(Pant pant pant, eager tail wag.)

Square-Enix's remake of its SNES classic is garnering good reviews, though I've seen more than one make mention about how it's a bit early for yet another Final Fantasy IV remake. For those of you at home keeping count, Final Fantasy IV has been released on the SNES, the PSOne, the Wonderswan (I think?), the GBA and now the Nintendo DS.

I'm going to go ahead and offer myself up for blame: I buy every remake Square-Enix throws at me, except for the WonderSwan remake because that would just be wack. I can't help it; Final Fantasy IV, when it was known as the dumbed-down Final Fantasy II was a cornerstone of my awkward teenage years. I actually played it after getting through Final Fantasy III/VI, but I enjoyed it for its simple story and gorgeous music. I also played it while recovering from major surgery and I was pretty high, so there might be a bit of bias there. I'm pretty sure it's okay to love a game because it reminds you of your youth or the carefree summer days you should've spent outside, but it's less okay to love a game because it reminds you of a codeine daze.

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"Top __________ Whatevers" lists are the lifeblood of games journalism, so Gamepro's decision to squeeze out a roster of the Eight Worst Game Character Remakes is not surprising.

Some of the entries are pretty expected, too. Maskless Scorpion from Mortal Kombat 3 is a no-brainer, and I'm sure a few psychologists would have a field day analysing Bomberman's re-design for Bomberman: Act Zero.

I'm not as impressed with some of the other selections. In fact, their write-up for Tomb Raider's Lara Croft gave me a big frowny face. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be one of "those" women for a second.

From the feature:

"To prove that Tomb Raider's iconic female archaeologist is more than just a top heavy Englishwoman in hiking boots, the series' developers forced their lovely protagonist to undergo a drastic surgical procedure. In Tomb Raider Legend, Lara emerged equipped with what could be compared to tangerines in place of what was once more akin to honeydews. But the game was good, and that's all that matters... right?"

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They’re still far from release, but Gearbox is saying all the right things about their Aliens game. After revealing Colonial Marines in late 2007, the much loved developer behind Half-Life expansions Blue Shift and Opposing Forces have made it their mission to craft the perfect interactive sequel to James Cameron’s opus, not just another cash-in on the abused Alien franchise. Early screens betray an almost fetishistic love of Aliens, its forbidding environments awash in Cameron’s trademark palette of sterile blues and grays. The proposed gameplay also channels the film’s tense action, with group tactics based more on securing rooms than running and gunning. Gearbox founder Randy Pitchford’s announcement that Colonial Marines is being scripted by Battlestar Galactica’s Bradley Thompson and David Weddle is one more signifier of the game’s potential quality.

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All his talk about Superman 64 and the upcoming DC Universe Online got me thinking, just how many truly worthwhile video games based on comic books have there been? Spider-Man & Venom: Maximum Carnage was fourteen years ago, and the X-Men arcade game was sixteen years ago. In recent history we've had Activision's surprisingly thorough X-Men Legends and Marvel: Ultimate Alliance games. Everything else has been decent at best.

Hold the phone, those good ones were all based on Marvel comics, not DC, Image, Dark Horse or even Oni (though we all want that Scott Pilgrim adventure game to come true)! While Marvel is responsible for their own share of far-from-fantastic games as well, there's been a solid amount of buzz building for them recently.

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Totally Possible Things The Big Three Could Have Done To Make Me Happy With Their E3 Conferences:

Sony: Without a doubt, the one PS3 game that people are most excited about is LittleBigPlanet, and its use for a fiscal presentation in Sony's Conference was charming and delightful. Wouldn't it have been great if they'd done just a little more? Picture this: The lights go down on stage, and up on screen we see a recreation of the stage built out of popsicle sticks and yarn. Sackboy, in Jack's choice of Boston Celtics garb, walks in, lip-syncing perfectly with Tretton's voice (via PlaystationEye, which they've announced will be a feature of the game) and welcoming other Sackboys dressed as if from Resistance 2, Ratchet & Clank, and DC Universe Online, each lip-synched to their own guest as the cardboard frame behind them cycles through string-suspended images of each of those games.

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E3 came and went with a whimper this year. None of the big three had a strong showing but since I'm a Nintendo fan, most of the whining I listen to is from other Nintendo fans. I have heard the wailing, the accusations, the proclamations of swearing off Nintendo forever more, and I can only wonder if anyone pays attention to industry history.

I've been around long enough to have seen this all before.

