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What Michael Jackson’s Game Collection Says About Michael Jackson

Remember that ridiculous auction of all of Michael Jackson’s stuff? The one that got pulled a few weeks later when Jackson suddenly remembered he liked all his stuff? I do, because it had me scouring my couch for enough change to purchase his 87 arcade cabinets.

Now, a game collection says a lot about a person—for example, my game collection says that I am credit risk, and that my love for engrish alone probably qualifies me as functionally illiterate. But even with all those pre-approved Diner’s Club cards I could still never afford anything remotely approaching Michael Jackson’s ludicrous collection. So what do his games say about him?

Confessions of the Young and Stupid: I Almost Bought a Genesis For Moonwalker

When the Sega Genesis came on the scene, there were specific game advertisements or previews that made kids look at their 8-bit Nintendo with new doubt. Some children started paying attention to the Genesis when Altered Beast wose from its gwave. Others started pulling on their mom's arm for Sonic the Hedgehog.

The first game that gave me “console envy” was Michael Jackson's Moonwalker.

If you're nodding with me right now, you're around my age and you understand me. If you're snickering, you're a young punk and gerroff my lawn.

When I was a kid, the name “Michael Jackson” made kids' eyes light up. Promises of special trips to Neverland Ranch and all the candy we could eat weren't necessary; Michael was just that cool. Everyone wanted to be Michael. He could dance, he could perform and damn it all, he put together Thriller.

Moonwalker was cool, too. At the time, it made perfect sense to me that Michael's demigod essence could not be contained by the dinky Nintendo; no, it would take nothing less than a 16-bit temple. The in-game playlist was enough to stop a kid's heart: Bad, Billie Jean and Thriller to name a few (though we did get stiffed pretty bad Thriller-wise, since the music didn't show up where you'd expect it to—hello, graveyard? Zombies?).

But once you stripped (!!!) the suave suit and hat from Moonwalker, it wasn't much beyond a mediocre platformer with a big name and Bubbles face-sitting action.

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.