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Game Informer reports that the new Wii MotionPlus add-on, to be bundled with Wii Sports Resort, is largely news to the third party development community:

We asked several third-party Wii developers about the Wii MotionPlus, and the general feeling was one of annoyance and betrayal. None of them said they had any advance notice about the peripheral, and we were told that they were as surprised as everyone else when Nintendo revealed its existence on stage. That lack of prior notice means that, aside from Nintendo’s own roster of games, users won’t likely see any support for the device for at least six to nine months. The developers we spoke to said they hadn’t received any information from Nintendo about how to implement Wii MotionPlus into their upcoming projects, and they also expressed doubt that they would be able to incorporate it into games that are currently deep in development.

What gives, Nintendo? Before this announcement, I felt torn between excitement about the possibilities of the new peripheral and annoyance that this wasn't built into the original Wii Remote.  But now I'm going to have to wait six to nine months to experience the new technology outside another Wii Sports title in which I'm not interested? I don't understand the logic behind keeping this one a secret. The reception among the press has been "lol awesome, lightsabers ftw" across the board, but this move isn't going to win Nintendo any friends.

Also, if I wanted to upgrade my console hardware every few months, I'd buy an Xbox.

Related Links:

Wii MotionPlus - Say what, Nintendo?
Toys are "Better than Video Games"?

I've recently re-entered the hyper-colourful world of Rangarok Online because I must play it for work purposes (honest). I say "re-entered" because I've been down this road before.

It didn't take me a whole lot of time to remember why I left Midgard to its fate in the first place. Lots of people are capable of playing massive multiplayer online RPGs casually, but others can become hooked for life, even abandoning work and family for the sake of riding on a tiger. I'm not one of the latter. Sure, MMORPGs are a fun distraction, but I can't concieve of why anyone wouldn't tire of it after a few hours of grinding.

I'm playing as an archer named Fuzzy Stone and I've been killing bugs and rabbits for hours upon hours just so I can get strong enough to safely beat up differently-coloured bugs and rabbits. If I stick with it, I can blend in with hundreds of other generic mid-level warriors as we band together to fight the menace of--what are we fighting against, exactly?

There are a chosen few who Lord over the rest, who stride through the n00b fields, literally radiant with power while we collect ten-zenny clover dropped by catepillars. Some might aspire to have their name echo through the servers. I don't. I remember when I initially played, I was so proud when I gained enough levels to ride a pecopeco, a sort of Chocobo ripoff. When I rented my ride, what was around me? Dozens of other riders who looked just like me, except I was wearing a jaunty hat.

I once talked to 1UP's Solid Sharkey about the appeal of the vague goals MMORPGs dole out and he more or less agreed that there's little to keep you going after a certain point. When he got his pecopeco, he said, "I can ride Big Bird now, so does this mean I won?"

My disdain for MMORPGs is partially the fault of my own quirks: I have no interest in cooperating and forming a party. I kind of like doing that sort of thing with my friends, but they all inevitably lose interest and leave me with fifteen-year-old acolytes who beg me to join the Sephie x Cloud Yaoi guild.

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If you thought the Angry Video Game Nerd probably pulled something or lost some vital part of his soul while reviewing the truly wretched Superman 64...you'd be right. That's why he needs us all to chip in, ease him onto his crutches and help him review another digital terror: Deadly Towers for the NES.

How does a mortal gamer even begin to describe Prince Myer's wack adventure? Let's turn to Seanbaby. Seanbaby is not a mortal, but actually a demigod and the all-purpose warrior that arts and crafts booklets are referring to when they tell you not to turn on the oven or use scissors without an adult present. Because Seanbaby's intestines are lined with lead, he was able to play Deadly Towers and place it at its deserved #1 spot in his list of The 20 Worst NES Games Of All Time:

"Deadly Towers. This game was originally called, "Shitty Towers," but when seventeen play testers went on a homicidal rampage, its name was changed to remind us all of that cold, bloody morning.

"Don't try to make sense of it. Just do everything in your power to not play this game."

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You’d think that people would be more excited about the reveal of Sony Online’s DC Universe given that it premiered a mere three days before The Dark Knight, but reactions have been decidedly mixed. It not too surprising to me. SOE doesn’t exactly have the best track record. The Untold Legends series is crap, they’ve been unable to recapture Everquest’s initial success, and Star Wars Galaxies was a complete nightmare. But even beyond SOE’s reputation and the wonky looking DC Universe trailer, there’s never been a truly successful MMO on home consoles.

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I’m as bad as every other slavering fanboy on the internet when it comes to Wii software, ranting about the garbage publishers have vomited onto the system, games that would have been visual embarrassments on the Dreamcast with gameplay that makes Tamagotchis seem like the most sophisticated machines on earth. Instead of a new 2D adventure, Konami makes a Castlevania fighting game. Instead of a brand new Rygar game, Tecmo ports over a six year-old PS2 title. Instead of a fresh Resident Evil, Capcom makes a glorified light gun game.

The worst part is that some people are making very promising titles for the Wii, yet no one knows about them. Case in point: Namco’s Fragile.

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Remember that movie WarGames with Matthew Broderick? It turns out we didn't learn from his mistakes.

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Conceived as a sequel to the original Street Fighter, Capcom's Final Fight was an admitted take-off of Technos' Double Dragon side-scrolling beat 'em ups. Already a hit in the arcades and 16-bit consoles, Capcom took the next logical step with its new gang violence franchise: rebuilding it with super-deformed style anime graphics for the 8-bit and obsolete Nintendo Entertainment System in 1993.

Comically playing through the story of a city under siege by roving street gangs and the three dudes who fight it (including the burly bodybuilder mayor), Mighty Final Fight plays wonderfully with Radio 4's 2002 sophomore LP, Gotham!, a post-punk opus to a ravaged and dilapidated New York City.

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The Internet is more or less a traffic jam (some might liken it more to a pile-up) of videos dedicated to gaming culture. Most of these videos are testosterone-driven frenzies with bad picture quality and fuzzy sound that rattles like a drowning man's lungs. They're vital contributions, though: who else is going to declare "hahaha miyamoto did sooo many drugs before he made Super Mario Bros--there's, like, mushrooms everywhere!"

Still, it's nice when game fans take the time to dedicate themselves to something truly funny and worth watching. I will now direct you to The Last Days of Doctor Wily, an Old Rich People tribute to Mega Man's evil nemesis.

The ending more or less sums up the thoughts of anyone who's ever played a Mega Man game.

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I'm pretty sure most original prints of Sega CD games were long ago ground up into dog food, but the resurrection of Vay on the iPhone got me nostalgic for the anime cutscenes that used to preced certain Sega CD games. Each scene employed about sixteen on-screen colours and had about thirty frames of animation, but there was something charming about those florescent marionettes. They were like figures drawn in an Autistic kid's painting: clumsy, but admirable for the attempt.

(And vasty preferable to the grainy live-action FMV that usually gummed up the games in the Sega CD library.)

The Sega CD is largely considered a failure, but every failed system has its must-own games. Sonic CD was certainly a gem, easily the highlight of Sonic the Hedgehog's up-and-down career. Sonic CD began with the standard Sega CD animated intro.

It's interesting to note that there are a few versions of the anime. Most obviously, there's a Japanese intro and an American one. The animation in both is more or less the same, but wars have been fought over which country has the better intro song. America long ago became familiar with Spencer Nilsen's "Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boooooom" whereas Japanese children got to hear a song about leather and lace and what might possibly be a chorus that begins with "Toot toot Sonic Warrior."

Here's the Japanese intro stacked up against the American one. Engage comparison.

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You might think it’s pathetic, but I still buy cds. Yes, I am that guy. I go to record stores and I pay four dollars more than I would on iTunes for a bulky jewel case and a booklet that most likely won’t even have the lyrics in it. The experience of an album isn’t just the music but the entire artifact, the tactile feel of the case, the layout of the booklet, the art, the everything. Games are a little different. Artwork on games hasn’t exactly been incredible in the United States over the past decade, certainly not living up to the halcyon days of cartridge based games, when art almost always grossly misrepresented the play and was absolutely awesome. The Japanese artists behind 2008’s Famicase exhibition remember the days of the epic physical artifact. Each case is made for an imaginary Famicom game as envisioned by the artist. Check out some other amazing cases after the jump.

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Some scant meditations on the nature of travel, the common language of games, and life imitating art written on Friday, July 18th.

I’m sitting in Penn Station and the pedestrian traveler traffic is unusually heavy for 2:30pm on a non-holiday weekend. There’s a strange thing that starts to happen to you if you’ve lived in this town for long enough, particularly if you spend the majority of your time in Manhattan. You start walking like Sonic the damn hedgehog, moving just a little too fast alongside other people moving just a little too fast, dodging left and right, always looking three steps ahead, finding the quickest path. Living in New York is like playing an RPG; you’re always holding down the run button.

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Ian Bogost, he of the ever-progressive Persuasive Games, has an essay up on Edge Online (formerly Next-Gen) entitled “The End of Gamers”. Bogost proposes that the true hurdle preventing videogames from being broadly acknowledged as a mature medium is not that they are viewed as children’s toys or puerile entertainment but that they are not given a wide enough contextual berth.

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 Parenting.com has included "Play videogames with your kids" in a recent piece of link-bait.

With her oldest, the distraction of the game allows them to have revealing conversations that might prove too uncomfortable face-to-face. With her middle son, she uses video games as a way to help him work on social skills. And her youngest son enjoys teaching her how to play new games, so it gives them a common interest.

Adorable.

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If you read mainstream American comics in the 1990s, odds are you have an opinion on Joe Madureira. Controversially named by Wizard magazine as one of the ten most influential comic artists of all time (others on the list included Jack Kirby, Osamu Tezuka and Will Eisner), Joe's work on Marvel's Uncanny X-Men and his creator-owned Battle Chasers single-handedly launched the American manga craze that is still being felt today. He abruptly quit comics in 2001 to follow his dream of working in the video game industry. Not a whole lot has been seen of him since.

Joe contributed to the all-around meh Playstation brawler Gekido, then worked on Tri-Lunar's Dragonkind, which vanished when the company went out of business. After several years of delays, Joe finally saw the release of a game with his direct influence in the 2007 PC MMORPG Dungeon Runners. Ever heard of any of those games? No, I didn't think so.

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The iPhone is new and exciting. Sega CD games are pretty old, but still kind of exciting. What happens when you put the two together?

I often wish I could go back in time and torment my younger self. I think we'd have some really cool conversations about video games. I mean, who cares about the fact that we've made major medical advancements or that we can travel in space buses (oh shit wait no we can't)? I want my younger self to hear all about how we can play the coveted games of our childhood on our telephones.

Not that I have an iPhone. It's totally because I'm not into that useless capitalist waste. It's not like my mom's the only person who ever calls me.

Sniff.

You know I've never played a Lunar game? I know what I want to see next in the iPhone, thank you. Oh and it must retain the bizarre Working Designs "translation."

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Pardon me, but might I bother you to turn your head while I spew vulgarities? The live-action Castlevania movie by Paul W.S. Anderson is going to be as stinking and putrid as a zombie's testicles. Yeah, as rotten as zombie testicles stewing like dumplings in a pool of sweat collected in the crotch of a pair of leather pants. And...the testicles are dangling. By, like, one scrap of skin.

One scrap of maggot-chewed skin.

We're used to this, right? It's the curse of video game-based movies to be absolutely no good. A friend of mine who's a huge Silent Hill fan convinced a non-gaming friend of mine to see the Silent Hill movie. Second friend saw the movie and still insists that first friend owes her eight bucks for making her see the stupidest film in the world.

But it's not as if the Silent Hill series is incapable of keeping even hardcore horror fans up all night. Why do games translate so badly into movies? Is it because directors (we're not even counting Uwe Boll) have no qualms about taking creative liberties with the source material--the lack of a whip for Simon Belmont's film being a perfect example?

That certainly can't be helping the problem. On the other hand, there are game-to-movie adaptations, mostly of Japanese origin, that are as easily recognisable as their inspirations...but they still suck.

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Have you ever been disappointed with your geek kung-fu? You go through life thinking, “Why, yes, I am a gigantic nerd. My nerd knowledge-base is vast and potent. No one can challenge the veritable wealth of useless knowledge I possess, the sheer brain real estate that I have devoted to media instead of human experience. Why, I could have been a physicist! Instead I know about Mega Man continuity.” And then something slips by you and you entire world comes crashing down!

There’s a Bionic Commando webcomic that’s been running since March. How in the holy hell did I miss this?!

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It's been a week of DISAPPOINTMENT and EMPTY PROMISES from the Big 3 at E3, but here at 61 FRAMES PER SECOND things are JUST HEATING UP!

Get ready to have your EARS BLOWN OUT because THIS WEEKEND only at 61 FRAMES PER SECOND SECOND SECOND we've got the legendary TRUCKASAURAS-AURAS-AURAS!!!

These BAD BOYS from SEATTLE craft their WHITE HOT CLICKS, BLEEPS AND DOOTS using V-V-V-VINTAGE Roland drum machines and synths and sequence them all through AN OLD-SCHOOL GAME BOY GAME BOY GAME BOY!!!

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Friday already? Yeesh, you know you've been busy when you can't remember Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday passing by. No interview or art to post this week, just a short and sweet progress report.

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 "Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me!" - Tony Montana

That's what I thought of when I read the following:

Since Wii Music has no discernible scoring system, no goals and little in the way of those squishy innards that makes a game a "game," isn't it just a "musical toy"? That was the question posed by one European journo.

"Yes, that's right," Miyamoto curtly replied "And that's why it's better than a video game."

OK, Miyamoto, you've used up your last "Get out of Jail Free" card with this one. I stuck with you through the turbulent N64/Gamecube years, and I was happy to see you take it to the top with the Wii. But the above quote is so screechingly wrong, so not what I wanted to hear from E3.

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